The Eternal Nightmare

September 18, 2012

Sweat, tears and dirt filled every pore on her skin. Her fists desperately pounded on the thick glass of the police car doors. "He didn't do it!" she screamed. She pounded on the glass again. "I need him! Let him go!"

The driver didn't notice the small, frightened girl and continued driving, faster and faster until it was impossible for her to keep up. She ran and ran and ran with all the strength she had, but an unknown heavy weight held her down to the ground. Her feet dragged slowly through the mud as she screamed at the top of her lungs. "Get him out!" she repeated. Every step she took, she fell to the dirt and struggled to find her footing. At last, she gave up, feeling as if she were being kicked repeatedly to the ground.

Her eyes hysterically searched the crowd of onlookers who were watching and doing absolutely nothing to help the innocent man. "Get him out!" she cried to them. "Get him out!"

"Aria, wake up, honey."

"Get him out!"

"Aria, it's only a nightmare."

Her eyes fluttered open to her mother standing over the bed, gently shaking her shoulder. It was 2 a.m. In the preceding weeks, she was accustomed to this early morning hour. She breathed heavily, trying to catch her breath from the marathon she ran in her haunting dreams. When she couldn't sit up easily, her mother gave her a hand and pulled her to an upright position.

They were in the former guest room of Ella's apartment, which had recently become Aria's apartment too. Soon, it would hold one more occupant.

Ella took a seat on the bed and placed a hand on Aria's very large and round stomach. "Don't worry. He'll be here soon. It could be any day now," she told her with a comforting smile. A few moments passed, and Ella's forehead wrinkled, looking down at where she put her hand. "Wow, he's really kicking. How were you even sleeping?"

Aria gazed down at her stomach, which was covered in one of Ezra's old college t-shirts. It was one of the few items of clothing that stretched over her large baby bump, but she was perfectly content with that. It still smelled and felt like him, even if the soft cotton material hadn't touched him in months. She placed her hand next to her mother's, feeling her son repeatedly kick her hand. And her ribs.

"I think he was trying to wake me up," Aria giggled softly, returning her attention to her mother. "Ezra does that too."

Ella laughed as well, albeit a tad nervously, given the complex situation. "Kicks you?"

"No, wakes me up when I'm having a nightmare."

Ella exhaled deeply and moved her hand to Aria's shoulder, rubbing it gently. "I'm sorry he can't be here to feel the kicks, Aria."

In fact, Ezra wasn't around to witness the majority of Aria's pregnancy. The consequence of killing a man, even if it were a heroic move to protect the lives of several others. It didn't matter in the eyes of those who decided Ezra's fate. The product of the corrupt minds in a corrupt little town. Aria put up a front, as she always did, but she needed him now more than she ever needed him before. She was terrified of becoming a mother—but so excited all the same.

Of course, she was barely eighteen years old. College was put on hold for a semester, and instead, she was studying diaper rashes and the benefits of breast feeding. Aria rocked a happy pregnancy glow better than she ever rocked feather accessories or pink hair. Spencer constantly wondered why Aria was so happy to be pregnant at the age of 18, completely changing her life aspirations. Aria would simply smile and shake her head, knowing her best friend couldn't possibly understand.

Once Aria collected herself from the nightmare, Ella left the room and returned to her own bed. Aria took in the increasingly familiar sights around the room: a changing table, a crib, a bassinet, bags of baby clothes. A glowing smile overwhelmed Aria's face as she rubbed her hand over her stomach. "I can't wait to meet you, little man," she whispered in her newly found motherly tone. "And I know your daddy can't wait to meet you too. He told me."

The past year of Aria's life had been a blur of sleeping and crying and anger with sprinkles of happiness. She fondly remembered the day she found out she was having a boy, the first time she felt him kick, her baby shower. But only a few moments remained clearly in focus: the day she found out, the day he came back, the day she knew, and the night he was taken away.

The Day She Found Out

February 10, 2012

Aria had known for two weeks. Ezra had known for one. Spencer, Emily and Hanna were still in a state of ignorance to what was growing inside of Aria. The symptoms were blatantly in front of them, yet they were preoccupied with something else. Something much bigger. And given that they didn't know Aria was seeing someone, to say that it would be a slight shock would be an understatement.

The three girls—the ones who weren't expecting—were perched on the edge of Aria's bed in a typical fashion. Aria remained on the love seat on the other side of the room, anxiously picking at the remains of her manicure. She was not the only one with explosive news to share.

"Aria, we have to tell you something," Emily announced, breaking the silence. "But it isn't going to be easy."

Aria chewed her bottom lip, her eyes cast down in apprehension. If only she noticed the look of desperation behind Emily's eyes when she spoke. The look of someone who didn't want to hurt her best friend, but knew she was seconds from killing her soul. Aria thought the news couldn't rival hers in difficulty or what consequences it would bring to their already complicated lives. "I have something to tell you, too."

Spencer made the executive decision to let Aria speak first, also thinking it couldn't possibly measure up to the devastating information they needed to relay. "You first," she insisted.

Aria inhaled a deep breath and forced herself to look at her friends, which wasn't easy, even after rehearsing her words all day. It wasn't necessarily the confession that worried her so much—rather the questions that would inevitably follow. "Well," she hesitated. "I'm pregnant."

The girls' eyes widened in unison. They frantically looked at each other, hoping to find an answer as to what to do next. It was safe to say they all assumed who the father was, but they also probably wished they hadn't. A significant amount of painful seconds passed before anyone was ready to say anything.

"Is it Jake's?" Hanna asked.

Aria shook her head and brought her eyes towards the floor again. "Nope," she admitted. It would be easy to lie and say it was Jake's, but lying never did much for her in the long run.

"Well? Who's the father?"

"Who do you think?" Aria asked with a frustrated groan. She knew the girls knew the answer. They didn't need to play a game of Guess Who? to figure it out.

"He's our teacher," Spencer pointed out rather harshly. "Why would you sleep with him when you know how dangerous that is?" She pushed herself off the bed and paced across the room with her arms crossed tightly in front of her chest. She stopped in front of Aria, standing over the chair her friend was sitting in. "Couldn't you two have been more careful? Unless he wanted to knock you up—"

"Spence," Emily interrupted. "Stop yelling at her."

Aria was taken aback by Spencer's lack of empathy at the moment. It was early on in her pregnancy, but her emotions were already difficult to control. "Ezra's looking for a new job. We know we messed up but we've accepted it and we're excited to be parents. Why are you acting like this? You're not the one carrying the baby, Spencer."

"Because you're carrying A's baby!" Spencer shouted.

The room fell silent, but Aria swore she could hear the sound of her heart shattering.

It was expected that she would deny such an atrocious accusation, and she did for at least the following hour. But with countless pieces of evidence and observations, Aria was convinced that her friends were right.

Their teacher, Mr. Fitz, was A. Her lover, Ezra Fitz, was evil.

-A—

She trudged down the staircase in a cloud of numbing depression, her arms overflowing with different items that represented the past year and a half of her life. Her entire mind and body were paralyzed during the time her friends explained the reasoning behind Ezra Fitz's betrayal. Once she remembered how to feel again, she gave her pillow as many tears and screams as it could absorb. And like a typical teenager—or perhaps emotional mother-to-be—her mood quickly transitioned to outrage.

All she wanted to do was get drunk until the pain disappeared...but she couldn't.

Before that day, the small mementos reminded her of the happiness that Ezra brought to her life. He was her confidence boost, her dinner date, her blanket on cold nights. Now when she happened to glance at the items, the happiness was taken over with a sinking feeling in her stomach. He was the destroyer of her soul, her greatest enemy, the shivers that crept up her legs on cold nights. Nothing less than a sociopathic thief who stole her dreams and replaced them with nightmares.

With tears blinding her vision, it was a miracle she made it to the river without wrecking her car on a tree. Not that she would've minded. She carried the items through the wooded path to the river bank, and without hesitation, threw them into the strong current, one-by-one and watched them sink or float away.

The art museum tickets from their first real date. Pictures of two people who were seemingly in love. The first book he'd given her, Winesburg, Ohio. His t-shirt that now belonged to her. A bunch of lies.

Each item increased the intensity of her tears, until she was on her knees and sobbing into her hands. Her cries were loud and desperate and broken. She had two objects left that she gripped tightly in her hands. The first sonogram of their baby—and the necklace he wore to every marathon he'd ever run.

"I can't wear this," Aria told him. "What happens if I lose it?"

"Then I'll lose you."

The Day He Came Back

May 5, 2012

He came back three months later on a rainy afternoon in May. Someone knocked on Ella's apartment door and Aria had opened it without thinking to look through the peephole. Ezra Fitz's face greeted her like a monster in her nightmares. He was unshaven, disheveled, clothes and hair unwashed. Some would think he looked miserable, but Aria only saw a predator.

"I need to explain," he said.

Aria hadn't given him the chance to explain. Her friends' explanations were enough for her to cut off all communication. She missed the person she thought he was, but she was terrified of the real man behind the crazy blue eyes.

"We're done for good," Aria told him confidently. "There's no 'maybe' or 'next year.' There's no us. Don't touch me. Don't even look at me or I'll call the police."

Ezra took a step closer and opened his mouth to say something, but he was shut down before he had the chance. If he could manipulate her for a year and a half, why would he stop lying now? Everything he stood for was a lie.

"Get away from my child," she demanded, placing her hand protectively over her stomach. The baby had grown since Ezra had last seen Aria. Unlike before, she was now obviously pregnant. "If you hurt my child, I will make sure you're dead."

"Our child," Ezra corrected her, taking another step. His determined yet curious eyes flashed between Aria's face and stomach.

Aria was visibly shaking in fear, as was her voice when she spoke. She took a few steps back and began to shut the door. "Not anymore. As far as I see it, this baby will never have a father."

"I love you, Aria."

"If you loved me, you wouldn't have tormented me," she yelled. She asked herself constantly why he could do that to her if he loved her, and her conclusion was that he never did. She slammed the door and leaned against the wall, waiting to hear the sound of his footsteps disappearing down the hallway.

"I did some crazy things, but they were all for you," he shouted from the other side.

"Prove it."