Thirty

Maya had tried to eat that morning but the idea of food clenched her stomach uncomfortably and made bile rise in the back of her throat. Both Uncle Iroh and Zuko had tried to get her to at least eat some rice or drink some broth, but all she would have was tea. It was the only thing she could stomach at the moment. She drank it too fast, without waiting for it to cool down first, and it scalded the back of her throat. After coughing for a time, her eyes streaming with tears, she managed to catch her breath, chugging ladlefuls of cool water to ease the burning. At the very least, the tea had snapped her out of whatever funk she was in, enough to start preparing for the day.

Maya was not made for visits to kings or emperors or anyone of the sort. The idea that she, Uncle, and Zuko would be headed to the palace later that day to serve tea to the Earth King made her head feel woozy. Fighting she could handle. Running for her life? No problem. Dressing up all fancy and having to be extremely polite to someone who could snap their fingers and have you executed for not bowing low enough or looking funnily at them was not something she could deal with. She had to actively prevent herself from hyperventilating the whole time she was getting ready. By the time Zuko came into the room in which she was changing to check on her, she was nearly in tears.

"Hey," Zuko said, soothingly, his voice low. He came toward her and she hid her face against his chest. "Listen, I'm pretty nervous, too, okay?" He laughed nervously, rubbing his neck with one hand, and keeping the other on her back in moral support. She sniffled in response.

"Maya, you've really gotta pull yourself together or I'm gonna start freaking out." Zuko stepped back from her and lifted her chin towards him. He searched her face worryingly. "I'm not used to you freaking out like this."

"I-I-I know," Maya said, her voice trembling so much that she couldn't stop the stutter. "I… I don't know how to explain." She looked around the room as if the words she wanted to find were hidden in the furniture. "I…" She took a breath. "We've dealt with others in positions of power before. Zhao comes to mind. Your sister. But all those people, they were… well, bad guys." Maya realized she'd just insulted Zuko's sister to his face and quickly looked up at him. "Sorry—

"No," he said, shaking his head and smirking with a look that was somewhere between amusement and resignation. "Azula's a crazy bitch. Anyway, you were saying?"

"Right. Well, all those people were bad guys, but the Earth King… I mean, I know Ba Sing Se has its problems but I've never heard anything particularly bad about the Earth King himself. He's a person who… I don't know my footing with. Does that even make sense?" Maya spun slowly in a circle, thinking. "Like, am I supposed to hate him? Or like him?"

"I don't… think it matters," Zuko said slowly, watching Maya with a look that was slowly growing more concerned.

"What if I look at him wrong and he has me executed?" Maya demanded, voicing one of her concerns from earlier. She was still spinning.

Zuko firmly placed his hands on her shoulders to stop her from spinning anymore. "I don't think that's gonna happen. We're just there to serve him tea."

"I know I'm being crazy," she said with a heavy sigh. "It's just, not many people I've met in my life with positions of power have been particularly nice to me." She pulled back the sleeve of her clothing to reveal the rope of scars tangled along her arm. "Starting with my father, of course." She spat the words from her mouth like foul poison, her eyes flaring.

Zuko pulled her into a hug, resting his chin atop her head. "I think I get it now," he said quietly. "This isn't really about the Earth King. This is about you and your dad."

"And your dad," Maya muttered, relaxing a little in Zuko's embrace. "They're both pieces of shit."

"Yeah, they are. But they're far away. And I don't think Earth King is going to lock us away in some dungeon under the city to be tortured."

"We don't know that for sure. What the hell was that place where Appa was being held? We could end up under the lake and no one would ever be able to find us."

"Nothing is going to happen to us today," Zuko said, his voice straining as he held in his exasperation. "We're gonna go, serve some tea, and come back. That's all. That's it. It'll be a normal day, just… you know, our customer will be the Earth King."

Maya took a slow, steadying breath, closing her eyes and focusing on the warmth of Zuko's body against hers. She realized, then, that Zuko himself was a person in a position of power whom she trusted. Although, if she reached far enough back into her memory she could remember the old days, before they had liked each other, and how awful he had been. Not that she thought he would suddenly revert back to his old self, but… it somewhat proved her point that power seemed to go to one's head. Even Uncle Iroh had done terrible things when he'd still been an active member of the Fire Nation's military. She shivered and tried to pull herself back together, to reel in her thoughts before she completely spun herself out of control.

Her father was not there. She didn't know why she'd suddenly felt so exposed. Perhaps it was the feeling of helplessness. It was not as though, were the Earth King to go insane and demand her execution, that she'd actually be able to fight back. Even with Zhao, Zuko had had the chance to defeat him fair and square in an Agni Kai. Yes. It must be the feeling of helplessness. She just had to keep telling herself that they were only there to serve tea. That was all. Everything would be fine. Everything was fine.