DISCLAIMER: In the name of international copyright law, I shall punish you!
"I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry!"
Kyo merely sighed as he flicked his tail. He'd felt that trying to teach Tohru some basic martial arts moves was a bad idea, but when she'd asked him with those large, pleading eyes of hers...
"It's okay," he said.
"I'm so clumsy, I-"
"I said it's okay! I'm the one with the black-belt, I should have been able to dodge you."
She stopped apologizing, but her head was still hung; he'd been so fired up last night after returning from training with shishou** that Tohru had gotten caught up in his enthusiasm, and asked him to train her a bit the next day. She was so clumsy, and there were no training mats, and she had no gi, but...
** [shishou ="martial arts master", Kazuma in this case]
"We'll try again," he said, "and next time I won't transform."
Her face lit up as she lifted her head.
"Thank you, Kyo-kun! I... Wh- wh- wha- wha- wha..."
She trailed off, mouth hanging open, eyes bugged out. What the? Kyo turned to see what she was staring at, and his mouth fell open as he beheld a floating ball of light.
"Thank goodness!" said the ball of light. "It looks like I finally found the right person!"
"What the hell?!" said Kyo. The ball of light jerked back, as if in surprise, then floated over to... examine him.
"Well, I must have found the right person, if you're already with her, Remus."
"Remus?" asked Kyo. "Who's that? Who the hell are you? What are you?"
"You can't remember?" replied the ball. "Oh dear, the Dark must have used magic to erase your memories." Kyo flinched; erase his memories? How did it know about Hatori and- Wait a second, "the dark"?
"Listen, you freaking ball of light, wha-"
"Oh my, and it looks like they cast another spell on you to destabilize your cat form."
"What?"
Suddenly the ball zipped over and entered him.
"Wh-wh-wha-"
He felt a tingly sensation in his chest, then felt a power like the transformation magic, but wrong somehow, pass through him. Then the ball exited him, looking dimmer than before.
"I..." it said in a weakened voice. "I've locked away the magic that... was trying to change you out of your cat form-"
"What?!" yelled Kyo.
"But the effort has drained me... I can no longer stay here... Until I regain my strength..."
"You locked me in my cat form?!"
"Here..." Something fell from the ball. "Take the Scepter of Light... Transform... and fight... the Dark..." With that, the ball of light faded from view.
Kyo looked at what the ball had dropped. It was several feet long and looked to be made of gold, except for the metallic red heart and white wings at one end... Wait a minute. Wand type thingy, transforming, fighting evil...
It all suddenly, horribly clicked in Kyo's mind.
"That ball thought that you're a magical girl and that I'm your mascot!"
Tohru blinked, then blinked again.
"EEEEHHHHHHHHHH???!!!!"
Kyo slowly approached the wand and cautiously prodded it with a paw; nothing happened.
"I'm sorry," Tohru said quietly.
"Huh?" He jerked his head up to see her head slumped down, bangs covering her eyes.
"If... If I hadn't bumped into you, hadn't turned you into a cat, you... You wouldn't be stuck. I'm so sorry." Tears began to trickle down her cheeks.
Gah! She was crying!
"No no no! It's not your fault! These types of thing happen- Well, not becoming a magical girl, those types of things don't- I mean, I mean... It must have been destiny! Yeah, right! Destiny is real big with magical girls, right? Anyways, it's my fault, I shouldn't have opened my mouth like that in front of a stranger." And what could be stranger than a talking ball of light?
She sniffled a bit, but seemed to have stopped crying. Wiping eyes, she knelt down and picked up the wand.
"What do I do with this?" she asked. "How can I get it to its owner?"
"Huh? That blob of light gave it to you."
"M-me? B-but I can't be a magical girl, I-"
"Look, it thought you were it before I opened my mouth, right?"
"But, such a thing isn't possible! Me?"
"But aren't magical girls supposed to be ditzy and clumsy?" Kyo muttered to himself.
"Eh?"
"Nothing, nothing. Look, I don't know if it's a good guide for the real thing, but in the magical girl shows it's always some ordinary girl that gets picked, right?"
She still looked skeptical.
"Look," he continued, "just try to transform. Those things don't work for just anyone, right? So if it works, then that blob thing was right."
"But how do I do that?"
"Uhhh... Just hold that scepter above your head and say the first thing that pops into your head."
She slowly stood up, raised the scepter aloft, closed her eyes, and called out "Lovely heart power-up transform!"
Kyo's eyes widened as streamers of light snaked around her, then slammed them shut. After a few seconds, he heard her ask "Kyo-kun, why are eyes shut?"
"B-because, when you transformed, your... clothes, they..."
He cracked one eye open to see a (thankfully) clothed Tohru with a beet-red face.
"C- C- Cl- Cloth-"
"I didn't see anything! Honest! There wasn't anything to see! No, I mean, I mean, I didn't look long enough to see if there was anything to see!"
Even though he was a cat, Kyo could feel his face burning. He looked up to see that her face was , if possible, even redder.
"Ummm, uhhh... Attacks! Yes, attacks, we have to figure out how you're going to fight the monsters with that wand. And I have to help, because I'm your adviser, right? Ha ha ha ha ha!"
"Attacks?" asked Tohru, the blush starting to fade from her face.
"Yeah. I mean, I did get drafted into being your mascot, and before that I was gonna teach you some martial arts, so..."
Now that things had settled down, he final noticed the outfit that she was wearing. It was sort of like her school uniform, but shining white and metallic gold rather than the school colors; the skirt was also longer than the school uniform's, rather than shorter (thank God!). Metallic gold ribbons were twined through her hair, and she had on thigh-high white boots with high heels.
Pick a klutzy girl who knows nothing about fighting, put her in a stupid outfit and high heels, and send her out to fight the forces of evil; feh. Why not just pick a cute fluffy bunny rab- Kyo ruthlessly crushed the thought of Momiji as a magical girl before it could escape and scar his mind.
"So how do I do an attack?" she asked.
"Uhhh, like you did for the transformation: just wave that wand around and say the first thing that comes to your mind. Aim for that tree over there."
She randomly waved the wand around for a few seconds, the began waving it in a more purposeful manner.
"Cutey..." she said.
Cutey? In an attack name?
"Syrup..."
Syrup?! Oh God, they were doomed.
"Blast!"
BOOM!
... Okay, so maybe they weren't doomed. The bolt of light had, somehow, looked like maple syrup. It had also managed, God knows how, to look cute. But most importantly, it had shattered the tree into splinters.
"Good!" said Kyo. "Good, we're making some good progress. But that was kind of slow. Can you do it faster, at that tree next to the previous one?"
She quickly went through the hand motions as she shouted "CuteySyrupBlast!"
CRACK!
The bolt of light had been smaller and dimmer than before, and had only torn a chunk out of the tree, rater than shatter it.
"Hmmmm," mused Kyo. "Guess it didn't have the time to build up to full strength. You know how to transform, and how to attack, so what other ways to advise you... First off, no speeches! You're gonna blast the monster into oblivion, so why take time to tell it how evil it is? Attack first, while it's surprised.
"Hai!" she said, looking intense and serious.
"For that matter, since it's evil, don't play fair with it at all. Sneak up on it and do the chant thing quietly, so that it won't know what hit it."
"Hai!"
"And... Um... I dunno. Geez, I wish I'd have watched more of those magical girl shows; I can't think of anything else right now."
"That's alright, I'm sure that everything will work out for the best!"
God, he hoped so...
"Hey, wait!" he said. "You can do some magic with that wand, maybe you can undo the lock the blob of light put on me."
"Alright, Kyo-kun. I'll just point the wand at you, wait for the words to pop in my head..."
She closed her eyes and waited... And waited... And waited...
"That's enough," Kyo said, sighing. "Looks like it's not going to work."
"B-but it has to work! It's might fault that you're like this! Uh, um, Abracadabra!"
Kyo looked at the wand pointed at him, still a cat.
"Look," he said, "just using random words isn't going to-"
He jerked his head around to stare at his tail, which was lengthening. It kept growing, and growing, and growing... Finally, it stopped, just hanging there in the air.
"What the-"
And it struck, coiling around him and squeezing.
"S-s-stop it!" he choked out, gasping for air.
"Uh, uh, uh, Hocus Pocus!"
The colors in his fur began strobing.
"Uh, uh, uh..."
"I'm so sorry! I'm so sorry! I'msosorry! I'msosorry!I'msosorry!I'msosorry!"
Kyo glared at Tohru. She had final managed to unwrap his tail from around his body, by way of shaping it into an outline of Elvis. His fur, now a vibrant pink, was spotted with rabbit-tail like puffs of neon-green fluff; his eyes had become huge, and he could feel them glisten; he was generating sparkles, which were slowly wafting away on the gentle breeze; and his left front paw was somehow whistling Beethoven's fifth symphony.
"I'msosorry!I'msosorry!I'msosorry!I-"
"Shut up!" he shouted. She flinched back, looking at him with large, watery eyes.
"We just have to figure out how to change me back," he said.
"I... I'm sorry, Kyo-kun, but I've run out of magic words."
"Thank God," he muttered.
"Eh?"
"Never mind. Look, I'll figure out what you'll do, okay?"
She nodded miserably.
"Ummm..." he said. "Okay, try this. Point the wand at me and say 'undo'. Just 'undo', nothing else. Got it?"
"H-hai." She slowly pointed the wand at him. "Undo!"
Nothing happened.
"Okay," Kyo said, "I didn't really-"
Suddenly the green puffs popped out of existence and his fur began changing colors; turning his head, he could see his tail straightening out and shortening. In a few seconds, he was back to normal.
"Yes!" he cried, doing the best victory dance he could manage in a cat's body. Suddenly he found himself crushed in Tohru's arms.
"We did it, Kyo-kun! We did it!"
"Can't- Breath!" gasped Kyo.
"S-sorry!" she said as she dropped him to the ground.
"Hmmm. Now- Aha! Point the wand at me and say 'unlock'. That might get rid of the lock that stupid ball put on me."
"Unlock!"
Kyo waited, and waited a little more.
"Guess not," he said. "Try 'human'."
"Human!"
Still nothing.
"Oh well," he sighed. "Guess I'll just have to stay a cat until that stupid ball comes back. So we have to come up with an excuse for me being gone."
"Excuse?" she asked, head titled to the side. "Why?"
"We can't let the others know."
"Why? They'll be worried about you, especially Kagura. And should Akito be-"
"No!" he interrupted. "That..." That might be a bad idea. "I mean, magical girl stuff, you have to keep it secret, right? I mean, you keep the Jyuunishi curse secret from your friends, so, so..."
"Alright, Kyo-kun."
He breathed a sigh of relief. Now, an excuse. That should be simple, all...
He then noticed the trees that had been Tohru's target practice. Damn! He should have had her do that out in the woods, where no one would notice it. Hmmm.... Aha!
"Okay," he said, "here's what you tell them. A ball of light flew into the backyard, blasted the trees, and then turned me into a cat, and I chased after it." 'The best lies have an element of the truth to them', he remembered hearing.
"Alright, but will you be okay sleeping outside?"
"That's what I have fur for."
"What will you eat?"
"I can hunt, I'll just catch some mice and- No, I am not going to eat a mouse. Squirrels, yeah, I'll catch some of those."
"No! Let me sneak some food out for you. I can put your milk into a bowl, right?"
"Yeah, I-"
"Tohru-kuuunnnn", called Shigure's voice. "Stupid caaaatttt. Where are youuuu?"
"Damn!" said Kyo. "I gotta go hide. Tell the story to Shigure. The ball of light did it all, and I chased it, remember?"
"H-hai." He could tell it bothered her to lie like that, but...
He raced off towards the woods as Tohru went back into the house.
Authors Notes:
That's right, Tohru is a magical girl and Kyo is her mascot! Bwahahahahahahaahaha- cough choke wheeze
Anyways, I probably won't continue this for a while, since I don't really know where it's going to be going. So, please send me ideas and suggestions! If I use your idea (or am inspired by it), I'll credit you. And please send them directly to me, [email protected], so that it will be a surprise for everyone else.
Specific ideas I'm looking for (though I'll take anything you can come up with) are:
- Who is the enemy?
- What are they after?
- What sorts of monsters should there be?
- Who else should be recruited as magical girls?
- What should the name of the group be?
- What will Akito do when he eventually learns that, a talking ball of
light stumbled upon the Sohma secret?
- Any magical girl cliches that should be parodied.
I also welcome any critiques of the story so far; be harsh.
Thanks!