Chapter Fifteen: Recovering

I'll be there when the world stops turning

I'll be there when the storm is through

In the end I wanna be standing

At the beginning with you

~ At The Beginning by Richard Marx

I woke to warm light that escaped past dark curtains and the smells of bacon, blintzes and coffee lingering in the air. I stretched slowly, testing for aches that tend to remain after I have battled a headache. There were the random twitches of muscles and tendons that are still healing and my body feels heavy. I need more sleep, but my mind was waking and my stomach was growling.

"Awake are we?" Gideon chuckled. I smiled at the voice of my husband and watched as he settled down softly besides me, setting a plate between us. "I was going to say that I hope you are hungry, but I think the whole house heard your stomach."

"I am," I assured, sitting up and eager to eat actual food. I picked up a piece of bacon and sniffed the length of it as if it were a fine Cuban cigar. I felt my smile grow and allowed a contented sigh leave my lips and then chewed into half of the piece, savoring every bit of the crispy meat. Gideon grinned, sipping his cup of coffee. "Oh God! Gail deserves a raise! Have you already eaten?"

"Yes," he said, deepening his grin. "At breakfast."

"Breakfast?"

"It's nearly noon, love."

"Noon?" Noon? How long did I sleep?

"Fourteen hours," he answered, reading the question in my eyes. "But it's okay. The doctor said you were probably going to sleep for awhile, plus the medication..."

"I slept the day away."

"And the night," he grinned again, stealing a piece of bacon from my plate.

"Hey! You said you ate!"

"Yeah, but it's bacon." I grabbed the last slice before he could, stuffing the whole thing into my mouth.

"That's gratitude," he mumbled with a smirk. The smirk didn't last long and his face took on the deep lines of concern that always made him look older than he was. "How are you feeling?"

I could have responded with a quick "fine" but instead I took a moment and ran through my mind and body, taking inventory of all the nuances of my poorly abused body. Gideon waited patiently, his eyes roaming over me, probably taking stock as well.

"I am sore, but I do feel better." He smiled and stood, walking towards a window. I watched him, quiet in his thoughts and slowly sipping his coffee. I quietly finished my breakfast, letting him be alone in for a few moments.

"When you are ready, maybe later today or tomorrow I guess, there are some people here that are waiting to see you." He turned back around and gave me a smile. "When you are ready. No rush."

"Thank you," I sighed. I was feeling better, but was not eager to see anyone other than Gideon. I realized then, that for the first time in weeks (months?) I was being given the first chance to choose something for myself. Granted it wasn't who I was going to see, but it was a choice. Gideon nodded, sipping at his coffee again and turned back to gaze out the window again.

I slowly got out of bed, cautious of not overdoing movements my body wasn't quite ready to do. I became dizzy as I stood, but that quickly passed. It took too long in my mind, but I had made it across the room to stand behind Gideon. I knew something was wrong; that something was on his mind and it was so consuming that he hadn't even noticed my movement. I stood behind him and wrapped my arms around him, my head resting against his back.

"What is it?" I asked, my head resting on his shoulder.

I felt him take a long deep breath and let go as he leaned over to set his cup down. He turned in my arms and then wrapped his around me. He kissed my forehead and turned his head, resting his cheek where he had kissed me.

"Christian called," he said, breaking the silence that had engulfed us. "I may have to go back to New York."

"Oh. Well, that's okay isn't it?"

"I don't want to leave you here. Especially so soon..."

"Gideon, I'm not a child. If you have to go, I understand." And I did understand. Christian is a force of nature in the world of business, but now, when he is taking care of not only his empire but also mine and Gideon's, I would be slightly surprised to find him not overwhelmed. "Why did he call?"

"Sha, it's nothing to worry you about." I rolled my eyes knowing he was going to say that. "Just because you are out of the hospital doesn't mean you are healed enough to get back to normal."

"It's exactly why I should start getting back to normal." I muttered.

"Sha-love..."

"But if you plan on leaving me here, you can let me know why."

He sighed and then pulled back only far enough away to be able to look into my eyes. If my mind wasn't curious over what he might tell me I could have easily gotten lost in his azure gaze.

"I don't 'plan on leaving you here'. It's far from the plans I had made." His body had tensed, his hands became more firm in their grip on me. Not painful, just... more solid. "Sha-love, I don't want to go back. I want to stay here with you."

"I know that," I whispered.

His grip relaxed as he released another sigh. "If I tell you, you have to swear to me that you'll do nothing. You will stay here and heal." He held me in his gaze and I forced myself to not roll my eyes again.

"I am not an idiot, Gideon. I will stay here and heal, but I need to catch up. I know that I am not able to do much just yet. Hell, crossing from the bed to here left me almost winded." He arched an eyebrow. "I said almost..."

He shook his head and stood taller, settling his shoulders in his "Business Stance". "No, Sha."

I took a small step back, calling up my "Bitch Stance"; hands on my hips, head cocked just to the right. "'No Sha' what?" My voice was low and cool. I was surprised, and pleased, that my voice matched my stance.

"No. No catching up." His voice was cool, but it grew colder as he laid down "The Rules". "No catching up, no phone calls, no internet."

"Excuse me?" He can't be serious.

"I mean it Sha." He raised his hand, and I know that he meant to run his fingers through my hair, or maybe caress my cheek, but I flinched. His hand held there, frozen in the space between us, and if we were having any other conversation right now then this one, we each would have tried to comfort each other.

But we weren't.

We were having a conversation where he was telling me what I could and could not do, and I was done. "Exactly what do you mean?"

"Sha, I don't want you doing anything but healing. Relaxing. I need you to-"

"-To what? To stay out of my business? To not see what you and my brother have been doing while I have been gone? To not try and get back into civilization?" I stepped back, just far enough so I was out of his reach.

"Shana, listen-"

"No." I snapped. I glared at him, and tried to hold back, but there was anger in me that just wanted to explode at the first available victim. I really didn't want Gideon to be that person, but he certainly wasn't helping the situation.

"Sha-"

"No! No! You... You go and do whatever it is that you think you need to do, but so help me! Gideon, I need to get back in touch with... with everything!"

"You will love." He took a small step towards me, his hand reaching out to mine. I allowed his fingers to wrap around mine, but it did nothing to calm me. "You don't need to just jump right back into it. Christian wants to come down at the end of the week and go over things with you."

He squeezed my fingers and his eyes pleaded with me to just accept what they were trying to do. A few more days wouldn't kill me, and maybe I could use the time to just find out how to be "normal" again. I said as much to Gideon and he released a held breath. "But," I said, watching him carefully. "I do want to have my computer."

"Sha..."

"Gideon, it's... I need it. I swear, I won't do anything with the companies, but... Dammit! How can I explain it? I just... I just..."

"Just...?"

How can I explain it? How would he understand? "I am... lost, Gideon." He tilted his head, trying to understand. I know how hard it is. Hell. If anyone had tried to tell me months ago, I doubt I could have understand it. "I was... locked in the dark."

"I know-"

"No, I mean, I was locked in the dark, but now, even free, everything is still dark. I haven't a clue what has gone on in the news, politics or even Wall Street. Is there a new, overnight social media platform that was launched and I need some app? On a phone, mind you, that I don't have? Political assassination attempts? Pop-star pregnancy? You see? I could turn on the news, but I can't catch up."

He pulled me close to him and I struggled to catch my breath, surprised how much that confession took from me.

"I get it," he said, pulling me back towards him. He wrapped his arms around me and managed to calm me down. "I'll see what I can do about getting you a tablet or something."

Well, that's a start. "Thank you."

We stood there, quietly, our hearts beating in time with each other, my head, free of pain, and I just felt safe. I felt his fingers stroke through my hair, his lips kissing the crown of my head and everything seemed... perfectly normal.

Normal.

Finally.

"I love you," I whispered into his shoulder.

"I love you, Sha."

Yesterday was a great day. We had gotten back into bed, cuddled, kissed, made out like teenagers, and just re-found each other. He is still wary of me, afraid I will break or something. I tried to tell him it was okay, that I was okay, but he isn't hearing it. We can cuddle, kiss, make-out, but anything beyond that, so far, is not going to happen. Yet.

We discussed New York, and he has decided that he will leave tomorrow, fly up there, deal with whatever the hell it is that Christian can't seem to deal with, and then fly right back here. As for me, I will spend the time meeting the staff he hired to help me heal here. I am not eager to deal with more medical personnel, but at least here, I won't be tied to a bed, and if I am not happy, they can leave.

I know that they probably can't leave, that there is probably some clause in a contract stating only Gideon can fire them, but that's okay. I am in a home, and not the hospital, and since apparently no one knows where I am, I do feel safer. And maybe, just maybe I can deal with the doctors better here.

Before Gideon leaves, he had promised to show off the estate. I am quite eager to see where we are. From the window of my room I know that it seems we are in the middle of a forest, trees as far as the eye can see. I haven't seen another building from my vantage point, but there could be some on the other side of the house.

The tour, however, will have to wait for his return. All of the plans were waylaid by the fact that we had chosen instead to stay close. We spent hours on the balcony off the bedroom, cuddling and talking, or just watching the horizon. Gideon couldn't keep his hands off of me. constantly tracing the sunlight on my skin, nuzzling my hair, holding me close. We talked for hours but I can't recall a single thing we said.

Gideon though... Oh, him I remember. Maybe part of the reason I etched him deeply into my memory was because of the kidnapping. Maybe it was because he was leaving so soon and I wanted to be able to pull him easily from my recollection. Though he is quite unforgettable. It's the little things, though. The things you don't remember ever noticing that in the darkest hours you try your damnedest to remember. The way the sun reflects differently in the tiny scar over his left eyebrow. The way his ring finger on his left hand is an eighth of an inch longer than the one on his right hand. The way his pulse feels at his wrist. The way he prefers to tilt his head to the right to kiss me instead of to the left. I even realized for the first time that he has this little growl he makes before he burps. Not that his burps are loud. No, he burps like a man in a business suit trying to clear his throat. Not like a college boy, but then I wondered if he was always like this, and I couldn't remember.

I never had a reason to take notice of it before. Now, every nuance was important. Every note of his song had to be remembered. I would never struggle to remember again. He would be my light no matter how dark my world becomes.

We were left to our own devices, for the most part. There were only a few times we had been interrupted by the staff. Taylor stopped by once last night to give Gideon the rundown of the security, nodding at me once, but hasn't said anything to me. I wonder if it because he thinks I am not ready or (and this is way more likely) Gideon told him not to. I have decided to let it go, for now. It's not an argument I am ready to have. Besides, I can take care of finding out after Gideon has left.

I am eager to speak to him, find out how everything is, how Luke is doing, but I will wait until Gideon heads out to New York. Once he's gone, then I am certain Taylor will help me get my hands on a computer. Gideon did find a tablet for me, and I was able to see emails from my family. Mia had seemed still worried for me, but she is also heart broken over Luke, who has not been in communication with her at all. If I am not allowed to do anything else, I will try to figure out and help the two of them. I do wonder if Christian has laid down the law and told Luke that he isn't allowed to see Mia. That is something I wouldn't put past him. It is definitely something that is very "Christian-like".

"Movie?" Gideon asked, leaning against the door jamb, pulling me from my thoughts. He was wearing a pair of sweats that hung very low, showing off his too fine physique. He wasn't wearing a shirt, and I was taken back by a very prominent tattoo that now sat upon his chest. "Popcorn?"

"Huh? Oh... yeah." He laughed and came forward, setting a large bowl next to me. He grabbed the remote from the nightstand and then flopped into the bed, bouncing some of the kernels out of the bowl. He leaned over the bowl, and kissed me deeply. I could taste butter on his lips and knew he cheated, having snagged some of the popcorn out of the bowl on his way to our room.

"Delicious," he murmured when he finally pulled away. "What do you want to watch?"

"Since when... do you have a tattoo?" He followed where my eyes were staring. The ink was not something I would have ever pictured on Gideon. It sat over his heart, and it was the shape of a heart. The heart was created by the green leaves of Lily-of-the- Valleys, and there was only one word in the center; "Always". It seemed familiar and it itched in my brain. It seems as if it were something I had seen before but I could not place it.

He shrugged nonchalantly. "I had this done... not to long ago." He clicked the remote and leaned back, settling himself down next to me. "What do you want to watch?"

Gideon scrolled through the streaming media, choosing a movie as I stared at him. As far as he was concerned, the issue was dropped. For me, it was a mystery plopped into my lap and I had this nagging feeling it was going to burn aggravatingly in my brain until I figured it out.

I picked up the bowl of popcorn and settled it into his lap and then snuggled up against him. His arm wrapped around me and he kissed my forehead. I love these kinds of moments. I feel warm, safe and loved and it feels...effortless. Like this is how it is how it was supposed to be. I can even feel how relaxed Gideon is. Content. Happy.

"What time do you leave tomorrow?" I asked as his fingers ran absent-mindedly through my hair. He chose an action/adventure flick, set the remote down and stretched his long arms out above us. I heard his shoulders pop loudly and he yawned deeply before getting another handful of popcorn.

"Seven. I'll call you once we land. I should be back the day after. Bar no complications, of course."

"Of course," I mimicked. "I'll miss you."

"I'll miss you too," he said, his lips rested on the crown of my head. My hand curled around his chest, tracing the lines of the mysterious tattoo. "It will be the first time I will be away from you since we found you."

His word ran a slight chill through me along with a warm one. I was comforted to know how long he has been at my side, but also suddenly afraid to be without him. I curled tighter around him and his arm held me closer to him.

"It will be all right," he murmured into my hair. I wasn't certain if he was saying it to himself or to me but I nodded anyways.

I woke still curled around him. He was running his fingers through my hair, whispering my name. Bleary eyed I looked up at him, slightly uncertain where I was. It was only for a moment but then smiled a lazy smile. Safe. Loved. Yeah, that was where I was.

"We fell asleep," he informed me, resting his lips on my forehead.

"Mmhmm," I agreed.

"I have to get up and get ready, Sha-love." I felt my eyebrows close together. "I have to go to New York..."

"Oh. Yeah. I forgot." Neither of us made a move to stand. "Long flight, right?"

"It is a bit." I sighed deeply and settled my head back against his shoulder again. "I'll be back tomorrow evening, though."

I nodded again. Neither of us moved.

"Who are you taking with you?" I asked, trying to stifle a long yawn. He ran his fingers gently through my hair, twirling some odd strands around.

"Davenport will meet me at the airport." Davenport was my lead of security before we did three card Monte with the staff.

Taylor had been Christian's lead per my request a few years ago. I trusted him completely and I still do. Gideon's man was an older man by the name of Angus Leyharris. Gideon trusts him completely and I haven't found fault with the man yet.

A few months ago, which seems like a whole different lifetime away, Davenport and Taylor switched up. It caused a small headache for Christian, but only because Taylor and Gail are a matched set so Christian had to acclimate to a new housekeeper. As for Angus, Gideon had him watch over Ireland, Gideon's younger half-sister.

If asked, Gideon would say that he feels much more comfortable knowing Ireland was in safe hands. I, on the other hand, believe that in his position he can keep track of Gideon's half-brother Christopher.

Christopher is one of those men that seems to ooze snake oil without effort. The first time I met him my alarms went off like air raid sirens. I knew instantly that the man was no good and made my skin crawl.

Born a natural con-artist, he, Gideon and Ireland each share part of a record label. A company that with Christopher at the helm, had nearly flopped three times. On the third time, Gideon stepped up to the plate and managed to buckle down, infusing enough capital into the business so it could rise from the dark abyss of bankruptcy and float into profit. This is one of the reasons that there is so much animosity between the two and why Angus is watching over Ireland. Despite my thoughts and instincts, I am pretty sure Christopher won't harm Ireland. I think Gideon feels the same way.

Of course, watching over Ireland makes it easier for Angus to observe Christopher. Knowing Gideon, that is probably why he has Angus there.

Gideon sat up, and settled me back down into his now vacant spot. It radiated heat and I instinctively curled into it. He kissed my forehead and rested his against mine. His warm breath rushed over my skin and I reached out, clutching his hand in mine.

"The sooner I leave the sooner I can return," he mumbled. I wasn't certain if he was saying this to convince me or himself. I stretched, feeling the popping and pulling in areas where some of my injuries were still healing. I glimpsed a shadow of darkness cross his face as he took in my feline stretch. It didn't last long, only a fraction of a second, but it gave me hope that maybe we can go back to where we had been. A day when he would want to touch me again.

"I'll miss you," I purred. His Adam's apple bobbed heavily and then he nodded at me with a smile. "Ummm... one thing, though? Before you leave?"

"Anything, Sha-love."

I doubt that, I thought before quickly dismissing it. "I was just wondering... Where the hell are we?"