Chapter Eleven

Joinery of His Heart

After the others left, Byakuya was unsure what to do. He wasn't sure how to deal with the situation. Obviously, Aizen still wanted Ichigo back. He sighed and moved the food tray out of the way. He wondered if he should pull him up on the futon more as his legs were off the end. He sat down beside him slowly. How could someone be brought down so fast? Then he had to remind himself that it hadn't been fast. Steadily, he'd been torn down over two years. Those years of being tortured in the most hellish ways imaginable. And though his body had been returned, it was still a long way. He heard a noise and looked down to see that Ichigo was staring at him intently.

"You are awake," he said softly.

Ichigo's brow furrowed, not quite as far as a scowl, but still, it was better than the blank look he'd been known for lately. "M-Master…Good Master…" he muttered.

"That is correct, Ichigo. How are you at this moment?" he asked, as Ichigo watched him.

He stayed where he was. "Trying to break…the mask…on you," he said, frowning and closing his eyes. "I see you…but it is not you…and I knew it wasn't you…I knew. But…it was so hard to remember…to remember you weren't there…"

"It is okay, to take time. I am very unsettled by what has happened. Will you tell me what he did in my name?" he asked softly, hoping that it was not too much for him.

Ichigo nodded, pushing himself to a sitting position. "I'm putting it together. Broken pieces of things. Shifts throughout my memory. But I remember the first time I saw you…him…he said…I was a monster, that everyone knew it, that no one would help me, because of what I was…that I was tainted, wrong…but I never thought you'd think that…do you?" he said suddenly, looking up him.

Byakuya shook his head. "Of course, not Ichigo. I never saw you as a monster. Struggling with some inner demon, yes, but I knew you would find a way to deal with it. You were strong enough to do that," he said softly, reaching out and putting a hand on his shoulder.

Ichigo looked at it and then put his own hand on it. "I knew when you gave me chocolate that you weren't the same…he was never nice to me…never gave me what I asked…and then would do those things to me…and I felt like I was dying inside."

Byakuya nodded. "I can only imagine what he put you through. What you survived, I am sure it would have killed a lesser person long before it had been half over."

Ichigo looked away. "That first year, before he broke my will with those cuffs, it was so easy, sometimes. To fight them, and no matter what, I refused to do what they asked willingly. Broken bones, and cuts and wounds, I lived with them all because it meant that I was refusing to give in to him. And if it had just been that…I…I would have been okay…but to watch myself…turn into what I became…I was sick to see it and unable to stop it, as I begged them…pleaded with them…to do those things…to go so far…as to do them to myself…"

Byakuya started and stared at him for a moment. "To yourself?"

He shivered. "To cut myself, he left me a knife, to be able to use it when I wanted to do it. And I loved it. To control my pain, to control how much blood. And to punish myself and it just…it felt like I was in control for a few brief moment…"

Byakuya was sick at the thought that he had been made to do those things to himself as well. Ichigo looked up at him, and suddenly grabbed onto him around under his arms. For a moment the stoic clan head was surprised, and then he put his arms down around him, knowing that feeling contact that wasn't filled with pain was essential. But he had initiated a touch, a strong one. And Byakuya, while not entirely comfortable with it, remained as long as he needed.

He sat up finally, letting go of him. "Sorry," he said softly, sighing as he looked around. "There is this feeling, this connection that keeps drawing me no matter how hard I try…I can't push you away."

Byakuya smiled at him. "No, nothing to be sorry of." He paused. "I am unsure if you remember, but he tried to force a soul bond on us. Well, on you and him, but it bonded to who you saw him as, which was me. You are soul bonded to Uryū, and now this false one exists. I am sorry," he sighed.

Ichigo nodded. "I felt it. When he seared it into me, and it was so hot and when I saw…you…him…I could tell he had done something. It frustrated him." He frowned. "There's this part of me, a really big…part. It tells me that this, this is an illusion too."

"This is no illusion, Kurosaki," he said as he reached out and brushed a hand over Ichigo's head.

Ichigo smiled and stood up, walking around the room. And he wasn't having a difficult time at all, even with his "master" in the room. He was very proud of himself. Then his eyes fell on a drink serving set. It was a simple, a silver bucket to be filled with ice, and a pair of tongs that had a rough opening meant to crack pieces of ice. It was sturdy, of course, made to break ice with both the tongs and with the inner area. But to him, another image flooded his mind. An image of those being used in his mouth, being held down and screaming as they pried a tooth out of him, and watching with sick horror as it was crushed to bits before his eyes. The sick pleasure on the master had sent a shiver down his spine and now he was backing away, his heart beating rapidly in his throat and shaking his head, trying his best to will away the image, and the ghost of pain that ripped through him.

He was shaking and soon had wedged himself into the space between the bed and the wall, holding his head and whimpering for it to just go away, to leave him be. His tongue found no missing teeth in his mouth, of course, the healing had taken care of that, but he shivered at the remembered pain. He looked up when a hand shook him and he screamed, the master over him. And he pleaded to not be punished to leave him alone, because caught in the memories he couldn't help but scream what he wished he'd been able to before this moment.

Byakuya had no idea what initiated the panic attack, but he recognized one when he saw it. The boy had seen something, something that brought back a memory. He stayed with him, and tried to keep him from hurting himself. He was already trying to tear at his hair, and he had to pull his hands away and then he glared at the man over him and screamed. The unbridled terror in his voice was enough to set Byakuya's teeth on edge. He quickly pulled him up, pressing his back to his chest and wrapped both arms around in front, holding his hands down as the thrashed against him, struggling to get away, and weeping about the pain and wanting to be left alone. Then, the words that made Byakuya realize the cause of the boy's terror.

"Please…I'll be good…no more pulling…please it hurts…" he choked out and then his whole body seemed to release the tension. He leaned back against him, breath ragged and uncontrolled still. Byakuya looked over at him to see him running tongue across his teeth again and again.

Byakuya glanced to where he'd been standing and saw the drink tray with the bucket and the…ice tongs… He gasped. Of course, he'd been missing several teeth when they found him, pulled out, and others that were crushed inside his mouth. They had used plain, household items, not even using torture devices, so that it was that he would be exposed daily to the tools of his own torture. He hugged him closer, not caring that several servants had entered the room.

"Kuchiki-sama?" someone asked, and he felt the boy in his arms flinch at the use of the honorific.

"No, please, go, inform Urahara-san that there has been an incident, and don't answer, don't say anything else," he said, glaring at the man. He took him seriously, and nodded, running from the room.

"Ichigo," he said softly. "Are you back with me?"

The boy's breathing had steadied. He nodded, but as soon as Byakuya started to let go, he gripped his arms even tighter. "Don't let go yet," he breathed. "Please."

Byakuya nodded, moving to a better position, letting him sit against him as his pulse began to slow down. He held him as tightly as he could until they both began to drowse.

Uryū and Urahara returned, they found Byakuya sitting on the floor with Ichigo fast asleep in his lap. A cocked eyebrow from the stoic Kuchiki was all they got for the moment.

"Would you kindly lift him, one of you? I'm afraid my legs are both asleep," Byakuya said with his usual stoniness.

Uryū nodded, and lifted him up carefully, feeling his body shift into him as he laid him down on the futon. Uryū then slipped in beside him, knowing there was no way he'd let him leave without a fight. He glanced at Byakuya who was making it slowly to his feet.

"What happened?" he asked softly.

Byakuya sighed. "He had an anxiety attack, the ice tongs triggered it," he said glancing at the set of tools for drinks.

Urahara sighed deeply. "You're guessing he was subjected to common objects in the course of his torture and not just torture devices."

"I seriously doubt anything they used was uncommon, Urahara. From what I can tell, everything was meant to keep him from ever reintegrating to the world so why wouldn't they? My guess is whatever was used to make those burns that littered his legs and back was something common here in the manor, and I'm afraid that finding it may trigger another such episode," he said, looking around thoughtfully.

Uryū sighed and pulled the man in his arms closer. "Why would someone do this, I mean really, what purpose does it serve?"

Urahara patted the Quincy on the back. "The reason is the very reason you are asking that question, Uryū-san. Breaking a person is a personal thing to someone as cruel as Aizen."

Soon, both Byakuya and Urahara left them to sleep. Though after a while, Ichigo rolled into Uryū's arms and opened his eyes, staring into blue.

"Hey, you're awake?" Uryū commented, staring right back.

He nodded, then laid his head down on Uryū's shoulder. "What…do I feel?"

Uryū frowned, running a hand through his hair softly. "I don't know, Ichigo. You have to answer that."

"Will…you be…here when I figure it out…" he said even softer and Uryū pulled him closer.

"Ichigo, I know it is hard for you to put this together, but I'm never going to go anywhere, okay? You and me, from the day we met, we were connected. And now we're going to stay together," Uryū said rubbing a hand through his hair again.

"Okay," was the only reply as the breathing below his hands evened out into sleep.

-oooooo-OOOOOO-oooooo-

Vibrant blue eyes took in the scene. So this was not going to be easy if he'd attached himself to the Quincy as well as the real Master. They kind of looked cute together, though. Well, he'd at least accomplished the first part of the problem, getting in and going unnoticed. He was really surprised how well the stuff Szayel made worked sometimes. For a complete lunatic he came up with some really good gadgets now and then. But now, he had the rest of the problem, drawing the damn orange headed brat away from the Quincy and getting him out through a garganta before anyone could respond fast enough to stop him. Night wasn't an option, because obviously everyone was inside the manor. If he waited until the daylight hours, though, and managed to get in, still appearing to be the red headed nuisance, then it would be easy enough to tell him they needed to go somewhere else.

Still. Grimmjow sat down in the space beside the house and thought through the things he was about to do. Was it really something he wanted to do? That was the question. The boy showed amazing fortitude to even begin to survive the torture he endured across the span of the years he'd been in Las Noches, but then to manage to salvage enough of himself to be coming out of it? He'd never agreed with what Aizen wanted. The whole situation sickened him to be honest because he had respected the kid for how well he fought. But he was stuck. If he went back to Aizen without him, he was a dead man. If he stayed in Soul Society, again, he was a dead man.

Or was he?

No, it couldn't be that easy. Could he really turn on Aizen? He thought for a long while. What exactly kept him with the bastard, anyway? Certainly not any kind of loyalty. It had been the promise of power. But what kind of power would there be available if Soul Society could actually take out Aizen? Perhaps he could gain control of all of Hueco Mundo out of the deal in exchange for information. Granted, walking into the center of the enemy's home and demanding asylum was questionable. But he never was one to think things through too well.

So it was he found himself slipping into the building and positioning himself in the room with the Quincy and the broken Shinigami. He was surprised when it was brown eyes that locked on his own where he was sleeping on the low futon. His eyes widened in confusion and Grimmjow smirked at him, knowing that the feature was wrong on the red-head's face. The expression had the desired effect of the kid grabbing the Quincy and screaming at the top of his lungs.

Uryū was rarely drawn so forcibly out of sleep as he was when Ichigo's hands clamped around him and the scream pierced his dream state. At first, he thought, perhaps he was having a nightmare, but as he sat up and scrambled to put his glasses on, the world slammed into focus, and he was locking eyes with a blue eyed Arrancar, no not just any, it was the sixth Espada. Grimmjow.

Ichigo had scrambled off the bed and was pressed into the corner now, head buried in his knees and obviously panicking. A second later, Uryū had drawn his bow and focused it onto the Espada and released a stream of reiatsu to signal that he needed help. The door flung open to reveal both Byakuya and Rukia, swords ready and in their dressing gowns. She gasped and her hand shook.

"Grimmjow?" she said with a trembling voice.

Grimmjow grinned and gave her a two fingered salute. "Yo, sweetheart. Might deal with your friend and worry less about me, looks like he might pass out pretty soon."

Rukia turned and moved between the futon and the wall, and Uryū lowered his bow and crawled over to him. Byakuya kept his sword trained on the Espada. "What are you here for?"

Grimmjow shrugged. "Well, see, the reason I'm here is to take him back. Now, the reason I'm here now, and not dragging him back through a garganta is because I decided I'm tired of being ordered around by a Shinigami on a power trip. Never did agree with what he did with the kid over there, but I did my duty and took orders like a good boy. And I am done with it, especially after I see how much he's recovered from what we did to him. He don't deserve that again, and I know Szayel already created another, more powerful set of those cuffs you took off him."

Uryū had managed to coax him back onto the bed, but he was shaking and clinging to him, face buried in Uryū's neck. He couldn't look. He knew that it wasn't Renji, not with that smirk on his face. But it looked so much like him.

"See, the hypnosis is still in effect, so Aizen thought I could easily lure him off, since he sees me as that tattooed red head of yours. But there's just something about me that leaks through because I don't think he really believed it was him no matter how many times he was told it was," Grimmjow said, standing and popping his back. "I 'spose you want to take me to your head captain or whatever. Let's get it over with before the kid has a complete breakdown and you lose your progress," he said with a shrug.

Byakuya nodded and indicated for him to move forward, and followed close behind out of the room. Uryū rubbed Ichigo's back.

"He's gone, he's gone, Ichi, it's okay, now come on, please, sit up now?" he said softly to him.

Ichigo lifted his head and his eyes darted around the room like mad for a moment before he grabbed the front of Uryū's shirt and buried his face in his chest again.

"It looked like Renji, but I knew that that smirk didn't belong to Renji, I knew it all along, all the time," he said, panting heavily. "Just like the smile on Master. Wasn't him, couldn't be him…"

Rukia nodded to Uryū and crept silently from the room. Uryū sighed and hugged his body closer to him. He wasn't crying, which Uryū wasn't sure about. It could be a good sign or a bad sign, but not knowing would kill him. He pushed him back gently and locked blue eyes on brown.

"Ichi, are you okay?" he said softly.

Ichigo bit his lip and nodded slowly. "As long as you're here, I am," he said quietly, then embraced him in a hug. Uryū returned it, rubbing his hands along his back as he did so. Now he did feel tears on his shoulder.

"What is it?" he said softly, not moving to release him.

"I think…I think most of it is back. My head…seems to be working now. Better than before…but still…I'm scared of you, Uryū, more than anyone else…" he said with a deep sigh.

Uryū started and frowned, clenching him tighter. "Why are you scared of me, Ichi? I wouldn't hurt you for any reason in the world, you know that right?"

"But…but why would you want anything to do with me? I'm so broken, so shattered…he shattered me into so many pieces, I don't know if I can ever put them back together…" he said, practically sobbing at the last.

"Kintsugi, Ichigo," Uryū said softly.

He could feel his frown as he burrowed his face into his shoulder. "Kintsugi?" he asked.

"You know what it is, don't you?" Uryū said thoughtfully, his hands never stopping their motion on his back.

He felt him nod slight. "Isn't that where they put gold in pots or something?"

"The Golden Joinery. It is more than that. You take gold filling and mend broken ceramics, pots, cups, whatever is broken, and then, the broken pieces aren't just fixed, but they are more beautiful than they began because of the gold filling the cracks and spaces between. Something that has been through that, something that has a brilliant history, is far more beautiful than something that is pristine and perfect. The scratches, the gaps, all filled with gold, showing the world how lovely and full of life the object is. You, Ichigo, you may be shattered, but allow me to help. Let me mend those cracks, and fill the spaces in between."

Uryū sighed and shook his head, speaking a truth that he had been wanting to speak for quite some time. "I want no one else, and I never have from the day I challenged you out of jealousy and attraction and fear. No one else can draw my attention, even before our souls became re-bonded, this link, it was always there. Your soul is mended now, I helped mend it, and those pieces are joined together by my soul, and perhaps it can be the golden strings that bind you together and make you whole again. Each crack, each blemish, each scar, it tells a story of where you have been, and where you have survived. And each filling of gold, will show that I have helped fill those spaces, and you will be far more beautiful than any plain, fresh pot," he spoke with reverence, stroking on hand along his back, the other threading through his orange hair and petting it softly.

"Kintsugi doesn't even begin to cover what I wish for you, Ichigo. I will bind the pieces of you with golden thread, and fill the gaps with golden putty and then coat them with a sheen of fine golden patina. Those places will be stronger than any other space, and never again will you feel the pain of being shattered, because if anyone dares come near you again, I will ruin them. I will die for you, kill for you, anything. Because you are my kintsugi project, and I will bind these pieces as though my own life depends on it, because it does." Uryū paused, a pang lancing through him. He was going to say this, even if he had no idea where Byakuya fit. That was him to say for himself.

"I cannot stand for you to cry, at least not unless they are tears of happiness. I cannot stand for you to hurt. And don't think I do not understand what is coming, Ichigo. Not for a minute. I want to be beside you to hold you through every coming panic attack. I want to be beside you as you scream and cuss and get so angry at me that you scream that you hate me. I want to stand through and weather the storms that will come as you get through each and every thing that happened. And I will happily wait forever by your side, even if the rest of our lives, this relationship never progresses beyond me holding you as you sleep. For me, that would be enough, to remain close to you for the rest of our lives. And all the time, I will pull out the golden putty and apply it to those cracks, and you will be far more dazzling than the day you were born." Uryū pushed him back and held him by the shoulders and stared into wet, brown eyes. "Ichigo, will you let me take this golden journey with you?"

Ichigo's heart seemed to have forgotten what it was supposed to do. So instead, his eyes overflowed with tears and he just nodded slowly and was pulled into Uryū's arms again and he held tightly to him as he cried silently, though he wasn't sure if it was from sadness anymore, or simply because his heart had become too full to handle anything else.

Eventually, Uryū found himself holding a deeply sleeping Shinigami. He smiled to himself and readjusted, laying him down and then lying beside him, and pulling him close to him. He positioned Ichigo's head against his shoulder and brushed his opposite hand through his hair again and again until he too had fallen asleep like that.

Sometime later, Rukia looked in and smiled to herself. The sight was at the same time heartbreaking and heartwarming. She had heard them, Uryū's words to him making her own heart ache deeply in her chest. Kintsugi, indeed. Considering Uryū's penchant for repairing things, she saw it very clearly. And she wondered exactly how far things would go deeper into the dark before the light began to shine.

But Rukia was certain that she could already see the golden strings beginning to bind Ichigo back together. She sighed and felt a hand on her shoulder. She turned to see Renji standing there with a soft smile on his lips. She nodded to him, and he took her hand, leading her away to another room.

"What is it?" she asked as they sat together on a bench.

"We took the Arrancar to the Sou taichou. They're in a meeting now. But it seems like they are going to consider what he has to say."

Rukia nodded. "But even if it was under Aizen's orders, Renji, he raped Ichigo, again and again, wearing your face. Ichigo still sees your face when he sees him. Can we honestly even have him anywhere near him?"

She heard Renji swallow hard beside her. "I know, but we all know what would have happened if he hadn't done as he was told. He made no mistake, he admitted his part, in a bid for more power, and at first he went along with it because he wanted to do those things, but the longer it went on, the more he knew it was wrong, somewhere at the core of his being. My guess is that somewhere, there is a good soul inside him."

"A Shinigami, perhaps. They've all consumed Shinigami souls to get as far as they are," Rukia said softly.

"Whatever the reason, what he offers is worth it."

"What does he offer?" she asked, turning to look at him.

"Information. The layout of Aizen's place, information on all the Espada and other powerful Arrancar, which ones will turn when given the opportunity, what kind and how many there are, habits, all of it. Enough that if we were to go after him, we would probably succeed in bringing him down. Killing him is impossible, most likely, but we can certainly confine him and stop him from destroying all of Karakura Town and getting the king's key," Renji said with a sigh. "We don't have to like it. But the fact is, tactically, using him would be sound. He's considering a plan for him to return as a spy, but trusting him is at question, of course."

"What does he want?" she asked, picking at her robe.

Renji shook his head. "Hueco Mundo if Aizen falls, and until then, asylum. He's even willing to accept imprisonment while here, as long as it is comfortable."

Rukia nodded. "No doubt they will choose to use the information."

"Of course," Renji said. "You want to go for a walk around the pond? I can't sleep now, and I'm all sorts of restless."

Rukia nodded and took Renji's hand when he offered it. She wondered, would he do what Uryū would do for Ichigo? And what did it all mean for her brother?

They got to the pond and stood in silence for a while. "Uryū has told Ichigo that he wants to be with him no matter what. He gave him a long flowery speech about mending his broken pieces by way of kintsugi."

Renji snickered. "That…is…at the same time sappy as hell and oddly romantic…did it work on the dumb brat?"

"I think so. He cried on him and then they fell asleep together. I still don't know what to think of Ichigo having changed so dramatically," she said with a deep sigh. "Do you think he'll ever be like he was?"

Renji shook his head, sitting down slowly, leaning back on his hands to stare into the sky and crossing his legs at the ankles. "No, there's no way to return to that. He's always going to be different. But you have to remember, it is still Ichigo. Otherwise, he would be dead. No one but that stubborn bastard could have survived that."

Rukia sat down cross legged beside him and nodded slowly. "You're right about that."

Slowly, Renji reached out and took her hand and looked up to meet her eyes in the moonlight. He smiled for a long moment. "Speaking of sappy," he muttered, and leaned forward and kissed her gently on the lips. Rukia gasped slightly and blinked at him.

"Renji?" she said softly.

"I know, this is perhaps the worst time, but dammit, all of this, and if one of us were to die tomorrow, how could I die and never have told you that it has always been you? Ever since the days on the streets, it was always you, and no one else. I chased after your brother to prove myself to you. I wanted to prove that I was worthy of you. And that's the only thing there is," Renji said with a shrug.

Rukia gaped for a moment and then moved and straddled his lap in one quick move, causing him to stare wide eyed at her as she settled across his thighs. "You fool, you think it hasn't always been you for me as well? When you were always more worried about my brother than me? I had no idea what was going on in that moronic brain of yours," she said, and brushed lips against him softly.

He looked at her with such longing that it would have broken her heart if it hadn't broken for her friend already. "I thought that you…and Ichigo…you know, for a long time…"

She shook her head. "Are you kidding? He's like my kid brother, always has been, same way Kaien was always my mentor, nothing more. But you, always there, always by my side, and then giving up completely so I could be happy…how could it not be you?"

As the moon began to sink, and the stars began to fade, the morning birds were the only witnesses to the silent lovers by the pond. By the breaking of the dawn, there was little to separate the two save the beams of the morning's light. The world revolved, and souls lived and died and were saved and damned, but the two lonely, heartbroken Shinigami by the koi pond wouldn't know about those events. For a long time, there existed two hearts, seeking to mend each other. And so it was that Uryū and Ichigo were not the only ones to practice the art of the golden journey as golden threads healed broken hearts in the dawning light of day.