Well hey there. I see you've stumbled upon something silly I wrote when being inspired by, well, Professor Sycamore. There may be other parts, I'm not too sure yet. They're all most likely a little off character, but I assure you, this is for the benefit of humour. Or what I call humour. Whatever, Enjoy.

I apologise to any native French speakers for butchering your language. I tried.

The annual Pokémon Professor summit was in full swing. There were drinks. Pieces of Cheri Berry on sticks, and the representative Professor from every region. Well, from at least a few- Kanto, Johto, Hoenn, Sinnoh, Unova… Although they were expecting one more. He was late, however, and the summit had gone ahead without him.
Professor Samuel Oak, of Kanto, hovered by the mahogany table that was in the centre of the undoubtedly plain, and rather dull, room. So far, none of them had actually sat down to discuss any of the topics on the agenda- there was one certain fear in all of their minds, and that was that a certain late professor would appear extravagantly, as he always did. It was a wonder they still invited him to the bloody summit, but he was one of the leading minds when it came to research, and his ideas and theories were invaluable.

Oak nervously sat down near the head of the table and coughed expectantly. By the water fountain, Professor Birch, of Hoenn, looked over, and promptly allowed the small plastic cup he was filling to overflow onto his sandals. Damn. He knew he should have worn something other than shorts and sandals.

He tried to hide it from Professor Elm (visiting Professor of the Johto region, of course) and failed miserably, causing the bespectacled man to burst out laughing before trying to turn the laugh into a cough after Professor Rowan, Sinnoh's leading Pokémon researcher, shot him a look that said 'don't disturb the quiet'. He then glanced at the door, and then back to Elm. 'Please don't jinx it', that look spoke.

Professor Aurea Juniper, of Unova, quietly surveyed the snacks. It wasn't a particularly thrilling selection, and nobody had touched the berry sticks. Well, it looked like someone had taken a bite out of one of the Oran berries, and had quickly put it back down. She scowled at it, looking over her shoulder at her male colleagues, who were gathering by the table, apparently ready to start. She walked over, sighing deeply, and trying to ignore the worryingly placed wet patch on Birch's trousers that Elm seemed to be giggling hysterically at.

"Right, well, now that we've all settled down and it seems that…he …isn't coming, how about we get down to business?" Rowan suggested, taking a spot at the head of the table, next to Oak and Elm. They all nodded an affirmative, with furtive glances cast at the double doors as if they were suddenly going to leap up and attack. When nothing happened, the table seemed to relax as Rowan shuffled his papers.
"First topic would be the rising amounts of Zubat in Kanto. Oak, I hear they've been declared a national pest?"

Oak opened his mouth to speak, and the doors clattered open. The group let out a groan as one as a shadow was cast through it, one with long legs and fluffy hair.
Professor Augustine Sycamore strolled in with the look of one who was deliberately late but thought it showed class. The door left open, Juniper got up with a sigh to close it, ignoring the wink she earned from the late professor.
"Sorry I'm late!" he spoke, throwing himself into a chair opposite Rowan, his voice accented with the native dialect of Kalos, the region he hailed from. "Air traffic is terrible over Kanto, oui?"
He gave a relaxed shrug. "But then, I suppose that comes from riding a Fletchling! Too small!" he laughed, long and loud, despite the fact no one else was laughing and Rowan was giving him a look that would freeze a Beartic.

"Uugh… Welcome, Professor Sycamore. I trust you are well?" the weary professor asked, glancing at Oak as Sycamore looked at his nails. "You have anything to report? I notice you didn't send the Noctowl back about the subjects that you wished to raise. You should be more involved in these summits, as Kalos' most esteemed professor."

Sycamore looked up, before nodding.
"Oui, oui, of course monsieur. I have been quite well, but how about all of you fine gentlemen, and madam?" he asked, nodding to Juniper, who rubbed her face and nudged Oak in a vain attempt to get him to swap seats with her. Sycamore continued. "Ahh, Professor Elm, how is the family? Are you still obsessing over the Pokémon Eggs? And Oak, how is your grandson? I hear he visited Kalos! You must get him to learn the language better. The phrase 'smell ya later' is running rampant through the region."
Sycamore continued, on a role and unabashed, not waiting for any of the other professors to actually answer his enquiries as to their wellbeing.
"Birch, I hear Hoenn is suffering from a Zigzagoon epidemic. Such a shame. In Kalos, Zigzagoon are controlled, sometimes even shot for sport, oui? Ahh, I jest!" he laughed again, slapping the uncomfortable looking professor on the back. "And Rowan, how are you doing, my old friend? Still denying retirement? Such spirit! And Juniper, ahh, dear Madame Juniper, you're looking lovely. Your father is well? Delightful!"

He sat back, his introductions done. Birch edged a little way away, looking to Rowan for help in scavenging back the conversation.
"Right, yes, well. As I was saying." Rowan started again. "The Zubats, Oak, how are they planning on dealing with them?"
Oak cleared his throat, shuffling his papers. As one, the other Professors shared a glance at Sycamores lack of papers of his own.

"The Zubats have almost tripled in number in the past 2 years." The Kanto Professor spoke, peering at the numbers. "Efforts to halt their breeding with humane methods such as spraying repel in their popular breeding sites has been met with limited success and it seems the Zubats have developed an immunity against repel."
There was a frightened gasp from Elm, who nervously took a sip of water to cover it. Oak continued, slightly put off by this and the fact Sycamore was smiling a wide grin as he listened attentively. A flick of his dark hair and Oak was forced to shuffle his papers again.
"Uh, yes. Well, as we know, Zubats have become increasingly confident in the past five years with attacks on trainers almost increasing fourfold. With the rising population, it will be dangerous for trainers to walk through the main caves of the Kanto region without being accompanied with a very strong partner…Pokémon…"
He glanced at Sycamore, who was rustling in a small tote bag no one had noticed him bring in.

The professors looked at each other, before Birch got up to refill his plastic cup from the water fountain, shuffling awkwardly so Sycamore didn't see the wet patch. As he was going so, there was a clank.
"Birch, don't bother with that horrible fountain water. Try some of this!" came the accented voice Birch was dreading. The Hoenn professor looked around, to see Sycamore, sleeves rolled up, trying to open a bottle of champagne, glasses surrounding him.

"I really wish you wouldn't bring alcohol, Sycamore." Elm mumbled. "I'm teetotal. You know I've been alcohol free for three years."

Sycamore looked up, and nodded good naturedly.
"Ah, sorry. It is easy to forget." He replied apologetically, as straining muscles tugged the cork away from the top of the bottle, causing it to froth slightly. He stared as the froth invaded his hands and made its slow way down the bottle and onto the table, invading Juniper's spot as she pulled her papers away in alarm.
"Oh, so sorry Juniper."

He whipped out a handkerchief from a pocket in his shirt and dabbed the table delicately, before pouring out some of the champagne into five of the six glasses, getting up with a flourish and serving them to everyone but Elm, who stared worriedly at them.
"A toast to Pokémon, I should think, oui?" Sycamore declared, raising his glass. He was looking so expectantly at the other professors that all of them, except Rowan, raised their glasses, Elm even raising an empty hand before realising he didn't have anything and putting it down. Sycamore tapped his glass with Junipers raised one, and settled back down, gesturing for Oak to speak once more. The Kanto professor looked warily at him, before beginning to speak again.
Sycamore yawned very loudly, before apologizing quietly. It was too late, Oak was thrown off. He sat down, lamely concluding his report.

"And that is why, um, we should, uh… Take extra caution. With Zubats." He muttered, looking at his lap, as Rowan rubbed the bridge of his nose and looked at the clipboard he had brought with him.

"Right, next order on the agenda… The rising number of so called Legendary Pokémon. Pokémon with such power that they could have the ability to raise the sea level, and there are rumours of, if my report by Champion Cynthia is correct, of a God Pokémon, and let's not forget that narrowly averted catastrophe with the Time and the Space Pokémon. Dialga and Palkia…" he began, passing out sheets of paper to the assembled professors. Sycamore looked at his intensely, stroking the whiskers on his face as if deep in thought. Rowan subtly rolled his eyes, before clearing his throat. "This diagram illustrates the average size of a…Legendary…Pokémon. Although there are some…discrepancies… I'm sorry, what is that awful smell?"
He sniffed. Something stank. Like old socks, or possibly mould. There was a pause, a moment of silence where each of the Professors looked at each other and then, as one, turned slowly to look at Sycamore incredulously.

He looked up from where he was examining the paper, before clicking his fingers and diving back to scrabble in the tote bag. When he reappeared, the smell got even worse, and Sycamore produced what could vaguely resemble cheese. It was blue.
"Ah, oui, I forgot! Finest Miltank cheese in Kalos. I brought it to go with the crackers." he paused for a moment, before diving back down towards the bag once more. He rose back up, looking disappointed, his hair somehow deflating as if it was representing this. "I am sorry. I appear to have forgotten that crackers, but…"
He pulled out a cheese knife from some unknown place about his person with such vigour that Elm squeaked a little in terror, clutching his papers to his chest as if they offered some protection from the mad Kalos professor with a cheese knife.
"It does not mean we cannot enjoy this, oui?"

Rowan stared, breathing deep breath. In through the nose, out through the mouth. His therapist had gone through it with him, the last time they'd invited Sycamore. He'd been given drugs to help him sleep. Calm down. He fished in his pocket, drawing out a small bottle, taking a sniff of the concoction within. He shuddered a little, ignoring the horrified gaze from Oak, before sitting down.
"As I was saying…" he snapped, cutting over Sycamore's good natured theory on why Kalos cheese beat Johto hands down. The Kalos professor stopped talking and smiled at him, completely unaware.

"My apologies, Rowan. Carry on." He slipped in, regardless of the fact that Rowan was speaking anyway.

"As I was saying… The time has come to decide what is done about the Legendary Pokémon… Trainers have met some success with catching them, but... but… Yes, Sycamore?" Rowan relented wearily, looking at the patiently waiting professor, who rose to his feet.

"Merci, monsieur. Might I add my opinion that it would be, ah… trés bien, if we simply left these Pokémon alone? Let them run free? Rather than encourage our trainers to study them?" he suggested, flicking his hair. The assembled professors looked at Rowan, who let out a sigh as the opposite professor sat down, smiling widely.

"That is a very valid point, Professor Sycamore. We will take it into consideration." He said, with a deep breath. As he opened his mouth to continue, a loud rumbling noise erupted from Birch's side of the table, and he clutched his stomach, going bright red, muttering apologies.

"I'm sorry, I'm just hungry, it's been a long day." He wailed, glancing at Sycamore, who was nodding sympathetically, hands clasped together, before catching sight of his own watch and staring at it in horror akin to the expression you might have if you discovered your spouse in bed with someone else. Probably Sycamore, Rowan remarked silently. Once he'd thought that, it was an impossible mental image to shake. He would need to bring it up in his next therapy session.

"Mon dieu! It's four in the afternoon already! Perhaps it would be best if we adjourn for a snack? Bien, as we say in Kalos!"
Augustine Sycamore excitedly clapped his hands together.
"It is a good thing I planned ahead and booked us a brief table at the Café Kanto, just across the street, on my way in. We can continue our discussion there."

"Is that such a good idea? It'll be public…" Juniper raised a valid point hesitantly, and the other professors nodded sagely. Sycamore made a dismissive noise, waving a hand in a gesture that was clearly perfected from months, years of dismissively waving his hand at aides, children, lovers alike.

"Beautiful Juniper, do not fret, oui? I had it all arranged. Our secrets…" he paused to wink at her and she stared at the table with an expression that looked like she'd seen the most horrible things in the world, and none of them topped being chatted up by Augustine Sycamore, who continued. "Our secrets are perfectly safe."

Rowan rubbed his face. The meeting, which he had hoped would be over by the time night fell, suddenly seemed to have the potential to stretch well into the night. No doubt Sycamore would have booked a table at a highly expensive restaurant, and then would graciously pay for all their meal, which would mean another two hours spent in the flamboyant man's company.

It was just too much. He crumpled his head into his arms and groaned, trying to block out the voice that asked all too kindly.

"Rowan, monsieur? Whatever is the matter?"