Chapter 19: No right choice

Rachel's POV

There's nothing that could top the feeling of true happiness. That feeling you get when everything just falls into place. The moment you realize that nothing could spoil the joy you feel when you look at your life...and it's just exactly what you've always wanted. It's a moment that happens probably only once in a lifetime. Because each and every one of us is always out there in the world, looking for something better than what our reality is. We search for peace and happiness...fullfillment. Sometimes it can take your entire life to get that, and once you do you can truly recognize that life is precious. I've had a lot of hardships in my life. It's made me weak, strong, complete. It's made me not take as much for granted as I used to. It's made me want to make my life something great every single day. The past few days of my life have made that more true than ever. I have my family back together. I have the family I never thought I'd have the chance to have. I have friends that are supportive and so full of love. I can't even truly express the gratitude I have for everything they've done for me. Right now, I'm sitting here looking around this room filled with people I love so much. I have Kurt, Blaine, Santana, Finn...my son. For the first time I think ever, I'm sitting back in silence listening to them all laugh and reminisce. It's the greatest sound in the world.

When I lost Finn last year, I didn't think I'd ever see this picture in front of me. I thought I would spend the rest of my life dreaming about, wishing it could come true...but it being just a little too far away. For months, I've been lost and have missed what I could have had. But I don't think I can ever express how much...I mean, you know how much you miss somebody until their gone. And then the more time they're gone, the harder it is to remember the things about them. You start to forget things because your life keeps moving forward. But when you get that back...when you get this once in a lifetime miracle to have that back, you truly appreciate ever single thing that person has to offer you. Having Finn back is like getting a piece of myself back. When I thought he died, a big part of me did too. But right now, just listening to his voice again and seeing him smile...I know what life's about. It's about second chances...it's about family and love. And I don't know what the future is going to hold. He is apprehensive and cautious about moving forward, and I don't blame him. He's been through alot and I know that I'm going to have to be patient with him as he heals. It might be a long journey back for him, but I know that I'm gonna be here every step of the way. I owe that to Finn, after everything he's done for me. I also owe it to my family. My son has his father back and I'm going to make sure he never loses him again...no matter what the sacrifices.

"This is it." I say, breaking my silence.

"What is?" Finn asks.

"This...right here. This is the exact dream I've had every day for the last eight months. All of us together again like this. If it doesn't get any better than this right here, that will be okay."

"It's gonna get better. If they ever let me out of this place."

"It has been a while. Should it be taking this long?" Kurt asks.

"I don't know. I'm sure it won't be much longer and then we can all go home." I try to assure him.

"Maybe we'll go see if the doctor's out there. Maybe they can tell us how much longer this is gonna take." Blaine says, getting up and heading to the door with Kurt and Santana in tow.

"I'm sure it will be no time now, Finn. Then, we can leave and go back to the city. And you can start to live your life again."

"The city? But I thought we were going back to Lima?"

"We are. But Finn and I have our stuff back at the apartment. We'll just pick up our things first and then we can finally...head home."

"Okay. That sounds really good. Was it weird?"

"What?"

"Being back in New York. Seeing your friends living the life you were supposed to have."

"I don't know. I don't really think of it like that I guess. When I was walking through the city the other day, I got to relive the memories of when I lived there. And they were good ones, they were. And they're good to have. And maybe someday I'll make new ones there. But now I don't really think about what I gave up...I just think of everything I've been given."

"You're really amazing. You haven't changed a bit."

"What do you mean?"

"You're always so optimistic and strong. But you don't have to be. You can be disappointed about what you're missing out on."

"But that's just it, Finn. I'm not missing out on anything. I'm getting the chance to live the life I always wanted. And I know all I ever talked about was moving to New York and Broadway, and yes I want those things. I probably always will. But if I am honest...the only thing that I've really ever wanted was a family. One of my own. Being a mother is more rewarding than anything I've ever done in my entire life. And if I don't ever make it back to my dreams, I'll be okay. Because when I looked into my son's eyes, I know what dreams are made of. It's children...family."

"Wow, I guess your right."

"I always am. You haven't forgotten that, have you?"

"Not for a second."

"Hello, Finn."

"Dr. Drake, finally. Can I leave now?"

"Not quite yet."

"Why not? Is there something wrong?"

"Finn, this is Dr. Scorpio-Drake. And she's assisting on your case now."

"Do I have a case?"

"She is the best at analyzing just about everything and making me see things differently."

"He's a little hard headed and one sided sometimes. You know how surgeons are." Robin tells us, taking a jab at her husband.

"Thanks a lot...but not untrue. Hi..."

"Rachel...Rachel Berry. Is Finn going to be able to come home?"

"Umm...Rachel, would you mind stepping outside for a minute while we speak to Finn?"

"What? Is it that bad?"

"Umm...it's just doctor patient confidentiality."

"No, I want her to stay. Whatever you have to say, you can say in front of Rachel."

"Are you sure?" I ask him.

"Rach, I trust you and need you more than anyone else right now. Please, stay."

"Of course. Is everything alright?"

"Um...Finn, have you been experiencing any headaches, dizziness recently?" Patrick asks him.

"Somewhat."

"Okay, look I know that you've been held prisoner for a long time and I'm sure there are parts that you've forgotten. Or have wanted to block out. Maybe even lapses in time...trying to fight your way out of it. Wanting to do anything to get back to your family. I know that better than I wish I did." Robin says.

"Yes, I guess so."

"Can you describe the pain from your headaches?" she asks him.

"I don't know. Annoying...sometimes severe, blinding even."

"Finn, why didn't you tell me this?" I ask him, surprised by his symptoms.

"I didn't really have time to think about it. I was just happy to be out of there, I didn't want to dwell on what really happened. And they've been better since I've been out of there. Barely there, really."

"Have you ever blacked out from the headaches?" Patrick asks him.

"Yes. But it's not like I was going anywhere. And even if I told Brody, it's not like he would've gotten me help. Sometimes he would leave me some asprin when I complained of pain."

"Were there ever spaces in time that disappeared from you? Are there things you've forgotten? Memory loss?" Patrick asks.

"I don't know. I guess, but usually...I would wake up a little confused. Not knowing where I was for a minute. But I was living in this nightmare, so I thought it was normal. After a little while, I would usually remember my life...and remember how I wasn't a part of it."

"Is this from the accident? Or from the kidnapping?" I ask them, concerned more than ever for Finn's welfare.

"It's hard to tell. We're just a little concerned about some things that turned up on your CT scans. You were involved in a severe accident and you needed immediate medical attention. All this time hasn't helped the damage done."

"But you can fix it, right?" I ask, hopeful.

"We're going to try our best. My recommendation would be to go in and see what's really going on and resolve the problem." Patrick tells us with complete certainty.

"Brain surgery?" Finn asks, with fear in his voice.

"But my recommendation is to try a drug protocol. I've used it on several patients and have seen remarkable improvement." Robin offers.

"Do you even know what the problem even is?"

"Not entirely. We've seen a similar case only once. It's rare and also caused from brain damage in a car accident."

"And the drugs helped?"

"No. The case was done on a friend of mine, who can't be completely cured. He never really will. But the point is, your case seems to mirror his in your CT scans. Although, he woke up with no memory at all. And you do remember everything, so I feel like this can help you."

"But I did save his life multiple times. All through surgery to correct the problem."

"Yes, but Finn is not Jason, Patrick. It might just look similar, things can have a better outcome this time around."

"Look, I'm not saying that Robin's wrong. She could be...I could be. But I just think you need to know that this is serious."

"Look, in Finn's case I think that trying the protocol and repeating the CT scan after a few doses is your best option."

"Of course, Dr. Scorpio's views are only one side."

"They're the right side. A seemingly healthy 20 year old, should not undergo any unnecessary procedures. The risks are too high."

"But there could be a greater risk in waiting out to see if Dr. Scorpio's treatment will work."

"I think this is a great option for you. And trust me, you're in good hands if it doesn't work. I will immediately recommend Dr. Drake's procedure. Is this your son?"

"Yes."

"And you want the chance to watch him grow up, right?"

"More than anything."

"Don't guilt him with his son, Robin."

"I'm just pointing out the fact that...I can help you with that. If you'll let me."

"Could you give us just a minute?" Finn asks them.

"Of course. We'll be right outside."

"I'm so sorry, Rachel."

"You should have told me what was really going on."

"I know. But I didn't want to bring any damper on being back. To see you smile again...it's what I've been waiting to see for nearly a year."

"But your health was on the line. And you knew that."

"Maybe. What do you think I should do?"

"I can't make this decision, Finn. Both options have the ability to take you away from me again. I can't bare the thought of that. I mean the one thing I'm sure has side effect all of its own. And you could need the surgery any way."

"I don't really have any good choices. And yes for months I suffered and it didn't really matter if I didn't wake up from it. But now...I have the best reason fight this."

"Okay. This is your choice, Finn. Whatever you want to do, I will be by your side. I'm not going anywhere."

"You know, I heard that Dr. Drake's one of the best neurosurgeons in the country. I feel like if surgery was my only option...he could save me."

"So, you want the surgery then?"

"I don't think so. Not right now. I think I want to try the drug treatment."

"You know that might mean you staying here for a little while longer?"

"As long as I have you guys here, I don't care. I just want to get better and go home."

"That's what I want more than anything, Finn. Your sure about this. You don't want to take more time. Or call your family for advice or something."

"No. I'm sure, Rachel. This is my choice, you said so yourself."

"Alright. I'll go get the doctors." I tell him and head out to the nurses station. I feel the tears welling up in my eyes. I just thought that things were really going to be good now. And now I don't know anything. Except that I want Finn to be okay. I can't lose him again, and I won't. I will fight to save him at any costs. "Hi, Finn and I...came to a decision. He wants to see you." I tell them and they follow me back to the room.

"Alright, Finn...what's it gonna be?" Patrick asks him.

"I know that you both can probably save my life. And I'm sure I'm in the best hands possible. All I want is to go home to my family, so I have to trust that. If it's not necessary, I don't want brain surgery. So, I'm willing to try the drug treatment first."

"Are you sure about this, Finn? I can do..."

"Patrick, he made his choice." Robin snaps at him. "I promise if this works...you can go home and start to live your life the way it was before."

"That's all I want."

"Okay, then lets get this start. Nurse Webber will be in, in a little while to administer the first dose. Finn, I will save your life if you give me the chance to."

"Alright, I trust you. And for the sake of everyone I care about...i'll bare some more time here. But not for long...I really can't stay in this bed much longer. I'm going crazy."

"Wow, he's more like Jason than just his brain." Patrick says, following his wife out of the room.

"Rachel...are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine."

"No you're not. But I promise you, I'm gonna be okay."

"Yeah, I know. I know you are."

"How do you know that?"

"Because I can feel it in my heart. I've lost you once, Finn. And there is no way I'm gonna do it again. I will fight to save your life till my last dying breath. Life can't be that cruel. I just got you back. I got the miracle I prayed for...and this time I am not leaving you alone."

"Okay, sounds good to me."

"Are you scared?"

"No. I'm just scared of causing you pain again."

"Finn..."

"And I just met him." He says, looking over at our son. "I can't say goodbye already. I am going to watch him grow up, I promise you that."

"Okay, then I believe you."

"Hey, Rach...can you come out here for a second?" Kurt asks, knocking lightly on the door before poking his head in.

"Yeah, sure. Be right there. I'll be right back, Finn." I tell him, getting up and wiping the tears from my face.

"I'll be here." He says, yelling after me. And in that moment I can feel the pain and reality of what he is going through truly hit me. But I know that I need to stay strong for his sake and my son's. When I walk into the hallway I look ahead at the nurse's station and see my family waiting there.

"Carole. Burt. Dads. You're all here."

"You told me to come right away. And I figured if something was wrong, we all need to be here. Oh, Finn...thank god you're okay. I was so scared something happened to the two of you." Carole says, relieved.

"It did...but we're fine."

"What is it, Sweetheart?" My dad asks me.

"It's a long story. One that I want to tell you. But Carole, what I couldn't tell you on the phone. Why I wanted you here is...go to room 214. And it will answer exactly why you needed to come."

"What's going on, Rachel?"

"Just go. Trust me, you need to go into that room."

"Okay, I'm going." She says, and I follow right behind her.

"Go inside. I promise you won't regret it."

"You're freaking me out, Rachel."

"This will change your life, Carole. And you won't want to look back. Go inside." I tell her, and she knocks lightly on the door before opening it.

"Oh my god...it can't be. Finn?" She says, and I can hear the emotion in her voice. His head pops up when he sees his mother standing in front of him. This is the reunion I've been waiting to see.

"Mom." He says, and I close the door behind her. Letting them have this time is really important. So, I leave them alone and head back towards my dads and everyone waiting.