Acolyte Intelligentsia

"Ohhh," Magneto moaned as he slowly opened his eyes. He found himself slumped over his favorite chair in the recreation room. "Gahhh, my head."

"Ah, you're awake," Mastermind noted sitting nearby while setting down a book.

"Uhhh," Magneto groaned and straightened himself in his seat. "Oh, Mastermind. Thank goodness it's you. You would not believe the utter nightmare I just had!"

"Well, actually..." Mastermind began.

"I had the most absurd dream," Magneto gingerly placed a hand to his head. "I dreamt that you and the rest of those stupid subordinates of mine decided to take an intelligence test."

"Really?" Mastermind said. "I guess I should tell you that..."

"What a ridiculous idea! The lot of you actually taking an intelligence test! Can you believe it?" Magneto asked. "What are the chances of that?"

"Funny you should ask," Mastermind commented. "Because..."

"The results of the test weren't too bad," Magneto went on. "Colossus was quite proud of his score of ninety seven until he realized an IQ score of one hundred is considered average. Gambit's score of one hundred and twelve was only one point lower than yours which made him practically as smart as you."

"That's nice," Mastermind grumbled irritably. "Magneto, you should know that..."

"I of course had a superior score of one hundred forty seven," Magneto said proudly. "That is after I was conned into taking the test by Gambit's endless ranting. And then there was one score..." Magneto shuddered at the recollection. "It was simply unbelievable!

"Wanna bet?" Mastermind asked.

"I was beyond shocked!" Magneto shook his head in disbelief. "It was too horrible to think about! So horrible that it must have caused me to wake up!"

"Not necessarily," Mastermind said. "Because actually..."

"Thank goodness it was all a dream," Magneto sighed in obvious relief. "A preposterous situation like that could never really happen."

"I wouldn't count on it," Mastermind warned.

"Yes, just a dream," Magneto chanted happily. "A crazy, mad, unrealistic, positively fictitious dream. It was a complete fabrication of my unconscious. A ludicrous work of imagination. It was not real!"

"Well, technically..." Mastermind began.

"I should have known it was a dream," Magneto laughed unsteadily. "To think he would ever take an intelligence test and end up getting a..."

"TWO?!" Sabertooth was heard roaring in the distance. "WHAT DO YOU MEAN I ONLY SCORED A TWO?!"

"Huh?" Magneto blinked. "What was that? What is Sabertooth yelling about?"

"What do you think?" Mastermind gave him a look.

"No! No!" Magneto began to shake nervously. "It was a dream! It wasn't real! Sabertooth is complaining about a different score. Like a game of snooker or something!"

"I don't think so," Mastermind said in a sing-song voice.

"I DON'T BELIEVE THIS!" Sabertooth howled in disbelief. "HOW THE HECK COULD I ONLY HAVE SCORED A TWO ON AN INTELLIGENCE TEST?!"

"What?!" Magneto gasped. "Did he just say...?"

"Yes," Mastermind nodded.

"But that means..." Magneto blanched.

"Oh yeah," Mastermind sighed in resignation.

"NO!" Magneto yelled. "NO! NO! NO!" He futilely tried to deny it. "I did not hear what I just think I did! I refuse to believe it! It can't possibly be true! Because if it is true then it means that other score was made by...by..."

"G'day everybody!" Pyro waltzed into the room wearing an orange tie, white lab coat and a thick pair of spectacles.

"AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Magneto screamed.

"Boy, what a great day for intelligence!" Pyro giggled skipping about the room. "Of course not everyone can have a genius IQ score of one hundred eighty six!"

"NOOOOOOOOO! IT'S IMPOSSIBLE!" Magneto fell backwards out of his chair and frantically huddled behind it. "IT IS AGAINST THE LAWS OF NATURE FOR PYRO OF ALL PEOPLE TO HAVE SCORED A HUNDRED EIGHTY SIX ON AN INTELLIGENCE TEST!"

"Apparently not," Mastermind sighed.

"HOW COULD HE HAVE DONE IT?!" Magneto howled in disbelief. "HE MUST HAVE CHEATED! CHEATED I TELL YOU!"

"I don't think so," Mastermind said reluctantly. "While you were passed out we had him take a different version of the test and he scored a hundred eighty nine."

"AAAGGGHHHHHHHHH!" Magneto shrieked.

"Well, I still think you read the score upside-down the second time," Pyro said cheerfully. "That's why the 'six' turned into a 'nine' while all the other numbers remained the same! Course it's only natural for you to make a mistake. You don't have as much intelligence as I do!"

"This is from the guy who tried to break a wall in half with his head in an attempt to prove the superior strength of his brain!" Mastermind snapped.

"Well it was a really smart wall," Pyro waved him off. "It obviously had more intelligence than me."

"No kidding," Mastermind muttered.

"This is not happening!" Magneto appeared to be on the verge of a nervous breakdown. "This all has to be some sort of trick! Where are Gambit and Colossus? They must have a part in this!"

"They're both laughing at the tantrum Sabertooth is throwing about his low IQ score," Mastermind told him. "And no, it is not a trick."

"It has to be a trick!" Magneto insisted crazily. "There's no way on earth Pyro's IQ is that high! This is the same idiot who thinks fire eating is part of a healthy diet!"

"Of course it's healthy," Pyro grinned. "Fire makes a great snack and is packed full of all sorts of yummy, delicious vitamins!"

"AAAUUUGGGHHH!" Magneto leapt up and began pulling at his hair. "I don't believe it! The whole world must have gone mad! The end is upon us and...WHAT ARE THESE THINGS IN MY HAIR?!"

"Hey, you have pink and purple ribbons in your hair," Pyro noticed. "And yellow smiley faces all over your face. They look fabulous!"

"WHAT?!" Magneto yelled. "AAARRRGGGHHH! ALRIGHT, WHO DID THIS TO ME?! WAS IT GAMBIT? IT WAS GAMBIT WASN'T IT?!"

"Uh, yeah. That's it," Mastermind whistled innocently. "Gambit did it."

"I should have known!" Magneto howled. "When I get my hands on him..."

"Ya know, this is all a great testament to the power of evolution," Pyro chirped happily. "Millions of years of improvement on previous generations have resulted in the pinnacle of intelligence: me!"

"WHAT?!" Magneto blanched in shock.

"Yep, you should feel privileged to know the greatest mutant mind of our time," Pyro preened giddily, completely unaware of the utter horror building inside Magneto. "I'll probably be known as the finest member of the mutant species. A being of superior wit and intelligence! One who will be remembered for years to come! Decades from now people and flames of all ages will associate the name 'Pyro' as that of a true, undeniable genius!"

BUMP!

"Gee, guess he found my presence to be too overwhelming," Pyro said as Magneto fainted dead away.

"That's one way to put it," Mastermind drawled.

"I'll go improve the intellectual value of his stuff by burning my signature into them. That will cheer him up!" Pyro giggled and happily waltzed out of the room.

"Great," Mastermind sighed and nudged the unconscious Magneto with his foot.

"Hey," Remy stuck in head into the room and noticed Magneto's prone form. "Mags wake up again?"

"Yes," Mastermind dragged Magneto over to his chair and proceeded to place him in it. "He just finished passing out."

"Great! That makes two!" Remy grinned. "Three more times of him fainting and I win the pool! You did manage to record it all, right?"

"Of course," Mastermind gestured to a nearby camera.

"Great. I'll check back later," Remy nodded taking off.

"THERE'S NO WAY I COULD HAVE ONLY GOTTEN A TWO!" Sabertooth's howls of fury were heard accompanied by various sounds of destruction. "THE SCALE DOESN'T EVEN GO THAT LOW!"

"That's one way for him to claim his IQ is off the scales," Mastermind finished with Magneto and sat down to continue his book. "At least the test only measured the intelligence quotient around here. Attempting to measure the insanity quotient would cause the whole testing system to spontaneously combust!"

Disclaimer: I do not own X-Men: Evolution.