Always Room For You Beside Me
Chapter 1: He Who is There For Me

A calm breeze poured through the open window, sending a chill down the spine of a certain blonde guest at the inn that evening. Amazing how it could be stiflingly hot during the day beneath the blazing heat of two suns, but so cold at night. Typical desert climate. It had been another long day for Vash; having to fend off everyone in town with a gun that was after the hefty bounty on his head was only one of his problems. Physical pain he could mostly handle (he had no choice, considering how often he got shot), but it was the emotional and mental anguish that he kept to himself that never seemed to end. Like every night, he curled up in wherever he could find to sleep and fought endless battles in his mind and heart, never forgiving himself for Rem's fate. For a man who was always fighting for love and peace, he could never actually find peace with himself.

Those final visions of Rem haunted him every single day, and it was at night when he could close himself off from the world and let loose his sorrow. He had to have this emotional release where no one else could see in order to keep him going the next day, putting all his strength into keeping up a happy façade. He really didn't want anyone's sympathy – it wasn't their problem, and even if it was, no one would ever feel sorry for a criminal. It was a devastating albatross he had no choice but to live with. That particular night had been hell; Vash was plagued with agonizing thoughts and nightmares that he just could not drive out of his head, and he was struggling to keep his sobs under wraps. His room was right between the girls' room and Wolfwood's room and the last thing he wanted was for any of them to hear him wailing like abasket case.

His heart was just too heavy that night and the pain he felt proved to be too much. Vash so often tried to solve all the world's problems and his own all by himself, so maybe he needed to just spill his guts to someone else and lift a little of that weight off his shoulders for once. Given his limited choices for a crying shoulder, he figured he could count most on the priest down the hall. But what would Wolfwood think of him? The Humanoid Typhoon showing up at his door at crazy o'clock at night like a little kid scared of a storm…hello, awkward conversation. Vash's eyes were red from crying and he didn't know how he was going to hide that, even if Wolfwood had been drinking and couldn't see two feet in front of him. Taking a deep breath and composing himself as best he could, Vash quietly left his room and lightly tapped on his friend's door.

"Who's there?"

"It's Vash."

"Huh, wonder what he wants at this hour," the priest mused after taking a drag on his cigarette. "He doesn't sound very happy."

Wolfwood opened the door to see his blonde red-clad friend, who was evidently trying way too hard to pretend to be happy. Try as he might to hide it, Vash's eyes made it all too obvious what kind of mood he was in and the last person he was going to fool was Wolfwood.

"Come on in, sit down," Wolfwood said. He picked up a bottle of whiskey from the table in the corner and waved it in his friend's direction. Vash shook his head; he felt horrible, but didn't want to drown himself in alcohol. The dark-haired priest took a seat beside his grieving friend on the bed and rested a hand on Vash's back. "What's wrong? You look upset."

Vash shuddered as he choked back a sob, and he just looked up and smiled. "Nothing's wrong! I just wanted to hang out because I was kind of bored and lonely."

The response Vash got didn't even need to be spoken; the church man had such a way with words that he sometimes didn't even need them. Wolfwood narrowed his eyes at the blonde man, inhaled another mouthful of smoke, and stared incredulously at his outlaw friend. "You can't BS a BSer, Vash. Nothing's wrong? Then why have you been crying? You can't literally be bored to tears, you know."

Vash felt his lower lip start to quiver as his fake smile began to falter. He figured Wolfwood wouldn't buy it, but it was worth a try. After all, this is the man who could tell the day he met Vash what kind of heartrending secrets he was hiding from the rest of the world, just at a mere glance. The blonde man hung his head, hiding his face from Wolfwood as he felt another surge of tears coming on.

"You're right, it is something. It's just…hard for me to talk about." Vash said in an increasingly broken voice. Wolfwood had never actually seen Vash break down before, and when he saw a pair of tears drop onto the floor between Vash's feet, he knew he had to pay attention. He quickly put out his half-burnt cigarette with his shoe.

"Talk to me," Wolfwood said. He could feel Vash starting to shake under his hand as he tried to stifle a sob. With his other hand, Wolfwood reached over and pulled Vash's face up to look into his eyes. It was tough seeing those exquisite jade eyes so full of blue devils. Wolfwood knew that Vash was a genuinely kind soul to a fault, as evidenced by his asinine ideals about peace. It was hard seeing him hurting like this, even to someone who had seen and been involved in his fair share of violence and death. With his thumb, Wolfwood gingerly wiped away the tears rolling down the blonde man's face. "You can tell me anything. Not only as a priest, but as your friend."

Vash looked like he wanted to say something, but just couldn't find the right words. "I…I…" was all he managed to get out before what little strength he had started to fracture and he lost it again.

"Stop trying to put up a strong front for me. I know you're hurting like hell on the inside, so don't think I'm that thick that I can't see through it when you act like everything is fine. Tell me what's going on. Tell me the truth. Just unload." Wolfwood scolded Vash for thinking he was really that dense.

Vash sniffled and brushed tears away with his arm. "I…lost someone very close to me…a long time ago. Her name was Rem."

"A girlfriend?" Wolfwood asks.

"No. She saved my brother and I and took care of us. And I saw her…she died saving us when my brother…" Vash buried his face in his hand, choking on his words. Wolfwood had an idea what the next word in that sentence would have been, so he didn't press his friend further.

"So more like a mother or a big sister. Do you think you were responsible for what happened to her?"

"Had it not been for me being there, she would have lived. She'd still be here today." He looked up at Wolfwood, the corners of his mouth twitching like he was trying to smile for Wolfwood and just couldn't. "But I miss her so much. She helped me become the person I am, and made me want to fight for love and peace as well as protect others. I owe every aspect of my life to her. I told her I would protect her…"

He couldn't finish his sentence without feeling he weight of those words strangling him. Hardened as he was to the suffering of people and the loss of life, Wolfwood still felt a stitch in his heart seeing this man so crushed. Now he understood the hurt and agony that Vash kept veiled behind a smile all the time.

"Leave it up to a woman to fuck you up as much as you are. Idiot," was what Wolfwood was thinking, but he couldn't very well say that out loud. All these years, Vash had been coping with this by himself. Why only now did he open up to someone else? He figured it had just become too much for him to deal with alone. Wolfwood wasn't sure what he could say to console his dear friend, especially since he didn't want to say something that would make him feel worse. He simply gathered up Vash in his arms and held him close.

"I'm so sorry, Vash. No one should have to see their loved ones die." Vash draped his arms around the priest and buried his face in Wolfwood's shoulder, still weeping. Wolfwood could only imagine how deeply Vash was hurting; this was a man that would gladly take a bullet to save the life of a total stranger who would probably turn right around and shoot him too. Wolfwood felt his eyes start to get a little heavy, but he couldn't let himself cry. He felt like such a hypocrite, telling Vash to not hide things from him while he's doing exactly that to Vash. But it was not the time for him to be upset; he had to be strong for Vash, and all he could do was hold him closer. A caring hand came to rest on the back of Vash's neck, with fingers pressing into the spiked golden locks. "'It's okay' won't work right now, I don't think. Because it's not okay. Shit. What do I say?" Wolfwood thought briefly.

"I just…hate being alone." Vash crooned, brokenhearted.

"But you're not alone. You've got the girls, and I'm here." Wolfwood tried to sound a little more upbeat, reminding Vash that he's not as alone as he might think.

"The girls are just here for their jobs, and Meryl seems to hate my guts. And I know it's usually only by chance that we run into each other." Vash sighed, resting his chin on the priest's shoulder.

"That's more than nothing. You act like you have absolutely no one who gives a crap about you in the whole world." Wolfwood softly caressed the back of Vash's head, trying to soothe him.

"You don't understand. Ever since the accident in July, I can't allow anyone to get too close to me. People want to hunt me down and my friends get killed in the crossfire. Losing Rem was and still is a nightmare, but watching more loved ones die because of me is too much. Sometimes I can't help but think that since I'm the common factor…maybe it's time I just removed myself before more people have to die."

Vash felt a light smack on his head, followed by the chagrined holy man seizing him by his shoulders. "You idiot. If you're saying what I think you're saying, stop it. Right now. You yourself said you don't believe in suicide and yet you'd be willing to do it to protect people you love as well as strangers? You don't think for one second doing that would hurt the people who care about you?!"

A staunch gaze struck Vash deep in his soul. Wolfwood looked so solemn, to the point of being intimidating. "I'm sorry. I guess it's the depression talking. You're right."

Vash was starting to recoup his ability to speak normally; it appeared, for the time being, he simply had no more tears left to cry. Wolfwood's harsh look lightened, but he continued holding onto Vash and staring him right in the eyes.

"It's so very you to sacrifice everything for others. But I think anyone who wants to be close to you gets that they will be at risk by association. For a lot of people, that is a worthwhile risk. Death and destruction may follow on your coat tails, but by God, you have an intoxicating personality and you do touch lives in good ways."

Green eyes grew wide in surprise - such touching words coming from a man who had slapped him in the head just moments before. Vash didn't quite know how to respond, but whispers of a smile were starting to take shape. Something about being around Wolfwood and looking into his striking blue eyes made everything seem okay, or at least tolerable. It had been a while since someone showed him this kind of empathy and it was helping to quell some of those inner demons, even if just for the moment. He may not have wanted anyone's pity, but it was mostly because he figured no one had any for him. He was sure glad to be wrong, for once.

"It's not my place to tell you what you should and shouldn't do. But if there's any advice I can give you, it would be to try and focus more on the present and the future…not so much on the past. It's okay to grieve for someone you love that's gone, but don't let it rule your life."

Vash sniffled and blinked away the teary clouds in his eyes before a smile slowly crept over his face. Smiling and eyes sore from crying – talk about mixed signals. And Wolfwood never once took his hands off Vash. Having the chance to pour his heart out provided wonderful healing for a tortured soul like his.

"There's a smile, and a real one too! You should do that more often, 'Spiky' – a smile looks best on you." Wolfwood smiled right back at his friend. He felt pretty good about a lot of things that had transpired since Vash walked in: knowing he was able to be there for Vash when he needed someone, making him feel a little better, and most of all, knowing Vash trusted him enough to cry in front of him. He thought that was a big step for a man who never lets anyone get too close to him.

Without much warning, Vash suddenly threw his arms around Wolfwood, sending the two of them tumbling backwards against the bed. Still with that sunny smile on his face, Vash rested his chin on Wolfwood's chest and peered up at the holy man from behind the folds of his shirt and jacket.

"Thank you. Thank you for listening to me ramble. You're a true friend, Nicholas D. Wolfwood." He nuzzled his face against Wolfwood's bare chest, savoring the feeling of the man's warm flesh against his own.

The two men lay like this for a while, Vash holding the priest closer and Wolfwood stroking the blonde's head and back, occasionally checking to see if Vash had fallen asleep. Wolfwood and Vash, unbeknownst to each other, were both experiencing some rather unexpected emotions. Neither wanted to let go of the other; Wolfwood found Vash's touch to be almost addicting, and Vash felt safe and – dare he say - loved in the holy man's arms. The bond between friends had strengthened, for certain, but was it starting to become a different kind of connection?

Eventually, the two of them disjoined and settled down side by side on the bed with what little space they had on a mattress made for one. Vash lay on his back with his hands folded over his stomach, and Wolfwood lay on his side, propped up on his elbow. Silence fell over the room; Vash and Wolfwood gazed at one another, searching for answers within one another's eyes. The church man's stare was steady, and Vash would decide the wall or the table was more interesting and look away when he thought he'd kept eye contact for too long. This felt so unusual; sure, they were good friends, but it felt different. Not in a bad way, but the kind of different where you want nothing more than to touch the person and just breathe them in. "Why do I feel like this?" Vash pondered. "It's weird. I feel better, but I don't want to be away from him. And I'm not into men. Brain has gone poof, Vash."

Wolfwood reached over, cupping his hand around Vash's face, daintily stroking the man's skin. Slowly, deliberately, Wolfwood inched his face closer to Vash's and pressed their lips together. Astoundingly, Vash showed little resistance, and an initially stunned expression soon melted into a more contented and compliant one.

The church man pulled his mouth away from Vash's to survey the "damage;" he'd tested the waters and now he had to know if it was okay to jump in. The kiss itself was in no way wild and lustful. Rather, it was very soft and sensual like so many first kisses. Vash's posture and flushed cheeks suggested a degree of nervousness, but he wasn't putting up a fight. Wolfwood knew he wouldn't be content just to take this blonde angel in his bed like some throwaway plaything. No, he wanted to fully experience the enigma behind the red duster that was Vash the Stampede and all that entailed.

"You look cute when you blush." Wolfwood said in a playful tone. Light-hearted as he sounded, he meant it. Just as he couldn't stand seeing his golden-haired friend crying, he could not get enough of him when he was happy.

Of course, this only made Vash blush even more. All Wolfwood knew was he wanted to feel those velvet lips against his again, so another kiss it was, only with a bit more force this time. He also slipped the tip of his tongue into Vash's mouth for just a second, making the blonde man flinch and his eyes bolt open.

"Never gotten a little tongue with your kisses before?" Wolfwood asked, flicking his tongue over his lips as if to emphasize his question.

Vash laughed a little. "You kind of got me off guard, that's all."

Wolfwood smiled and brushed a stray lock of hair out of Vash's face. "Just for tonight, let your guard down. Let me past that wall you've built around yourself all these years. Show me you."

Wolfwood climbed on top of Vash, situating himself between the blonde's legs and pressing himself against his blonde partner, all the while their mouths interlocked. Increasingly, the leisurely, romantic pace was starting to vanish, and curious wants were being replaced with more urgent needs. Wolfwood slipped his tongue into the blonde's mouth again, and while it managed to startle Vash a second time, he didn't pull away. Vash leaned into the kiss and returned the gesture, exploring Wolfwood's mouth with his tongue, or at least trying to; Vash wasn't exactly a seasoned romantic, so he did his best.

The kiss was electrifying. Never would Wolfwood have ever imagined that he'd have Vash the Stampede in his bed, breathless and gazing up at him with a twinkle of longing in his eyes. Vash's coyness just made the priest want him even more. He couldn't figure it out - maybe it was just Vash's overall charm, which Wolfwood had always found so uplifting. Wolfwood planted a feather-light kiss on Vash's lips before advancing down to the blonde's neck, kissing along the man's defined jawline, down the side of his neck and up to his earlobe. Those soft strokes against such sensitive skin sent chills through Vash's whole body. Wolfwood couldn't see much with his face pressed into the gunman's neck, but he could feel and hear Vash's sensuous churring through his flesh and it caused the heat within him to burn even hotter.

"So sensitive. I love it." Wolfwood murmured huskily against Vash's skin. A nip to the neck made Vash gasp and his fingers and legs curl around Wolfwood. The holy man found he was quite adept at taking Vash by surprise with his mouth, and if things continued on their current course, he would be able to do it again in a much more satisfying way.

Author's notes: Yup, the first chapter is mostly fluffy comfort reading, but things will heat up later on, hence the M rating. Blah, I meant for this to be a SHORT story, like a couple thousand words. I'm not sure how it blew up to over 9000 (yuk yuk), but what can you do when you've got the urge to write smut?

I swear, sometimes I don't realize how much I love yaoi. I wasn't even done watching Trigun when this story started to play out in my head - like seeing the words in my mind. I thought, "I gotta write this stuff down." Obviously my mind is on a single track and wastes no time getting right to it. Probably OOC too, but I don't know how much.