Team Vampire Queen

The sun had just set over a gloomy tavern in one of Ooo's more sketchy areas. It was right next to a dense, dark forest, which was infamous for muggings, maimings and pointlessly spiteful hexings. The perpetrators of those crimes could often be found in the pub, if they weren't out committing more of them. There was no law in this region of Ooo. It was purely survival of the fittest.

The bar was crowded with all manner of demons, goblins, trolls and other ne'er-do-wells. They talked amongst themselves in hushed, but threatening tones. Everyone there was armed to the teeth and prepared to spill blood in the likely event of a fight breaking out. Any day that went by without someone getting violently murdered was a welcome surprise for the sultry, blue-skinned barkeep. It wasn't the kind of place where one would expect to see Candy People.

A good rule of thumb if you planned to survive in a place like this was to enter quietly, wear dark colours, and draw as little attention to yourself as possible. And because everyone behaved that way, if you were suicidal enough to draw attention to yourself, it was impossibly easy, and a moment later, that was demonstrated.

The pub's door was kicked open so hard it almost flew off its hinges and in floated a girl. She wore black jeans and a leather, biker's jacket. Her hair was jet black and tied into a huge, bushy ponytail and her skin was grey-blue. On her shoulder, she rested a bright red battle-axe. Around half of the patrons had heard horrible tales of Marceline, the dreaded Vampire Queen, and instinctively inched away from the door. Even those who didn't know who she was were stunned into silence by her unsettlingly relaxed attitude and menacing aura.

Marceline floated slowly towards the bar, loving the terror she could feel emanating from the monstrous patrons. As she reached the centre of the pub, she paused, snapped her head round and bore her fangs. A small party of goblins screamed and fell off their chairs. Laughing loudly, Marceline continued to the bar. She spun her axe around and slammed it down on the counter.

"Cranberry juice." She snapped at the bartender.

The bartender immediately got to work on Marceline's drink. He didn't show any fear whatsoever. In his line of work, if you were even partially prone to fear, your heart would explode after a few days.

As Marceline floated, absent-mindedly over one of the bar stools, inspecting her fingernails, the bar shook slightly as a hulking figure stomped towards her. She glanced over her shoulder to see an enormous man, with stony, grey skin and what appeared to be a threatening horn jutting out of his forehead.

"I don't know who you think you are, lady…" He snarled. "But I don't take kindly to folk bustin' in on my turf and floatin' around like they own the place! You're dealing with…"

Suddenly, Marceline yawned loudly, and quite on purpose.

Livid, the man continued. "Do you know who you're…"

Marceline continued to sarcastically yawn, almost shouting over him with her hand casually covering her mouth.

Furiously, the man lurched towards her, with his fist in the air. Marceline moved like a blur, first driving a knee into the grey man's stomach, and then while he was still winded, seizing his horn and slamming it down on the bar counter, leaving him to stare at the floor while he struggled futilely to escape.

"Your drink, Miss Vampire." The bartender said quietly, holding out a glass of cranberry juice, completely unphased by the spectacle before him.

"Thanks man." Marceline said, taking the glass.

She calmly sipped the red from the liquid while effortlessly keeping her assailant staring pitifully at the rotting, wooden floorboards. After almost five minutes, Marceline gave a refreshed sigh and set down her glass of milky white cranberry juice. Then, as casually as if she was chopping carrots for dinner, she picked up her axe and swiftly rid the grey man of his horn.

The man stood up and gave a high-pitched scream, waving trembling hands over where his horn used to be. With a malicious grin, Marceline hurled the horn out of the door she had left open.

"Fetch!" She laughed.

Now crying loudly, the huge man sprinted from the bar, leaving the other patrons to stare in petrified awe. The bartender had begun wiping down the bar top and wasn't even looking at Marceline anymore. All in all, it had been a pretty quiet day for him.

Marceline was about to turn back to the bar, when she thought she spotted a familiar face sitting at the back of the pub. She gingerly floated forwards, trying to get a batter look. Was that? It couldn't be…

"Gunter!?" Marceline asked, pushing past several patrons on her way over to the little penguin. "What are you doing here… and WHY are you wearing that?"

Gunter was sitting opposite a small table from a strange, humanoid, duck-like creature with whom he seemed to be playing poker. On Gunter's head, was Simon's magic crown. Marceline was tempted to snatch the crown from the penguin's head, but it didn't seem to have any of the physical or mental effects it had had on Simon. Maybe it didn't work on penguins? Then again, maybe it was because the crown already recognised a master.

"Waaaa!" Gunter quacked, in answer to Marceline's question.

"Oh cool. But… Simon just let you take it?" She asked, sceptically.

"Waa waaa…"

"How did you pull that off?" Marceline was even more confused.

"Waaa waaaaa waa!"

"Oh… I guess that makes sense." She admitted. "So who's your friend?" Marceline floated over the table and sat between them, with her back to the pub's wall.

"Choose Goose Senior is my name!" The goose loudly introduced himself, in a grating voice. "A travelling merchant, I disclaim!"

The large bird's neck and arms waved around as if boneless, and his wide, unblinking eyes pointed in completely opposite directions. The combined result sent shivers up Marceline's spine. He had bright, yellow feathers and wore a frilly, blue shirt and a feathered beret.

"Senior? So… you got a kid?" Marceline asked, scanning the pub for another creepy goose creature. It seemed weird to identify oneself as 'senior' except to distinguish from one's child with the same name.

"Though a son I'm yet to sire, preparation, life requires!"

"You call yourself senior… because you might have a son some day?" Marceline asked, raising an eyebrow.

Choose Goose Sr nodded enthusiastically, evidently incapable of coming up with a couplet that simply meant 'yes'. Gunter quacked loudly, drawing CG's attention back to their poker game. They both held a hand of cards, and various coins littered the table, mostly piled next to each of them. Choose Goose pushed his pile of coins into the middle of the table.

"I'm all in, cause I know I'll win!"

Gunter quacked casually, and shrugged off Simon's crown, betting it against CG's pile of coins. The two birds put their cards down at the same time. Choose Goose had a straight flush, which was beaten by Gunter's royal flush. Gunter quacked triumphantly, hopped onto the table and began rolling around in his newfound riches.

"A royal flush!? You rotten cheat! I'm a goose that won't be beat!" Choose Goose cried, banging his fist down on the table.

"Nice poker face dude." Marceline remarked, genuinely impressed by the penguin's capabilities.

Before the outraged goose could demand that Gunter deal him a new hand of cards, a figure silently approached the table, and sat down at an empty chair. Marceline, Gunter and Choose Goose looked up at the new arrival. Clearly, none of them knew or were expecting her.

It was a girl. Anyone who didn't know Marceline very well would guess that the girl was around her age. She had strikingly similar, flowing, black hair, mint green skin and yellow, cat-like eyes. She wore a dark green tunic with a dagger strapped across the front and a sword holstered to the belt. The first thing any of them noticed though, was that the girl was missing her right arm.

"I saw your display back there." She said to Marceline. Her voice was deep and monotone. "You handle yourself pretty well."

"Uhh… thanks…" Marceline said, hesitantly, dubious of what the girl's point might be. She had already chopped a guy's horn off, she wasn't interested in picking another fight. Thankfully, she got straight to the point.

"I got some work coming up, too hardcore for me alone, so I'm looking for some guys who don't mind getting their claws dirty for some primo cash."

"You found anyone with claws?" Marceline asked. A great many of the pub goers had claws or talons, but none of them showed any sign of being aligned with the girl.

"It's a figure of speech…" She said quietly.

"WAAAA!" Gunter suddenly cried.

The girl looked at him quizzically, until Marceline translated. "He says he's in."

"If there's money to be had, to count me out you must me mad!" Choose Goose exclaimed.

The girl looked between the two psychotic birds, surprisingly unphased. She pointed at Marceline. "Invite was just for her. Sorry."

"Sure. Sounds like a blast." Marceline shrugged. It wasn't like she had anything better to be doing.

"WAAA! WAAA!" Gunter quacked angrily.

He put Simon's crown back on and suddenly, the strange girl's head was encased in a block of ice. The weight caused her head to fall hard, onto the table. Cool as a cucumber, the girl drew her dagger and stabbed the block of ice, showing impeccable control in shattering it, without so much as scratching her head.

"Ok… You can come." She conceded, sitting up again.

"Waaaaa!" The little penguin quacked, gratefully.

"So what's the gig?" Marceline asked.

"It's a siege on the castle in the heart of the Graveyard Kingdom. In their vaults, they got a crystal that'll wipe a person's mind clean."

"Waaa?" Gunter cooed.

Although the girl didn't understand Gunter, his tone made it clear he had asked a question, and the girl knew what information she had left out.

"Usually, I'd just sneak in and take what I want, but I've cased the joint and their security is wicked tight. That's why I need you guys. This isn't about stealth, it's about muscle."

"Sounds like quite a risky raid!" Choose Goose interjected. "How much do we expect to get paid?"

"My employer's offering 10,000 little emeralds for the crystal. We all get back alive, that's 2,000 each."

"Not by my math, girl." Marceline growled. She had never paid for anything in her life, and was purely tagging along for kicks. But as a matter of pride, she wasn't letting the girl have any of her cut.

"There's a fifth waiting outside. We all get 2,000." The girl's resentment at Marceline's implication was the first emotion she'd shown since she sat down. "So, you guys are all in?"

"Sure, let's do this!" Marceline grinned. She extended her left hand for the girl to shake. "I'm Marceline, the Vampire Queen."

"Choose Goose! Introduce!"

"Waaa!"

"Pleased to meet you all. I'm Shoko."

Why has writing for Choose Goose taken me this much time!? It's so much fun to write in rhymes! :D