If you can feel the cold wind piercing your skin that means that you're alive. Maybe it is pain, but if you feel pains then you're breathing, you're still living. That means that you have to pull yourself together. If you can move, then try to take those who can't to a safe place. Try to protect at least those who are left behind powerless. Act professional. Don't consider your feeling. If you do, you might end up as pray as well.

The only time you can cry is when you're alone. It's when you come back from a mission and everyone slowly leaves the dining hall, where they sat together in silence. But just the fact that there are people around you sometimes helps you to stay sane, even if it's just for a second.

The part that Hanji hates the most is exactly this one. They all go to their rooms and she is left alone in the dining hall. Even though she is afraid of being alone in her room, the hall is even worse. When she looks around at the tables, she is aware that tomorrow some of their comrades won't be sitting there. They won't be there, because they fell in battle today. After every expedition outside Hanji becomes depressed at night. She tries her best to comfort everyone, but when she's left alone at night the faces of the fallen ones chase her in her dreams.

On the way to her room Hanji passes Levis'. The door is left ajar and she can make out a weak light. Hanji askes herself how terrible Levi must feel, after all he has lost his squad today. She stops in front of his door, thinking whether she should check on him or not. Suddenly the door is snatched open. Hanji sees Levi standing in the doorframe. He looks at her, his gaze tired and expressionless; the dark circles under his eyes seem even darker than usual.

"What are you doing?" he asks.

"I … I wanted to see if you're okay" she queried.

Levi musters her for a few seconds, then just turns around and disappears in his room; leaving the door wide open, though. Hanji steps closer, until she's standing there were Levi was just some seconds ago. She looks in his room. Levi was sitting on the edge of his bed, looking down on his fists, placed on his knees. Hanji steps inside, closing the door behind her. She knees down in front of him. For a moment it seems that he doesn't even notice her presence but then he raises his head a little so that he could look her in the eyes. "Do you want to talk about it?" she asks softly.

He stares plangent at her before he decides to talk: "I saw how they threw her body away."

Hanji gulps. Even without asking she already knows who he's talking about.

"I ordered them to throw the dead bodies away so that they would be faster. And only when they threw her out the plank revealed the body." he continues dolefully.

"I'm so sorry, Levi."

"You don't have to be. It was my order."

He stretches one hand in Hanji's direction. She takes it without hesitation. With one strong pull he drags her up and places her on his lap. He leans against her neck, his hand clasping around her. Hanji knows that this is maybe the only way he'll be ready to talk to her; when she doesn't face him. She places her hand on his, which are stick together in front of her stomach.

"I met her father on our way back."

Hanji pricks up her ears. "Oh no, Rivaille, I …"

He tightens his grip. "He told me that she dreamt about marrying. He told me how much she admired me" his voice is only a weak whisper.

Hanji tries to turn a little so that she can face him.

"I feel horrible. I didn't protect his little daughter. I didn't even know that she was in love with me."

Hanji runs her hand down his cheek. "That was a pretty obvious thing, though" she says pitiful.

"I never noticed that" he states. He takes Hanji's hand, resting on his cheek; he looks at it, so that he doesn't have to face her: "I feel terrible."

Hanji's eyes fill with tears and for the first time tonight she's glad that Levi doesn't look at her. She can't explain to herself why it hurts her so much that Levi liked Petra. "Well, she was a cute girl" she whispers.

Levi shakes his head, before he looks up. She tries to turn her head away, so that he wouldn't see her eyes. But she isn't fast enough. Levi grabs her ponytail and turns her head gently to face him. "You don't understand," he starts; wiping her tears away; "I feel terrible because I couldn't share those feelings of hers. I'm sad that she is dead. I liked her, but not in the way that you're thinking."

Hanji's look becomes confused. The sight of her face makes Levi smirk. "You stupid woman. You call yourself a scientist and you haven't noticed it until now." Hanji shakes her head, now even more confused. "I don't get what you're saying" she admits. "So you realized who was in love with me but you can't tell who the one in love with you is?" Levi rises an eyebrow inquiring. At those words Hanji could feel her heartbeat speeding up.

She feels blood rushing in her cheeks and wants to turn her head away. But Levi still has his hand in her hair. He turns her face in his direction again. Hanji can see that his gaze became softer. He pulls her head closer to him. She could feel his soft lips on her own. His tongue tastes slightly like coffee. She could smell the nice, calming scent of his soap. She could hear her own heartbeat breaking the silence of the room.

Hanji let out a soft moan before she parts from his lips. She opens her eyes again; she has closed them instinctively when he pulled her close. She could see Levi's face, still close to her. "So, you're the one who is in love with me?" she smiles.

Levi leans his forehead against hers. "Congratulations, scientist!"

(AN: So I found this story I wrote after ep. 22 of the anime. It gets confusing towards the end - sorry! ^^)