Once Again

Set after 3x10, when Tamsin finally decided to finish her job and deliver Bo after she got Acacia's hand in the box. The story will not follow the rest in the show. Call it AU if you will :)

I came up with the beginning of this story a while ago, and now I have a fairly good idea about how to continue with it. It's gonna be Valkubus, but the story might go slow. Possible Doccubus/Dybo content ahead. Rated M for content and language.

Disclaimer: I don't own Lost Girl, and I don't profit from it. However, if I did own it, I would have put Tamsin in the promo for sure LOL

"No matter what we do, there can be only one ending, the one that I was afraid of and running away from."

Prelude Part I

Please tell me, she's not the one!

Tamsin could still hear her own voice, shaking. The last word echoed in that empty parking place outside Lauren's apartment. As an immediate answer to her helpless plea, the wanderer cards poured down from the sky, like a cloud burst. In that moment, her heart was no longer whole, for it was shattered by the discovery that the one person she had developed feelings for, was her mark.

Her mark. It used to be nothing but a word representing those who she delivered to him. Humans, Faes, some she knew, some she didn't. To her they were just packages, packages she delivered and then got paid for. And she always, always finished her job... until now. That succubus, that brunette, the one with those warm brown eyes. Bo.

Bo. It was a simple name. Her upper lip met the bottom lip once lightly, and the sound just came out, like a kiss. And she knew, the moment she had associated her mark with a name, the job would get a lot tougher, but she never expected it to be impossible.

She didn't know what she was doing right now, being stupid, being stubborn, or just being out of control. Sitting in her truck, one of her hands held a bottle of vodka she had grabbed from the Dal, the other held Bo's picture and the rune bottle. She caressed that picture of the brunette, as if she was caressing her soft, warm skin. She found it ridiculous, that she craved that touch, like she had actually had that from the succubus before.

She found it ridiculous and pathetic, even sitting here thinking about that succubus, like anything had actually happened between them, like they had actually had a moment together or something.

Tamsin sighed, taking a swig from the bottle after turning on the radio. A soft, slow song came out. It was a Wilco song, one of her favorites. She sat there and hummed with it for a while, tapping her lap lightly with the vodka bottle. The song drowned her, together with her thoughts and emotions. Then it suddenly occurred to her that Dyson still had her Wilco bootleg.

Huffing out a laugh at herself, she was amused by her own thoughts, because the only time she would think about who had what from her, would be the last moments of her life. It was a thought of collecting debts, or possibly paying something back to someone else, because it was either now or never. That wolf still has my Wilco bootleg. I can't come up with a better thing to think about before the end of this life? She asked herself, shaking her head. Then again, when she thought about her possible last wishes, she could come up with none. It seemed too soft, almost stupid, to tell anyone something like she cared about them, but more importantly, she had no one to tell that to anyway. She wasn't sure if it was lucky, or sad, that she eventually was going to die alone, just like she had in every one of her other life times.

Maybe death is an easy way out. Tamsin thought. She had died multiple times before, and then reborn. To her, it was her cycle, something fixed, no matter how hard she ran away from it, or how afraid she was of it. And actually, to her it was much harder to deal with the thought of opening her eyes and waking up in another meaningless life, than to deal with death itself. Sometimes she thought maybe she should just stay dead, and never wake up, and everything could just end for good, because she wasn't going to have anything meaningful anyway, in this one, or the next one. Yet she still looked forward to it sometimes, as if she could eventually have something to hold dear in her heart.

Hopping out from her truck, Tamsin sat on the curb. She embraced herself in the cold night wind. The moon looked like it was freezing too, with that pale white color. She downed the last bit of drink from the bottle and threw the empty bottle towards the dirty dumpster. It made a loud noise when shattering. The alcohol had warmed her, but only for a few seconds.

She looked down at her hand that was still holding Bo's picture. She wasn't sure why she had this, because the man she worked for should have already known that she knew who Bo was, and she didn't need a picture to ID her. But still, it had come with the rune bottle, and Acacia's hand, a morbid and distorted message to reminder her of her incompleted mission. A cold hand that had been chopped off from someone that was once important to her, a picture of the one she had fallen for and needed to hurt, and a magic bottle to end all of it.

Tamsin couldn't remember how many cold nights she had held Bo's picture in her hand just like tonight, with Wilco's songs and vodka by her side. The thought of having someone like Bo in her life, only for a second, warmed her, and at the same time, chilled her, because she knew there was only one ending to it. The same ending she had been running from for years now. The end of her current life cycle.

Lighting her lighter, she watched the brunette's picture burn in the flames. The orange flames devoured her pretty face, her warm smile, and eventually reached Tamsin's fingers. It hurt. It hurt so much, that she could almost forget about everything, forget about her.

She eventually let go, and the last piece of the photo fell to the ground, still burning. Tamsin watched it numbly. Somewhere inside her hurt. It hurt as much as her burnt fingers, but it somehow relieved her. To her, pain was something a lot easier to control, and to deal with, than her feelings for Bo.

A moth appeared, perhaps because the flames were much more attractive than the buzzing dim lamps. The little thing threw himself towards the flame, over and over again, until his wings caught fire and it fell to the ground. Facing up, he struggled. Tamsin knew that moth could never fly again with those burnt wings. The moth's legs were moving rapidly, as if it was trying to flip over to take off and return to what it was doing before. Maybe he would just struggle like this for hours, even days, before he eventually died. Maybe a bird would pick him up as breakfast later. Or maybe, someone should put him out of his misery right now.

Pressing her foot on the moth, Tamsin whispered to the moth or maybe to herself, "Sorry, buddy, you got too close." Crushing the poor creature with her shoe, she felt like a small part in her heart was being crushed too.

The photo of Bo eventually burned completely. Now it was just a blackened piece of paper curled up on the ground, alongside the small pool of goo that remained of the moth. Tamsin thought it was almost ironic, that the only way for the moth to get closer to the fire was by killing itself.

Letting out a deep breath, Tamsin stood up. She could still hear the music in her truck playing. Mixing with the night wind, the song made her feel hollow inside.

Maybe it is an easy way out, since you are already dead.

Bo didn't know how long she had been outside the Dal watching the blonde. She had just came out for some fresh air and was surprised to see Tamsin still in the parking lot. The Valkyrie had her head lowered, watching something burning on the ground. Tamsin's face was a mixture of emotional distress. From her knitted brow to her wrinkled forehead. Bo couldn't tell for certain if what she was seeing on Tamsin's face was sorrow, desperation or frustration. Perhaps it was nothing but pain.

Approaching the Valkyrie, Bo quickly thought over the things she could possibly say to start a conversation. She found it weird that she could not come up with anything, because it suddenly occurred to her that they had never really talked before. Before she could think of anything smooth, and not awkward to say, the Valkyrie had already spotted her. She looked like she was spooked, her eyes went wide in startlement, but then that surprise was replaced by something else that Bo found difficult to interpret. A second or two later, the blonde crossed her arms in front of her chest and put up her signature snarky smirk.

"Well, well, well, aren't you supposed to be drinking with your pet, regaling her with your sad little story about the breakup between you and Doctor Hotpants?"

"Can't a girl get some fresh air?" Bo said. Looking down on the ground, she realized that Tamsin had burned something that looked like a photo.

"You know, if you want to start a fire, you'll need a lot more than that," she said.

Tamsin didn't bother to reply. She stepped on the burnt photo and shredded it with the heel of her shoe.

"Whose photo was that?" Bo asked curiously. She found it weird that Tamsin would do something like burn a photo. "Your ex or something?"

"No one," Tamsin replied, leaning closer to the brunette. "Just someone I wish never existed."

"Is it a cursing ritual of some kind?" Bo asked, frowning. She could literally tell how drunk the Valkyrie was by the smell, and strangely, it was a little bit intoxicating. Especially with Tamsin's lips not too far away from her ear.

"Oh yeah, believe me, it is definitely a ritual sweetheart. It's to get rid of shit I don't want to have." She straightened herself and continued, "I gotta go. Have fun."

"Whoa!" Bo exclaimed when she saw Tamsin climbing back into her truck. "You can't drive like this, Tamsin. You've had way too much drink."

"Of course I can," Tamsin retorted with her eyes rolling, "Don't be ridiculous."

"No, you can't. As much as I'd like to see you in jail," Bo said, dragging the Valkyrie down from the driver side of her truck. "You may kill someone."

"Oh, a bit too late, sweetheart," Tamsin said. "I've killed plenty."

"Not on my watch," Bo shot her a cold stare as she dragged the blonde to the passenger side, "Let me offer you a ride."

"Are you gonna offer me ride, or are you gonna ride me?" Tamsin chuckled when she buried herself into the seat. The music was still playing. The man sang about love, loneliness, and life, and every single word made her feel worse. The scent of Bo's lingering perfume irritated her even more. But, a small part of her mind hoped that maybe she could stay like this forever. Then she wouldn't have to face anything that was about to come, and she wouldn't have to make a decision.

Decision. She laughed inside at this thought. She never really had much choice. In fact, she never had any choice.

Bo was not sure if she should respond to the blonde's joke, because the blonde was so drunk and not making any sense in the first place, and she now was in her trance. Bo almost wanted to ask her what she was thinking, because Tamsin was always so full of mysteries and she would be lying if she told herself she wasn't curious.

Bo took a glance at the Valkyrie, who was leaning back in her seat with her eyes half closed. She was shocked to see pain written all over her face, and she didn't know if she should ask about it. Seeing the woman in pain made her feel upset. If only there was something she could do to ease that pain. But all she could do was drive.

Bo pulled over and parked the truck in an empty lot a few blocks away from her shack, as Tamsin requested a place to burn something. She had no idea why Tamsin wanted to burn something, but she decided to stay and figure out why.

Watching the blonde quietly taking out a box from the back seat, Bo asked curiously, "What is in it?"

"Nothing that would interest you," Tamsin said. She stood in the empty lot, holding the box. It was the box that had appeared on her desk in the precinct, right after she told Acacia that she threw away the rune bottle. Acacia's bloody hand was in it, along with the rune bottle.

This time, she knew, she had nowhere to run. Her mentor's hand, carelessly chopped off and placed in a flat rate package box. Being a Valkyrie, who literally lived among the dead, for this long, she knew everyone was just responsible for himself. However, she still felt guilty for dragging Acacia into this.

Hesitating about whether she should open it for a last goodbye, or just forget it so Bo wouldn't see what was inside. Tamsin paused there for a second or two. Then she put the box down and poured some vodka on it.

Throwing her lighter onto it, Tamsin watch the box burst into flames. She had one of her knees on the ground, when she watched it burn. She thought she probably should shed a tear or two, or say something, or both, but her mind was just blank. A few old vague memories of her together with Acacia on the battlefield crossed through her mind, but that was about it. Rather than feeling sad about losing someone that was important in her life, she mourned for herself, for everything she had done, and for those things she was about to do in the future.

Bo frowned, when she saw that painful look appear in Tamsin's eyes. Those cold, pale blue eyes were infused with passion by the color of the burning flames, and for a moment she thought she almost saw something shiny in them, like tears, but she found it was weird for Tamsin to cry, because she was always so tough, and she even said that she didn't like tears in Brazenwood.

Oh no, no Brazenwood. Don't open that door. Bo told herself, because everything happened in Brazenwood was still a mess in her head right now, especially having the blonde standing right in front of her, the last thing she wanted to do was think about that kiss.

"It's something important isn't? What is it?" Bo asked. It was the only thing she could deduce, from Tamsin's look.

"Not something you want to know," Tamsin said.

"You are really weird today," Bo said, with her eyes narrowed. "What is it with you lately? Dyson said you barely go to work, and whenever you do go to work, you're drunk."

"So? Can't a girl have some fun?" Tamsin replied.

"I would say maybe you are having too much fun," Bo said. One thing she could tell, from the look on Tamsin's face, was that it was nothing related to fun. In fact it was the opposite of fun. She fought the urge to embrace the Valkyrie in her arms, by stepping back a little and taking a deep breath.

"There's no such thing as too much fun, honey." Tamsin giggled, " Alright, I think I should call it a day now."

"Then let me drive you home."

"Home?" Tamsin frowned, tilting her head, "Oh, you mean my truck?"

"You live in your truck?" Bo frowned. Then she realized that she had never been to Tamsin's apartment or anything like that. And that was when she realized that she knew almost nothing about the blonde.

"Am I not allowed to?" Tamsin frowned again.

"Well, I mean… you can't take a shower in your truck, can you?" Bo said.

"Are you inviting me to a shower?" Tamsin smirked.

Bo rolled her eyes at her. "If you want a place to stay, I do have an empty couch," she said. Bo had no idea why she would make such an offer. They weren't really that close, and every time she thought their relationship could evolve a little, the blonde would ran away.

"That depends," Tamsin smirked. "Do I get to drink all your liquor?"

"That depends," Bo retorted. "Do you want to deal with Kenzi the Frenzy?"

Bo had a hard time falling asleep. She stared at the ceiling in the darkness, thinking about things.

Out of curiosity, or pity, or something else, she had invited Tamsin over. The Valkyrie had taken a shower, had some more drinks, and then crashed on her couch. She looked exhausted, wasted, and… vulnerable.

Bo found it weird to use the word vulnerable in conjunction with Tamsin, because the Valkyrie was always so badass. But seeing that look in her eyes, she thought maybe Tamsin was suffering from something, and then she was surprised that she concerned this much about the blonde.

Then her thoughts turned to that kiss they shared in Brazenwood. They had not spoken about it since. In fact, they had not spoken to each other much since. She had not even seen Tamsin much lately, until today.

Is she avoiding me? Bo frowned. She was too busy dealing with things like breaking up with Lauren, or her Dawning, or other things, that she didn't really have the time to sort things out between her and Tamsin.

But then again, she thought to herself, what do we even have between us to sort out? That kiss? It's probably the heat of the moment, or maybe has something to do with that damn machine.

Some noise came from downstairs, and it pulled Bo out from her train of thoughts. She got off the bed with her dagger in her hand, and slowly went down. Turning on the light, she sighed with a relief when she saw Tamsin standing in her kitchen with a bottle of liquor in her hand.

"I thought you were sleeping!" Bo said, putting her dagger down.

"And I thought, you were sleeping."

Tamsin raised her eyebrows with the bottle in her hand. She started to head back to the couch, but almost tripped. Bo grabbed her before she hit the floor, and pulled the bottle out from her hand.

"I think you've had enough," Bo said, pulling the bottle from Tamsin's hand. She was a little bothered by the sudden agonizing look in Tamsin's eyes.

Tamsin didn't let go of the bottle. She tried to hold on to it, and it pissed Bo off. They struggled against each other for that bottle, until Bo pulled too hard and lost her balance. She fell forward, against Tamsin, and they both fell back. The Valkyrie's back slammed against the fridge door, with Bo pressing closely against her, her hands on Tamsin's chest trying to support herself.

Bo stayed there for a second or two, until she felt the warm, soft breasts of the blonde's under her palm. She cleared her throat and pulled back a little, and she saw the Valkyrie smirking.

"Maybe… maybe you should quit drinking," Bo said, trying to start a conversation to get rid of the awkwardness in the room.

Tamsin huffed out a light laugh. She turned back to gaze into Bo's eyes. The smirk on her face disappeared, replaced by a painful, agonizing look.

Tamsin lowered her eyes a little, and took a deep breath. She leaned over a little towards Bo's side, and whispered, "or maybe… I should just quit you."

Both were startled by what Tamsin had just said. They were just standing there, looking at each other. Then they both closed their eyes. Bo's hand slowly moved up to touch Tamsin's face, her fingers trembling, and her breath short. Tamsin grabbed her hand in hers, and she could hardly breathe. Their heads inched towards each other, and eventually their lips touched, after the endless hesitation.

At first it was just light touch, one set of lips pressing onto the other, ready to pull away at any time. Then the kiss became deeper, and deeper. Eventually it turned into biting, sucking and licking, one tongue hungrily running on the other, or teeth nibbling a bottom lip. Moans escaped from their throats, muffled by the other person's breath. Both felt like they were drowning for the lack of air, for the rising passion, and for the absence of lucid mind. Bo had her hands on Tamsin's waist, caressing the back of her waist gently, not daring to move under her shirt to touch her warm skin, but not wanting to move away either. Tamsin cupped Bo's face, pulling her closer.

The sudden ringing of Bo's phone shocked both of them. As soon as they came back to their senses, both immediately pulled away. Tamsin turned to the counter, looking for something to drink, or eat, while Bo took the call.

"Shit, Kenzi's too drunk to drive again. I have to go get her," Bo said. She turned to the blonde, like she wasn't sure if she should leave like this. She could see the blonde breathing heavily, trying to recover from the passionate kiss they just had.

"Emmm... I... emm..." she murmured.

"I thought you had a pet to take care of." Tamsin asked, not looking at Bo.

"Yeah… I mean… I need to..." Bo said, walking to the door. She turned back to look at the blonde again when she open the door. She wanted to stay. She wanted to continue. She found it weird, that she wanted to stay with Tamsin. At least for a little longer, maybe try to figure out what was going on with her lately. That painful look in the Valkyrie's eyes, somehow hurt her a little.

Bo hesitated at the doorway, but eventually she decided to take care of Kenzi first. She sighed and closed the door.

Tamsin let out a deep breath, and leaned back on the couch. Closing her eyes in despair, she touched her lips. She could still feel Bo's lips on them. It burnt her. It burnt her to the point that she had hoped someone would just crush her, like she had crushed that moth, to put her out of her misery.

It was the last time she would see the brunette, before she met her again in Bo's father's lair.

Bo was still confused about what had happened to her. She knew she had been brought to a strange castle by black smoke, and the place made her feel gloomy. But before she could try to figure out where she was or what was going on, she saw Tamsin standing in the doorway of the room she was in.

"You… you threw that bottle at me, and then..." Bo murmured, "Tamsin, what's going on?"

"He wanted you, and so, here you are," Tamsin said, avoiding eye contact with Bo. She wasn't sure if she should be happy that she was finally seeing the brunette again, or sad because she had finally chosen to finish her job, and even though she feared what would happen to the succubus. Or maybe, she just felt relieved, because whatever it was that was going on between her and the succubus, it would finally come to an end soon.

"Who wants me?" Bo frowned.

"Your dearly beloved father, honey. And, that's why I delivered you here," Tamsin smirked. Seeing that ignorant look on Bo's face, she suddenly felt a sharp pain in her chest. She knew that this was the only way out, yet she still felt guilty about betraying the brunette. Betraying, that might be a strong word, considering that she and Bo didn't really trust each other in the first place. They were never allies, barely even friends. Tamsin knew she shouldn't feel guilty, yet she had to force herself to breathe to ease the pain.

"You...you did this? You did this on purpose?" Bo had finally come to realize that Tamsin somehow had a secret agenda against her. Even though Bo felt all along that she couldn't trust the Valkyrie, the feeling of betrayal still hurt, and pissed her off.

"That's my job. I deliver you to him and I get paid," Tamsin said indifferently, crossing her arms in front of her chest.

"So to you I am just a job," Bo said.

"Damn right," Tamsin said. "I deliver you, and I get paid. Just that."

"Tamsin..." Bo shook her head, "You… you… I thought… I thought you..."

"That I am one of the good ones?" Tamsin asked her, with her nose scrunched. "Well, sweetheart, I am a lot of things, but good? Never was my thing."

"What do you want?" Bo asked coldly.

Tamsin sighed. "Nothing. I don't want a damn thing from you. It's you and your father's business now."

She turned around and left the room, leaving the confused succubus alone behind her.

After reporting to Him, Tamsin wandered the empty hallways. She thought she should feel relieved, because she had finally made her decision, and finished her job. Instead, she felt something heavy on her heart. It felt so heavy, that at times she couldn't breathe.

Pressing her back tightly against the wall, Tamsin raised her head and sighed. Then she heard arguing coming from the room. It sounded like Bo was arguing with her father about something, but she couldn't hear the exact words they were saying.

A few minutes later, groups of monsters and underfaes were running towards the room. It looked like they were ready to tear someone into pieces. Tamsin could feel her own heart sinking, because she knew the only one that they could possibly after would be Bo.

" Shit! Shit!" She cursed. She knew she shouldn't care. She knew her job was already done, and it was time for her to leave. She knew she should just collect her payment and go. She bit her bottom lip hard until she tasted her own blood. She knew any concern or caring for the brunette was just the last thing she wanted to do right now.

But knowing something that she shouldn't do, was totally not the same as not doing that thing at all. Like how she fell for Bo, knowing she shouldn't. Like how she kissed those sweet, soft lips of her, knowing it would do her no good but make her fall deeper.

Like how she rushed into the room, and threw herself at Bo, just to save her from the fatal blow.

The excruciating pain from her chest, and the sobbing, shaking voice of Bo woke Tamsin. She raised her head a little, and saw the bleeding wounds on her chest, and her lower abdomen. Blood drenched her clothes, and the pain started to disappear because it was so painful that she started to feel numb.

Senses slowly came back to her, she saw bodies lying around in the room, and in the hallway. Thousands of bodies, including Bo's father.

"Damn, succubus..." Tamsin murmured, " what the fuck have you done..."

" I think… I sucked the Chi out of all of them..." Bo said. "You… I thought you… I thought you..." She couldn't hold her tears in. She tried to give the Chi back to Tamsin, just like how she had saved Dyson after her dawning, but it didn't work. Instead of entering the blonde's body, the orange energy scattered in the air and disappeared.

"Stop it, Bo," Tamsin said coughing. " I… you can't save a Valkyrie from their predestined death… you can't..."

"Oh, you stupid, stupid..." Bo murmured, choking in her own tears. She pressed her hands hard on Tamsin's chest, trying to stop the bleeding. But other than giving the blonde more pain, she accomplished nothing.

Tamsin closed her eyes and said softly, "Just let me go, Bo. Just… let go..."

"Why would you do this? I thought you were working for him. I thought you were supposed to follow his orders. I thought… I thought..." Bo was finding it hard to finish her sentence. "Why...Tamsin..."

"Shhhh..." Tamsin said to her. With all her strength, she lifted her arm, and pressed her index finger on Bo's lips. Huffing out a light laugh, she said," Everyone should… be allowed to have a little secret… or two..." Her hand fell abruptly on the floor again, because she couldn't keep it up anymore. In fact, she had to try everything she could to just stay awake.

"Oh no, no, no...Tamsin, no..." Bo begged, "Please, stay with me, stay with me..."

"This is the last time… that I do anything nice for you," Tamsin said. "Learn to deal with your own shit… 'cause I..."

Tamsin never got to finish her sentence. Her beautiful eyes were closed, and so were her lips. She stopped breathing while she lay in Bo's arms. Like falling into a long, endless sleep, her face resting on Bo's lap, and her fingers in Bo's hand.

The Succubus froze, then tears just burst out from her eyes. She cried. She cried her heart out. A small part of her mind was shocked that she felt this sad of losing Tamsin. The blonde lied to her, and she took her to her father, but she did save her life by sacrificing her own. Bo whispered to her, yelled at her, and begged her to wake up, but Tamsin never did.

Death finally took her from the arms of the only one she had ever truly held dear, in any of her many lifetimes.