Remember Me This Way

It was raining outside. From his place in the attic, Casper looked as huge raindrops were beating against the old windows. It was October in Friendship, Maine. One year had passed since Kat and her father had arrived at Whipstaff Manor. Much had changed. Following Carrigan Crittendens disappearance, the Harveys had now become the rightful owners of the house. After his escapade with Casper's uncles, James Harvey had started to work as a conventional therapist again. His presence had a calming effect on the ghostly trio, who had now become less "obnoxious" as Kat called it und who had adopted Dr. Harvey as a fourth member of their group, despite his "disadvantage of being a bonesack" (Stretch's words). Kat herself had turned into one of the most popular girls of her class. Everyone was still talking about her memorable Halloween party last year, when she danced with this strange but beautiful boy whom nobody knew and who suddenly seemed to vanish and turn into a ghost.

Casper sighed as he remembered what happened nearly a year ago. If he would live through eternity he would never forget the feeling of dancing with Kat, her big brown eyes locked into his, her hands around his neck. And that last (or better said first) kiss just seconds before he turned back into a ghost … In that moment, Casper had been happy simply to have this chance of letting Kat see his human side, no matter for how short. But it had been hard over the next couple of days and weeks of accepting his fate as a ghost, with love out of reach forever.

Especially because Casper had been so close to becoming a human permanently just a few hours before the Halloween dance. He still remembered that horrid sinking feeling in his stomach (or where his stomach once had been), when he gave up his chance at life to save Dr. Harvey. It was his sacrifice that ultimately made Casper a human so he could celebrate Halloween with Kat, but it had been only temporary. Now, a year had gone by. Kat was fourteen. And Casper never would be. He would be twelve forever, watching Kat grow up. Watching her go away to college. And watching her dating living boys, like her classmate Vic … One day, Kat would get married and have a family. She would forget Casper, because that is what mortals do: Life is in constant flux, ever changing. You meet people, you lose them, and you meet new people. When you are a ghost, these things don't matter anymore. Sometimes Casper felt like a clock that had stopped. Frozen in time, neither moving forward nor back.

Sometimes the thought of Kat leaving him frightened Casper so much, that he almost wished he would have never met her. That he would have simply crossed over, as he should have the moment he drew his last breath and not stayed behind to comfort his father. Then he wouldn't have to live with these feelings. He knew he didn't have a heart anymore, but if he had, it would break every time Casper saw Kat smiling and laughing with Vic and her friends, with him always being forced to watch from the outside.

Love … Did it feel like this? When Casper had been alive he had never given much thought to girls or finding true love. He was simply too young. After his death, all he wanted was for his father not to be lonely. Later, Casper yearned for a friend, someone he could talk to and play with. His uncles did their best at taking care of him (despite making him the regular victim of their jokes and pranks), but it was not the same. Then Kate came. She was the best friend Casper could wish for. But then, Kat was so much more than just a friend …

Neither of them ever talked about the Halloween dance. Or their kiss. Both acted as if it had never happened. Did Kat even remember it? Casper didn't dare to ask her. Because he did remember. How weird it had felt being human again, the strange sensation of being back in a body with a heart that was beating in his chest and feeling the blood rush through his veins … But all of that was forgotten the second Caspar had set eyes on Kat. Only she mattered then. Yet, their moment together had been so short that it now seemed like a dream.

"On the other hand", thought Casper as he smiled sadly, "If I had not become a ghost, I would have never met Kat." Casper had lived so many years before even her grandparents were born. If he had not died from his illness when he was a child, he still would have died decades before Kat's birth. Casper didn't hear the raindrops on the windows anymore, as old images of his life came into his mind. He hardly remembered anything from his short time as a human, but since Kat had come to Whipstaff, he found himself looking back on his childhood. And on the day, that would mark the beginning of the end of his life …

Maine, December 1902

"Please Dad, please, pleeease?" Casper McFadden looked imploringly at his father while they were sitting at the breakfast table. But J.T McFadden only shook his head. "No, Casper, I already told you I will not buy you the sled you saw in the shop", he said earnestly. "In a few years maybe, but you are still too small to handle it. You could hurt yourself." "And if I am really careful?" Casper wasn't giving up that easily. "I am old enough. I will turn thirteen next month!" But his father had made up his mind. "The sled is too big and too dangerous", he explained." Next year at Christmas perhaps, alright?" Casper nodded, barely hiding his disappointment. His father smiled affectionately. "You know that I am only worried about your safety?", he asked his son. "After all, you are all I have. What would I do without you?" What was there, Casper could have answered to this? "I know", he said, standing up and hugging his father. J.T McFadden laughed. "Now off to school", he told him. "And don't forget to wear your cap and gloves! It's freezing outside, I'm sure it's going to snow today." "I hope so!", Casper laughed as he grabbed his winter coat.

He had always loved snow, ever since he could remember. He could spend hours outside, having snowball fights with his friends or going sledding with his friend Anthony. His deepest wish was to have his own sled, specifically the sled he had seen in a shop one day after school. But his father wouldn't hear of it. Casper knew he had his reasons. His father hardly ever refused to get him anything he wanted and if he did, he mostly did so out of concern for his son's well-being. He often worried about Casper being too pale or too delicate even though Casper was seldom ill and his fair complexion was mostly due to his blond hair and blue eyes. He knew why. Over the last decades, J.T McFadden had lost too many loved ones. Casper's mother, Sophie, died when giving birth to him. He only knew her from the pictures his father showed him. Both of his grandparents passed away long before his birth. Sophie had been an only child. The only relatives Casper had ever met were his three uncles, the brothers of his father. They often came to visit them. Casper liked the trio, even though he was never sure if he should be scared by their outgoing party-lifestyle and jokes or find them funny. But they too were gone. Casper's uncles died in a terrible train accident when he was ten years old. His father often joked that if there were such a thing as ghosts, his brothers would still be in the house somewhere, as they had loved it so much. Ever since their death, their bedroom had been left as it was during their lifetime, although a maid regularly cleaned the room and changed the sheets.

For more than two years now it had been only Casper and his father. He didn't mind. Both of them got along great together, except for minor instances like when Casper wasn't allowed to do something he wanted because J.T McFadden considered it too dangerous. As for example going sledding with this beautiful wooden sled Casper wanted so badly. He sighed. Normally he borrowed Anthony's sled, but then it wasn't his and he always had to return home much too early when he went sledding with his friend …

J.T. McFadden was right: By the time school was over it was snowing heavily. Casper enjoyed the feeling of snowflakes on his face as he made his way home. If he could have his way, he would spend most of his time outside. Casper loved playing in the woods and fields surrounding Whipstaff, feeling the sun on his face and breathing in the fresh air. His father often joked that Casper couldn't stand still for five seconds, which was why he hardly ever sat down to read a book, even though he liked it when J.T McFadden read to him from his book of fairy tales before he went to sleep at night. The only thing that could get Casper inside were his toys, namely his beloved train or the carousel. His father had prepared an own room in the attic especially for Casper, where he could play with his toys. As on days like this: By the time Casper arrived at his house, the snowfall had turned into a storm and even he had to admit that it would be too cold and dangerous to play outside. Casper spent the rest of the day drinking hot chocolate and watching the snow cover the landscape in a magical white. It was Friday, the beginning of the weekend.

The next day, Casper as usual was the first one to wake up. He looked out of the window and saw to his great delight, that the snow had stopped and everything was now beautifully white. A perfect winter day in December. Casper stormed into the kitchen, eager to get outside. But he had no idea what a surprise was waiting for him. Or the consequences it would have for him …

Casper was surprised to find that his father was already awake. Usually, J.T McFadden loved to sleep in on weekends. He was smiling as he saw his son entering the room. "Already up?", he asked, as if he didn't know that Casper used to rise with the sun. "I want to get outside as soon as possible", Casper explained excitedly as he poured himself a glass of fresh orange juice. "I don't know how long the snow will be there." He turned to his father. Only then did he notice that McFadden was standing in front of the table, looking slightly awkward. As if he would be hiding something …

"Is there something behind your back?", Casper asked, confused. His father looked at him innocently. "I don't know what you mean", he replied, still smiling. But Casper had seen it. Something was there, hidden from his sight by his father … Then McFadden slowly stepped to the side. And Casper stared as he recognised what it was that his father had put on the table as a gift for him, wrapped in brown paper.

"Is … is that my sled?" Casper couldn't believe it. "Yes it is!", his father answered, laughing as he saw the huge grin on the face of his son. "But I thought you said it was too dangerous!", Casper said. "And it isn't even Christmas yet!" "Well, it was supposed to be a surprise", McFadden explained. "Do you like it?" Instead of a reply, Casper ran to the table and started unwrapping his present. Yes, there was his sled, exactly the same he had always wanted. "It's amazing!", he said and hugged his father. "Thank you, thank you!", Casper said fervently. "You are the best Dad!" Affectionately, his father ruffled his hair. "Only because you are the best son", he replied.

The second he had finished his breakfast, Casper was running outside to go sledding. "Don't forget your scarf!", his father reminded him as Casper carelessly put on his coat, boots, cap and gloves. Who cared about dressing according to the weather, when there was a brand new sled waiting? Outside, Casper soon met his friends and showed them proudly his sled. The rest of the day there was nothing that could get him away from his present. Casper became so absorbed in sledding down the snowy hills that he soon forgot everything else around him, including the time or how cold it really was. Throughout the day, his father came outside to check on Casper, but he hardly noticed him. He had been sledding for hours when J.T McFadden told him to come back into the house. "Come back inside", he told him. "It's freezing and it's getting dark." It was true. Casper's friends all had returned home for the evening. But Casper simply couldn't stop. Not when he was having so much fun. "Please just another half hour?", he begged. His father sighed. "Twenty minutes", he allowed. "Not a second longer!" That was all Casper needed to hear.

It was completely dark by the time Casper entered the house. The temperature outside was below zero, icicles were glistening on the roofs. "That was great!", he said happily, his cheeks flushed with the exercise. Only now did he feel the cold. Even though he could tell his hands and feet were cold as ice, Casper felt strangely warm. His father looked at him worriedly. "Off to bed with you!", he said affectionately. "I'll bring you a cup of hot chocolate."

In bed Casper started to shiver. He couldn't seem to get warm, even though the blankets made him sweat and the hot chocolate tasted delicious. "Maybe staying outside for so long wasn't a good idea after all", he thought as he finally fell asleep.

The next day, Casper got sick. He woke up with high fever and chills. As if from a distance he saw his father, who was talking to another man. Dr. Matthews, the physician. Both were standing near the bed. "We have got to get the fever down", Matthews told McFadden. "Right now, there is now need to worry. This could be nothing more than a violent cold. But we have to be watchful." "Dad?" Casper whispered. His father gently took his hand. "What is it my boy?", he asked softly. "Am I ill?", Casper asked. McFadden squeezed his hand. "Just a cold", he assured him. "That's too bad", Casper said sleepily. "I wanted to go sledding again today." His father managed a smile. "Don't worry", he said. "You'll be playing outside again in no time!" Dr. Matthews gave Casper a bitter tasting medicine that made him fall asleep. The last thing he saw was his father, who was sitting in a chair beside his bed.

Dr. Matthews' treatment seemed to work. Over the next few days the fever started to go down and Casper was able to sit up. His father never left his side and read him all the fairy tales and stories he could find to keep him from getting bored. Dr. Matthews came by every day. "He's still pale and flushed but he seems to be getting better", he told an anxious J.T McFadden.

It didn't get better. It got worse. After one week the fever came back with a vengeance. Casper felt as if his whole body was burning, yet he felt so cold at the same time. He got so weak that he didn't even have enough strength to listen to his father's stories. His whole body felt so heavy, like Casper would never be able to get out of the bed again. His father was frantic. Dr. Matthews came now twice a day to check on his patient, but no matter what he did, what kind of treatment he tried, Casper didn't get better. "I can't get the fever down", he told McFadden in a low voice. "I'm running out of options and if this continues …" J.T McFadden's voice seemed hollow as he asked. "What then?" Dr. Matthews sighed. "His body is getting too weak to fight the fever", he replied. McFadden sank back into the chair beside the bed of his sick child. Casper's eyes were burning but when he looked at his father he imagined seeing tears on his cheeks. No, that couldn't be … his father didn't cry. He never did …"My boy", he imagined to hear his father say, "My darling boy …"

Two weeks after he had gotten his sled Casper McFadden's body started to lose its fight with the illness. He was lying in bed, too weak to move. And he felt tired … So, so tired … Dr. Matthews and J.T McFadden were beside him. "There is nothing more I can do", Matthews said, sounding desperate. "I'm sorry …" Casper heard his father starting to sob. "Dad?", he croaked. "Don't cry …" McFadden gently took his hand. "Don't worry", he said. "Everything will be fine. You will be fine … You'll see", he told him through tears. "I'm so tired", Casper whispered. His father touched his hot cheek. "Then go to sleep", he told him. "Yes sleep … sleep will help …" Casper struggled to close his eyes. Because he knew that when he did, he would not be able to open them again …

Yes … That was how Casper had died. He remembered the weird feeling when he saw his lifeless body still lying on his bed, his skin as pale as the sheets. Even his lips were grey. And his father crying over his dead son. The reason why Casper chose to stay behind. And why he was still here, thinking about Kat …

"Casper?" Kat's voice interrupted his thoughts. She smiled as she saw him. "There you are! I've been looking all over for you!" Casper avoided her eyes. "Why?", he asked. "Because I wanted to show you my new dress", Kat replied, confused at his lack of enthusiasm. "For the Halloween party?" This year's party was to take place in Kat's school. "Why don't you ask Vic?", Casper said, too sad to be cheerful. "He at least will be able to go with you." Kat's smile vanished. "But I want to hear your opinion.", she said, sounding hurt. But today, Casper was not strong enough to be happy for her. "I'm sure you'll look beautiful", he told her as he floated up in the air and vanished through the ceiling where Kat wouldn't follow him. He felt bad for being mean to her but the thought of seeing Kat in a beautiful dress in which she would never dance with him was too much. He was a ghost. And he could never be with her …

Kat watched as Casper disappeared. She felt irritated and confused. She had never seen Casper like this. Normally he was always cheerful and optimistic. When she had a bad day at school he always made her smile. But this was different … Casper had seemed upset and unhappy. Was it because last Halloween he had been a human? Kat remembered how strange it had been to see Casper not as the cute little ghost but as a human boy of flesh and blood. The best looking boy in fact she had ever seen … He had looked like a prince out of a fairy tale as he had taken her hand. Yet, he was real. Kat could touch him and as she put her arms around his neck she took in his clean, warm, human scent. And then his soft lips on hers … If only the song could have lasted forever … Casper hadn't lied when he told her he was a good dancer.

But time didn't stand still. Casper had turned back into a ghost and Kat couldn't help but wonder how it would be if he would not be dead. If Casper would be a normal boy. Kat knew that she would never again give a second thought to Vic or to the other boys in her class. But at least he could still be her friend. Casper had become one the most important people in Kat's life. He was smart and funny and he always made her laugh. She admired his courage and his desire to be the best person he could be, even if he was dead. Unlike his uncles Casper didn't take his existence as ghost as an excuse for his own selfish amusement. He always tried to do the right thing.

After seeing Carrigan Crittenden die, Kat had often thought about what would happen if Casper would cross over. She knew that this could happen. If Casper was ready, he would move on, as all ghosts were supposed to do. The thought horrified her. Even if Kat couldn't be with Casper the way she wanted to, as a ghost he could still be her friend. If he were gone … Kat shook off the unwelcome thought. If only there would be a way to make Casper mortal … But his only chance, the Lazarus didn't work, now that there was no formula left. James Harvey had tried to find a kind of recipe for the formula, so he could make a new one with the right ingredients, but he had been unsuccessful so far. Kat sighed. She would go alone to the Halloween dance. Vic had indeed asked her, as Casper suspected, but she couldn't bring herself to say yes when she thought of how she danced with Casper last year. What happens when you find your soulmate but he is already dead?

Casper had hidden in his old room, playing with his toys just like he had last Halloween. He remembered how happy he had been to have a new chance at life, even if it was only temporary. "One evening wasn't enough", he thought sadly, as he suddenly saw a speck of bright light shining through the window. Casper turned his head. "What is that?", he wondered. "This is just like last year, when …" Casper stopped and already wanted to chide himself for thinking this could be possible, when a beautiful angelic figure, dressed in red, appeared through the window. She smiled. "Hello Casper", she greeted him. Casper stared, not daring to believe what he saw. "Amelia Harvey?", he asked shyly. She nodded.

"I have come to thank you, Casper", Amelia said. "You have once saved James, but in the last year you have done so much more. With your help, Kat and her father found a new home. Happiness. You gave them their peace. Now they life a full and happy life. It was you who brought them here. You made your father very proud and me very grateful."

Casper didn't know what to say. "I wanted to make them happy", he stuttered self-consciously. Amelia chuckled. "I have come here, to grant you a wish", she continued as Casper held his non-existent breath. "I give you a choice: You can come with me and move on. You could see your parents and cross over to the afterlife with them."

"I could get to be with my father again?", Casper asked with big eyes. "Yes", Amelia nodded. "Or, you will get your deepest wish: To have another chance at life. And this time not just for one evening but permanently."

Casper couldn't believe her words. "I could get to be a human?", he asked in a small voice. "It is your choice", Amelia replied. Casper paused. Yes, he did want to see his father again and meet the mother he never knew. To find peace … But becoming a human …

"I want to be a human", he said in a loud, clear voice. "Are you sure?", Amelia wanted to know. "Life is something wonderful, ever-changing, thrilling and delicate. But not everything happens always the way we want it to." Casper thought about Kat. What if she didn't return his feelings? If she chose someone like Vic instead of him? He didn't know how Kat would react. But Casper had made his decision

"I am willing to take that chance", he replied. "I am dead but … I never lived. I know life doesn't always turn out how we would expect it to. I have seen enough of human life to know that. But I want to experience life, all of it so that when I die, there is nothing unfinished holding me back." Amelia smiled at his words. "So be it", she said. She opened her arms and Casper closed his eyes as he was lifted into the air, his body bathed in light. And then … quiet.

"Sweetheart, you look beautiful." James Harvey smiled as he watched his daughter in her new black and red dress which made her look like a young Snow White. Kat always complained that she still looked like a little girl and would probably only like a thirteen year old teenager when she was already eighteen, but Dr. Harvey always laughed at that and comforted her by saying she would be glad for her looks when she was thirty or forty years old.

"Is someone coming to pick you up?", he tried to ask casually. He still didn't feel comfortable with his little daughter starting to show interest in boys. Kat rolled her eyes. "No, Dad, I told you I am going alone", she reminded him. She was worried because Casper had not shown up since she had met him in the attic. Had she done something wrong? Maybe she should just stay at home with him … He had looked so sad and lonely.

Dr. Harvey was about to say something, when they were interrupted by a voice from the staircase. "Can I come with you?" Kat turned around. And stared.

There, in front of them, stood Casper. But not the ghost Kat had seen this afternoon. He was human, looking just as beautiful and young as she remembered him. Like her he was dressed in red and black, looking like the perfect Prince Charming. He looked at her, uncertain and smiling shyly. Kat took a step forward still not believing her eyes.

"Casper?", she whispered. "How …?" Casper smiled. "Sometimes wishes do come true", he replied. Kat raised her hand and gently touched his face. "You are not going to turn back?", she asked. "No." Casper shook his head, as he took her hand. He was now standing right in front of her. Kat was starting to smile. "It is really and truly you …", she said as she was looking into his beautiful blue eyes. Casper chuckled. "Yes." Slowly, he leaned his forehead against hers.

"Can I keep you?"

Kat laughed as they embraced. "I'm afraid I won't be able to make us float across the dance floor this time though", Casper joked. Kat shook her head. "That's okay", she said as she leaned her head against his chest. And there it was a heart that was beating and sounding alive and strong … "I don't even mind that you are two years younger than me.", she teased him. "Good, because technically I am ninety years older than you are", Casper replied, grinning mischievously. They laughed, completely oblivious of Dr. Harvey, who was watching them. He shook his head, smiling. True love … Something told him that Casper would be around for a long time.