Lover Lay Down

"The most beautiful people I've known are those who have known trials, have known struggles, have known loss, and have found their way out of the depths." ― Elisabeth Kübler-Ross

"If you want to live, you have to become strong," her voice shook as her hands clamped down on the girl's thin shoulders. "This world is harsh and cold and unforgiving. You have to trust your instincts and act quickly or you'll die. You can't hesitate." Carol finally took note of her vise like grip and stepped back, running a hand distractedly through her close-cropped hair.

Lizzie's tear reddened eyes roamed the fence line, searching the horde of walkers. "He's gone," she murmured. "He was special and they killed him." She put a hand to her mouth to stifle a sob. "They killed Nick." The girl's grief erupted in a fount of tears as she whirled and ran across the field back to the cell block.

Mika watched her sister go with a look of disdain. She eyed Carol coldly before announcing, "She's not weak. She's just messed up." With that, she trailed after Lizzie, scuffing her shoes in the dirt as she went.

Carol folded her arms across her chest as she watched them go, her mind whirling from one thought to the next. What was she going to do with them? How could she keep them safe when one of them seemed hell bent on denying what was right in front of her? Carol tucked her hands into her sides, a shiver working its way up her spine. She knew that feeling. She'd been there and done that more than she cared to admit. Treat it as if it's not real and it goes away. Send it where it can't hurt you anymore. "My Sophia was alone in the woods," she mouthed quietly. "She died a long time ago." How those words burned, even more now than when she'd first spoken them. She had used them as a shield to keep from having to face what she'd just seen.

It was the only way she had to cope then. She couldn't face the reality of having to put her baby in the ground so she told herself that the husk left behind wasn't Sophia. It wasn't the little girl she'd spent a lifetime protecting and sheltering. She wasn't the thing that wandered sightless out of the barn, her flesh rotting even as she stumbled across the barnyard. Rick hadn't just put down the last remnants of Sophia when he pulled the trigger. No, he'd also taken the last of Carol's old life and thrust her into a world that didn't make sense. She wasn't a wife or mother anymore. That ceased when Sophia drew her last breath.

She felt more than saw him turn her way and hazarded a quick look toward the sagging fence. Daryl had his crossbow slung over his shoulder, gesturing toward the cross braces that had hastily been put into place. He nudged one with his boot and watched as the heavy timber flexed and bent with the movement. She couldn't hear his words but his actions were telling. He wasn't happy with their temporary fix. He didn't think they would hold. She shivered again, the thought of that thin barrier being pushed aside. What would they do then? They'd be trapped like rats in a box.

Those eyes moved over her again, weighing and measuring. Despite how tired she was, how emotionally bereft; Carol somehow found herself straightening her back and squaring her shoulders. He had enough to worry about without her adding to it. Lifting her chin, she met his gaze across the yard, lifting a hand to shade her eyes against the tipping sun. She smiled slightly as his hand fell away from the strap angled across his chest. She was off the hook for now it seemed. He gave one of his short nods before turning his attention back to the fence. She took her reprieve and headed for C block to clear some space for the girls.

Xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

The discovery of the burned bodies in the courtyard and rat corpses littering the grass just outside the fence had everyone on edge. Something more insidious than the dead walking had revealed itself in their midst. Their brief respite had come to a quick and dirty end. The council floundered as they tried to stem the tide of panic and distrust flooding the prison. More than ever, a voice of reason was needed. It usually fell to Carol to be that touchstone but she was torn between her instinctive need to protect her own and her hard won urge to find the threat and end it. Wipe it from the face of the Earth. It ran through her like an electric current. Carol found herself not only identifying with but empathizing with Merle Dixon. The man had been nothing if not efficient and had a way of cutting through the bullshit to get right to the heart of the matter. She longed for that instead of this endless circling. They needed a plan and they needed it now.

"We can't have people wandering around by themselves anymore," she interjected. "We got lazy and it cost us. We'll have to set up around the clock guards in the cell blocks in addition to those outside. We'll assign pairs and make sure they understand that they have to stay together. It's the only way to keep people safe until we figure this out."

Glenn raised a hand. "Maggie and I are already working on a roster," he offered. "We should have it done by midday. We've staggered the pairings so that everyone's mixed up. Nobody who came in together will be with one of their own." He grinned at Daryl's approving nod before continuing. "We exempted a few from this rule. Michonne will be on the sidelines until her foot heals as will Beth since she'll be watching Judy. Rick wanted Carl to be with him so we took that into account. Carol we're keeping you out of the rotation for now as well. We're leaving it up to you to decide where you think you can do the most good."

She knew they were all watching her, waiting for her response. She kept her eyes on her clasped hands as she mulled it over. She couldn't help but notice the way Daryl's leg bounced next to her. He had sat quietly for most of the meeting, offering up cogent comments when necessary. The bouncing leg was the first sign of unrest that he'd given. Unbidden, her gaze shifted toward him and she was shocked to find him staring back intently. Her brows lifted, silently questioning. What do you want?

"I'll take my turn on guard duty like everyone else," she announced. "We need every pair of eyes. The kids will have to be monitored more closely. Some of them are the worst offenders for going off on their own."

"You're with me," Daryl decided. "Some of the Woodbury people can help with the heavy lifting when it comes to minding the kids." He cocked a brow, mouth quirking as he added. "Best if you keep doing story time though."

She didn't ask how he knew about story time. Probably wouldn't get a straight answer anyway. It was clear that he was aware of what she'd been doing in the library all this time and approved. Her heart pounded double time in her chest. If he knew what, it was likely that he also knew why. Unexpected warmth coursed through her veins, a heady rush of affection for the man sitting next to her. He never had to ask how or why. Somehow, he just knew.

"I'm fine with that," she acquiesced. "The roster is a good idea, Glenn. It will keep people occupied. Let me know if I can help."

"So," Hershel stated. "We have a plan then. We need to dispose of the bodies and clean out D. People need to be checked for signs of illness and quarantined if need be. Dr. Subramanian is doing an inventory of what medical supplies we have. Depending on what he finds, we may need to organize a run. Carol you would be a good person to go along since you're familiar with most of what we'll need. Rick will take you." Hershel's eyes flicked sideways. "Daryl, we need you to help dispose of the bodies. Wear a mask and gloves. They have to be burned. We have limited land to use for crops. We can't take the chance of contamination. I wish we had enough fuel to run the incinerator." He shook his head, already dismissing the thought. Wishful thinking wasn't something they could indulge in anymore.

Carol pushed back from the table and climbed to her feet, mind already on the upcoming run. There weren't many places that hadn't been stripped bare already. Runs were limited to necessities because of the distance they had to go. Medical supplies were at a premium. Depending on what Dr. Subramanian needed, they might be gone for days. Carol rubbed her eyes with the pads of her fingers, before moving up to her temples. The dull throbbing eased but didn't fade. The girls would have to be told. Mika would understand but Lizzie was still so very fragile. She reacted badly to the slightest change, either shutting down completely or running outside to stare blindly at the mass of walkers.

"It'll be alright," his voice right at her ear pulled her head around.

Giving him a small smile, she bumped his shoulder with hers. "Will it? Promise?"

He squinted down at her as he gnawed at his thumbnail, his usual telltale sign that he was thinking hard before speaking. "I don't know," he stated finally. "We've managed this long."

"We've survived," she retorted, fighting back a sudden surge of tears. "We need to do more than that. We need to live otherwise what's the point. I keep thinking about what Maggie said and I think she's right. If I had to choose survival for its own sake or living even though I know how quickly it can all be taken away, I'd still want to live."

"That's what we're doing, Carol," he chose his words carefully, eyes on the bolt waggling back and forth in his restless hands. "We can't do this with just us anymore. You told me that."

"You're right," she whispered tiredly. "It's just so damned hard."

"I know," he answered softly. "But I'm here and you're here and we're gonna get through this."

She sidled closer until his warmth surrounded her. She leaned into him, drawing strength from the steady beat of his heart beneath her ear. He tensed at her first hesitant touch before letting out a breath. His arm slid carefully around her waist, drawing her in. "You stay safe out there."

For some reason, that phrase made her laugh. She buried her face in his shoulder, his leather vest smooth as silk against her cheek. "I think I still have a few lives left," she teased, pleased to hear his soft huff of laughter. "Don't worry. I'll be fine."

"I know you will," Daryl returned. "I'm just saying that I…uh...that is…I'm tired of losing people. So when I say be safe, you damn well better get back here in one piece."

An impish smile lit up her face but her eyes were somber as they met his. "I'll be fine," she repeated.

Heavy boots could be heard making their way down the hall. They backed up, studiously avoiding each other's eyes as Rick rounded the door. "There you are, Carol. Hershel said that Dr. S is almost done with his inventory. He wants to go over the maps to see if we can find some worthwhile places to look."

Carol nodded before following Rick to the door. She paused just long enough to give Daryl a reassuring smile over her shoulder that he returned with a quirk of his lip. "Hey, Rick," he called suddenly. Both stopped and turned back, Rick in amused inquiry while Carol hastily scanned his face for some clue about why he stopped them. He didn't look at her; instead he pinned Rick with a firm stare. "Bring her back," he ordered.

A smile hovered at the edges of Rick's mouth but he didn't let it break free. Instead, he nodded solemnly and walked out of the room leaving her to look from one to the other in stunned surprise. Neither man acknowledged her as they left through opposing doors. Bring her back. Carol decided to let it go for now. She would come back one way or another. And then they were going to have the talk they'd been dancing around for far too long.

End Part 1

Don't be us too shy
Knowing it's no big surprise
That I will wait for you
I will wait for no one but you
Look please lover lay down
Spend this time with me
Together share this smile
Lover lay down
~Lover Lay Down, Dave Matthews Band

A/N so this was intended to be a one shot…but it didn't turn out that way. I think there is at least one more part before I call this one done. The song is "Lover Lay Down" by the Dave Matthews Band. It gives me loads of Caryl feels. Review if you like. Thanks for taking time to check out my stories. I'm on Tumblr as whowhatsitwhich…..stop in and say hello.