So you've joined Fairy Tail huh? Well, there are some rules that you must learn if you are to become a true Guild member.

1. Be a man

2. Even if you aren't a man, be a man.

3. If you ever feel inclined to stop being a man, then grow some balls and be a man.

4. Be sure to exude manliness in whatever way you can, apart from hitting girls. That isn't manly. Unless it's Erza, then it's just not safe.

5. Make sure to hit the gym once a day, to stay manly.

6. Wear clothes. Gray isn't a man, he's just weird.

7. Don't pick fights, but if Natsu is threatening your manliness, then you have to reaffirm your dominance by beating the snot out of him in the manliest way possible.

8. Manliness is the most important thing in Fairy Tail. The second is taking care of your Nakama. Which is manly.

9. Don't go on missions that don't sound manly.

10. Do not under any circumstances call Lucy a man. She will get upset, which will lead to Natsu punching you. Which hurts, in case you were wondering. In a completely manly way.

11. Stay the heck away from Juvia. Manliness aside, that bitch is crazy.

12. If the Master happens to be angry and starts to exert his manliness, back away in the manliest way possible.

13. Your women have to be manly. But not that manly. Unless you're into that. No judgement here, it isn't manly.

14. Don't touch my sisters. Ever. Whether you're manly or not, I will kill anybody who hurts Mira or Lisanna.

15. Evergreen is mine. Because she's manly (duh)

16. Protect the Guild against whatever threats you can. That is your manly duty.

17. Never turn your back on your nakama. If you do, you will lose all manly rights.

18. Don't hurt innocents. That's not manly. That's just evil.

19. Learn to say enough is enough. There is nothing more manly than somebody who can lose well.

20. Life your life to the fullest and in the most manly way you possibly can.

Stay Manly,

Elfman Strauss