Welcome to the first chapter of the maddest Ruby story you will ever see. This will likely have no relation to any of the other chapters further down the road, but who knows. We make this up as we go, don't you know. If you think of anything you would like to see me try my hand at writing, and see the characters of RWBY deal with, then go ahead and suggest it. Anything could be accepted, depending on whether or not I can do it.

And so, without any further... stuff. I give you Team RWBY!

Ruby's Little Fairy Tale

Once upon a time, there was a little girl who wore a red hood and cape. The people of her village called her Little Red Hood, or Little Red for short. Some people called her Little Red Riding Hood, but seriously, where does 'riding' come into this? Nowhere, that's where.

Anyway, one day she was traveling to her grandmother's place with a basket of delicious cookies. After a few minutes of walking, she came to a fork in the road. Why anyone would leave a fork in the middle of the road, she didn't know, so she picked up the fork and put it in her basket. Looking up, she also noticed that the road split into two separate paths.

Little Red put her hands on her hips and frowned. "Which way should I go?" She said.

A voice came from above her, saying. "That way is a good choice!"

Rub- I mean Little Red looked up and saw a lovely lady with long golden locks of hair. She had a wooden pole stuck up the back of her shirt and caught on the collar. She was pointing down the right-hand path.

Without warning, the lady pointed the other direction. "That way's pretty good too!"

Little Red shrugged and started walking down the left path.

Suddenly the lady pointed both ways. "Of course, people do use both roads."

Little Red couldn't let that one go, so she turned to the goldi-locked lady. "How could you say something so ridiculous? Who could ever use both roads? You would have to be able to split into two separate yous."

The lady shrugged. "Fair enough. I lied. Nobody uses the left road."

Little Red nodded triumphantly. "Then I'll go left." She stopped and looked back up at the lady. "How on Earth did you get stuck up there?"

Having misheard, the lady asked a question of her own. "Stuck up their what? And what's Earth?"

Little Red sighed in defeat. "Have you no brain, lady?"

The lady just smiled. "Nope! That's how I got stuck up here. I was climbing this tree, but then I realized it wasn't a tree so I turned around to climb down. That's when my shirt got caught on it. I've been stuck up here since then."

Realizing the lady's distress, Little Red just had to help. She hopped over to the pole and chopped it down. You may be wondering how she chopped it down. Well, don't interrupt the story.

After the lady dusted herself off, they both set out on the left hand road that led into the forest. As they walked through the forest, they found a beautiful young lady sleeping under an apple tree. Her skin was white as snow, as was her hair. Wasting no time, Little Red kissed her on the mouth to wake her up.

She woke up immediately and pushed Little Red away from her. She shouted at Little Red. "I am Snow White, and I demand you take me to the wizard right this moment!"

The golden-haired brainless lady piped up. "The Wizard of Oz?"

Snow White rolled her eyes. "No, Dumbledore."

Little Red jumped up. "What about Merlin? He's the most powerful wizard of them all!"

Snow White jumped out onto the road. "Whatever! Let's just go! I need him to give me a heart!"

"You don't have a heart?" Little Red asked.

The pale girl just stared at her. "No."

Shrugging it off, Little Red and Snow White began walking down the road with the blond brainless lady trailing behind them. Eventually, they came upon a dark part of the forest. None of them knew that this part of the forest was full of dangerous animals, but they all suspected it anyway.

The brainless blond lady, who had brainlessly forgotten to introduce herself, wondered out loud to herself. "I wonder what kinds of dangerous animals live in these woods."

Little Red shrugged. "Bears."

"Ooh..." She said.

Snow White frowned. "Lions."

"Aah... and Tigers?" She asked.

Snow White glared at her. "Don't be ridiculous! Tigers don't live in this part of the world."

"Well, then what about kittens?"

Snow White didn't see any problem with that concept. "Well, I suppose... not Tiger kittens, but other kittens. Like... panther kittens, maybe."

"How about kittens who've lost their mittens?"

Snow White and Little Red looked at her, confused until she pointed behind them. When they looked, sure enough there was a little black kitten who was wearing no mittens, though Snow White and Little Red questioned whether or not this kitten had ever even possessed mittens. However, she was too busy chasing three blind mice to notice the girls who were all watching her.

After a few minutes of waiting and watching, Snow White grew impatient. "HEY YOU!"

The kitten spun around to see them, then immediately turned completely invisible except for her eyes and her mouth. They thought her a strange sight at first, but on closer inspection, they found that the kitten had a bandage on her forehead. Little Red approached the kitten and waited for her to turn visible before reaching out and peeling the bandage off, revealing a crescent moon shape.

Snow White grew impatient again, and addressed the kitten directly. "Who are you?"

":33 Who am I?" Said the kitten. ":33 I'm a purrty cowardly Cheshire kitty! But what's more impurrtant is that you are Sailo-

Weiss slammed the book closed and glared at Ruby. "Well, I'm done here."

Blake poked her finger at the book. "Was I being portrayed as the Cowardly Lion and the Cheshire Cat at the same time?"

Yang nodded to her. "And Nepeta from Homestuck."

Weiss rolled her eyes. "And Luna from Sailor Moon."

Ruby pouted. "You didn't even get to the part where Weiss turns out to be the White Witch..."

Weiss reacted in utter disgust at the thought. "You made me the Wicked Witch? Wait, does that mean Blake eats me at the end?"

Ruby shook her head. "No, Blake eats the ogre after tricking it into turning into a mouse with red shorts."

Weiss tossed the book over her shoulder, ignoring the fact that Blake caught it. "Whatever. I'm never touching that book again."

Ruby sulked. "But you didn't even get to the part with the Knights of the Round Table and Sonic the Hedgehog."

"You're portraying me as a heartless witch!" Weiss threw her arms in the air in frustration. "It's degrading to my status!"

Yang looked up from where she was trying to read further from over Blake's shoulder. "I thought it was pretty accurate."

Weiss snorted at Yang. "She portrayed you as a brainless retard."

Yang looked back at the book in Blake's hands. "What? I didn't notice that..."

Suddenly, Blake slammed the book shut. "Okay, I'm done. I draw the line at Carebears and Lassy." Before Yang or Ruby could object, Blake opened the window and tossed the book into the night. She nodded triumphantly at her handiwork. "Now that that's out of the way, purrhaps we can all go to bed."

Blake bounced her eyebrows. Ruby stifled a giggle. Yang didn't stifle anything.

Weiss cringed and thought to herself. "The next chapter had better not continue in this direction, or I quit school."

And for my closing statement, I would like to say only this. HoNk!