Sam did see Gabriel at work the next day and the one after that and the one after that.

The problem was that Gabriel was avoiding him as much as was possible in the tiny kitchen. Sam could easily touch both the back counter and the prep station opposite sides of the kitchen at once and yet Gabriel managed to evade him, not make eye contact and slip, undetected, past Sam at the end of his shift. Zachariah had given Sam his own key to close up and apparently that meant that Gabriel could vanish whenever he pleased. And, it turned out, Gabriel wanted to leave the minute that the dinner rush ended but before Sam could take a breath and ask him 'what the fuck, man?'

No, Sam hadn't exactly expected chocolates and flowers or even any sort of explicit recognition that he and Gabriel had sex. He didn't need a swooping, passionate kiss but some sort of tenderness like he'd shown the night he took that particular type of Sam's virginity would have been nice. But, no, Gabriel was still Gabriel; sneering at Zachariah, right to his face, commiserating with Meg over particularly annoying customers and nodding sympathetically to Anna as she told him about her boyfriend and their latest fight.

Sam started to doubt that anyone besides he and Zachariah knew that Gabriel was going to be leaving for good. Sam didn't expect much from Meg or Ruby but Anna, at least, he'd assume would be more sympathetic than she was acting towards him.

When Gabriel had let slip that he hadn't told anyone about him and Michael, Sam assumed that meant that he didn't tell his friends. Sam knew what it was like to not tell certain people the whole story because it looked bad and was hopeless and dark. Sam didn't talk about Dean to everyone for the same reason. Just because it was the only thing Sam thought about didn't meant that other people had to think about it too.

But as Gabriel's evasion went largely unnoticed by the Angelo staff, Sam couldn't help but wonder if Gabriel told anyone anything at all. Surely, one person in the whole restaurant knew. One person besides Zachariah, at least, that the love of Gabriel's life had been between its walls and lived and breathed its air. It was too much for one person to carry alone, with out stumbling or being crushed under the weight of it all. This huge secret, the kind to define a person's whole life, and no seemed to even know that it even happened. Left a man to wonder; if a whole epic love story unfolds, and no one besides the lovers ever know it, does it even really exist?

Then Sam came to the gut wrenching conclusion that maybe he Gabriel's one person.

He was so not equipped to deal with that.

Gabriel vanished again on the last night he was scheduled, perhaps to take a cigarette break or maybe he was just hiding out somewhere, doing some banal task to keep busy far away from Sam. Sam hadn't caught him in the act- probably the point of the act altogether- but suddenly the spices were alphabetized and all the pans were arranged by size, completely at odds with the sort of organized chaos that Sam had met when he first walked in.

Sam was piling dishes in the sink when Anna marched into the kitchen, her eyes shining with tears. She looked hopelessly around the kitchen, obviously looking for Gabriel.

Well, that made two of them.

She seemed to decide that Sam would do in a pinch, throwing down a plate of untouched food on the prep station.

"Sam, I fucked up, this lady is allergic to shellfish and I accidentally wrote her down for the lobster ravioli when she said linguine and now she's freaking out and-"

"ANNA." Zachariah roared as he walked into the kitchen. "Anna Milton I swear, I warned you, didn't I? I warned you that this was your last chance. You show up late and you-"

"Mr. Angelo," Sam eased in. Zachariah straightened his back, like Sam thought he might, preening just a little at his father's title. Sam pressed on, "That was my mistake. I confused her order with someone else's. I read the order slip out of line. Linguine, right here. Please don't yell at Anna, I'm the one who can't read properly." Sam tried for a deprecating smile that didn't take as well as the title thing.

Zachariah narrowed his eyes suspiciously.

"I expected better from you." he said coldly. "There are plenty of better chefs out there. I took a chance on you, Sam. I'm starting to regret it."

"Understood." Sam said with a nod, "Sir."

Zachariah's nostrils flared, but he left without further comment. Anna just looked at Sam warily, mouthing, 'thanks' before heading out to the floor.

When Sam turned around to prepare the order, though, he saw Gabriel's back, hunched over the counter, preparing the linguine faster than Sam had ever seen him do it.

"Oh, thanks, Gabriel." Sam said, but Gabriel ignored him, like he had been all day, before placing the order on the counter for Anna to pick up when she passed through.

Sam refused to look away from Gabriel, knowing that the rush was over and it might be the las time he ever saw him, if he kept his new habit of disappearing before closing was though. Sam needed to say goodbye. Someone needed to say something to him.

Wordlessly, Gabriel grabbed Sam's coat sleeve and dragged him to towards the bathroom. Sam didn't even have time to question it before Gabriel was locking the door behind them and dropping to his knees.

Sam moaned softly and threw his head back against the tiled wall as Gabriel went down on him, a hand fisted lazily in Gabriel's hair.

He glanced toward the door, and the kitchen where he wondered what Anna would think when she saw her order but no chef in sight. He almost wished that Zachariah decided to use the restroom, that Gabriel had forgotten to lock the door, that he would walk in and see them, touching and rubbing together, on their knees for each other.

Sam wasn't an exhibitionist. He didn't get off just because people were watching.

He wanted a scandal and rumors and gossip around them. He wanted to see Zachariah get mad and fire him on the spot.

It was an insane thought, flitting through his mind too fast to keep track of. Sam needed this job, needed the money from it and Gabriel was such a private person, it'd be cruel to make him suffer though that many people knowing his business, his most intimate parts of himself, up for discussion.

No, that thought was rooted in something so much more selfish than attention. He wanted some sort of permanent consequence for this. He wanted anything permanent from this at all.

Because in two days, Gabriel would be gone. Sam would go to school and they'd never see each other again.

And Sam wasn't done yet. Someone needed to say something, otherwise it'd be like nothing had ever happened. If two men fall apart and the pieces that remain mash together to create something new, but no one sees, did it even really happen?

Gabriel worked Sam's cock until he came, spitting it out into the sink after. Gabriel folded his body over the sink, facing the mirror and away from Sam, his hand disappearing down his pants as he started jerking himself furiously. Sam stepped behind him, burrowing his face into Gabriel's neck as he slipped his hand down his pants, the other up his shirt, touching and rubbing Gabriel with half-minded finesse until Gabriel was stuttering, braced on the sink and coming all over Sam's fist.

Sam was still wiping his hand clean before Gabriel was slipping out of the bathroom.

He wasn't in the kitchen for the rest of his shift.

Sam mopped the floor and was disappointed that Gabriel wasn't smoking a cigarette outside the door when Sam dumped the water. Sam felt as used and dirty as the contents of the bucket as they poured down the alleyway, but at least it was something new to feel. Any emotion, even the bad ones, were better than... Dean... and now Sam was crying again.

He walked into the kitchen to grab his coat before he left when he saw Gabriel in the office. He stopped short as Gabriel turned to look at him, his shoulders dropping when he saw Sam's teary eyes.

"Oh, kiddo." he murmured, taking one step forward as Sam took three steps towards him, pulling him up into a kiss that Gabriel clearly wasn't expecting.

"Gabriel." Sam whimpered against Gabriel taut mouth. Gabriel didn't kiss him back, but he did run a hand through Sam's hair, pulling up at the ends, making his hair stand in odd direction. Gabriel smiled sadly at the effect.

"Those for me?" Gabriel asked in a light voice as he ran a finger over Sam's tear tracked cheeks. Sam shook his head 'no' and Gabriel didn't seem surprised. "Your brother?" Gabriel guessed and Sam nodded. "You ever talk about it? You should try it out. I did recently. Did wonders, really it did."

Sam laughed, a wet, weird sound mixed with his tears.

"Yeah, I talk about it. Talk about it all the time. To therapists. Specialists. Counsellors. Insurance lawyers. Police. Even a pastor, but he's an old family friend, more a sympathetic ear than spiritual guidance." Sam shook his head. "Dean'd be so mad if he ended up in heaven. Always said the party in Hell'd be a thousand times better. Probably didn't think he'd be testing that theory so soon."

"Dean? He already sounds like my kind of guy."

"Yeah. Yeah, you'd like him. Everyone liked him. Such a cool man. Best big brother in the world."

"You said insurance lawyers. Was there an accident?" Gabriel asked gently. Sam didn't realize that he was being guided into Zachariah's office until Gabriel was pushing the tops of his shoulders into the worn swivel chair. Gabriel perched himself on the desk, and Sam had to angle his head up to see him clearly.

"Yeah. He and I used to go camping when we were teenagers. And, now, we had different definitions of camping. See, I liked to hike and run in the mountains and Dean just saw it as an excuse to drink beer and fish. Same as our Dad. Camping used to be something we all did together, us and our old man. It was the only time Dad and I weren't at each other's throats.

"Well, about a year ago, we were up in the mountains, just the two of us that time and I had been taunting him. Just... brother stuff. Stuff we hadn't done since we were kids. I had been away at college and it was the first weekend together in a while and we were just bullshitting. I dared him that he couldn't keep up with me on a hike and he took the bait, like I knew he would and we were just kind of messing around when he slipped.

"I should have seen... idiot was wearing biker boots. Not enough traction, and he fell down the side of the mountain. Fucking... it was getting dark and nobody was around and I knew I wasn't supposed to move him but I was afraid that if I went and got help, I wouldn't be able to find him again and he was... in and out. Told me he couldn't feel his legs and so I carried him to the car, three miles and I was shaking the whole way. He was my big brother, always seemed indestructible and he was limp in my arms. I couldn't stop thinking that he carried me like this once, I can carry him.

"And I just drove his car, damn he loved that car, as fast as I could to the city. He was in the back seat and he kept twitching, like he might hurl and I was afraid that he had a concussion.

"I was looking back at him when I saw the headlights on his face. I had swerved into oncoming traffic cause I wasn't watching the damn road and I overcorrected and... lost control of the car. Hit a tree. Wrapped his car- he loved that car- around it. The other driver saw. Called an ambulance but Dean was... he was dead when they got there. Autopsy said it was the impact of the hit that snapped his spine. He would have lived if I hadn't... so really, Dean'd be alive if I just..."

"Stop, right now." Gabriel said sharply. Sam did, his shaking breath catching in his throat. "That's a dangerous road to go down, Sam. So don't do it. Things happen. People panic."

"Dean wouldn't have panicked."

"You can't possibly know that."

"Dean was the best big brother in the world. He was the better son... what was he thinking, leaving me and Dad alone? We're going to kill each other one day."

"What does your Dad have to say about it?"

"Not much. He doesn't blame me. Once he said that he was lucky I wasn't hurt too. And that's just... it's too much for me. I couldn't keep living with him, I mean, it's weird without Dean there. Dad's too nice. We used to fight about everything and now we're just so polite, like strangers. Sometimes I feel like I lost both of them that day. And, that's just the worst thing, right? Isn't death supposed to bring people together? I can't see Dad and that house and not have Dean there too. I know he feels the same way, that's why he isn't making a fuss about me going back to school, about me moving away. He did the first time, and it was Dean who talked him out of it. And now Dean is... gone. He was too loud when he was alive and now it's too quiet when he's gone.

"I couldn't go back to school at first. I told everyone that I needed to stay at home for a while, but, really, I couldn't be around normal people. Pretend to be normal, go to class and work. Have a real conversation. I had a girlfriend and I broke up with her. She wanted to help me through it, wanted to be my support or something, but all along, deep down, we both knew that I always loved her just a little more. And it wasn't a big deal until now. She's twenty. What twenty year old can handle this if they don't have to?

"He was my... my best friend. Only person I had in the world for a while there, during high school. Don't know what I am without him."

"I do." Gabriel said. Sam looked up, and Gabriel's eyes were watering to match his own. "I've only ever known you without him. You're kind of hard to read. A bit impulsive. Completely unpredictable. One of the smartest people I've ever met with the biggest heart."

"You'd have loved Dean." Sam said, looking at his hands. Gabriel leaned forward and kiss his hairline.

"You'd have liked Michael. He was spineless where it mattered, but he was a fair man." Gabriel muttered. "Getting my last paycheck." he said after a beat of silence where Sam's hands took the opportunity to make themselves at home in the back of Gabriel's pants, wedging themselves into his pockets.

"So, this is it, then?" Sam said, pulling Gabriel closer, so that he was practically on his lap.

"Looks like it, kid." Gabriel said, looking around the office and kitchen where he'd worked for almost fifteen years. "God, this place. The worst and best memories of my life in here. That's so... pathetic. Spent fifteen years waiting for the ghost of a man who never even loved me that much. I need to move on so badly, they need a new word for it."

"You'll find work." Sam assured him. Gabriel smiled.

"I know it. You know, kid. People say the craziest things. They say that life is short and, you and I know that better than anyone, but life is also long enough that you're never too old for a fresh start."

"So," Sam said, pulling Gabriel closer to him. "This is kind of like... goodbye."

"Yeah. Yeah, it is. I wanted to think of something clever to do to mess up Zachariah's office before I go." Gabriel cast around the tiny room again, even as Sam started tracing circles into the thighs of his jeans.

Sam unbuttoned the top button of Gabriel's pants.

"I have an idea." Sam said. Gabriel's smile was the definition of depravity.

And the best part was, Zachariah never figured out why all of the papers on his desk stuck together like the pages of a teenage boy's first skin magazine the next morning.

"Will I ever see you again?" Sam asked as he and Gabriel locked the back door, standing at the mouth of the alley, where they would fork off in different directions.

"Maybe. Probably not. Here, take my number. Call me when this place goes up in smoke and I might be able to help get you a job wherever I end up."

"Gabriel-" Sam said, but faltered.

How would he ever describe Gabriel to anyone else? The man more broken than he was? The guy who gave him everything? The best, gayest, night of his whole life?

The strongest person Sam may ever know? Well, second strongest. Dean was the strongest, but he felt like his brother wouldn't mind Gabriel being a very close runner up.

"I can't fix you, kiddo." Gabriel said softly. Sam wiped his eyes, he wasn't done. "I can't fix you. No one can but you. Lonely and depressing as shit, but we just got to tough it out. Cause what's the alternative? I waited too long to fix myself. Too busy chasing ghosts. Don't be like me, Sam. Set your goals higher than me."

"I wanted to help. I still want to help you. You're... you're awesome, Gabriel. Better than they treated you. Both of them. I wish you didn't hate yourself so much. It's a waste."

"Me hating myself isn't your problem." Gabriel said.

And so they said goodbye in the wet alleyway, near dumpsters that smelled like hot trash. Gabriel waved his hand in mock salute as he headed left. Sam returned it as he headed right.

Two broken men met and rubbed their jagged edges up against each other. No one saw, an no one fixed them, because they could really only fix themselves. It hurt. And it sucked. And Sam knew that tomorrow was going to be shit without Gabriel beside him. But Gabriel had figured out a way to put himself together, and seeing that was all the help Sam could ask him for.

He was about ten feet away when he heard Gabriel call his name. He turned, seeing him standing by his old Honda, keys in one hand.

"I think we're going to be ok, kiddo." Gabriel half called to him.

Sam let out a small laugh and nodded, giving a final wave. Gabriel smiled, like Sam hadn't seen him smile except in his bedroom, in his arms. Like a weight had been lifted off his shoulders. Like a ghost had been exorcised.

Gabriel was going to be ok.

They were going to be ok.