Sirius had a habit of remembering things immediately before he woke up, Cai, a humbled old Chinese man, a friend of his Uncle Alphard's, had once told him that it was a warrior's trait. Where most people woke up and were momentarily confused and disoriented, warriors woke up knowing and prepared to act. He recalled the fight with the LeStranges, Malfoy's explosion, his smart comments and Moody's face, he remembered the blood on the concrete and he remembered the stairs rushing up to meet him, and then he opened his eyes. Merlin be damned, he was in St. Mungo's. He knew it was St. Mungo's by the overly clean smell, and the unimaginably ugly puce colored walls. He sat up and there was a dull throb in his head and a swift ache in his ribs, which he ignored. He looked around and the room was empty. Good. Sirius stood and pulled open the drawer of the bedside table and took out his freshly laundered clothing. He was tying his left boot when the door to the room swung open. He didn't look to see who entered, he finished tying his boot and stood up. He took a minute to let his body settle before pushing away the lingering pain and dizziness and then turned and headed for the door. He didn't look at him, but he caught the messy black hair out of the corner of his eye. He was only a few steps from the door when strong fingers wrapped around his upper arm.

"Sirius." Harry said and Sirius could tell by the raspy tone that he'd been here all night.

He tried to jerk his arm away from the grip but Harry didn't let up. Sirius spun to face him.

"Let go of me, Harry." Sirius said a cold condescension intentionally dripping from the words.

"No." Harry said. "You need to stay."

Sirius wanted to laugh at the audacity, but he didn't, for whatever reason, he didn't. He wrenched his arm free and stared into those alarmingly green eyes.

"I don't care if you're here out of some misguided crush you have, I don't care if you're here because you're the one who dragged my bleeding ass into the floo in a fit of heroics." Sirius said taking a step closer and noted that it was a fight for Harry not to step back. "You are not my father, my mother, my boss, or my lover. I owe you nothing, the world over and fate itself may owe you. But I owe you nothing. I will not remain in this hell hole, despite what you may deem necessary."

Harry did take a step back then, even went so far as to raise his hands in surrender. It was just like Remus, those raised hands and that damn placating look.

"Sirius, you're ill." Harry said softly, and with an unnatural gentleness.

"I'm fine. A little sore, a little dizzy. Nothing a few home brews can't fix." Sirius retorted and started to turn, but Harry's hand was on his arm again. Sirius jerked his arm away.

"Bloody fucking hell!" Sirius shouted as he turned once again and Harry flinched. "Let me alone! I'm going home."

"No, you aren't." Sirius closed his eyes and clenched his jaw. He turned around slowly and opened his eyes. His eyes glanced over Remus who looked tired, more so than usual and Minerva McGonagall, looking precisely as stern as ever.

"The Calvary I assume?" Sirius raised an eyebrow.

A bare touch of a smile turned up one of the corners of Remus' mouth. "Yes."

"I'm fine!" Sirius said. "Minnie, good to see you and all, but you can't give me detention for this. I've been worse off then this before and recovered just fine, without, a damn hospital. So, thanks for the lovely visit but I'm going."

The door swung open again and Sirius stopped and stared. "Andy?"

Andromeda Black, well…Tonks. Beautiful like all the Black women, but her features were not nearly as severe, Sirius used to tease her that it was because she smiled on occasion. They had come to see him in France a few times. They had written letters and sent gifts. But it was a distant relationship and he hadn't gone to see her since he'd been back.

Sirius turned to Remus. "I think this is overkill, mate."

Remus didn't respond, nobody responded. Sirius shook his head and turned to look at Andy.

"Andy, I'm fine." Sirius said in his best, please Mommy tone.

Andy wore heels everywhere, just like Bellatrix, just like all the Black women, with the notable exception of Nymphadora. The heavy heels clicked loudly on the linoleum. She stepped up to him and brought a delicate hand to rest on his cheek.

"Sirius…" Sirius looked down into her eyes, deep dark brown, there was worry there, more worry than his injuries should have meant. "You aren't fine."

Sirius let out a frustrated sigh and ran his hand through his hair. "I am. Good-bye now."

He pushed past her and had opened the door when Andy called out.

"Your ill, Sirius." Her voice echoed and he turned a retort ready on his lips. "You've probably been ignoring it for months, or maybe a year. Sometimes you get dizzy, your head hurts and your muscles ache. You find that you get tired sooner than you used to, and small injuries are harder than they used to be to overcome."

Sirius stared at her the somberness and certainty in her tone was chilling.

"I'm fine." Sirius said.

"You aren't." Andy said and once again moved toward him, Sirius closed the door and leaned back against it keeping his hand on the knob. "The family calls it' Ursula's Curse, the healers have taken to calling it that as well. It's hereditary, carried through the male line."

Sirius felt a strange sense of panicked calm envelope him, "Alphard…"

Andy nodded.

"But he…he was fine for years." Sirius said.

"None of the men in the Black family make it much past 80, Alphard was almost 50, his condition was aggravated by spell damage." Andy responded her tone clipped and detached, she and Alphard had remained close but she hadn't been allowed at his funeral.

Sirius only nodded and the room was silent for a long moment. He looked at them they all looked so damn sad and suddenly without warning laughter bubbled up in his chest and spilled out. Andy looked at him with pity, Minnie with sad disapproval, Remus with concern, and Harry with confusion and Sirius just laughed.

"You're telling me…" He took a breath. "You're telling me I have the Black plague?"

Nobody else laughed. "I'm wearing the Masque of the Black Death?"

"Sirius…" It was Remus and his calm tone.

"At least I won't be leaving a Black Widow."

Minerva wanted to smile, Sirius could tell and the laughter just kept coming.

"Sirius Orion Black…" Andy imitated his mother perfectly.

"What Andy, surely you can appreciate a bit of Black humor." He gave her a wink, but she had arranged her face carefully.

"Sirius…you need to stay here, there are treatments—." Andy continued but Sirius was looking at Minerva and wondering if she was supposed to be the bad auror in this scenario.

Sirius waved Andy's voice off. "I get it. It's bad."

"The symptoms are going to get worse without some sort of treatment." Remus put in.

Sirius nodded. "Sounds lovely."

"Mr. Black." Finally, Minnie spoke up and Sirius looked at her. "Things have changed since your Uncle died, if you'll just stay and talk to the healers."

Sirius sighed. "I'm going home."

And without another word or giving them time to argue, he turned and left the room.

He passed a large desk and several healers came running after him shouting. Sirius kept walking until he made it to the floo. He stepped in looked back as Remus, Minnie, Andy and Harry caught up to the healers. He grabbed a handful of their complimentary floo powder from the stone basin to the side and tossed it into a fire. Stepping in he caught Minerva's expression, he smiled, he'd seen that look before. It was the same look she'd given him in Dumbledore's office over twenty years ago.

"Coeur de la bête." He said and closed his eyes as the floo spun.

International flooing was unpleasant under normal circumstances, and when he stepped out of the floo in Andre's office it took a great deal of self-control not to vomit on the dark blue rug. When he finally opened his eyes, he found Andre sitting behind his ornate cherry wood desk. A single eyebrow raised and a piece of paper in his left hand.

Sirius moved over and sat down in one of the plush chairs across from his former boss. It was a minute before Andre moved at all, finally setting the paper down and folding his hands together in front of him.

"It would seem you've been busy." Andre said his heavy accent always made his English seem dramatic and distinguished.

"Perhaps." Sirius responded, he looked at Andre, he seemed tired and a little frayed, the creases around his eyes seemed deeper and his hair was touched with a bit more grey than when Sirius had last seen him. "You look like hell, patron."

Andre laughed and it was a grateful sound. "Ah, Sirius, you always had a way for comedy."

His odd English sentence structure was something of a character trait that Sirius found amusing.

"Been running around Gryffindor in England too then?" He asked as he bent to open a drawer behind his desk bringing out a bottle of Firewhiskey that Sirius had given him for Christmas the previous year, and two glasses. Ever since Sirius had tried to explain his behavior to him, Gryffindor had become somewhat of a replacement for rogue in Andre's vocabulary.

"Only just a bit. Got blown up yesterday." Sirius responded accepting the glass that Andre offered and taking a long swallow.

"Oh really?" Andre said with a smile, "And the ends justified the means, of course?"

"Caught three of the escapees." Sirius said taking another drink.

"How many left to you?" Andre asked standing and moving to sit in the chair opposite him.

"Just two." Sirius said.

"The one who exploded you, eh?" Andre said with a knowing look.

"Perhaps." Sirius said with a slight smirk.

"Always, perhaps, is it. Courageux?" Andre said, the term of endearment caught Sirius off guard. Andre only used it immediately before giving him bad news. He sat a bit straighter.

"What is it, Andre?" He asked his eyes grazing over the tired look on Andre's face.

"Three of your teams never returned from England." Andre said rubbing the silvery stubble on his chin. "We cannot locate them, even on your map."

"But that means…" Sirius started but Andre finished for him.

"Mort."

Sirius sighed and took another deep drink.

"There will be a service, a mass memorial." Andre said. "Next week, you will speak for them, yes?"

"Of course." Sirius said.

"They all respected you greatly." Andre said finishing the last of his drink.

"They respected you too." Sirius offered.

"Perhaps," Andre offered a small smile, "But they would have died for you, the competition to work for you was fierce. Every man wants to be led by the best."

Sirius shook his head, "I'm not-."

"Sirius, you are a legend here." Andre said raising his eyes. "Which is why I need you back for a week or two. Marc has big shoes to fill, and it will go a long way to make things smoother if the others know he has your blessing."

Sirius nodded, "Sure, Andre. Whatever you need patron."

"Patron is it still?" Andre asked.

"Only for as long as you call me courageux." Sirius said.

"Ah, forever then it is." Andre replied.

They were silent for a moment and then Andre refilled their drinks.

"So what is it that bothers you?" Andre asked.

"The men…" Sirius started but Andre shook his head.

"It isn't the men, you were running from something when you arrived. And you've been trying to cover it up this whole time." Andre said, and Sirius sighed.

"It's not important." Sirius responded but Andre reached out and laid his hand on Sirius' arm.

"We've been friends, no?"

Sirius looked at him and then at his cup.

"I'm ill, patron."

"Not the dragon pox?" Andre said, "Something closer to death?"

Sirius looked up at him giving a little huff at the awkward expression. "Yes, closer to death."

Andre nodded. "Do they have a name for it?"

"Ursula's Curse, they call it." Sirius responded.

"They have a fix for it?" Andre asked and Sirius shrugged.

"Didn't hang around long enough for the healer's explanation."

"How'd they get you to a hospital?" Andre asked.

"Dragged me there when I was unconscious."

"I should have knocked you out myself a time or two." Andre said. Sirius shook his head.

"They say there are some treatments, my uncle died of it nearly twenty years ago, but…" Sirius let the sentence trail off.

"Sirius, what happened when you returned from China, I know it cannot be forgotten. But not all healers will betray you." Andre said rolling his now-empty glass between his palms.

"Healers are human." Sirius responded.

"And betrayal is human nature, is it?" Andre asked.

"Perhaps." Sirius replied darkly.

"What a lonely life, trusting no one."

"Better lonely and alive, than trusting and not." Sirius said.

"Ah, well, but it seems in this situation you may be lonely and dead because of your paranoia, yes?"

When Sirius didn't respond, Andre sat silently watching him. A soft knock came at the door and then it opened. A pretty brunette appeared.

"Monsieur Fluerant, Auror Devon arpente devant mon bureau encore-oh Monsieur Black, beau pour vous voir." [Mr. Flurant, Auror Devon is pacing in front of my desk again, oh, Mr. Black lovely to see you.] Her face turned a lovely shade of pink when she noticed Sirius.

Andre smiled and stood. "Merci, Danielle."

The secretary smiled brilliantly in Sirius' direction before closing the door.

"She was quite distraught to learn you weren't returning. Not that I understand, it's no secret of your preferences." Andre laughed and Sirius joined him.

Sirius stood and offered his hand to Andre who took it and held it between both of his.

"It would be a shame, my friend, after all you have survived for you to go quietly into death." Andre said and Sirius nodded vaguely.

"Send me word about the service and when you'll need me to return?" He asked.

"Of course, be safe, courageux." Andre said as Sirius made his way back to the floo.

Sirius did vomit this time when he stepped out of the floo at Grimauld Place, but at least it was his own rug that he vomited on. He cleaned himself up, grateful that no one else seemed to be there. He made it up the stairs and to his bedroom without running in to anyone, he might have been concerned at the emptiness of the place, but he was too damn tired to care. He stripped off his t-shirt and boots and collapsed onto the bed.

The light brush of fingertips across his back woke him a few hours later, he remained still and kept his breathing even as they traced one of the long scars. As they moved and began to trace a second one, Sirius turned quickly catching the wrist and twisting it painfully sideways, Sirius raised an eyebrow as Harry sucked in a breath.

"Molesting me in my sleep?" Sirius asked and a tinge of pink rose on Harry's cheeks but he didn't respond but for a slightly defiant rise of his chin. "Whatever would your dragon keeper think?"

"He was never mine." Harry said tightly.

"Not for a lack of trying on his part." Sirius responded gripping Harry's wrist tighter. "What is it you want from me Harry?"

There was no response but for the glint of frustration in the younger man's eyes. The skin of his hand where it met Harry's tingled and Sirius' blood seemed to pound in his veins. Remus had always said that he regarded temptation as an open invitation, and though his rational mind's objections whispered quietly, Sirius ignored them. Sirius wanted a distraction from it all, from the damned disease and the men that he'd been unable to protect, his men who Andre said were willing to die for him. He wanted a distraction from the memories of China and the scars that Harry's fingers had traced just a moment before. With a sudden jerk Sirius pulled Harry onto the bed and rolled on top of him, delighting in the surprised lust in the deep green eyes.

"Is this what you want?" He asked dropping his voice to a low whisper as he pushed his hand down between their bodies and gripped the waistline of Harry's jeans. Harry didn't say anything. "Silence is equal to consent you know."

He brought his head down and met Harry's lips with his own, Harry responded almost immediately by lacing his fingers into Sirius' hair. The kiss was violently passionate, and Sirius gloried at the warmth of Harry's tongue on his. He slid his hand up under Harry's shirt feeling the hard muscles tense at his touch. Without breaking the kiss, Sirius pulled Harry upwards and gripped the bottom of his shirt and pulled his lips away. Harry's eyes had darkened and he took shallow breaths. Sirius pulled his shirt up over his head and then pushed him back down. God, but the man was beautiful. His chest was defined but not overly muscular, his frame slightly stockier than Sirius' but still seeming somehow delicate. Sirius pushed all thoughts of James from his mind as he leaned down placing a trail of kisses along his chest. He hooked a finger beneath the catch of the button on his jeans and raised his eyes to meet Harry's eyes.

"I want to hear you say it." He said his voice heavy and his body straining for more contact, more stimulation. "What do you want?"

"I…" Harry said his eyes searching Sirius' face for the right answer, Sirius flicked his finger and popped the button of his jeans open, Harry drew a deep breath. "You…I want you…"

Sirius pulled the zipper down slowly. "I'm not looking to be romanced, here. What do you want?"

"I want…" Harry was panting now as Sirius' fingers found the edge of his boxers. "…to not have to think, I want to forget."

Sirius smiled and slipped his hand underneath the fabric, bringing his lips to hover millimeters from Harry's. "That, I can help you with."

Sirius pressed his lips against Harry's and felt the vibration of the younger man's muffled moan.

The dawn was breaking when Sirius awoke again, he pulled his arm from beneath Harry's sleeping weight and sat up. Harry looked even younger in sleep, and Sirius felt a bit lecherous watching him. He pulled the sheet up higher to cover the lightly tanned sink of Harry's chest and brushed a lazy piece of hair back from his face. After a moment he stood and located his boxers and jeans in the chaos of clothing on the floor. He pulled them on, his eyes drifting to the sleeping man. The memories of last night were vivid in his mind, the softness of his skin, the smell of their commingled sweat, the way their bodies had seemed meant to fit together, two puzzle pieces of a larger picture. He smiled a little as he stretched his arms, there was something to be said for youthful energy. He picked up the rest of the strewn about clothing and folded them before placing them on the bedside table. He went to the armoire and located the small black box at the bottom. He pulled on a clean t-shirt and left the room quietly.

The house seemed to still be asleep and Sirius was grateful for it. His head still throbbed and his ribs sent a sharp pain through him with every breath. He gripped the box tighter to his chest and made it down the last few steps with only a single hiss of pain escaping. He entered the darkened kitchen and went directly to the sink, the pain in his head growing steadily and making his eyes water. He set the box on the counter and opened it, inside the small box reveled a magically enlarged space with hundreds of glass vials lined up, a few missing here and there. Sirius raised his hand and noticed it was shaking just a bit, he located and removed three separate vials. He pulled them out and closed the box. Turning on the water, he filled each vial with a bit of water, and watched as the dried ingredients were kicked up at the bottom. He re-corked each vial and held them in one hand shaking them as he lit the stove and then went and filled a small pot with water. He carefully placed the vials in the water and placed the pot on the stove to boil. He lit a second burner and flinched when he grabbed the teapot, it was already heated.

"Your skills of observation are baffling, Padfoot." Sirius spun around and his vision swam blurry for a moment.

"Remus." Of course Remus was already up at bloody dawn. "I hope you didn't wait up for me."

Remus lifted his glass of tea and took a drink , a raised eyebrow was the only response he offered. Sirius turned and made himself a cup of tea before returning to watch over his potions.

"That's a handy trick, the just-add-water effect." Remus commented from behind him, "How does it work?"

"It doesn't always," Sirius responded watching as each of the vials began to thicken and change color. "Certain potions are much to finicky. But with most, you can simply brew the potion correctly the first time, use a dehydration spell, bottle it and then…" Sirius waved a hand in the direction of the pot.

"Very smart." Remus said, James had called it his Professor Moony voice. Sirius cringed as James' name came into his mind, he thought about the naked man in his bed. Oh, James…you would have murdered me for the thought alone. "Did you come up with it?"

Sirius laughed a bit. "Hardly. The Chinese have done it for centuries."

"When were you in China?" Remus asked.

"For three years before I went to France." Sirius said. "Alphard had a friend there who let me crash in his barn in return for help around the place." It was true, but not the whole truth.

Remus didn't say anything and Sirius took the pan off the stove and did a cooling charm on the water before reaching in and pulling out the potion vials. He opened the first one, dark blue with a bit of a shimmer, and drank it in one go. It was foul, they all were—tasted worse with the dehydration spell. He felt the pain in his had recede almost immediately. He took the second blue one and the pain was entirely gone. The final one was a sickly yellow color, and Sirius took a deep breathe before drinking it down. Burned its way through his through and muscles, Sirius could feel them tense and relax almost instantly. He rinsed the vials and then returned them to the case before finally moving to sit down across from Remus.

"Do you always self-medicate?" Remus asked.

"Yes." Sirius took a drink of tea, not caring that it scalded his tongue.

"Sirius—about yesterday…" Remus started but didn't seem to know what to say.

"Leave it be, Remus. I'll deal with it how I like." Sirius responded the anger from yesterday bleeding into his tone.

"Are you so selfish Sirius, that you would have us all watch you die?" Remus asked his tone cold.

Sirius said and stood up. Not wanting to talk about it, not wanting to think about it. What right did Remus have to say anything anyway?

He left Remus in the kitchen and made his way back up to the bedroom. He felt a guilty sort of peace at the knowledge that Harry was sleeping in his room. It was a superficial sense of having someone to come home to, he hadn't had that since Remus and he had shared the flat together, and even then it wasn't the same.

Sirius pushed the door open and closed it behind him quietly. Harry had turned onto his stomach, his face was buried in the pillow, hair stuck up in disarray, the sheet had slipped down to his waist and Sirius took in the scars that littered his back. Some of them were barely visible, pencil thin white lines, others were wider nearly an inch, there was a patch of skin that looked like a burn scar. Sirius thought about his own scars. Merlin, but they were both so damaged.

Harry wouldn't be up for another few hours, it was barely after five. Sirius ran a hand across his face and crossed the room. He shrugged on his jacket and pulled on yesterday's socks and his boots. He took one last glance at Harry and then left the room.

Once he was outside the house he apparated and found himself at the gate of Godric's Hollow Cemetery. He walked up the rock path, his hands in his pockets taking in the quiet of the place. Six rows back and two over, he wandered over to the large granite stone and sat down crossing his legs facing the stone. He picked at the grass and closed his eyes.

"Ah, Jamie, I'm sorry I didn't come before." Sirius said, a deep ache in his heart wishing that his old friend could respond, yell at him, tell him what a stupid prat he was. But there could be no response, so Sirius kept on speaking.

"Everyday I wonder, I wonder what it would have been like…had I stayed. But it wouldn't have been different, only…maybe you would have known that I forgave you. Only maybe I could have forgiven myself." Sirius said and sighed. "Remus is still around, he and I—half of the Marauders and we can barely speak unless we're desperate. But he's still Remus, same old Professor Moony. And I think that's the hardest part, he's so much the same and I…I'm so different."

The wind came and blew the leaves on the trees, Sirius sighed again. "And Harry, Merlin, James, I'm sorry. I don't know what to think or feel about it. I tried to keep my distance, I swear to it. But he's…he's just…I don't know. I don't know what you'd think, I'm sure you'd beat my arse if you were here."

Sirius closed his eyes and a long forgotten memory flooded his mind.

James sat across from him at a table in some Muggle bar. Remus and Lily were dancing and laughing a few feet away. James seemed to catch something in Sirius' expression that had him smirking in a strange way.

"You'll find it Sirius." James had said. "You'll find the same love that Lils and I have. Just be sure you don't run from it, making up wild excuses for why you shouldn't care about people is an art with you."

Sirius had brushed him off then, and now he wondered if he would have given his blessing if he only knew. He opened his eyes and looked back at the stone.

"James…I miss you." He said his voice breaking a bit. He stood and brushed off his jeans and turned on the spot.

He reappeared on the step of Grimauld Place. He pulled open the door and could hear Molly Weasley's distinct voice coming from the kitchen. He took the steps two at a time hoping to avoid any confrontation, he passed Hermione in the hall and she smiled at him.

"Sirius! Good Morning." She said. "I was wondering if you'd seen Harry or Ron around?"

Sirius raised his eyebrows. "No, I haven't. Sorry."

"No problem, you look well. We'd heard you were injured." She said eying him shrewdly.

"All better now." He said and she smiled.

He waited until she was down the hall before slipping into his room and closing the door. Harry was still asleep. Sirius made his way over to the bed and looked at him closely, he ran his fingers over the scarred skin of Harry's back and traced one the way Harry had done before.

"Molesting me in my sleep?" Came Harry's voice, muffled by the pillow.

Sirius laughed a little. "You started it."

Harry turned over and there was a smile in his eyes. "Hey." He said his voice was soft.

"Hey." Sirius responded quietly, his hand moved without him intending for it to and brushed that same lazy peice hair out of his eyes.

"I need to cut my hair." Harry said raising a hand and running through his hair.

"You shouldn't." Sirius said suddenly and Harry smiled.

Harry took the hand from his hair and rested it on Sirius' cheek.

"Charlie's gone back to Romania. I ended it." He said his voice still carrying a bit of drowsiness.

"Yeah?" Sirius looked away, Harry's hand turned his head back.

"Should we talk about it?" He asked and Sirius sighed.

"Lets not." Sirius responded and brought his lips down to Harry's.

You tell all the boys "No"

Makes you feel good, yeah.

I know you're out of my league

But that won't scare me away, oh, no

You've carried on so long,

You couldn't stop if you tried it.

You've built your wall so high

That no one could climb it,

But I'm gonna try.

Soundtrack: Passenger- Beneath Your Beautiful (Cover)