7

All's Well That Ends Well

The first guests to arrive were Morticia and Gomez Addams, or Ruby and Victor. Gold had his animated skeletal butler open the door and croak, "Good evening! Welcome to the Underworld! Have a screaming good time."

Victor stared at the butler and cried, "My God, is that thing real?" before coming inside.

Ruby chuckled. "No, it only looks real, Gomez. I can tell," she smirked, tapping the butler with her hand. "Nice decoration though, Gold."

"Thank you, Morticia," Gold grinned. "I just used a bit of magic to animate him, but he's not a real skeleton."

"You had me going for a minute there, buddy," Victor chuckled. "Thought you'd raided the hospital medical lab for a moment. Nice job with those jack-o-lanterns, by the way. I like how they project into the air and move."

"That's Alina's specialty—pumpkin carving," Belle said, smiling at him.

"She did a great job," Ruby praised. "Now . . . let's get this party started."

"Right this way," Gold said, and led the way downstairs. He picked up the plastic cauldron on the table when they'd reached the bottom and gestured to it with a flourish. "Okay, here's how this works. Every guest has to pay a forfeit before they enter the Underworld, just like in the olden days, when they put coins on the eyes of the corpses to pay the ferryman."

"A forfeit?" Victor repeated. "Like money?"

"No, no," Belle laughed. "You have to pick a forfeit out of the cauldron and do what it says. It's silly, but it's fun."

Victor shrugged. "Okay, whatever," and he reached into the cauldron and pulled out a slip of paper. "Give your best imitation of Elmer Fudd."

Ruby started giggling. "Do it, Gomez," she urged, smoothing down her black dress, which was a bit racy. She also wore her hair piled on top of her head, and had three-inch spiked heels and her nails were onyx and long and tapered.

"Aww, come on. Gold, you're not serious!"

"That's Hades to you, and yes, dearie, I am," Gold teased.

Victor sighed. "Okay, here goes." Then he said, in a squeaky high voice, "Silly wabbit, Trix are for kids—whoops, wrong rabbit!"

Gold and Belle burst out laughing. So did Ruby.

"Do over!" Whale cried.

"You get brownie points, Whale," Belle snickered.

"Go ahead, dearie," Rumple chuckled.

Victor cleared his throat. "Be vewwy vewwy quiet! I'm hunting wabbits!" He put a finger to his lips. Then he burst out with, "Dr. Kilpatient! Dr. Kilpatient!" He pretended to sob hysterically. "Oh no! I'm a wabbit!"

They all laughed and then Rumple clapped and said, gesturing behind him, "You're in, Gomez. Thanks for being a good sport. Your turn, Morticia."

Ruby rolled her eyes, then she reached into the cauldron and picked up a paper. She unfolded it and groaned. "I'm killing you, Gold!"

Victor turned and asked, "What's it say, babydoll?"

"It says . . . I have to sing Who's Afraid of the Big Bad Wolf!" she cried indignantly.

"Oh my God! You got that?" Belle was cracking up.

"Gee, thanks, girlfriend!" Ruby scowled, than she started laughing. "Hope you've got earplugs, 'cause I'm no Katie Perry." Then she started singing, ending her debut with a soft howl.

Gold applauded and bowed. "Nice job, Ruby! Go ahead!"

She sauntered past him, and as she went by, she purred, "Man, Gold, you sure clean up pretty!" and pinched his bottom cheekily.

"Hey, dearie! Hands off the merchandise," Rumple chuckled.

Belle pretended to glare indignantly at her. "Watch it, Ruby! He's married, remember?"

She smirked. "Sorry, couldn't resist," before taking Victor by the arm and walking into the basement, which was decorated like a temple to the gods of the Underworld.

"Mmm! Those appetizers look delicious," said Victor. "You make 'em, Belle?"

"Me and Alice and Jill," Belle called back.

There were cocktail meatballs in a "blood" sauce, which was really chili sauce and cranberry jelly, chicken wings with balsamic vinegar glaze and some with buffalo sauce, a chicken parmesan mummy, "bloody fingers" which were pigs in a blanket with barbecue sauce, pumpkin soup, Halloween Jell-O, donut eyeballs, cookies, Yodel tombstones, buckeyes, skeleton finger pretzels, and Halloween cupcakes. There was blood punch, spiced cider, and an open bar for those who needed their alcohol fix.

In the background was Halloween tunes, like Michael Jackson's "Thriller", "They're Coming to Take Me Away", the theme song from "Nightmare on Elm Street", "The Addams Family", "Witch Doctor", and "Monster Mash".

Spider webs and black lights floated across the ceiling, and creepy shadows danced on the walls.

Next to arrive were Granny and Archie, and Granny was dressed as Ruth from the Pirates of Penzance, a sultry middle-aged pirate queen who smirked at Hades and Persephone as she came up to them.

"What's this forfeit business, Rumple?" she demanded.

"It's the cover price, dearie," he winked at her.

"Humph!" she snorted, then she picked one out of the cauldron. "Give your host a kiss," she read.

Archie covered his mouth with his hand. "Oh, boy! Does it say which host?"

"Belle!" Rumple hissed. "I thought we'd taken that one out."

"Uh . . . I guess we forgot, dealing with Regina and all," she said, blushing.

Granny rolled her eyes. "Figures." She eyed them both speculatively. Then she sighed and said, "Pucker up, Gold!" and landed a smacking kiss on his mouth, chuckling wickedly at the sorcerer's surprised expression. "Ha! Didn't think I'd do it, did you, laddie?"

"With you, one never knows, fair lady," Rumple said, and waved her through.

"Okay, Mr. Wolfman," Belle cried gaily, and gestured for Archie to pick out a forfeit.

He rubbed his hands together and pulled out a piece of paper. "Uh . . . you look like a monkey," he read. "Can you act like one too?"

"Go for it, Hopper!" hooted Jefferson, who had appeared with Alice right behind the psychiatrist.

Blushing slightly, Archie began making monkey sounds and scratching himself.

"Got fleas, buddy?" Alice snickered, and they all were hysterical for about a minute.

"I can't wait to see what you pick!" the Wolfman shook his finger at her.

"Well, at least I'm not a monkey's uncle, sugar!" she said outrageously.

Belle curtseyed to her and grinned. "Why, Scarlett, how nice of you to come to my little party!"

"Fiddle-dee-dee, Mellie!" Alice simpered, curtseying back to her in Scarlett's famous green dress made from the drapes at Tara. "I wouldn't miss it!" She wore a black wig over her golden locks and looked stunningly like the famous Southern belle. She winked outrageously at Rumple. "Oh, Ashley . . . you look simply dashing in your evening attire!" She put a hand to her heart. "You fair take my breath away!" She fluttered her lashes at him provocatively.

Rumple bowed to her and said, "The pleasure's all mine, Miss O'Hara. Or is it Butler now?"

"As God is my witness . . . I married Rhett on Sunday," Alice declared. "To pay the taxes on Tara." She smirked at her husband. "Right, Rhett?"

Jefferson, dressed as Rhett Butler, sketched them a bow and drawled in his best Southern accent, "Frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn why you married me . . . as long as we're married, Scarlett darling!" And he gave his wife a playful swat, laughing.

Alice pretended to glare at him. "You, sir, are no gentleman!"

Jeff smirked. "And you are no lady!" he returned.

She tossed her head at him. "I wish the damn Yankess had shot you!"

Grinning, Jeff pulled her into an embrace and kissed her.

When they broke apart, both were rather breathless and laughing.

"Good thing they never filmed that kiss on screen!" Belle said, her blue eyes dancing. "They'd have had to rate it R then."

Alice rolled her eyes and said, "Now we just need Aunt Pitty and her smelling salts."

"Pick a forfeit, dearie," Rumple said, and held out the cauldron to her.

"Okay, sugar!" Alice reached into the cauldron. "Ooh, let's see! And the survey says . . . tell a secret you've never told before. You sure you want to know, Belle?"

"Come on, Alice. Tell!" Belle was snickering slightly.

"Okay . . .I'm secretly lusting after Whale and want to bear his love child!" Then she cracked up. "You can see all the sordid details on Oprah!"

"That's your secret?" Belle pretended to be insulted.

"You never said it had to be a real one, sugar," her friend pointed out. "Hurry up and pick one, Rhett. I'm starving!"

"Hold on, Scarlett." He rubbed his hands together. "Lady Luck, don't fail me now." Then he reached into the cauldron. "Hmm . . . answer a riddle given by your hosts. Go ahead, ask away."

"Do you want to or should I?" Belle queried.

"Have fun, dearie," Gold sniggered.

"Good thing I had one or two prepared ahead of time," Belle said. "Listen up, Rhett. Why is a raven like a writing desk?"

Jefferson goggled at her. "That's your riddle? Do I get three guesses?"

"Just answer the question, dearie. If you can," Rumple challenged.

"Uh . . ." Jeff deliberated. "Because . . . they make your head spin around? I don't know. Am I supposed to?"

Belle chuckled. "You know . . . the Mad Hatter in Carroll's book never knew the answer either."

"Do you know it?" Jeff challenged.

"Of course I do . . . or rather I know what Carroll said it was," Belle replied. "He said . . .because they can produce a few notes, though very flat, and it is nevar put with the wrong end in front."

"I won't ask how you know that," laughed the portal jumper. "Does this mean I have to gatecrash the party?"

"Hardly. You had to try and answer the riddle, which you did," Rumple replied. "Welcome to my humble abode, Mr. Butler."

"Charmed, sir," Jeff gave him a saucy wink, then he sashayed into the room with Scarlett.

Bae and Emma were the last to arrive, as it took Bae that long to convince Emma to go to the party. They showed up costumed as Mars and Bellona, the Roman god and goddess of war, both wearing the signature red Roman tunic, gold half-cloaks, gilded boots and armed with Roman gladius' and pilas and wearing fake Roman breastplates. Emma had braided her hair into a crown and wore it wrapped around her head, and Bae had gone totally clean-shaven, with his hair barbered in neat Roman military fashion.

Rumple and Belle hugged both of them, and Rumple said to Emma, "How are you holding up, Emma?"

"I've been better," the sheriff allowed. "But Bae's right. It's doing me no good to sit there brooding and worrying. They wouldn't want that, I know they wouldn't. So . . . here I am, Rumple. Do I look awful?"

"You look stunning, dearie," he reassured her. "I'm sure they're going to be fine. You can go on in, you don't have to play our little forfeit game."

"What forfeit game, Papa?" asked Bae curiously.

"The one where you pick a forfeit out of the cauldron and do what it says before you get to enter my temple," Hades answered.

"Everyone here's done it?" asked Emma.

"They sure have . . . and it was so funny . . ." Belle told her some of what they others had to do.

"I'll go first," Bae volunteered and then he picked a paper. "Sing a popular kid's TV commercial. Oh, hell! I don't believe this. Can I pick something else?"

"No, dearie. Them's the breaks," Rumple said, his eyes twinkling wickedly. "Let's hear it, Baelfire."

"Papa, you asked for it," Bae warned, then he drew in a deep breath and said, "Friends, Romans, countrymen, lend me your ears . . . and forgive me for making you wish you were deaf." Then he started to sing, "My bologna has a first name, it's O-S-C-A-R . . ."

Before he was halfway through the popular jingle Emma was doubled over, giggling like she'd inhaled laughing gas. "Oh . . . damn . . . I can't believe I forgot my phone!"

Bae rolled his eyes. "Thanks a lot!" Then he continued gamely, "Cause Oscar Meyer has a way with B-O-L . . . uh how the hell do you spell bologna?"

"Rumple! Where did this boy go to school?" Belle demanded, then she totally lost it.

"He takes after his mother," Rumple answered, and then they all started laughing.

"I cannot believe I just did that," Bae said, shaking his head. "That was just awful!"

"I recorded it on my phone," Rumple said with a wicked smirk.

"Papa! No!"

"And it's going on youtube," he cackled.

"That's it! I'm officially killing myself," his son cried.

"Really, dearie?" Rumple demanded. Then he clapped Bae on the back. "Good form, my boy. Emma, you want to try?"

"Sure," Emma said, thinking it might help her to forget seeing her parents lying in those hospital beds. "Why not?" Then she stirred the pieces of paper and snatched one up. She read it and then tossed her head from side to side and drawled, "Like, oh my Gawd, Mars, did you see what Hades is wearing? Can you believe how gnarly he looks in those totally bitchin' leather pants? Like I want you to get some, dude! Like right now!"

Bae stared at her, then he started laughing uncontrollably. "Like, okay, Bellona babe! You got some spares lying around, Papa?"

Rumple and Belle were hysterical too.

When they finally regained control over themselves, Belle said, "You win the door prize, Emma. And you nearly made me wet myself."

"You're not the only one, dearie," her husband admitted, and then he handed Emma a gift card to a local restaurant. "When you want to go eat, just let us know and we'll watch Henry." Then he winked at his son. "Still want those pants, Bae?"

Bae smirked. "Hell, yeah. Hey, Mikey, she likes 'em."

They followed Rumple and Belle into the room, and happily mingled with their friends till past midnight, eating, drinking, and dancing to the disco and pop music Gold played on his Bose.

They all played some more fun games, like bobbing for apples and pin the head on the Headless Horseman and darts, where they threw darts at Captain Hook's picture.

"It's too bad about Mary Margaret and David," Archie remarked to Ruby as they ate some appetizers.

"Yeah, but at least they'll be okay eventually," she said, munching on a hot wing.

"And that's the most important thing," Emma reminded her, eating some meatballs. She was still worried about her parents, but coming here had released a lot of the tension she'd been feeling and she felt better now than she had earlier. They would get through this . . . just as they had everything else, she reminded herself, then she went to get a Yodel tombstone from the buffet table.

The Halloween party was a smashing success, and everyone agreed they'd have to do it again next year . . . and maybe by then David and Snow could help organize a kid's Halloween parade too.

Everyone went home with leftovers and a small bottle of Wicked Ale as a favor. Belle and Rumple were so tired afterwards that they only had energy to get undressed before they were asleep, and they slept until past eight the next morning, only waking up when Regina barreled into their room, yelling, "Wake up, Auntie Belle and Unca Rumple! It's morning time!"

Groaning, Rumple turned over and buried his face in his pillow. "Regina, go back to sleep."

"But I's not tired, Unca Rumple," she stated, and then she jumped right on his back.

He grunted sharply and half-growled, "Regina, get off me! I'm not a rocking horse."

"Unca Rumple, I'm hungry!" she cried. "An' I wanna see Mommy and Daddy!"

He sighed and said, "All right, but you go get dressed and then we'll go visit them, dearie."

"Yippee!" she shrieked in his ear, and then she jumped off him and raced from the room.

He turned his head and looked at Belle, who was also awake now. "Whoever said thank heaven for little girls never met Regina," he muttered, then he kissed his wife.

Page~*~*~*~*~Break

Snow and David were awake and eating breakfast with Bae and Emma when Gold, Belle, and Regina arrived at their hospital room.

Regina immediately climbed on their beds and hugged and kissed them with such exuberance she nearly pulled the IV's from their arms. "Mommy! Daddy! You missed Halloween while you was sleepin'!"

"I know, sweetie," Snow said, giving her enthusiastic daughter a smile. "Did you have a good time trick-or-treating with Uncle Rumple?"

"Uh huh. But next Halloween I wanna go with you and Daddy," Regina stated.

"Then next year we will," David promised, grinning at her.

"When you comin' home?" Regina asked.

"As soon as Dr. Whale runs some more tests," said her father. "If everything is fine, we'll be coming home today. I wonder where he is? I think he's late this morning."

"That's probably my fault," Rumple said ruefully. "He was at my Halloween party last night."

"Darn! And we missed it," David sighed. "Oh well. There's always next year. And at least we'll all have Thanksgiving together."

"That we will, dearie," Rumple agreed.

"Where are we having it?" asked Snow.

"My house," Belle answered. "It's the only one big enough."

"True," Snow agreed. "But we can discuss that later. Right now I want to hear about that Halloween party. From what Emma tells me, it was a scream . . ."

"You have no idea," Belle remarked, her blue eyes twinkling, thinking that if this was what Halloween was like, there was no telling how Thanksgiving would go. But one thing was sure, it would be a holiday to remember.

A/N: So . . . knows what Emma's forfeit was? And who can't wait to see Thanksgiving with the Golds/Charmings? If you want any of my recipes for the Halloween treats, just ask! Thanks so much for reading and reviewing, dearies!