Author's Note:

So it's my dearest Armin's birthday (happy birthday, you beautiful shota!), and what day could be a more perfect day than today to post some traumatising angst revolving around his crazy best friend abusing him?

Why today, of course! :D

Please note that it's rated M for a reason, so be cautious, you beautiful butts. *inserts heart emoticon*

Inspired by the wonderful song Breaking Things Into Pieces by Kikuo-senpai (ahahaha, that honorific though), but it's not really the same? Like, there are references, but it doesn't really follow the plot of the song. (＾ω＾) *gives self sticker because why not there are free stickers*

By the way, I'm pretty sucky at hardcore Yaoi, so it's best you don't prepare your bodies too much. Also, the picture is also pretty sucky and simply makes me laugh at how I tried to make it all intense-like. Whoopsies. ;)))

Anyways, here it is! I hope it's somewhat decent, and concrit is very much appreciated! Don't worry, I can take it; I'm about as hard as the Armoured Titan's forehead. ;))) AW YEAHHHHHH.

Enjoy!

pitter-patter

How much I wish to destroy your soul
over and over again.

[la la la la la la.]

Eren likes destroying things.

Ever since he was little, he would ruthlessly destroy the cilia of the grass, or the flourishing flowers, as he aggressively stomped through the fields. He likes it — the feeling that he's strong and that they're weak; vulnerable, innocent, pure. Eren likes being dominant and corrupting purity.

Purity is beautiful; but tarnished is better.

So when Eren sees his best friend, Armin, one day, he knows what he has to do. He's been hiding his feelings for far too long, and Eren doesn't think that he'll be able to last much longer without doing something.

He wants to destroy Armin's soul.

[la la la la la la.]

Armin's always being delicate — weak, pure, and beautiful. Those gentle traits are what attracted Eren to him. The way Armin softly intervenes in any arguments; the way his gentle voice carries such delicacy as he correctly pronounces the difficult, more extensive words in theirbook; and the way Armin is the allegory for purity.

He's beautiful.

And so when Eren thinks of his friend, he decides not to, this time, dismiss the excited feeling which is gradually devouring him whole. He wants to act on his feelings and annihilate his soul.

His opportunity comes at dinner.

He sees Armin opposite Mikasa at the table, smiling brightly as he talks (probably about the ocean, Eren thinks to himself with a smile). He looks so content, so happy, and Eren suddenly feels sick.

He can't do this.
Yet he wants to.

Eren approaches the duo (he can feel Mikasa's gaze scrutinising him, as if she knows what's going on in his corrupted mind — it makes him anxious, to say the least), uneasily excited. He feels his heart beat faster as he walks beside Armin slowly, contemplating on whether or not to speak —

"Can you follow me?" Eren abruptly chokes out, somewhat husky, and Eren can tell that Mikasa's definitely going to pester him later about his strange, sneaky behaviour. He can feel Mikasa's stare penetrate him.

Armin nods his head; he's not suspicious of Eren's demeanour.

So innocent...

Eren begins to leave — warning Mikasa with his eyes to not follow him, resulting in the said girl to dejectedly sit back down — and, of course, Armin is beside him like the obedient friend he is. He trusts Eren with whatever Eren wants him for; he doesn't doubt him one bit.

Eren walks ahead; Armin follows him.

[la la la la la la la.]

"So what did you want me for, Eren?" Armin asks with his all too soft voice. "Are you hurt?"

Eren winces slightly. Of course, being the genuinely kind person that he is, Armin is going to ask about Eren's welfare. Armin's always been considerate of Eren.

It makes Eren feel sick — sick with himself — of what he's about to do. Here he is, planning to hurt his best friend — the same best friend who's been with Eren through everything, the same best friend who comforts Eren with his dainty arms and gentle voice on those really bad nights, the same best friend who's sacrificed his life for Eren and saved Eren's life countless times before — just for that one brief, amazing moment.

Eren sighs. He's a bad person.

"Hey, Armin," he begins, his throat a bit clogged up. "I'm…" Eren's breathless, unable to construct a coherent sentence. How is he to respond to Armin's concerned question when all he's thinking about at that moment is whether or not Armin's skin is as soft as it looks?

Armin looks at Eren curiously, eyebrows furrowed slightly as he signals for Eren to continue with a nod of his head.

Eren can't.

He begins moving his legs slowly, his now predator expression analysing Armin's features. He likes the way Armin is suddenly aware — suddenly cautious — of Eren making his way towards him with such a hungry look. Armin's always careful.

"E—Eren?" he stutters, somewhat anxious as Eren approaches him even closer with this feral look. "A—are you okay…?"

Of course, Armin's first thing to do is question Eren's sanity. He cares — he's worried about him — and it hurts Eren a lot because he's just about to abuse his trust. Eren decides it's best to ignore the confused and afraid look that Armin has — and it hurts, it really hurts, because his own best friend is terrified of him, and that inflicts Eren more than that one time when his own arm was demonically ripped off his aching body with such a simple, brutal crack — and continues to advance closer to the blond.

Impulsively, Armin begins backing up. Eren can tell that Armin's scared — his beautiful, so beautiful blue eyes are widened so widely, terrified, and he's breathing quicker. This isn't the way Eren normally acts, and Eren knows this. He decides to ignore the guilt accumulating in the pit of his stomach, tries to push it away like he did with the large boulder in Trost, and continues closing the distance between him and Armin.

It's at that moment when Armin's delicate back crashes against the cold, hard wall, and then the small blond boy squeaks so cutely in pain as his amazing blue eyes squeeze together tightly for just a moment so that he can try and obstruct the pang pang pang running up his spine and twinge with anguish.

Eren breaks.

Quickly — very very VERY quickly — Eren grabs Armin's arm (he ignores Armin's squeal because damn he did not want to stop this from happening just because of his god damn annoying conscience, and hearing Armin so innocent and startled makes him feel like shit, but it also makes him so uncomfortably aroused that he hates himself), and then shoves him onto the lower bunk of the bed.

Armin lands with a pomf. He's delicate — so delicate that he'll break — and this fact arouses Eren way more than it should.

Fucking hell, I'm disgusting.

"E—Eren! W—what are you d—doing...?"

He shouldn't because it's too sadistic and disgusting, but Eren relishes in the sight of Armin's questioning, petrified gaze. The way his blue, really blue,eyes quiver — tremble with such fear — as if they're about to cry, cry because they don't know what's going on, what's about to happen, but they know that it's not good, especially since they can see their best friend above them, gripping their wrists so tightly that it hurts so much and leaves marks, and they know that they can't escape — can't leave the deathly clasp that their best friend has on them — and they wonder what he's going to do, if he's going to hurt them, if —

Eren decides that he likes blue. It makes Armin look even more innocent.

[pitter-patter.]

Swift, he is, as he captures Armin's lips with his (they're soft, everything that Eren's imagined them to be, but better) and presses his chest against Armin's. They're both very close now — Eren can feel Armin's heart beat so so fast against his own — and Eren decides that he likes being next to Armin.

Armin is so beautiful.

Eren can feel the way Armin tries to pull away from the kiss, pull away from the moment and leave. But Eren doesn't let him; he doesn't want Armin to go. They've only just started, and Eren's too intoxicated on Armin's really soft lips (like Levi's socks, he muses to himself, but he knows that that specific comparison doesn't give Armin's lips enough justice, and that it's a bit weird) and smell (it's clean, yet it has Armin's distinctive, warm scent which entices Eren) to stop now.

"Mm—Ere—" Armin's protests vibrate against Eren's mouth, feeling tingly, making his stomach burn bright with butterflies as they replace his once lethal guilt. Eren loves the way that their breaths are exchanged — loves the way Armin is so inexperienced and pure — and he wants to do this forever, wants the clock's hand to stay forever stuck at the number eight, wants Armin to gasp and cry beneath him, wants all of Armin and more.

Armin's chest is rising, Eren can feel it, and his heart is pounding very quickly. Their hearts beat together — an unsynchronised beat that the two clumsily dance to. Eren is engulfed in the warmth and gentleness that Armin possesses — he's just like a rabbit, a quaint deer even, and Eren wants to break him into little shreds because his beauty and purity are just too easy and fun to destroy.

[pitter-patter.]

He feels Armin fidget beneath him, obviously uncomfortable. It's then when Eren — very reluctant — removes his lips from Armin's, and simply stares at his face.

Armin's been crying.

Eren ignores the hurt look in Armin's eyes — the way his nose sniffles, the slight redness in his eyes (red's a good colour — a really good colour that contrasts perfectly against his Armin's blue, blue eyes, and Armin's pure, white skin), the indistinctly parted lips, and the way he's trembling so fucking innocently.

Eren bursts.

He releases his grips on Armin's wrists (briefly reluctant for Armin could've escaped, but, strangely enough, Armin remains on the bed — stricken with fear, it's clear to see as the blond boy shakes noticeably), and begins roughly stripping Armin off his clothes; Eren's fingers are quick and nimble, unclasping each individual belt and strap on the blond's uniform. Eren feels Armin squirm beneath him — his breath hitches — and he even feels Armin arch his back. The response encourages Eren to move even faster, hastily chucking the clothes and shoes onto the floor. They make a noise as they hit the ground; Eren knows that this is all too real.

And then, before his eyes, Eren sees the dangerously pure boy naked.

His breathing is weak.

Shit.

"You are…" Eren's at loss for words — that, and his throat is suddenly dry, and he can't function anything anymore.

But Armin looks so beautiful and pure.

Armin's self-conscious, attempting to hide his dainty body with his arms. He's uncomfortable — very uncomfortable — yet he doesn't move. He doesn't try and escape, which is strange.

Eren breathes a sigh. Just in case.

He swiftly retrieves the fallen belts from the ground, ties it to the bed with a rapid pace, and then wraps it very securely — tight enough so that he can bleed, because red is a good colour on white, but the very least that there are purple marks left behind — round Armin's delicate wrists. Eren hears a quick gasp from Armin (the belts are probably too tight, Eren thinks).

There's no way his soul can escape now.

Eren discards his clothes quickly, not wanting to waste any more seconds. He needs to destroy Armin's soul now, over and over again until the infinite sign breaks under the clock's hand.

[pitter-patter.]

He approaches Armin, drinking in his appearance, noticing the tears and red on his cheeks — deciding that he really likes red on white — and, ever so gently (he doesn't know why, dammit, that he's being gentle, especially since he's about to destroy Armin's purity — it infuriates him so that he's being slow) crawls on top of the trembling, very naked boy.

"E—Eren," Armin whispers, terrified — the lump in the blond's throat and the hesitation tells Eren that (and his beautiful blue eyes quivering, but Eren decides to ignore that). Eren doesn't know why he's listening to his friend when he could just eradicate Armin now — take his purity, his soul, and his trust away with a simple crack — but there's something lingering in the back of his mind, something irritating the hell out of him, something which sounds like Mikasa — like she's telling him not to do this, as if there's a way out.

There's no way out of insanity.

Eren decides to distract his mind, ignore the annoying ringing noise, and slowly plants a trail of kisses up from the bottom of Armin's stomach to his neck. He feels Armin twitch with every touch — feels his breathing become weak as he gasps — and Eren feels great. He likes the feeling of being on top of Armin, finally having the opportunity to slowly shatter Armin into the million delicate pieces that he is.

Armin shivers, and Eren can't help but bear his feline fangs and sink his teeth into the skin of Armin's neck.

"AHHH!" he hears Armin shriek, but his mind's hazy. Everything's foggy now, like clouds, and he can't really decipher what's going on other than the small boy shaking at his touch as he presses his rough hand against Armin's soft mouth and engulfs him — and that's all that matters.

He likes Armin's soft skin between his teeth, he decides, but Eren doesn't want to dwell too long on simply eating him. Instead, Eren decides to suck — suck hard on his delicate, fragile skin — and tarnish his soul.

"Ahhh…" Armin's soft, fragile voice trails off. Eren feels him succumb to him.

Eren likes his skin. He likes using his lips and tongue on Armin's skin — it's the contrasting textures, he swears — and seeing Armin's really pretty eyes close tightly as he shakes. He doesn't stop shaking, Eren notices, and it's cute, but distracting. He can't focus — especially with Armin's chest rising up and down quickly, but it's, fortunately, calming down now — and his mind is blank.

Everything's white.

He needs red.

[pitter-patter.]

Eren slowly detaches his lips from Armin's neck, a diegetic kissing sound emitting, and instead leans over to take Armin's lips into his own. A brief contact between their lower organs sends an electrifying jolt through Eren — awakening a new found passion in the pits of his stomach as his butterflies swarm wildly, before burning to a merciless, fiery death.

When their lips meet, Armin doesn't open his mouth, very stricken, yet Eren doesn't mind. Instead, Eren decides to chew slowly on Armin's lower lip (it's the texture again which feels so damn good), and he feels Armin shake again. He's very nervous, Eren notes, and that is when Eren finally snaps.

He aggressively bites down on Armin's bottom lip, eliciting a sudden yelp from the blond boy as he tries to pull away from his best friend, and yet Eren doesn't let him. He crushes his chest against Armin's, crushes his lips against Armin's, and his tongue travels down Armin's now open mouth.

The metallic flavour has never tasted sweeter.

Eren feels Armin trembling for air, his breath cut short, and so removes his lips from Armin's. He savours the sight of Armin red — eyes teary, cheeks flushed, lip bleeding — and Eren loses himself in the world of insanity.

He wants to annihilate Armin's soul.

Briskly, Eren removes the belts which restrain Armin — he pretends that he doesn't hear Armin sigh quietly in relief — and then grasps Armin's small hips. He feels Armin freeze, frightened, and then Eren pauses as Armin stares directly into his eyes with such sad, sad blue eyes.

"W—why…" Eren hears the pain etched in Armin's voice — the same delicate, fragile voice which Armin used to wield against his bullies — and he stops. He can't look at Armin, no, and yet he still does. The painful, heart wrenching gaze that Armin shoots him hurts a lot.

It's as if Eren's one of Armin's bastard bullies and Eren feels horrible. Disgusting.

That sinking feeling and stab in the heart become a part of the environment.

Armin is quivering. "W—why are you—"

Eren's heard enough; he doesn't let Armin finish his sentence as he cuts him short. He clasps Armin's warm, light body tightly against his own naked body, and then he flips him over onto the bed. Armin is startled, gasping, but Eren ignores him — ignores his conscience — and adjusts Armin and the belts so that Armin's wrists are tied yet again to the bed, but so Armin's back is against Eren's chest.

Eren likes how small Armin is against him.

Armin squirms, struggling to be free, but Eren then wraps his arms around Armin's waist, and Armin freezes.

"I'm sorry," Eren whispers against Armin's ear — making him shiver — as he briefly touches Armin. Armin is against Eren, tight and compressed, when he then tenses at Eren's touch. His heart is pounding even faster now, and Eren can hear it.

He hears the inaudible sound of a chaste dove dying.

[pitter-patter.]

It's a tight, warm cavern that Eren is invading, and yet it feels so divine. He feels comforted, content, as if all of his worries and stresses of his daily life are wiped away. He is engulfed in the world of Armin and Armin alone.

He pretends that he can't hear the sounds of Armin's muffled cries against his hand, pretends that he can't feel his tears trail down his fingers, and pretends that he's not enjoying tainting somebody as much as he is.

Because, in all honesty, Eren loves every second of it.

Eren loves the way Armin's tears cascade down his blushing, sweaty cheeks; loves the way Armin's cries and groans reverberate against his hands; loves the way Armin looks and feels so beautiful; and he loves the way he — Eren — is destroying his soul and claiming his innocence.

He wants to destroy his soul over and over again.

He originally started off slow at first, trying to ease Armin and not immediately tarnish him, but then Eren had heard Armin — gasp, moan very quietly — and he couldn't control how fast the two danced together.

They're very close now, and Eren can feel his sweaty skin stick to Armin's. He likes it, the feeling of being so close to somebody so delicate, and so he goes faster, wanting to elicit as much pain and pleasure as possible. He likes the way red and purple taints Armin's pure, white skin.

Armin truly is beautiful.

Especially when he quietly begs Eren to stop.

[pitter-patter.]

Eren can suddenly feel this it coming, ready to rupture into crashing waves, but he doesn't want it to end so soon. The clock's hand looks as if it's still stuck on the number eight, but Eren knows not to trust his clouded mind. Right now, Armin's soul is what he's focused on; he just doesn't seem to care about anything else.

Armin trembles, so delicately, and Eren wants him to relax. He likes the way Armin looks blemished; he's never looked quite so beautiful as he does now with sweaty hair, red-stained eyes, flushed cheeks, bruises adorned all over his body, and crimson trailing down his legs.

Eren decides to kiss him — this beautiful art piece — because he's truly grateful that Armin's his. He feels Armin whimper into his mouth, and he tastes the distinct flavour of salt. The taste of salt seems too excessive to be created from simply Armin alone, yet who else is crying?

He ignores his pounding conscience. Now just isn't the time.

Eren detaches his lips from Armin's, and he continues dancing. Dancing against Armin — the two now in a simultaneous dance, so close to one another, so warm. Eren likes this, likes being with Armin, and he's growing even more excited with each passing second.

The it feeling is growing on him, and Eren knows that this moment can't last forever. After all, the clock's hand is now on the number nine — and eternity is limitless.

It's bubbling in the pit of his stomach (like tomato soup compressed in a lidded cauldron, Eren thinks), begging to be released. Eren feels blazed alight, the temperature rising, burning him alive, and yet it still feels so fucking good. He really likes the feeling of Armin shivering because of him — because of what he's doing. He likes being consumed alive by Armin's decaying innocence.

Destroying his soul has never been so much fun.

The explosive feeling won't go away, and Eren feels that at any moment he'll combust and die. He wants to do this all the time — be so close to Armin's quivering body — and yet he knows that innocence can't be returned once it's destroyed.

[pitter-patter.]

"Nn—fuck!" Eren pushes faster and faster, feeling it about to explode. His mind's foggy — so god damn foggy — and yet all he can see is white stained in red, slowly fading away, never to be returned…

…and then he finally collapses.

Eren and Armin simultaneously groan, exploding, and Eren feels free. Freer than the birds which fly in the sky.

They sink together — drowning, drowning to the very depths of the ocean that they've always wanted to see, the limitless skies that they've always wanted to reach — and Eren's never experienced quite the emotion before.

He's done it.

Eren leaves the cavern, feels the panting of Armin on the bed, and then he's suddenly exhausted. He initially didn't realise how much effort he'd have to put into breaking delicacy; he figured it would be easy.

And then his heart stops.

He sees Armin on the bed, fucking naked, covered in red and purple and white, shivering so hard it's as if he's experiencing that horrible snowy weather all those years ago, and he freezes.

Armin's completely hurt.

Eren sees Armin's gaze — fuck, his innocent, hurt, perfect gaze — quiver, tremble, bleed, as he inquires — so anxiously, so nervously, so innocently — why.

Why he did this to him.
Why he hurt him so deeply.
Why he didn't stop when Armin had begged him to.
Why he went faster when Armin cried and bled.

Why he destroyed his soul.

And it's at that moment when Eren suddenly realises everything.

He destroyed Armin's soul.

He killed Armin.