TRIGGER WARNING: Suicidal thoughts exist during this story. Please do not read if you feel that will negatively effect you in any way. My writing is definitely NOT worth that kind of risk.

WARNING(S): This contains general spoilers for seasons 8 and 9, especially for 9x13 "The Purge". This is entirely AU/made-up, since this obviously did NOT happen in the show after 9x13. lol Finally, there is major character death, so if you don't like that sort of thing, feel free to skip this one. ;)

Author's Note: If you haven't already, please read the above warning(s). So this little thing was floating around my document files for a long time, and I wasn't sure where to put it. I decided it would make a good companion piece to "Empty Words". I apologize in advance for any feels it may cause. :P It takes place several hours after the conversation from 9x13.

Disclaimer: I don't own Supernatural.

You're right and I'm sorry

That's what is written on the note next to Dean's body.

That's all Dean left for his brother- five words and a still-smoking pistol.

Sam wants to cry. To shake and sob and just lose all fucking control over this pain he's holding in.

But somehow he can't. All he can do is to stare at those five words, and as he reads them again and again, he thinks he understands.

Not what Dean was trying to say to him with the note, though he gets that too. But he understands exactly why Dean did what he did when he agreed to have Sam possessed by Gadreel. He finally sees things from Dean's point of view.

Dean had not only been facing the idea of losing Sam and being alone, but more importantly to Dean, he had been faced with the prospect of Sam dying without things having been made alright between them.

They had hugged. They had told each other they would try and keep going, together.

Yet they hadn't been ok. Not completely, anyway.

For all Dean had known, there was a chance Sam was choosing to die because he still felt resented, and Dean couldn't let Sam go like that. He couldn't allow his brother to leave if Sam was even half convinced that he wasn't valued above all else.

Now Sam fully comprehends Dean's reasoning, because as Sam shifts his anguished gaze to his brother's unbearably empty one, he is certain he would do anything to bring the man back right now.

He would let an angel into Dean if it meant having just five minutes to explain to his older sibling that he did care. That his words from their earlier conversation hadn't meant what Dean thought they had.

Sam would go to Hell or to Purgatory, or even shake hands with Gadreel himself, if he could just undo what had been done tonight.

But Sam can't fix it now because Dean is dead, and as far as Sam can tell, he died believing his little brother didn't want him anymore.

The tears never fully arrive, but the pain never leaves.

It isn't long before Sam's fingers wrap around the handle of Dean's pistol.

Secondary Author's Note: Thanks for reading! Also, I want to clarify that I do NOT harbor any hatred towards Sam. I actually understand his perspective, and consider his side of things to be completely valid. The reason for my writing this is simply that I was in a majorly angsty mood. lol Anyway, any feedback you care to share with me would be greatly appreciated! :D