Author's Note: Look, guys, I actually wrote a thingie! Hope this gives you a giggle.

As always, many thanks to my wonderful beta Katy for being the guinea pig I tested this ridiculous fic out on. So far she has shown no side effects like suddenly being able to glow in the dark, so I figure this fic is safe enough to post on the archives.

Tentacles

"All I'm saying is that the dude currently sleeping in your bed is an alien. You never know, there could be some hidden tentacles somewhere on that giant muscley body of his."

"Darcy, I've seen Thor's body extensively." Jane was blushing as she said this, Darcy was waggling her eyebrows suggestively. "There are no tentacles. Now stop asking ridiculous questions at the breakfast table. Or at least wait until I have a cup of coffee in me first."

"It is so not a ridiculous question! You'd know what I mean if you'd ever dated someone from Night Vale."

There was a long pause as Jane processed this through her sleep-addled mind. "You've dated...someone from Night Vale...with tentacles?"

"Well, technically he was a drifter passing through Night Vale, and, uh, technically I never saw the tentacles. But I swear the guy was everywhere! There's no other logical explanation for how he could be doing all those wild things to me all at once - unless he could duplicate himself!" she said with a laugh. "But, pfff - what are the odds of that happening, right? It had to be tentacles. I had a nickname for him - 'The Octopus.' I tried to catch him eight handed but we only ever met up in the dark. Oh, yeah, speaking of - I had another nickname for him too - 'The Faceless Man' - on account of how we only ever did it in pitch black alleyways."

"Well, that's...horrifying. You considered those dates?!"

Darcy shrugged. "When in Night Vale, as the saying goes."

"Darcy, the saying is 'When in Rome.'"

"When you're in Rome it is, but when you're in Night Vale you say 'When in Night Vale.' You'd know if you were from Night Vale. Anywho, we've recently started meeting back up again and this time he even talks to me. Mostly he says strange things like, 'Kneel before me, mortal,' and 'Time to fulfill your glorious purpose' right before we do it, but, like, a lot of guys say weird things like that during sex, am I right?"

"Um, no. You're not right. You're really, really not right."

"Whatevs. The orgasms Faceless Octopus Man gives me are out of this world."

Three years later

"...And in much less spine chilling news, Night Vale native Darcy Lewis, noted assistant of the astrophysicist Jane Foster, who helped fix the rainbow bridge connecting our world to Yggdrasil - as if we needed more portals connecting to our world and making us more vulnerable to alien attack," the Night Vale radio host, Cecil, noted dryly, "got married to her long time sweetheart, Loki - just Loki - of Asgard this past weekend. Aaaaaw. Isn't that sweet? As all of you know, Loki is our current mayor, who disconcertingly won the election unanimously, no doubt through blackmail, arsen, and possibly even mind control. Though with that head of luxuriously silky long black hair - hair that one could almost say even rivals Carlos' - he would have had my vote even without the mind control.

"One of the highlights of the wedding of the year included His Royal Majesty Thor, son of Odin and newly appointed king of Asgard, giving all of the bridesmaids concussions in one fell swoop as he pushed them all out of the way to retrieve the bride's bouquet. Apparently someone, and by someone my sources tell me it was Tony Stark, told His Highness that only the mightiest warrior was allowed to possess the 'mystical bouquet of awesome.' Not exactly the brightest crayon in the box, is King Thor? People of Asgard, I fear for you.

"Another bemusing moment was during Darcy Lewis' vows, where she was quoted saying, 'When we first started dating in dark alley ways, I thought that you had tentacles. But it turns out you really could duplicate yourself. I love you. And you and you and you,' she continued, as the groom started to multiply.

"And to that I say," and you could practically hear the cheeky grin in the radio host Cecil's voice, "not all of us can be blessed with the gift of having tentacles, but having a husband that can duplicate himself is a very close second best. What a lucky girl!

"And now, the weather."

~~Finis~~