Author's Note: All right. This was just an idea yesterday, and I honestly don't know if this is good enough, but… I feel like writing something sad about Malec, so here it is. It's really short, but there is a whole story behind these letters, here is the first one, I'm planning to do about 20 of them, but I don't know how that turns out.

Warning: It doesn't contain any heavy action, there are just letters. So if you're not interested in reading letters, there is nothing else here

Disclaimer: I do not own The Mortal Instruments, it belongs to Cassandra Clare, just like all the characters in this fic.

My dearest Alexander,

It's been 47 days since you've… left. Where are you, darling?

Everyone keeps saying that you are in a better place, but where exactly is it supposed to be? Don't worry if that's really far away, I can start my journey right now and I'm sure we can soon be together again.

Our bed seems so cold without you, and Chairman Meow doesn't even purr anymore, he misses you so much. I know I should embrace the fact that you're… gone, but I just can't. And no, I won't say this word. Because if I did, then this would all be over. You know I'm not good at saying goodbye even though I had to do this with so many people.

It hurts so much… It hurts, not being able to see your face, to touch you, to fall asleep and wake up with you. Instead I keep waking up alone, tortured by nightmares, screaming your name and realising that you're not by my side. But even nightmares are better than facing reality. This terrible world you're not part of anymore.

Isabelle visits me sometimes, asking me if I'm okay, even though she knows what my answer will be. Jace stepped by once or twice too, but just to clear your sister's intentions – she's checking up on me because she's afraid I can do something stupid. Why do they care, Alec? There's no point… I'm dead man already, I don't even do magic anymore, because it failed me when I needed it the most.

The thought that I couldn't save you haunts me all the time. It's my fault… This is all my fault… I should have died instead, and if that was possible I would. Exchange my life for yours… Tempting offer. Maybe I could watch over you, see you having an opportunity to live your life… I've lived mine already, so it should have been me. I don't know if you're reading it over my shoulder, but if you do, then please, please, know that I'm sorry. I'm sorry that you had to die. Sorry that I couldn't save you. Sorry that I am such a useless monster.

Yours forever and always,

Magnus

Thank you for reading and please, review because every single review makes me so so so so happy, I love reading them :) They encourage me to write more