Everything had a beginning as well as an end like the never ending cycle of life and death. Over the years, the hundreds of lifetime he lived and lost, China was certain of only one thing.

There are never second chances.

All the "perhaps another time", laters, and maybes became regrets and sore disappointments. He learned to deal with them, burying the pain and bitter memories until all he felt was numbness beneath his cool mask of calm.

Sitting by the windowsill, he looked out at the landscape before him, seeing the lives of his people passing him by. He wanted to ignore the letter that laid on his lap, but the thin sheet of paper weighed on him like a burden. He looked down at the letter bathed in the sunlight, its edges frayed yellow from age.

April 24, 1959

I miss your voice. I'm sometimes afraid I don't remember it.

It was short, barely filling a line of page, but the sentence seemed to have stretched into forever. China's eyes followed every curve and dab of ink as if he could make out the graceful movement of the hand that wrote it. Carefully, China folded the letter in his lap and neatly slipped it back into its envelope.

The box that laid open beside him was filled with letters just like the one he read. 40 years worth of letters addressed to him that he didn't receive until now. His fingers found the edge of the box and traced it, but he didn't reach inside, didn't touch any of the letters that waited to be opened. He was afraid. Afraid if he touched them, he would be tempted to read them; afraid if he finished reading everything, the man once known as Russia would still be lost to him. Why must he remember and ache for a man that's gone? Why must he yearn for a love that would never be fulfilled?

When they parted ways, both spewing poison at each other, China only felt anger and betrayal. He had hardened his heart with resentment and blinded himself to the truth, but grief... Grief and time dissolved what barrier he erected to protect himself. How do you protect yourself from your memories when they're all you have left?

Russia was fool so caught up in the make up fantasy of love. He wrote a letter everyday for 40 years, and in the end would've let them rot his drawer if his sister had not found them by chance. But China had no room to call the other nation a fool. It was also foolish of him to wait for 40 years, looking forward to when they'll meet again, to only keep on waiting because he was never coming back.

China looked on outside again, life carrying on as it always will. Again, he had to learn the lesson, the sharp beating pain of his heart reminding him second chances don't exist.

A/n:

There is a happy ending however! Ivan was gone for only about 3-4 weeks. Afterward, with the formation of the Russian Federation, he popped back into Yao's life ^^.

The 10th word of a random book on a random page was "everything". So I used that as the challenge. Very short and doesn't convey the entire idea of the plot bunny, but I'm happy with it since it's short! Finally got something under 500 words Q_Q

The plot bunny was:

After the Sino-Soviet split, Ivan started to write letters to Yao everyday without fail. Sometimes the letters were about how much he misses him, sometimes it was about their past. Often, it was about nothing at all, just the first thought he had in his head.

"When there's a full moon, I like to imagine we're gazing at it at the same time, sharing the same view. But there was no moon last night and it reminded me, you're no longer here. I wish you were."

So for 40 years all of the letters went unsent. It was only thanks to Ukraine did Yao receive the bundle of letters after the dissolution of the Soviet Union and Ivan's sudden disappearance. Each new day, Yao would wake up to read a letter. Each day, he would hope after he finished reading, Ivan would return to him.