The Jedi Master, The Ninja Turtle and The Goblin King (T; HUMOR/ROMANCE: CC/DC; RPF)
Summary: Sequel to Minions. Chris moves in with Darren. An Innocent pre-Halloween photo of Brian dressed as Yoda snowballs into a 'Chill-inducing' catastrophe that includes Star Wars, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, Labyrinth, the use of correct grammar, and an intellectual discussion on the effectiveness of anti-histamines for those allergic to our feline friends –not necessarily in that order. CRISSCOLFER
Warning: Must have read 'Minions.' Written in celebration of being included in the "100-Note Post Society" at Tumblr. Occasional language. Written in text format. Includes references to Star Wars, Harry Potter, TMNT and Labyrinth. Absolutely not for CHILLARREN fans –you will DIE a painful death if you read this.
Disclaimer: The people depicted in this work of fiction do not necessarily engage in the acts stated below. Any similarities to other written literature is purely coincidental. No copyright infringement intended. Don't sue me. I will bleed and die while LOL.
A/N: Originally written 10/25/13 and revamped 11/03/13 to include more recent events. If you have no knowledge of the CRISSCOLFER HALLOWEEN CHRONICLES, I would suggest you head over to my Tumblr (URL below) and search the archive for posts tagged as 'TPS' 'The Phantom Shipper' 'LOL PR' 'LOL CHILL' 'LOL MIARREN' or 'LOL CHILLARREN.' I will no longer entertain questions on the photos used as inspiration for this in my FFNET inbox. I also suggest that you read this on Tumblr if you can. There are graphics to help you understand the story better over there that cannot be applied to FFNET. Worry not though. You can still generally understand the story without them.
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The Jedi Master, The Ninja Turtle and The Goblin King
By C.M. Oliver
© 2013
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For Rick Schumacher. I admire your ability to make me squirm.
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You have (1) New Message(s):
From Darren Criss (Received 8:45 p.m. –October 25, 2013)
This is getting old. I leave for Chicago for a day and this is what I get?
(photo)
I'm not even going to deign this with a reaction.
-:-
From Chris Colfer (Received 8:49 p.m. –October 25, 2013)
I thought Brian looked cute as Yoda, babe.
-:-
From Darren Criss (Received 8:51 p.m. –October 25, 2013)
He does.
My baby.
(photo)
It's not that. It's the stupid tags again. And come on, everybody knows that that's MY arm in the background. *eye rolling*
People would really twist and turn things until they get what they want to see.
-:-
From Chris Colfer (Received 8:56 p.m. –October 25, 2013)
I know.
But people assume that since you mentioned once that you're allergic to cats… Obviously, people do not know what ANTI-HISTAMINES are.
-:-
From Darren Criss (Received 8:51 p.m. –October 25, 2013)
Again with ASSUME.
And it's not supposed to be even about my arm.
And yeah, I would actually DIE from touching Brian.
(photo)
What is it the Dark Ages?
-:-
From Chris Colfer (Received 9:02 p.m. –October 25, 2013)
Apparently, I take bad pictures. The 'lighting' makes it… questionable…
-:-
From Darren Criss (Received 9:03 p.m. –October 25, 2013)
No, people have bad eyes. Or bad logic. Seriously, Do I really have to, like, tattoo my name on my arm or something?
Again with the arm.
It's Brian's first Halloween photo at our new house, dammit!
I really miss him.
(photo)
Achoo!
-:-
From Chris Colfer (Received 9:05p.m. –October 25, 2013)
We can take a proper photo when you get back home –all 3 of us :)
I have ideas for matching costumes
-:-
From Darren Criss (Received 9:07 p.m. –October 25, 2013)
Vader and Amidala?
(photo)
;-D
-:-
From Chris Colfer (Received 9:09p.m. –October 25, 2013)
ONLY if I get to be Darth Vader.
;-P
-:-
From Darren Criss (Received 9:11p.m. –October 25, 2013)
WHAT –
Never mind. I'd make a lousy Padme.
:-(
How about this?
(photo)
;-)
-:-
From Chris Colfer (Received 9:12p.m. –October 25, 2013)
Really, Darren. Really?
I would agree if I get to be Harry Potter.
XP
-:-
From Darren Criss (Received 9:14p.m. –October 25, 2013)
Chris! You wound me!
Everybody knows I'm Harry Freakin' Potter.
Anyway, you should be Draco. Harry's a bottom apparently. I was reading this fan fiction just the other night…
-:-
From Chris Colfer (Received 9:14p.m. –October 25, 2013)
This can only go two ways…
-:-
From Darren Criss (Received 9:15p.m. –October 25, 2013)
There was this story where we switch places with Drarry –
-:-
From Chris Colfer (Received 9:16p.m. –October 25, 2013)
Again, this can only go two ways.
NO. Darren. I am not going to indulge your fantasy of making out with Tom Felton.
(photo)
-:-
From Darren Criss (Received 9:18p.m. –October 25, 2013)
BUT –
Fine.
I might get a permanent erection seeing you dressed like Draco Malfoy anyway. XD
Back to Star Wars then?
I can make a cool Darth Vader.
LUUUUKE. I'm your FATHERRRR…
(photo)
-:-
From Chris Colfer (Received 9:22p.m. –October 25, 2013)
You just want to be able to say THAT, don't you.
As much as I want to be your Amidala, I think Star Wars would be a bad idea.
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You have (1) New Message(s):
From Darren Criss (Received 7:15 p.m. –October 28, 2013)
Okay. What in the name of Freddie Mercury's Pants is this?
(photo)
I thought Star Wars was a BAD idea.
-:-
From Chris Colfer (Received 7:22p.m. –October 28, 2013)
It was Will's idea.
And you have to admit I rocked that sexy R2D2outfit.
(photo)
-:-
From Darren Criss (Received 7:26p.m. –October 28, 2013)
You did.
But did you really have to get matching costumes?
Really? You're blaming your personal assistant now?
-:-
From Chris Colfer (Received 7:29p.m. –October 28, 2013)
We went as FRIENDS Darren.
R2D2 and C3PO are FRIENDS.
It was either that or Sam and Dean from Supernatural.
Will is a friend too. I don't see why you're getting so worked up on this.
-:-
From Darren Criss (Received 7:33p.m. –October 28, 2013)
Sorry. I'm being stupid.
It's just unfair that I don't get to attend Matt's bash with my FIANCE.
(photo)
;-)
-:-
From Chris Colfer (Received 7:37p.m. –October 28, 2013)
Oh you.
Wait.
WAIT A FUCKIN –
Darren Everett Criss. You did not just have your picture taken with the ring I gave you!
WHAT THE HELL?
-:-
From Darren Criss (Received 7:40p.m. –October 28, 2013)
It's an old picture.
And so what if I did?
It's a pretty ring ;-)
And word may be out on the street that I am ENGAGED. They can't just make up their minds as to whom…
-:-
From Chris Colfer (Received 7:43p.m. –October 28, 2013)
Of course it is. I have impeccable taste.
No, wait. DON'T YOU TRY TO CHANGE THE SUBJECT, future Mr. Colfer –Criss.
Do you seriously have a Death Wish? Because that is what would happen. Your PR would kill YOU. No wait, scratch that. They would kill me and torture you to death. Slowly.
(photo)
It's been nice knowing you.
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You have (1) New Message(s):
From Chris Colfer (Received 5:22 p.m. –November 1, 2013)
Okay. I know I have NO RIGHT to complain. But I would have appreciated a forewarning.
(photo)
You and your girlfriend look really cozy.
-:-
From Darren Criss (Received 5:27 p.m. –November 1, 2013)
That wasn't even me!
I was up at the recording studio until the wee hours of Halloween last night!
And I did not post this
(photo)
"Me and Mia"? My grammar isn't the best but even I KNOW that's incorrect.
-:-
From Chris Colfer (Received 5:31 p.m. –November 1, 2013)
I hate Rick. I really do. I hate him more than I hate the word REHEARSAL.
And since when did you post stuff on Instagram?
And Labyrinth? You weren't even born yet when that movie came out.
-:-
From Darren Criss (Received 5:36 p.m. –November 1, 2013)
Yeah, because I've always wanted to dress up as a Goblin King with a girl in a white poufy dress plastered against my side like barnacle on mussels.
You knew I had my Michelangelo costume on hand to match yours.
(photo)
Why would I wear something else if I could've worn green and pigged-out on pizza with you?
-:-
From Chris Colfer (Received 5:40 p.m. –November 1, 2013)
At least people are noticing strange things regarding your 'MIARREN' photo.
Not everyone buys your PR's unoriginal ideas.
Sorry I overreacted. I thought you were upset of my photo with Will so you AGREED to that publicity stunt.
I should've trusted you.
-:-
From Darren Criss (Received 5:43 p.m. –November 1, 2013)
Not your fault, babe.
I kinda got upset when I first saw it too.
I mean, my stand-in was good-looking. I'm just not sure if I'm okay with the fact that they got someone taller than me for that photo.
And I'm not sure if I should be insulted or grateful that PR was stupid enough to do that.
You should see Tumblr. The 'LOL MIARREN' Tag was in uproar when it came out. I've never read more amusing things in my life.
Well except from the 'LOL CHILL' Tag. Those were downright hilarious.
-:-
From Chris Colfer (Received 5:47 p.m. –November 1, 2013)
Or the 'LOL PR' Tag
I just wish your PR would get the hint that their ploys aren't working anymore.
-:-
From Darren Criss (Received 5:51 p.m. –November 1, 2013)
36 Episodes to go.
Then they can go screw themselves and we can go and get on with our lives as Mr. and Mr. Colfer-Criss.
-:-
From Chris Colfer (Received 5:53 p.m. –November 1, 2013)
I guess we just have to stick together and stay strong until then.
Mr. and Mr. Colfer-Criss. I like the sound of that. I'm calling on that to be the title of our future Reality TV Show.
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FIN (for now)
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End A/N: I decided that this would be an ongoing story. I will post another part whenever I get the inspiration/ idea from the World Wide Web –like a CRISSCOLFER CHRONICLER. God knows we need it to tide us over that PR bullshit we are given each and every time. You don't have to review, but I would REALLY APPRECIATE it if you do. It motivates me to keep posting.
Also, SHAMELESS PLUGGING: I will be posting a CRISSCOLFER Multi-chaptered story later this month called ONE TRUE LOVE –TAKE TWO. It takes place during Season 2 and will explore an alternate reality of how CRISSCOLFER came to be. Keep me in your alert list so you can be update accordingly when it comes out.
By the way, you can also check me and my stuff out at:
FACEBOOK: C.M. Oliver is Eastwoodgirl (#cmoliverfanfiction)
FFNet: C.M. Oliver is Eastwoodgirl
Twitter: C.M. Oliver (a.t.) heyitschesca (#cmoliverfanfiction)
Tumblr: klaineloveandsnarrydreams (#cmoliverfanfiction) *preferred*
If you want to follow me, please don't be shy. Warning though: I talk mostly about Klaine and CrissColfer and Darren Criss and Chris Colfer and Snarry and Glee and Harry Potter and Music and Movies and Pop Culture and LGBT and about the general unfairness of life (yeah, a lot of those things).
Until next time! Love, C.