DISCLAIMER: Star Trek and characters belong to Paramount/CBS. This story and any errors are mine.

Chakotay laid down the saplings he was carrying and jogged into the house to answer the comm. He reached the panel on the fifth chime and activated the link to see Gregory from the shuttle port.

"Chakotay, finally! I've been trying to reach you for two hours."

"I was out in the woods. What's going on?"

"A shuttle will arrive in ten minutes. It's Vice Admiral Janeway."

"Kathryn?" Chakotay gasped. "She's coming here?"

"Yes, and she'll be here in minutes. Do I need to stall her?"

"No! No, I'll be there. Thank you."

Chakotay ended the link and yanked his shirt off on his way down the hall as he rushed to change, hurrying back out the door in just under two minutes with his hair wet and still trying to push his heel into one shoe. He started the hover car and sped toward the port, the vibration of the engine seeming to match his heartbeat and his whirling thoughts. Why was she here? Why didn't she contact him first? Kathryn's here? After four months. Why?

His litany of questions wasn't doing a damn thing for his nerves, so he forced himself to breathe deeply, evenly, in, out, in and out. He ruffled his hair in an effort to dry it faster, then smoothed it down as best he could while turning the car into the shuttle port drive. As soon as the car stopped, he threw the door open, managed to hook his foot on the panel, hopped three times to catch his balance, and slammed the door shut with his knee before rushing into the terminal. He could see across the small building through the back window to where a personal shuttle was powering down, one of only two flyers there at that moment. He waved to Gregory and then forced himself to walk calmly through the back door and wait a few steps from the shuttle as the hatch opened.

It was her. He hadn't believed it until he saw her with his own eyes – the hair, the shape, the face he knew so well that haunted his dreams still. He started toward her, and her blue eyes bore into him until his racing heart stopped completely, her struggle to smile ripping the offended organ from his chest. God, she looked like hell! Something was wrong; terribly, terribly wrong.

He faltered a step, but recovered quickly and closed the distance between them. "Kathryn? What a surprise!"

"Chakotay." His name seemed to stumble from her lips, her voice thick and raspy. She had dark circles around both eyes, her lips were drawn tight in thin lines, she had lost weight, and even her hair seemed dull and lackluster. She had obviously come to him in need, and he did something he had never done before in all the years he'd known her – he walked straight to her and wrapped his arms around her, pulling her head to his shoulder.

"I'm here, Kathryn," he said softly. Her body stiffened for a brief second and then went limp against his with a shuddering breath, and she gripped the back of his shirt as if using it to hold herself up.

"I didn't know where else to go," she sighed. "I couldn't stay there anymore."

"Tell me what's happened."

"My mother. She's gone, Chakotay. She died a month ago. My sister left with her family to live on Mars. Tuvok is still on Vulcan. I had no one left." Her voice cracked on the last word, but she fought it. "I missed the last years of my mother's life. I'm sorry, but I couldn't stay there." He felt warm tears dampening his shirt and thought he would shatter where he stood from her anguish.

He rubbed his hand over her back and tried to soothe her. "I'm so sorry, Kathryn. I'm glad you came, and you can stay here as long as you need to. You're not alone." He remembered how she'd been when the ship was in the Void, and the story of how she'd suffered when her father and Justin died. She was the strongest woman he knew, but when she hurt, she hurt deeply, and right now her very soul was aching. He recognized the one difference between this time and those others, though. This time, she was asking for help, reaching out for comfort, and she had come to him.

He eased his head back and wiped her tears with one hand, keeping his other arm loosely around her. "Let's get your bags and go home. I'll make some coffee, and you can get settled in while I fix lunch."

"That sounds nice." She had stopped her tears and tried once again to smile for him. "Will I be intruding on anyone?"

He smiled softly. "No, it's just me in the house. My sister and her family are away for at least another month. A neighbor might come by from time to time, but that's it."

She turned and picked up a large duffle bag and a carry case, struggling to hitch the duffle up onto her shoulder. He quickly took both bags from her, alarmed at how frail she seemed, and when she started to half-heartedly protest, he forced a smile and said, "I don't make my guests carry their own luggage. We may not have much here, but we do have an abundance of hospitality."

She nodded her head and followed him to his car. He walked her around the outside of the building so she wouldn't have to face Gregory in her current state, knowing that it would embarrass her and she would use every last bit of her energy trying to stand strong in front of a stranger. She was silent and simply stared through the window for the seven-minute trip back to his home.

He led her inside to the guest bedroom and set her bags in front of the closet as she flopped down on the bed, showing him just how mentally and physically exhausted she was. Kathryn Janeway does not flop, he thought to himself. She was looking at the dresser, though he decided she was actually staring through the dresser, not really seeing it but something in her own mind or, perhaps, nothing at all.

He sat down beside her and cradled her hand between both of his. She turned to him at his touch and said quietly, "I'm tired, Chakotay. I'm so tired."

"Then rest. I'll go make you some tea while you put on your pajamas. You can sleep as long as you want to. I'll be here."

He went to the kitchen and made a special tea blend he had learned from his mother that helped calm the nerves, deciding that it wouldn't hurt to drink a cup himself, too. By the time he finished and carried the cups to the guest room, Kathryn was in her nightgown sitting on the side of the bed near the pillows. The pink gown had narrow straps over her shoulders, and he almost winced at the sight of her thin arms, protruding collar bones and sunken, pale cheeks. Even at her thinnest on Voyager, she had never looked like this.

Spirits help her, he thought. Did I let this happen? Is this my fault for not staying on Earth? He had felt an obligation to return to Trebus, to try to help his people and to reconnect with his past. Maybe he'd chosen the wrong obligation, but when he'd left, Kathryn had a new promotion at Starfleet, her mother, sister and nephews visited often, old friends had come to see her, and she was even looking for a home to buy. He'd thought she had everything she wanted after reaching her ultimate goal of getting the ship home against impossible odds.

He handed her a teacup and after she drank a little, he placed it on the bedside table and pulled the covers off the pillow. He turned down the bed, and she lay down and let him cover her up.

"What can I get for you?" he asked.

"Nothing. I just need to rest."

"Sleep well, Kathryn." He tucked the blanket tighter under her chin and closed the curtains over the window. He took one more look at her from the doorway and started to close the door when he heard her small voice.

"Don't go. Please."

He blinked back tears as he re-entered the room. "I'll stay with you," he said lightly. "I could use a break myself." He was trying to sound casual to keep her from noticing his pain at seeing her this way. This clinging husk of a woman was not the Kathryn he knew and loved. "I spent the morning in the woods looking for saplings to transplant," he continued. He toed off his shoes and climbed onto the bed beside her, propping a pillow behind him against the headboard and leaning back. He kept talking nonchalantly as he tugged her pillow to his side and nudged her to turn over toward him. She did, and as he talked about the baiga nut sapling he would plant in the backyard, he gently pulled her to him and laid his arm around her, lightly rubbing her back. When he mentioned the himara fruit saplings, she draped her arm over his waist and snuggled closer, and the beginning of a story about his father preserving fruits brought a deep sigh from her.

She fell asleep during the instructions for drying baiga nuts, and he stopped mid-sentence to gaze down at her, tears stinging his eyes again. "I'm sorry, Kathryn," he whispered. "I'm sorry I left you." He stayed with her, thinking of all the times in the pasthe'd wanted to hold her or comfort her. The professional distance been them even in their deep friendship had been mutually maintained, but that hadn't stopped him from loving her, or, he felt certain, her from loving him. It was a choice they'd had to make for the sake of their mission, and by the time they completed that mission, the habit had been easy to keep up. Too easy, maybe, because if he'd listened to his heart instead of his head, he would have stayed near her. He would have known about her mother, about her sister moving off world, and seen the weight loss and a thousand other signs that Kathryn must have tried to hide for as long as she could. He felt sure that sheer desperation at the end of her rope would be the only reason that she would leave her job and Earth to come to Trebus.

Kathryn moaned in her sleep every few minutes, and Chakotay rubbed her back or caressed her hair until she stopped again. Over an hour later, she seemed to settle into a deeper sleep. He slipped out from under her arm and stood in the doorway until he was sure she would stay quiet. He went to the comm and sent a message to Starfleet Medical, then sat down with a cup of coffee to wait. He was deep in thought when the link came through, and was startled at the Doctor's abrupt greeting.

"Chakotay, I don't know where she is. I don't understand why everyone thinks I do."

Chakotay held up his hand and interrupted, "You're talking about Kathryn, right?"

"Of course I am."

"She's here, Doctor. She arrived in a shuttle a couple of hours ago."

"Oh, thank heavens!" the Doctor said as he waved a hand through the air. "If one more person threatens to decompile me because I won't tell them where she is…"

"Doctor, please," Chakotay interrupted again. "What the hell is going on?"

"I want to talk to her."

"Absolutely not. She's asleep, and it took me over an hour to calm her enough that I could leave the bedroom. I called you to find out how to help her. She's too thin, she doesn't want to be left alone, she's physically exhausted, and frankly she looked better the day after you removed her Borg implants than she does right now. If you didn't know where she was, and the crew didn't know, does that mean Starfleet doesn't know either? Is she AWOL, Doc?"

The Doctor shook his head and leaned back in his chair. "No, she was given a choice to either take a leave of absence, or they would put her on leave indefinitely. She took the leave voluntarily two weeks ago, and no one has heard from her since. I suppose I don't have to tell you that things have not been easy for her. You left, Tuvok was already gone, more and more of the crew have moved on to other assignments and jobs, then her mother died suddenly, and within a week of the funeral her sister packed up and left for Mars. It was too much for the vice admiral. She lost her support system, and though she might have coped with most of it, her grief over losing her mother was devastating. I tried to help, but half the time she wouldn't even return my calls or let me in if I attempted to see her. She locked herself away except to report for duty at Headquarters, and it didn't take long for Starfleet to notice that she wasn't well. The leave was supposed to give her an opportunity to get some counseling."

Chakotay rubbed his forehead and took a sip of his coffee, trying to figure out how things had gone so horribly wrong. "How do I help her, Doc?" he asked quietly. "What do I do?"

"If anyone can possibly help her, Chakotay, you can." The Doctor's voice was sympathetic. "She loves you, and you love her." Chakotay's eyes squinted, but the Doctor plowed forward. "Don't deny it; I'm stating a simple fact. You're the only one that can reach her right now. Let her sleep, try to get her to eat better, and get her to talk to you, but don't push her too far too soon. Her physical state only makes it harder for her to deal with the emotional upheaval. For the immediate future, regular sleep and nutrition are the most important things, and if she opens up to you voluntarily, then listen and offer comfort. Maybe later she will be more receptive to counseling, but you can't force it on her. Is there any reason that she can't stay with you?"

"No, she can stay as long as she wants to. I still have most of my back pay saved up, so I won't have to look for work for a while yet. I can be here at home with her as much as she needs me."

"That's good, because she's going to need you quite a bit right now. I'm sending you a replicator formula for nutritional supplements. I'll also send a mild sedative, but don't give it to her unless you have to. She suffered at least one anxiety attack while on duty."

Chakotay tried to fathom Kathryn having an anxiety attack, but his mind didn't want to accept it, not after he had seen her time and time again stoically face down death and the worst the Delta Quadrant had to offer. He sighed. "Thank you, Doctor. Please let Starfleet and the crew know that she's with me, but not to try contacting her yet. I don't want to cause her any more stress, and if she knows that everyone is looking for her and worried about her, she'll feel like she has to put up a front for them."

"I will. Call me in three days unless you need me before. Hopefully, she will sleep for most of that time. She needs it."

Kathryn moaned in the bedroom, and Chakotay quickly turned toward the sound. "I have to go. She's getting restless again."

"Take care of her, Chakotay. Doctor out."

Chakotay punched the button to end the link and went back to the bedroom. Kathryn had rolled over onto her other side, and her face was drawn like she was in pain. He crawled onto the bed and spooned his body behind hers, whispering softly to her. She settled back into a deeper sleep, and when he gently laid his arm over her side, she scooted tighter against him. He held her in his arms while he tried to work out ways to help her regain her equilibrium and cope with her grief. Whatever plans he might have had for the near future were pushed aside as Kathryn became his sole focus.