I'm Already Torn

Author's Note: Here's a little one shot that popped into my head while I was supposed to be working on a paper for one of my classes. I'm working on another multi chapter fic, but got side tracked due to some family crises. Anyway, here's the story. As always, I don't own Glee or any of its characters. The title comes from Torn by Natalie Imbruglia.

The letter that arrived in the mail completely took Rachel by surprise. She assumed by the fancy cursive writing on the envelope it was a wedding invitation, which she was right about. She just thought it was to Puck and Quinn's wedding, or maybe even Mike and Tina's. However, she was not expecting to see an invitation to the wedding of one Finn Christopher Hudson and Abigail Cecile Morgan.

Dear Ms. Rachel Berry, the honor of your presence has been requested at the wedding of Abigail Cecile Morgan and Finn Christopher Hudson on May 26, 2018, in Lima, Ohio.

To say she was shocked was an understatement. Sure, she knew Finn had dated other girls since they broke up all those years ago in the auditorium at the school. Even she had dated people when she had the time (but hey, it wasn't easy being Broadway's up-and-coming star), but it hadn't been anything serious.

"How could this be happening?" she asked herself, sinking down into the couch in her SoHo loft. She always thought that she'd get back together with Finn at some point in the future. She never expected that he'd get engaged to someone else.

"Rachel, open this door now!" Santana said, pounding on the door to the loft. In a daze, Rachel picked herself off from the couch and walked over to the door. She opened it enough for Santana to come in. Santana breezed past her and started saying things in Spanish, things that Rachel couldn't understand.

Rachel's eyes went back to the table, where the wedding invitation was still sitting. Santana followed her eyes and saw the invitation.

"So you got one, too, huh?"

Rachel nodded, afraid that if she started talking, she would start crying. And if she started crying, she wouldn't be able to stop.

"What are you going to do about it?"

She shrugged.

"Are able to speak?"

Rachel shook her head. Santana sighed and crossed the room and gave Rachel a hug, making the tears she was trying to hide fall over her eyes.

"Shh, it's going to be okay, Rachel. I promise, we'll make it okay."

Rachel pulled back from the hug and wiped her tears away. "But that's the thing, San. I don't think I'm going to be okay. I didn't think Finn and I would marry other people. And for the longest time, I thought he felt the same way."

"He probably still does. You just have to show him what he's missing." Santana started digging through her purse and pulled out two plane tickets. "That's why we're going back to Lima this weekend. We're going to talk some sense into Finn Hudson. We're going to make him see what he's been missing. But before we go, we are going shopping."

Shopping with Santana had to be one of the most exhausting things Rachel had ever experienced. But on the way to the mall, Santana felt the need to call Kurt in for backup, leading to one gigantic headache for Rachel.

The three of them were currently in one of the more upscale stores the mall had to offer, and they were back in one of the dressing rooms. Kurt and Santana were arguing about whether or not Rachel should wear a pencil skirt with a certain blouse while Rachel was sitting on one of the benches rubbing her temples.

"The skirt will accentuate her long legs, Santana. I know what I'm doing; I work at Vogue." Kurt said as he started to take the skirt off the hanger.

"Berry's worn enough skirts in her lifetime. But these jeggings," Santana held them up for extra affect, "These will make Hudson's eyes pop out of his head when he sees her wearing them."

"Okay, seriously? The two of you have been discussing my wardrobe for the last fifteen minutes. I will buy both the skirt and the jeggings so I can appease you both. I have enough clothes at the loft; I don't need you both going crazy over what I have to buy."

"We just want you to look good when you make your grand appearance in Lima again." Kurt said.

"And we also want to show Finn what he's been missing." Santana looked at the skirt in Kurt's hands. "And I suppose the skirt will do that."

"Yes, but so will the jeggings. For once, when it comes to fashion, I think Rachel Berry is right."

Rachel cracked a small smile as she continued to rub her temples. The bickering between the two of them had stopped for now, but that didn't mean it wouldn't start up again in a few minutes.

"So, now that we're back in Lima, what are we going to do?" Rachel asked when they got off the plane a few days later. They'd stopped by the school to say hi to Mr. and Mrs. Schue, ate at Breadstix, and even got a semi nice greeting from Sue Sylvester herself.

Kurt and Santana were both suspiciously quiet. Especially since they were in a bar.

"What did you guys do?" Rachel asked, taking a sip of her drink.

"Oh, look who it is!" Kurt squealed, pointing to the door. Rachel turned around and saw Finn coming into the bar.

"Are you kidding me?" Rachel said, getting off the bar stool. "I'm not ready for this."

"Rach, you look great. Personally, I think you should have gone for the jeggings, but whatever. Go over, say hi to Finn, and make him realize that he belongs with you and not Amy." Santana said.

Kurt wrinkled his nose. "Amy? You mean Abby?"

Santana rolled her eyes. "Whatever. It's not like she's going to be a relevant part of our lives in a few months."

Rachel turned back to look at Finn. She did want to go talk to him, but she also knew she had a few drinks in her system and didn't want to make a fool out of herself.

"Oh my God, you are taking way too long with this." Santana got off her bar stool and walked over to where Finn was. She tapped him on the shoulder and gave him a hug when he turned around and acknowledged her. The two of them talked for a little bit, then she led him over to where they were sitting.

Rachel looked up when Finn came over and tried not to swoon when she looked in his eyes.

"Hey, Kurt. Rachel." He tried not to stare at Rachel, and hid it miserably.

"Hi, Finn." She turned her attention back to her drink and started chewing on her straw, a nervous habit she had developed over the last few years. "Congratulations on the engagement." She didn't really mean it, of course, but she was trying to be cordial and strike up some form of conversation.

"Thanks. Abby's great. I think she's coming by later if you want to meet her."

Rachel's eyes widened. She could hardly handle seeing Finn; she knew she wouldn't be able to handle meeting his new fiancée.

"Wow, that sounds…great." Rachel said, gritting her teeth.

If Finn picked up on the real way that Rachel felt, he sure did do a great job of acting like he hadn't noticed it. "The two of you would get along so well. She teaches too, but she works out in Cridersville, which thankfully isn't all that far away from here. So, what are you doing here in Lima? I never thought I'd see the day where you voluntary came back here."

Rachel looked over her shoulder to where Kurt and Santana were sitting. They made a face at Rachel and turned back to the bartender.

"I just wanted to come back and see my dads. It's their thirtieth wedding anniversary, and they're throwing a huge party. I thought their only daughter should be present for all the festivities."

Finn nodded and looked at the main entrance when the bells over the door jingled. "There she is. Come on, Rach, I want you to meet Abby." He took one of Rachel's hands and started walking her to the front of the bar.

"There you are, Finn." Abby said, a warm smile spreading over her face. "Who's this?" she asked, her smile faltering slightly.

"Abby, this is Rachel Berry, one of my oldest friends here in Lima. She made it big on Broadway, just like she always said she would. Rachel, this is Abby Morgan, my fiancée."

Rachel extended her right hand for Abby to shake, which she did halfheartedly.

"So, you're the famous Rachel Berry I've heard all about from Carole. Did you know you're the only girlfriend of Finn's that she talks about?"

Rachel blinked in surprise. She still talked to Carole on occasion (but in all actuality, the only time she talked to Carole was when she'd answer Kurt's phone if he was busy).

"Oh, I didn't know that." Rachel said, ducking her head. She looked over her shoulder once again to her best friends at the bar. "Well, I think I'm going to head back to my daddies place. It was good to see you again, Finn, and it was nice to meet you, Abby." Rachel said, turning around quickly as she walked back to where Kurt and Santana were seated at the bar.

"That seemed incredibly awkward." Santana said.

"I can't believe he didn't even say anything about how great you look in the skirt." Kurt said, pursing his lips at his stepbrother.

"I told you, Kurt, she should have worn the jeggings. We wouldn't be having this problem if she had just worn the jeggings."

"No, you both are wrong." Rachel snapped. "We're having this problem because I kissed Brody all those years ago in New York. We're having this problem because Finn and I broke up, not because I'm wearing a skirt. I'm tired and I don't want to be here anymore, so I'm going back to the house. I'll see you both tomorrow, and I swear to God, if you're planning on having Finn 'pop up' again, I'm going to kill you both."

"Hey, there you are." Finn said to Rachel, sliding into a booth at Breadstix. "Thanks for coming to meet me here. I figured we needed to talk things over."

Rachel gave Finn a weak smile. "Congratulations on your engagement."

Finn broke out into a wide smile. "Abby's a great girl. I really want the two of you to meet in a bit more of a formal setting, not just in a bar."

"She seems great." Rachel said through gritted teeth. Finn didn't notice.

"So, are you still a vegan?" Finn asked, looking over the menu.

"Well, I think I'm more of a loose vegetarian now. Being in New York changed that." Rachel said, trying to avoid looking into Finn's eyes. Because she knew that if she looked in those gorgeous, soulful caramel colored eyes, she'd melt down and things wouldn't go very well for this casual lunch.

"So, what do you think? What should we get for lunch?"

Rachel shut her menu and looked down at the front cover. "Actually, I don't think I'm all that hungry anymore. I don't think I'm going to get anything."

Finn slowly shut his menu and looked at Rachel. "Are you feeling okay? I know you've never had as much of an appetite as I do, but you've never turned down a meal."

Rachel sighed and dared a look at Finn.

Sa-woon.

"I just don't feel good. But you can go ahead and get something to eat. We can just talk." Rachel said, tapping her nails against the table. She just wanted to get this lunch over with so she could go back to her house and start crying into her pillow.

Damn Finn Hudson for still making her cry all these years later.

"Oh. Okay. Well, what do you want to talk about?" Finn asked, picking the menu back up again.

"Why are you marrying her and not me?" Rachel blurted out, her eyes widening as soon as she said it.

"Excuse me?"

"Why her and not me? I know we had our differences six years, but I honestly thought we would get back together. Instead, I got everything I ever wanted, besides one main thing: you. No matter what scenario I had planned out in my head, there you were. When I pictured having kids, I knew you'd be the father. When I pictured living in New York, you and I got a crappy little shoebox apartment, and we lived happily ever after. And when I was retired from Broadway, I'd come back here to Lima and we'd die together. But now you're having all that with Abby and I can't handle it." Rachel pushed herself off the booth and grabbed her purse. "I'm sorry I ruined our lunch. Congratulations on getting married, I'll send a card eventually. But, Finn, please don't try to get in touch with me if you're ever in New York. It would honestly hurt me too much." Seconds away from tears, she walked to the front of the restaurant and left.

"Aw, Finn Hudson. Long time, no see." Hiram Berry said to his former almost son-in-law. "What brings you by the house at this time at night?"

Rachel, who was silently packing her things in her room, froze when she heard her father talking to Finn.

He was going to rat her out.

"Hello, sir, I was wondering if Rachel was here." Finn said. Based on his tone, Rachel had a feeling he was about to start rubbing the back of his neck because he was getting nervous and slightly intimidated standing in front of one of Rachel's dads.

"She's up in her old room. Why don't you head up and see how she's feeling. She came home earlier today in tears."

"Shit, shit, shit." Rachel said, throwing the rest of her stuff into the suitcase. She hastily zipped it shut and put it under her bed. She didn't want Finn to know she was taking off already.

"Hey, Rach, I was wondering if we could talk." Finn said, slightly knocking on her bedroom door.

She bit her lip and hesitated before she turned around to face Finn. "Look, I'm sorry about my outburst from lunch earlier. I just…I just don't know what came over me. Besides, you are getting married in a few weeks. I'll get over whatever this is that I'm feeling in a little bit." Rachel pulled her suitcase out from underneath her bed. "So, I'm going to head back to New York, and you are going to get married, and I will eventually get over you." Not waiting to get a response from Finn, she brushed past him and stomped down the stairs.

A few weeks later, Rachel had the apartment to herself as Santana and Kurt went to Lima for the wedding.

"Okay, I just need to make it through today and everything will be okay." Rachel said, shoving spoonfuls of chocolate ice cream in her mouth as she watched Funny Girl.

Suddenly, her phone started beeping like crazy as she got ten texts from Kurt and Santana. She raised her eyebrow and shook her head as someone started knocking on her apartment door. Frowning, she paused the movie and pushed herself off the couch to go open the door.

She pulled it open and her eyes widened when she saw Finn standing on the doorstep.

"Finn, what are you—"

"It's my turn to talk. Did you know I spent hundreds of dollars on a plane ticket for New York City today? Even though I'm supposed to be getting married right now."

Rachel nodded and raised an eyebrow, not understanding where this conversation was going.

"But, I couldn't get you, and everything about you, out of my head. So, I left the church. I pulled a complete Rachel Green from Friends and climbed out the window. And I drove to the airport and got on the plane and came out here, all to tell you that I love you and I don't want to marry Abby. It's you, Rach, and it's always been you." Finn cupped Rachel's cheek. "So, if you'd be willing to accept me back, I'd love to be with you again."

Rachel smiled at Finn. "Yes, Finn. I'd love to be with you again, too." She threw her arms around Finn and locked lips with him in one of their most passionate kisses ever.