Oh yeah, this is the last chapter XD I'm sorry, but I had to write an epilogue. The issue of screen time hasn't been resolved yet!

Chapter 11: The Epilogue!

Up in one of Asgard's super-awesome party rooms, the Yay-We-Kind-of-Survived-a-Sequel celebration was in full swing. Mead flowed endlessly as dark elves, humans, and Asgardians alike had a fantastic time getting roaring drunk. A group of dark elves sat with the Asgardian redshirts, sharing hundreds of cookies and talking trash about their respective leaders. At another table, the U.S. officials and the British officials sat with the underpaid guard and Now-Alive-Algrim, talking unfortunate accidents and finances.

Darcy and Ian twirled crazily around the dance floor next to Loki and Frigga, who were chatting and dancing happily. At one of the well-stocked food tables, Dr. Selvig was engaged in a deep philosophical debate with Heimdall. At the table next to them, Thor, Hogun, Volstagg, and Fandral sat with Tony Stark, Steve Rogers, Sam Wilson, and Bruce Banner, who had come to apologize for arriving fifteen minutes late with Starbucks. The group was battling it out for reigning mead-drinking champion, downing goblets of mead by the second. Nearby, Sif, Jane, Natasha, and Pepper sat talking amiably, occasionally rolling their eyes at the men's antics.

All in all, everyone at the party was content and happy. Everyone except Odin and Malekith, that is, who both sat sulking in a corner.

"Ahem!" The chatter died down as the music cut off and the lights brightened on a huge stage, resembling the one often seen at the Oscars. The authoress stepped onto the stage. Everyone squeaked in fright.

"Hello, all!" the authoress said cheerfully. "I hope you've all enjoyed the party so far!"

"A lot more than we enjoyed that butchering of a movie," the cast of said movie muttered.

"Anyways," the authoress continued, ignoring them. "Now that we have, sadly, reached the end of this little shindig-"

"Thank heavens," everyone muttered.

"-the time has come to award the ever-coveted, incredibly valuable, career-furthering, and passionately fought-over…SCREEN TIME!"

The crowd gasped as the authoress revealed, with a dramatic flourish, a single, glowing box, the words "SCREEN TIME" printed clearly on the front. Everyone leaned forward with desire. In that box lay the most precious thing in all the Marvel universe besides unlimited resurrections!

"As is only fair," the authoress continued, "this screen time shall be awarded to the character who not only managed to gather the most screen time during the movie, including close-ups and badass demonstrations, but to the character who handled that screen time with the most skill, attractiveness, and decent acting!"

All the characters suddenly became nervously, glancing around at each other. Thor, Jane, and Loki winced. While they certainly had the greatest chance of winning the coveted award, they were desperately trying not to think of the amount of times they had broken character, yelled at the authoress, or plain-out destroyed movie sets.

"So," the authoress said, pulling a crisp, white envelope out. "Without further ado, the award for most screen time goes to…"

Malekith leaned forward tensely, and Odin clenched his fists. Darcy and Ian crossed their fingers. Dr. Selvig looked slightly hopeful, while Fandral and Volstagg stared at the envelope intensely. Sif tightened her grip on her sword, while Thor, Loki, and Jane clutched each other's hands tightly. Hogun and Frigga merely clinked their glasses and downed more mead.

"…goes tooooo….-*gasp*- the beloved-"

Poof!

The lights shut off.

"What in the-"

"Aw, COME ON!"

"LOKI!" Odin's voice cut through the explosion of panicked muttering.

"It wasn't me!" Loki's voice cried back indignantly.

"Then who-"

"Heh,"

Everyone froze as a sinister chuckle came pouring through the loudspeakers.

"Hehe. Hehehe. HEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHE!" The hysterical laughing increased in volume as everyone clutched each other, glancing around with terror.

A single light cut on, illuminating the stage, and revealing a single, dark figure, face hidden from view. The authoress was nowhere to be seen.

"There's only one person going home with the screen time tonight," the figure said darkly. Everyone squinted at the figure, desperately trying to figure out who was stealing their party (and screen time).

"And that, my dear, dear friends," the figure continued, "is me!"

"Hold on," Natasha muttered, squinting.

"That voice sounds familiar," Thor and the rest of the Avengers said.

"Because!" The figure said, fuming. "Out of alllllll the Phase Two movies, out of alllll the fun-filled sequels-"

"I'm not sure fun-filled is the right word," Steve muttered, Natasha nodding in agreement.

"Out of ALL the random cameos, ALL the returning characters who SHOULD HAVE BEEN DEAD, WHO WEREN'T EVEN AN AVENGER-"

Natasha narrowed her eyes. "Waaaaait a second..."

"Out of all the characters, Marvel couldn't find one measly, tiny cameo, just one second of screen time-"

"Oh dear," Tony muttered, realization dawning as well.

"NOT ONE OUNCE OF SCREEN TIME FOR HAWKEYE!" Clint Barton roared, stepping out of the shadows, screen time clutched in his hands, a look of hysteria on his face.

"He's lost it even more than I have," Loki said faintly. Natasha just face palmed.

"Clint!" the rest of the Avengers cried. "What the heck?!"

"You know very well what's "what the heck"!" Clint yelled hysterically. "Three sequels released after The Avengers and I didn't get ONE SINGLE SECOND OF SCREEN TIME! NOT EVEN A TINY MENTION! AND I'M ONE OF THE MAIN AVENGERS!"

"Oh dear," Steve, Natasha, Bruce, and Thor said, looking concerned.

"Trust me, you didn't wanna be in these movies!" Tony yelled.

"Yeah!" the rest of the people at the party agreed fervently, nodding their heads.

"It was painful!" Pepper said.

"People got viciously injured!" Loki added.

"Lots of perfectly good characters died!" Frigga chimed in.

"People got disgraced!" Malekith yelled.

"It was emotionally traumatizing!" Thor yelled.

"I got brutally attacked and shot by my best friend!" Steve yelled.

"Trust me, Clint, it wasn't fun!" Natasha said soothingly.

"Now, if you'd just hand over that screen time…" Odin said, placating.

"No!" Clint hissed. "I don't care! This screen time is mine! It's mine…mine…MY PRECIOUSSSS!"

"Alright, I've had enough of this!" Thor yelled.

"Get him!" Loki cried.

"YOU'LL NEVER TAKE IT FROM ME ALIVEEEE!" Clint shrieked, sprinting away from the crowd of people chasing him. Everyone streamed out from the hall, desperately trying to recapture the screen time from the insane archer.

By the time the crowd left the hall, the only two people left in the room were the authoress and a tall man wearing a torn-up hoodie.

"Well, that was certainly dramatic," the authoress said as she offered a glass of mead to the man. "Drink?"

"No," the man hissed, lifting his head to glare at her, revealing the traumatized face of Bucky Barnes, also known as the Winter Soldier. The authoress shrugged.

"You may need it. Who knows? I might just write something for Captain America: The Winter Soldier next."

"NOOOOOOO!" Bucky shrieked, jumping up from the table and running away. "STEVE! SAVE ME!" The authoress just laughed.

"Oh, Marvel," she sighed. "I will never tire of abusing your wonderful characters."

And THAT, dear readers, is The End.