You know the title… EXCEL'S FANTASY EISODE, DON'T LEAVE ME!
…and by me, "Muchacha".
…and my email addy if you want to be nice or be a pain.
[email protected] I enjoy mail though.
(Thanks for the emails, though, I'm surprised people are reading this story and are ripping for more. Besides, I make my own puns. Warning you. ^_~)
*Oh my. I'm alive still. Thanks for reading. And all those who reviewed and mailed for this story to be continued…you better pray.
Never will own this, nothing in it but the odd plots that are stupid and such…
Oh, and grammer's past tense.
Story:
"Senior Excel!" Hyatt ran in the meadow of pink flowers. She held out her arms willingly and ran straight toward the sunset. She laughed with happiness. Everything was fine. The wind played on her hair and danced with her dress.
"Hyatt!" Excel shouted back with anticipation. She raced toward her lover on the other side of the wide meadow. She as well out her arms, and she cheerfully smiled. The music in the background was playing a romantic tune. They almost reached the middle of the field.
Reaching farther, Excel wanted to grasp the princess's fingers. Their tips of their fingers were brushing when…
[Record playing the awful romantic music stops]
Author's note: Hi, everyone. Obviously, that's not part of the story. If you're listening and are a real reader, you'll see below is the real part where we left off of the story. I wanted to see if you were awake. Toodles! (Scroll down!)
"Um, exactly where is Excel going anyway?"
Our heroine was suppose to take back the helpless Hyatt from Baddy Wizard Kabapu. Except, she didn't know where to begin. She was persistent. She'd do anything for Mighty and Sexy Lord Ilpalazzo. Anyway, the main character was always going to have a happy ending. She knew everything would work out, and was optimistic as ever. She was dragging her emergency food supply Menchi on the other side of the rope she clutched in her hand. The stubborn dog was trying hopelessly to break free of the restraint around her neck. Turning the other way while Excel went forward was starting to suffocate her, though. She whimpered and turned the oddest colors. Panting, she finally gave in and they stopped for a rest.
"Whew!" Excel whipped the sweat from her forehead. "Excel will take a rest here…" She took out her canteen, but only found it was empty when she poured it over her mouth. "Damnit! And I refilled it last week!" She tossed the giant canteen over her shoulder, when it landed with a "thunk" and someone in the back cursed.
"Shit!" Gasped a man's voice. Excel turned around, but saw no man. The bushes did shake peculiarly, but that only happened whenever people hiding in it moved, and she was sure no one would follow her into these woods. Then she heard whispers on the other side.
"Do you think she knows?"
"Of course, you moron, when you greeted her with those loud words of yours!"
A third voice tried to shut them up impatiently.
"Will you guys shut up?!"
"I guess your head isn't so hard after all," muttered the second voice. There was more rattling from the bush,, then it suddenly stopped.
"Hmm. Excel might be seeing and hearing things, but she's pretty sure that that bush talked!" She stalked lazily toward the bush, when she noticed Menchi inching away while off screen. "Oh now you don't!" She threw herself at the mutt. "Ha! C'mere, my pretty! Time to use Excel's supply in this emergency…" Menchi howled in the thought.
"Have you forgotten about us?!" Three characters jumped out of the bush, except the spikey-haired guy tripped and fell on his chin.
"M-Matsuya!?" Excel exclaimed, "what are you doing with Watanabe, Sumiyoshi, and Iwata?"
"This is another one of my parts in this fairy tale."
"oh, ok"
"Enough small chat!" Watanabe interrupted, "We our the Merry Men of the forest! Plus one woman, of course." He added when Matsuya kicked his back leg. "We couldn't help and see a fair maiden like you traveling in this forest, not to mention looking weary and famished."
"That's because Excel has been in this forest for almost a week! She ate nothing but the white berries all over." It was true, Excel was roaming this same forest for days. Maybe the Merry Men and one Woman were supposed to find her a long time ago, but their busy schedule must have gotten in the way- with robbing rich people, giving poor folk food, eating feasts stolen also, riding away from the police, kicking old ladies into the road- that old chestnut.
"Actually," Sumiyoshi put in, "the berries give bad diarrhea." The color of Excel's face drained. She could feel her stomach churning at one and she groaned in stomach ache. She rushed behind the oak tree and relieved herself. Once she was done, there hung an awful smell in the air. Matsuya had a disgusted look on her face as she pinned her nose and tried to wave the stench away with her other hand. Iwata and Watanabe were gagging in the back. Sumiyoshi had collapsed.
Menchi thought this could be her chance to escape, but Excel calmly picked her up and started petting her. "So, why are you guys here?"
"It's as you thought," Iwata chirped, "we're going to rob you!"
Matsuya hit him behind the head. "Actually, we heard the news about the kidnapped princess, Hyatt." At once, Watanabe burst into tears. "Princess Hyatt!" He wailed. "I'll rescue you!" He choked more tears as Iwata tried to rub his back comfortingly, except Watanabe pushed him away.
"Excel is so happy!" She announced. "Now it will make an easier job if you guys looked for her instead!"
"We're here to help you, not do all the work."
"He's correct." Matsuya sighed. "Our duty is to just help you run this errand, Excel. You have to learn to work in your life." Excel made an annoyed face at Matsuya. She wasn't lazy, and she didn't like it when people would call her something of that sort. She would do anything, ANYTHING, for Lord I palazzo. She was going to prove it to his highness.
"Fine. Excel will need a ride though. Where are your horses?" The Merry Men looked at her with confusion.
"We couldn't afford them, let alone ride them." Excel turned into puddle and slithered on the ground. This was a useless bunch.
"Then it's to the nearest city," Excel said, "and we could buy a horse with Lord I palazzo's credit card." She held up a gold plastic.
"Great idea!" Iwata jumped with joy, till Matsuya kicked his legs.
It seems getting Princess Hyatt back is second priority . Their first is to buy horses. How could a story change so unknowingly?
They reached a village with folk buying items off stands in the street, freshly baked foods laid out to cool, and children playing in the street, till a wagon ran them over. Excel looked around with excitement, and swooned with the scent carried from the foods cooking. Her Merry Men were obediently following her. Of course, Iwata wouldn't stop pestering Matsuya for one date, Watanabe was wiping his tears away after looking at a picture of Hyatt, and Sumiyoshi carried a paralyzed Men chi. Foam was coming out of the dog's mouth.
"I think we'll rest at that restaurant!" Excel pointed to a particular restaurant that was packed with people lining up outside the door.
"But look at the line." Iwata moaned. "It's longer than Watanabe's life savings"
"Don't insult my life savings," Watanabe said, "when you're the one who spends it on garbage for yourself! It's my money!" They argued more, but were ignored.
"We'll just cut through the crowd of people." Excel pushed past people and children. There was shouting and crying, but Matsuya easily shut them up. That was nice of her, Excel thought. There was no trouble when they grabbed a table and sat down. Then the youngest waitress with the oddest hair came.
"Hello. I'm Ropponmatsu 2, because my big sister is Ropponmatsu, too, and I was second built. Big sister's in the kitchen cooking. Can I take your order?" Her eyes were big orbs of pink and her mechanical cat ears moved up and down. She held her pink pen and notepad ready. "I suggest you try and order the shrimp and fried ramen noodles." She winked at Excel.
Excel was sweating a river, till Matsuya cut in. "We'll take that."
"Okie-dokie!" The little girl left quickly and shouted the orders to the chef. There was a lot of noise of pots in the kitchen a yelling, till the girl came back out abruptly as she came. "Here you go!" And she threw all the bowls on the table. Iwata's unfortunately landed on his lap.
"Ahh! Hot, hot!" He raced to the bathroom. Ropponmatsu 2 was still cheerful and smiled. "Oops. I hope mister's pants aren't stained, or I'll be in trouble again." She stuck out her tongue and looked innocently at Excel, who was trying to avoid contact by engulfing all her noodles at once. "And what's your name, Big Sister[1]," she asked her.
"I'm Excel Excel, and these are my Merry Men, and one women," she added the last bit when Matsuya threw a dumpling at her face. She caught it between her teeth, so she didn't care.
"Wow," said Ropponmatsu 2, admirably. She sat down next to Excel without taking her eyes off her, or closing her mouth. "And why are you here, besides to stuff your face?"
"Well," Excel began, with noodles hanging out of her mouth, "truth is, we need a horse because we're traveling-- Excel's not sure where we're traveling to, though. She's sure Matsuya does. Why don't you ask her?" Instead of asking Matsuya, Ropponmatsu 2 ignored her and scooted closer. Her eyes were wide with affection and her cheeks were pink.
"We get travelers here by a lot." She smiled timidly at Excel. "It must be exciting to travel. Ropponmatsu can't travel. I don't want to leave Big Sister here. Our master made her and me, strictly to work, but not love. I want to be a real girl!" She declared.
"Now where have I heard that story…" Excel contemplated.
Ropponmatsu looked face-to-face with her. "I want to go with you! I'm not lying." (True; she wasn't. Her nose didn't grow or anything that oddly.[2]) She looked hopefully into Excel's eyes. "Will Big Sister please take me?" She began to come to close to Excel, that she landed on top of her when they fell clumsily on the floor. She hugged Excel's waist tightly. "I like this!" She exclaimed cheerfully, and hearts were flying around her head.
Excel felt like she was going to puke all her noodles. At least if she did, the little robot girl would get off of her. "I can't breathe! I think you broke my spine…"
"I'm sorry, Big Sister!" She helped Excel up gently like she would with an old granny. "Will you please take me with you, and Ropponmatsu 1, too?" She begged.
"Well…" Excel was at a loss for words.
"We can't afford it," Matsuya interrupted. "We need horses, and we can't afford to take care of two more people when we have little money for food. We are on this really important errand to get back the princess of F. The answer's no." Ropponmatsu looked almost on the verge of tears. She sniffled.
"How can Big Sister be such a butt-head?" At the remark, Matsuya would have pounced on her, if it wasn't for Watanabe holding her back in time. Ropponmatsu continued. "Ropponmatsu and I are robots. We don't need horses or food to eat. We can even get those easily for you!" She dramatically grasped Excel's hands into hers. "Please reconsider, Big Sister. It is urgent that we get out of here. Big Sister and I don't want to be kept! There is said to be a good fortune on Mt. Doom! If we could go there, we will be happy!"
"Mt. Doom…?" Excel scratched her head, "Isn't that the name of the place from…"
"Shh!" Ropponmatsu 2 held a finger to her own lips. "We mustn't speak of You-Know-What."
"Hey," Watanabe said, "Isn't that a spin-off from…"
"I said shut up!" Ropponmatsu punched Watanabe's lights out, in other words.
"This isn't supposed to be a parody of novels," Matsuya muttered.
"Yup," Sumiyoshi agreed, "Even though it was un-called for. The writer might as well get sued."
"Whatever." Excel closed her eyes and sighed. She turned to Ropponmatsu with a cautious frown on her face. "We'll accept your invitation to… uh, come with us, Ropponmatsu 2, and your number 1. But we must tell--" She was cut off by Ropponmatsu's embrace.
"Yipee! I love you more, Big Sister!"
"Oh, brother," Excel gasped, "My circulations are popping, and my air bags have burst." She hung her head. "Maybe this was a mistake."
(AN: Maybe writing this story was a mistake.)
"And who asked you!?" Excel demanded.
(AN: Sorry! *cowering*)
"Whatever happened to Iwata?" Matsuya noticed.
"Maybe he fell in the toilet," Watanabe smirked.
*****
I hope nobody thought the beginning of the false story was sickeningly bad. My writing is so bad, maybe because it's my spirit for Excel Saga. I would like to finish this story. It's unusual for me to have free time on this computer and write carelessly. Didn't notice the rough play on words and probably grammar errors.
[1] Ropponmatsu refers to Big Sister for every older women she meets, doesn't she? So don't get confused when she addressing that to Excel, Matsuya, or Ropponmatsu 1.
[2] Pinocchio
Gasp! What will happen to the adventure and thrill! They'll need a horse and food, but Ropponmatsu clearly states she can get those items! You'll meet Ropponmatsu 1 in the next Chapter. What is happening to Hyatt? Will we hear more lines from Watanabe, Sumiyoshi, and Iwata? Will it end, will I update soon, what's the priority plot of the story!? And has Iwata indeed fallen in the toilet. That answer's no. Ciao.
…and by me, "Muchacha".
…and my email addy if you want to be nice or be a pain.
[email protected] I enjoy mail though.
(Thanks for the emails, though, I'm surprised people are reading this story and are ripping for more. Besides, I make my own puns. Warning you. ^_~)
*Oh my. I'm alive still. Thanks for reading. And all those who reviewed and mailed for this story to be continued…you better pray.
Never will own this, nothing in it but the odd plots that are stupid and such…
Oh, and grammer's past tense.
Story:
"Senior Excel!" Hyatt ran in the meadow of pink flowers. She held out her arms willingly and ran straight toward the sunset. She laughed with happiness. Everything was fine. The wind played on her hair and danced with her dress.
"Hyatt!" Excel shouted back with anticipation. She raced toward her lover on the other side of the wide meadow. She as well out her arms, and she cheerfully smiled. The music in the background was playing a romantic tune. They almost reached the middle of the field.
Reaching farther, Excel wanted to grasp the princess's fingers. Their tips of their fingers were brushing when…
[Record playing the awful romantic music stops]
Author's note: Hi, everyone. Obviously, that's not part of the story. If you're listening and are a real reader, you'll see below is the real part where we left off of the story. I wanted to see if you were awake. Toodles! (Scroll down!)
"Um, exactly where is Excel going anyway?"
Our heroine was suppose to take back the helpless Hyatt from Baddy Wizard Kabapu. Except, she didn't know where to begin. She was persistent. She'd do anything for Mighty and Sexy Lord Ilpalazzo. Anyway, the main character was always going to have a happy ending. She knew everything would work out, and was optimistic as ever. She was dragging her emergency food supply Menchi on the other side of the rope she clutched in her hand. The stubborn dog was trying hopelessly to break free of the restraint around her neck. Turning the other way while Excel went forward was starting to suffocate her, though. She whimpered and turned the oddest colors. Panting, she finally gave in and they stopped for a rest.
"Whew!" Excel whipped the sweat from her forehead. "Excel will take a rest here…" She took out her canteen, but only found it was empty when she poured it over her mouth. "Damnit! And I refilled it last week!" She tossed the giant canteen over her shoulder, when it landed with a "thunk" and someone in the back cursed.
"Shit!" Gasped a man's voice. Excel turned around, but saw no man. The bushes did shake peculiarly, but that only happened whenever people hiding in it moved, and she was sure no one would follow her into these woods. Then she heard whispers on the other side.
"Do you think she knows?"
"Of course, you moron, when you greeted her with those loud words of yours!"
A third voice tried to shut them up impatiently.
"Will you guys shut up?!"
"I guess your head isn't so hard after all," muttered the second voice. There was more rattling from the bush,, then it suddenly stopped.
"Hmm. Excel might be seeing and hearing things, but she's pretty sure that that bush talked!" She stalked lazily toward the bush, when she noticed Menchi inching away while off screen. "Oh now you don't!" She threw herself at the mutt. "Ha! C'mere, my pretty! Time to use Excel's supply in this emergency…" Menchi howled in the thought.
"Have you forgotten about us?!" Three characters jumped out of the bush, except the spikey-haired guy tripped and fell on his chin.
"M-Matsuya!?" Excel exclaimed, "what are you doing with Watanabe, Sumiyoshi, and Iwata?"
"This is another one of my parts in this fairy tale."
"oh, ok"
"Enough small chat!" Watanabe interrupted, "We our the Merry Men of the forest! Plus one woman, of course." He added when Matsuya kicked his back leg. "We couldn't help and see a fair maiden like you traveling in this forest, not to mention looking weary and famished."
"That's because Excel has been in this forest for almost a week! She ate nothing but the white berries all over." It was true, Excel was roaming this same forest for days. Maybe the Merry Men and one Woman were supposed to find her a long time ago, but their busy schedule must have gotten in the way- with robbing rich people, giving poor folk food, eating feasts stolen also, riding away from the police, kicking old ladies into the road- that old chestnut.
"Actually," Sumiyoshi put in, "the berries give bad diarrhea." The color of Excel's face drained. She could feel her stomach churning at one and she groaned in stomach ache. She rushed behind the oak tree and relieved herself. Once she was done, there hung an awful smell in the air. Matsuya had a disgusted look on her face as she pinned her nose and tried to wave the stench away with her other hand. Iwata and Watanabe were gagging in the back. Sumiyoshi had collapsed.
Menchi thought this could be her chance to escape, but Excel calmly picked her up and started petting her. "So, why are you guys here?"
"It's as you thought," Iwata chirped, "we're going to rob you!"
Matsuya hit him behind the head. "Actually, we heard the news about the kidnapped princess, Hyatt." At once, Watanabe burst into tears. "Princess Hyatt!" He wailed. "I'll rescue you!" He choked more tears as Iwata tried to rub his back comfortingly, except Watanabe pushed him away.
"Excel is so happy!" She announced. "Now it will make an easier job if you guys looked for her instead!"
"We're here to help you, not do all the work."
"He's correct." Matsuya sighed. "Our duty is to just help you run this errand, Excel. You have to learn to work in your life." Excel made an annoyed face at Matsuya. She wasn't lazy, and she didn't like it when people would call her something of that sort. She would do anything, ANYTHING, for Lord I palazzo. She was going to prove it to his highness.
"Fine. Excel will need a ride though. Where are your horses?" The Merry Men looked at her with confusion.
"We couldn't afford them, let alone ride them." Excel turned into puddle and slithered on the ground. This was a useless bunch.
"Then it's to the nearest city," Excel said, "and we could buy a horse with Lord I palazzo's credit card." She held up a gold plastic.
"Great idea!" Iwata jumped with joy, till Matsuya kicked his legs.
It seems getting Princess Hyatt back is second priority . Their first is to buy horses. How could a story change so unknowingly?
They reached a village with folk buying items off stands in the street, freshly baked foods laid out to cool, and children playing in the street, till a wagon ran them over. Excel looked around with excitement, and swooned with the scent carried from the foods cooking. Her Merry Men were obediently following her. Of course, Iwata wouldn't stop pestering Matsuya for one date, Watanabe was wiping his tears away after looking at a picture of Hyatt, and Sumiyoshi carried a paralyzed Men chi. Foam was coming out of the dog's mouth.
"I think we'll rest at that restaurant!" Excel pointed to a particular restaurant that was packed with people lining up outside the door.
"But look at the line." Iwata moaned. "It's longer than Watanabe's life savings"
"Don't insult my life savings," Watanabe said, "when you're the one who spends it on garbage for yourself! It's my money!" They argued more, but were ignored.
"We'll just cut through the crowd of people." Excel pushed past people and children. There was shouting and crying, but Matsuya easily shut them up. That was nice of her, Excel thought. There was no trouble when they grabbed a table and sat down. Then the youngest waitress with the oddest hair came.
"Hello. I'm Ropponmatsu 2, because my big sister is Ropponmatsu, too, and I was second built. Big sister's in the kitchen cooking. Can I take your order?" Her eyes were big orbs of pink and her mechanical cat ears moved up and down. She held her pink pen and notepad ready. "I suggest you try and order the shrimp and fried ramen noodles." She winked at Excel.
Excel was sweating a river, till Matsuya cut in. "We'll take that."
"Okie-dokie!" The little girl left quickly and shouted the orders to the chef. There was a lot of noise of pots in the kitchen a yelling, till the girl came back out abruptly as she came. "Here you go!" And she threw all the bowls on the table. Iwata's unfortunately landed on his lap.
"Ahh! Hot, hot!" He raced to the bathroom. Ropponmatsu 2 was still cheerful and smiled. "Oops. I hope mister's pants aren't stained, or I'll be in trouble again." She stuck out her tongue and looked innocently at Excel, who was trying to avoid contact by engulfing all her noodles at once. "And what's your name, Big Sister[1]," she asked her.
"I'm Excel Excel, and these are my Merry Men, and one women," she added the last bit when Matsuya threw a dumpling at her face. She caught it between her teeth, so she didn't care.
"Wow," said Ropponmatsu 2, admirably. She sat down next to Excel without taking her eyes off her, or closing her mouth. "And why are you here, besides to stuff your face?"
"Well," Excel began, with noodles hanging out of her mouth, "truth is, we need a horse because we're traveling-- Excel's not sure where we're traveling to, though. She's sure Matsuya does. Why don't you ask her?" Instead of asking Matsuya, Ropponmatsu 2 ignored her and scooted closer. Her eyes were wide with affection and her cheeks were pink.
"We get travelers here by a lot." She smiled timidly at Excel. "It must be exciting to travel. Ropponmatsu can't travel. I don't want to leave Big Sister here. Our master made her and me, strictly to work, but not love. I want to be a real girl!" She declared.
"Now where have I heard that story…" Excel contemplated.
Ropponmatsu looked face-to-face with her. "I want to go with you! I'm not lying." (True; she wasn't. Her nose didn't grow or anything that oddly.[2]) She looked hopefully into Excel's eyes. "Will Big Sister please take me?" She began to come to close to Excel, that she landed on top of her when they fell clumsily on the floor. She hugged Excel's waist tightly. "I like this!" She exclaimed cheerfully, and hearts were flying around her head.
Excel felt like she was going to puke all her noodles. At least if she did, the little robot girl would get off of her. "I can't breathe! I think you broke my spine…"
"I'm sorry, Big Sister!" She helped Excel up gently like she would with an old granny. "Will you please take me with you, and Ropponmatsu 1, too?" She begged.
"Well…" Excel was at a loss for words.
"We can't afford it," Matsuya interrupted. "We need horses, and we can't afford to take care of two more people when we have little money for food. We are on this really important errand to get back the princess of F. The answer's no." Ropponmatsu looked almost on the verge of tears. She sniffled.
"How can Big Sister be such a butt-head?" At the remark, Matsuya would have pounced on her, if it wasn't for Watanabe holding her back in time. Ropponmatsu continued. "Ropponmatsu and I are robots. We don't need horses or food to eat. We can even get those easily for you!" She dramatically grasped Excel's hands into hers. "Please reconsider, Big Sister. It is urgent that we get out of here. Big Sister and I don't want to be kept! There is said to be a good fortune on Mt. Doom! If we could go there, we will be happy!"
"Mt. Doom…?" Excel scratched her head, "Isn't that the name of the place from…"
"Shh!" Ropponmatsu 2 held a finger to her own lips. "We mustn't speak of You-Know-What."
"Hey," Watanabe said, "Isn't that a spin-off from…"
"I said shut up!" Ropponmatsu punched Watanabe's lights out, in other words.
"This isn't supposed to be a parody of novels," Matsuya muttered.
"Yup," Sumiyoshi agreed, "Even though it was un-called for. The writer might as well get sued."
"Whatever." Excel closed her eyes and sighed. She turned to Ropponmatsu with a cautious frown on her face. "We'll accept your invitation to… uh, come with us, Ropponmatsu 2, and your number 1. But we must tell--" She was cut off by Ropponmatsu's embrace.
"Yipee! I love you more, Big Sister!"
"Oh, brother," Excel gasped, "My circulations are popping, and my air bags have burst." She hung her head. "Maybe this was a mistake."
(AN: Maybe writing this story was a mistake.)
"And who asked you!?" Excel demanded.
(AN: Sorry! *cowering*)
"Whatever happened to Iwata?" Matsuya noticed.
"Maybe he fell in the toilet," Watanabe smirked.
*****
I hope nobody thought the beginning of the false story was sickeningly bad. My writing is so bad, maybe because it's my spirit for Excel Saga. I would like to finish this story. It's unusual for me to have free time on this computer and write carelessly. Didn't notice the rough play on words and probably grammar errors.
[1] Ropponmatsu refers to Big Sister for every older women she meets, doesn't she? So don't get confused when she addressing that to Excel, Matsuya, or Ropponmatsu 1.
[2] Pinocchio
Gasp! What will happen to the adventure and thrill! They'll need a horse and food, but Ropponmatsu clearly states she can get those items! You'll meet Ropponmatsu 1 in the next Chapter. What is happening to Hyatt? Will we hear more lines from Watanabe, Sumiyoshi, and Iwata? Will it end, will I update soon, what's the priority plot of the story!? And has Iwata indeed fallen in the toilet. That answer's no. Ciao.