Within Me, Without You

Disclaimer: If you recognize it, it's not mine.

Chapter 5: When One Book Closes

When Elliot saw her, all he wanted to do was cry.

Olivia was dressed in a set of hospital sweats, and she was shivering. He realized quickly that she was terrified, as he'd expected. Despite Lewis' conviction, Olivia's worst nightmares had come true when he'd broken free from prison and come after her. Elliot probably wasn't supposed to know exactly what had happened after that, but Amaro had clearly decided that the connection between his partner and her former partner merited a little bending of the rules, and had told Elliot everything he knew about the events of the past few days. The more he got to know about Olivia's current partner, the more he liked the younger man.

Lewis had kidnapped a young girl and told Olivia she'd have to confess that his version of events with regard to the beating was true. Apparently, the lieutenant who'd been put in command suddenly following Lewis' escape had tried to dissuade her, but she'd insisted on doing as he said. Cragen would've known better, he couldn't help thinking. He'd have known that trying to stop her was just wasting time.

This new Lieutenant - Murphy, if he'd heard Amaro right - had given Olivia a security detail, but she'd slipped them. Another thing he was sure Cragen would've done differently. Either he wouldn't have bothered with the detail at all, knowing she would do just what she'd done, or he'd have made sure the detail was briefed on Olivia's connection to the case and knew she wouldn't sit quietly. At any rate, she'd met with Lewis who had threatened her and held a gun to her head and then killed himself in front of her just moments before the rest of the squad had come onto the scene. And as if that weren't bad enough, now it looked like some of them were turning his suicide into a murder accusation against Olivia.

She saw him in the doorway and their eyes locked. He hurried to her side and she threw herself into his arms. "Shh, sweetheart," he soothed. "He's dead. He can't hurt you anymore. He's dead. Damn, what did he do to you?"

"He didn't do anything," she choked out, and he believed her. Lewis hadn't raped her, hadn't hurt her physically in any way. But what he had done was a lot worse than Elliot thought she was fully realizing in this moment. She probably thought she'd be fine, like she had after Sealview. He would never forget coming by to see her that night, how bad her condition had been.

"I'm taking you home," he said firmly, and he was more worried by the fact that she didn't protest when he carried her to his car than he had been by anything else. She sat, silent, in the front seat as he drove.

"Wait," she asked at one point, seeming to realize they weren't headed towards her apartment. "Where are we going?"

"My house," he replied gently. "Only Lizzie and Eli are there, and they'll give you space. That apartment isn't good for you right now."

He was probably right, she mused. Alex Eames had admitted to her that she'd had to move from her Rockaway house after she'd been kidnapped because she couldn't stop jumping at shadows in that place. At any rate, she didn't protest his chosen course.

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"They didn't indict."

Elliot let out a long breath. He still couldn't believe that the Bronx DA had decided to go ahead with charging Olivia for the murder of William Lewis. He'd been impressed with Olivia, who'd flatly refused to make a false claim of self-defense that he was pretty sure a jury would've bought, but he'd been worried that would lead to an indictment, and conviction or no conviction, an indictment would end her career. "So they did believe your story."

"That's what I thought at first," Olivia replied. "But no. They believed Murphy."

"Murphy?"

"He lied for me," she said softly. "He told them that he knew my confession to beating Lewis while he was cuffed was false because he ordered me to do it as a tactic. El, I confessed to him. He knows what really happened. He has no deniability, if he's caught -"

"The only people who really know what you said to him are you and him," Elliot pointed out. "He took a calculated risk. I'd like to send him flowers for it."

"I suppose it's time I head back to my apartment, huh? You'd probably like to sleep in your own bed again." Olivia had been staying at Elliot's since she'd left the hospital. She'd slept in the spare bedroom, but her nightmares had been so bad that first night that Elliot had joined her, and they'd been sharing that bed ever since. Niether of them had suggested sharing the bed in his room; he'd shared that bed with Kathy for so many years, it just wouldn't feel right.

"You don't have to." He swallowed and then decided there wouldn't be a better time. He'd been sitting on this for three months, afraid to ask in case it wasn't what he hoped. "Do you remember the night after you testified against Lewis?"

"When you were waiting at my apartment? What about it?"

"I put you to bed and laid down with you."

"I remember."

"Do you remember what you said to me just before you fell asleep?"

She tried, but she'd been so exhausted, all that was a haze. "No. Why? What did I say?"

All in. "You said you loved me."

"Oh, God." She was stunned. "God, I'm so sorry."

"Did you mean it?" he asked bluntly.

He'd know if she tried to lie or wiggle out of answering. "Yes," she admitted. "If that makes you uncomfortable -"

"Just making sure it wouldn't make you uncomfortable if I did this." Then he put his hand under her chin, tipped her face up to his, bent down, and kissed her.

The kiss left her breathless. There was more passion and emotion and love in that kiss than in any kiss from Brian, even at the height of their relationship. She hadn't felt this way for anyone since David, almost two years ago, and even that - she'd gotten over David so much faster than she'd gotten over her partnership with Elliot.

"I love you," he whispered when his lips had separated from Olivia's. "I love you."

"I've loved you for so long," she whispered back.

"Why didn't you ever say anything?"

"Kathy. You had such a wonderful family, I couldn't come between it. I was working up the courage to tell you when you were separated, but then I went on that undercover and I came back and saw you and Beck, and you were flirting, and I knew I'd missed my chance."

"You didn't," he said quickly. "Miss your chance. Dani - she wasn't anything. She was safe because she wasn't anything. I could walk away whenever I wanted, no strings attached - we didn't get past kissing and flirting, but even if we had, I could've dropped it at any time, and that would've been that."

"And me?"

"I loved you too much. I had you on one end and Kathy on the other, and I still loved her too. Once we took that step, there would've been no going back. I guess I was scared."

"I know," she admitted. "That's why I stalled for so long. I was scared too."

"Not everything's changed," he whispered. "If we do this now, there's no turning back."

"I don't want to turn back."

"Niether do I."

He kissed her again, and she wrapped her arms around his neck, staying in his arms long after the kiss was done. "Let's go on a date," he said softly.

"When?"

"Tomorrow night. I'll buy you dinner and a movie."

"Then it's a date."

"And Olivia?"

"Yes?"

"You don't have to leave."

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Olivia yawned and stretched, momentarily disoriented by the unfamiliar room. Then she remembered. She was in Elliot's bed.

They'd stayed in the guest room the night after Olivia had been cleared, but after their date the day after, they'd ended up in his room instead, in his bed, and they'd done quite a bit more than just sleep. With anyone else, Olivia would have said sex after the first date was rushing it. But she'd known Elliot for so long. She didn't need the dating process to get to know him, she already knew practically everything about him and he knew everything about her. It had felt right the night before and it felt right now.

Elliot groaned softly and rolled over. "Morning, sleepyhead."

"I love you," she whispered.

"I love you too."

The End

Don't worry, this is just the end of the story, not the series. There will be more to come, but it will feature Elliot and Olivia's relationship as a background element while dealing with actual SVU cases, so I wanted to start a new story for that.

This chapter references the events of SVU Beast's Obsession and Post-Mortem Blues. The mention of Eames having to move because of her attack comes from the fact that she has a different address in a season 8 episode than she does in CI Blind Spot, and the fact that she was kidnapped from that house seems like a likely reason for the move. I also realized I forgot to give credit to a couple of episodes that I referenced in the previous chapter, and a Witness suggested that was not an Acceptable Loss.

Please review.