Friend of Mine

Characters:

Hollyclaw/paw - bossy pale grey she-cat with green eyes

Sweetrose/paw – golden tortoiseshell she-cat with amber eyes

Saltcreek/paw – white tom with very faint calico markings and hazel eyes

Flickershade/paw – white tom with one blue eye and one amber eye

Thornpelt/paw - pale tabby tom with green eyes

If I could do it over again, would I?

Blood roared in her ears and the blurry white form above her crouched, eyes blazing.

If I could start from the beginning?

One white paw raised, jagged and sharp claws extended.

Do things a different way?

A face shoved close to hers, rank breath invading her nostrils.

Live with the certainty that it would all be right?

The claws flashed down, and a shriek rendered her nearly deaf.

If I could do it over, could I?

Even as black spots claimed her vision, she scented flowers beneath the blood.

No. Never.

"Hollypaw! Hollypaw! Wake up, we're going to the Gathering!"

Thornpaw's yowl roused Hollypaw. She lifted her head, blinking blearily. Her brother stood in the entrance to the apprentices' den, eyes wide. "Ospreyfeather says we should get to experience it young, so she convinced Narrowstar to let us go!" he exclaimed, bouncing on his paws.

Hollypaw struggled to her paws, fighting off sleep. Us? Going to the Gathering! That's so awesome! "Are we leaving now?" she asked.

He nodded vigorously. "We get to go, and Sweetpaw gets to go too. Plus a bunch of other cats! Except Breezemist and Fernpaw aren't going." His eyes darkened as he looked over his shoulder, out of the hollow tree stump where the apprentices slept, towards the medicine den. "They're still… you know…" He trailed off.

Does he still feel bad about that? Hollypaw wondered a little scornfully. It's not like those dumb kits had to go in. We would have let them play if they didn't. "Okay, okay, I'm coming," she told him, stepping out of the moss-laden nest she slept in. Without waiting for her, Thornpaw turned and bounded out of the apprentices' den.

As she exited into the clearing, Ospreyfeather nodded. "There, now everyone's ready to go, Narrowstar." She turned to the black tom. "Are you ready, too?"

Hollypaw felt a little thrill as Narrowstar glared at her. "I'm not a doddering ancient just yet, Ospreyfeather. Don't treat me as if I'm likely to fall over and break something." Though Ospreyfeather dipped her head and mewed a soft apology, Hollypaw saw as clearly as anyone that Narrowstar's rebuttal was a lie. His ribs jutted out, his eyes were sunken and dull, and his movements were stiff and cautious. Everyone in ShadeClan knew that their leader was an old cat, even if he denied it.

"Hey, where is everyone goin'?"

The high-pitched mew came from the nursery. Hollypaw turned around and had to stifle a derisive snort when she saw that it was Foxkit. The tiny scrap of fur was staring around the camp, eyes wide and mystified.

"Haven't you heard of a Gathering?" she meowed sarcastically. "You know, when the four Clans meet in peace? Only the most important thing that happens every moon?"

Foxkit turned to her, and for a moment Hollypaw was taken aback by the pure hatred that gleamed in the small kit's yellow eyes. Then her lip curled in a pathetic excuse for a snarl, and Hollypaw's shock was replaced with the urge to laugh.

Thornpaw's paw suddenly raked through the fur on one of her haunches. Hollypaw spun around, annoyed and ready to berate him, when she realized that the entire Clan was staring at her. A sea of wide eyes faced her, and suddenly she remembered that Foxkit was supposed to be treated gently. She scuffed at the ground with one grey paw awkwardly and looked back at the kit. "Um… sorry, Foxkit. That was mean of me," she forced out. As soon as the words were out, she regretted them. Triumph so powerful that it was almost malicious sparkled in Foxkit's eyes.

But the Clan was satisfied, so Hollypaw turned away and caught up to the patrol. She fell in beside Thornpaw, who glared at her. "Why did you have to say that?" he hissed at her under his breath. "Don't you think it's hard enough staying on the Clan's good side without you acting like you're not even sorry?"

"It's not my fault she annoys me so much! Why does the whole Clan get to fawn over Foxkit when it's been a moon and a half?" Hollypaw growled back.

"Because of Badgerkit!" Thornpelt spat. "Forget it. You obviously have no idea what you've done." He veered away from her and rushed up to walk beside Swiftsong, his mentor. Hollypaw watched him go bitterly.

Then Sweetpaw dropped back, surprising Hollypaw. "Hey," the older apprentice meowed softly, "I don't blame you. Foxkit is getting spoiled with all the attention, and she's not even the one who fought the badger. Besides, the whole Clan seems to think it's all your fault. Kits will be kits," she added. "Look at this." She twisted her head so that Hollypaw could see her chin.

Hollypaw gasped when she saw an ugly scar that split the fur under Sweetpaw's jaw. "How did that happen?" she breathed, awed.

"When Gorsepaw and I were kits, we snuck out of camp and dared each other to go into LightningClan territory," Sweetpaw explained. "We didn't get caught, but we found a rabbit den with baby rabbits."

"You got a scar from a baby rabbit?" Hollypaw was so startled, she couldn't help but purr.

Sweetpaw chuckled too. "Not quite. See, rabbits – we didn't know this then – are pretty protective of their babies. So we were in the rabbit's hole staring at the baby rabbits, wondering if we could catch them and bring them back to camp, when the mother returned. The hole was cramped, so she sort of tackled us. Gorsepaw has a notch in her ear from the rabbit – they have pretty sharp claws – but the mother actually got me by the throat. But by that time, the babies were making a lot of noise so she dropped me and went to them." Sweetpaw shook her head. "When she dropped me, it tore my chin. I got in so much trouble!"

"Do you show off that scar at the Gathering?" Hollypaw teased, purring.

"Yeah, but I say it was from a battle with a fox!" Sweetpaw replied, snorting. "Anyway, I just wanted to tell you that it's okay if you don't have any sympathy for Foxkit. Also…" she lowered her voice "… I also think you should meet a friend of mine. He's from LightningClan, but he's pretty cool. And he doesn't usually talk to most cats, but I bet he would like you."

Hollypaw's eyes stretched wide. "Really?" A cat from another Clan might like me? And Sweetpaw even wants me to meet him… cool! "Yeah!"

Just then the forest opened up ahead of them, giving way to a ring of massive boulders where the Gathering was held. The rolling fields that were divided between all four Clans surrounded the ring, and the Gathering area was in a broad ditch that the boulders surrounded.

"The other Clans are all here," Narrowstar called over his shoulder. "Come on, ShadeClan – let's show them that leaf-fall hasn't affected us at all!" He charged forward suddenly, and Hollypaw was caught up in the flow as all around her, cats suddenly went from trotting to a full-on sprint.

At her side, Sweetpaw arched gracefully as she ran. Hollypaw was caught up, stunned that a cat who wasn't even a warrior yet could be so smooth in her movement. Then the Clan passed through two towering stones, and the Gathering spread out before them.

Hollypaw hadn't known so many cats could exist in all the world! They milled around, turning to look as ShadeClan entered the clearing or looking disinterestedly away. And atop on jutting boulder, three cats watched with glittering eyes.

Then her Clan was spread out amongst the other Clans, a collection of mingling scents and pelts shimmering under the full moon. Sweetpaw nudged Hollypaw with one shoulder. "Come on, this way… we found a little cave under a couple of rocks a while ago; that's where we meet." She led the way, nodding to cats as she passed.

Hollypaw was still dizzied by the sheer number of cats around her, but she did her best to look inconspicuous as Sweetpaw ducked behind a pile of rubble. There was a small, sheltered area under a ledge, and beneath it two white cats crouched. One of them, Hollypaw saw, had very faint ginger and grey splotches on his pelt, which rippled with muscles as he shifted positions. His green eyes were cool as he nodded to Sweetpaw.

The other tom caught her attention then. He was solid white with an angular, narrow face. Then he turned from Sweetpaw and locked eyes with her. To her astonishment, one of his eyes was blazing amber while the other was cool blue. She smelled flowers, and it registered in a distant part of her mind.

"Who is this?" he meowed, not looking away.

Sweetpaw blinked. "Oh! Right. Saltpaw, Flickerpaw, this is Hollypaw. She's a new apprentice. Hollypaw, this is the cat I told you about. He and Flickerpaw are brothers." She nodded towards Saltpaw.

But Hollypaw was still frozen in Flickerpaw's calm gaze. He nodded slowly, not breaking eye contact. "It's nice to meet you."

Sweetpaw tapped Hollypaw with her tail. "Hello? Are you okay?" She leaned over, blocking Flickerpaw's eyes from view. Hollypaw snapped out of her reverie with a shock as deep as if she had jumped into icy water.

"I'm fine," she stammered, blinking rapidly. What happened? His gaze was… hypnotic. "Sorry. I just froze up. I, um, I haven't met anyone from another Clan before."

Saltpaw stood up smoothly and wound his way towards her. He was, Hollypaw saw, a very handsome cat – strong and graceful, with a powerful presence. But still her eyes were dragged to Flickerpaw. Saltpaw's eyes followed hers, and he abruptly strolled in front of his brother, breaking the trance again. "So you're Hollypaw, are you? You know all the Clans are talking about you – you're the kit who sent her denmates into a badger's face."

Her ear-tips burned. "It wasn't on purpose!"

"I didn't say that," he corrected her coolly. "I figured you would want to be prepared for the rumors. I would never blame such a pretty cat for doing something like that deliberately."

Sweetpaw looked sharply at Hollypaw, then jerked her gaze to Saltpaw. Behind him, Flickerpaw observed everything silently.

The fur along Hollypaw's spine lifted. He… sort of gives me the creeps. "I'm barely past six moons," she pointed out. "I'm fluffy like a kit. How am I supposed to be pretty?"

Saltpaw's eyes widened briefly. Behind him, and out of the corner of her eye, Hollypaw saw that Sweetpaw and Flickerpaw were both staring at her now. But the tom recovered quickly. "Maybe not now," he purred smoothly, "but I can tell you'll be beautiful soon. As soon as you lose your kit fur, certainly."

"Um, Hollypaw, can I talk to you for a second?" Sweetpaw mewed urgently.

"I hardly think –" Saltpaw began, but Sweetpaw had already tugged Hollypaw away to an area where they were visible to the Gathering but out of earshot.

The golden tortoiseshell leaned over and stared wide-eyed at Hollypaw. "Don't correct him!" she hissed. "Saltpaw is… he's…" she trailed off, apparently not knowing how to describe the faded tom.

"Weird," Hollypaw suggested, and the older apprentices' eyes flashed with anger.

"No! He's awesome, and he's cool! You can't just correct someone like that," she explained. "He's probably the most well-known cat in all the Clans. Everyone thinks he's going to be the leader of LightningClan someday. If he compliments you, you should be honored?"

Hollypaw frowned. Something about the whole situation seemed off. "Wait… what about Flickerpaw?"

Sweetpaw shrugged, untroubled. "He's really weird. Everyone knows Saltpaw, but Flickerpaw is so quiet that if you asked most cats about Saltpaw's brother, they wouldn't know who you meant." Getting back up, she tipped her head toward the small cave. "Come on, let's go back and talk to him some more."

Hollypaw followed, albeit reluctantly, and this time she was careful not to argue with Saltpaw or make it obvious that she was watching Flickerpaw. He sat silently the entire time, watching as his brother made jokes and Sweetpaw laughed daintily at them. Then Hollypaw looked out and realized that cats were swarming to their Clanmates. "We have to go," she warned Sweetpaw. The golden tortoiseshell cast a look over her shoulder at Saltpaw, then turned back and nodded.

"Let's go."

"Come on, you lazy furball," Nettlehawk called jokingly over his shoulder. "We're almost done with the LightningClan border patrol, then we can go back to camp and get something to eat."

"Coming," Hollypaw promised, picking up the pace. She was pleased to find that she could easily keep up with the patrol now that she was eleven moons old. Though it might have been her imagination, Hollypaw could practically feel herself growing as she trotted along.

Suddenly from the side, there was a yowl – and a patrol of LightningClan warriors charged over the hill at them.

What? It's not even overcast! Hollypaw was shocked by the opposing Clan's arrogance; everyone knew LightningClan only battled during storms because it ensured their victory. But then she had no time to think, because a warrior bowled her over.

It was a long-furred white she-cat attacking her, amber eyes gleaming as she swiped her claws at Hollypaw's muzzle. The younger cat retaliated by ducking down and getting a firm grip on the LightningClan warrior's shoulder in her jaws, biting down as hard as she could. The white she-cat let out a screech of pain and raked sharp claws through Hollypaw's back fur so fiercely that she gasped and let go, a wave of agony dizzying her.

Nettlehawk came to her rescue, darting over with an apprentice and small warrior clinging to his back and charged full-tilt into the white she-cat. He shook the cats off and stood facing the, arching his back. Hollypaw forced back the pain and stood next to him, bristling fiercely. The three cats, all of them clearly built for speed rather than force, turned tail and fled to attack other cats. One of them stopped and yowled at a large grey tabby tom, who shoved away the warrior he was attacking and hared towards Hollypaw and Nettlehawk, baring his teeth.

Hollypaw's mentor intercepted him, lurching forward in a strange fashion that seemed to puzzle the LightningClan tom before suddenly bolting forward and slamming into him with deadly accuracy. Seeing that he had it covered, Hollypaw spun around and around looking for someone who needed help.

Then a great weight landed on her back. Struggling fiercely, she managed to flip herself upside down – only to come face-to-face with Saltpaw.

He jerked back as if stung, staring at her. She hissed and threw him away. "Get off!" Backing away and curling her lip, she glared at him. "Take one pawstep closer and I'll shred your ears."

Saltpaw blinked, looking amused. "You really want to battle me?" he purred smoothly. "Don't be foolish; we both know I'll defeat you easily. But why would I want to?" Then he sat down and curled his tail over his paws – a peaceful gesture.

Hollypaw spat in disgust. "What is wrong with you?" she snapped. "Maybe Sweetpaw thinks you're the best thing that's happened to the Clans, but you're really just a creep, aren't you?" Lashing her tail, she turned away. "Why don't you use your silver tongue to keep your Clan off my territory?"

From behind her there was a snarl, then Hollypaw was suddenly pinned to the ground. Saltpaw's breath was hot on her ear as he hissed, "Listen up, you little piece of fox dung. I don't know who you think you are, but you don't talk to me like that. Ever. You're barely worth the ground you're lying on. Consider it a blessing that I don't slit your throat and leave you here for the buzzards." Needle-sharp claws pricked her sides. At first, they were only light… but slowly Saltpaw increased the pressure he was putting on her until Hollypaw could scarcely breathe.

She sucked in as much air as she could, then let out a throbbing yowl of agony. Saltpaw let out a triumphant hiss. But he didn't know what she did… and soon Hollypaw felt a thrill of triumph as Nettlehawk slammed into Saltpaw, carrying him off her back and over the hill into a ditch nearby. She could hear her mentor spitting threats at him, but the pain in her sides was too great to stand and watch. Instead, she blinked as everything around her got darker and darker until it was pure black… and then she was lost.

"Are you okay, Hollypaw?"

She struggled to sit up but only just managed it. To her surprise and delight, Thornpaw was at her side. He blinked at her, purring. "You're finally awake! That's good. Saltcreek knocked you out in the battle, but Nettlehawk took care of him."

Hollypaw winced, trying to clear her head. "Saltcreek?"

"Oh, don't you know him?" Thornpaw meowed, looking surprised. "He's a tom from LightningClan. Has pale spots all over him." He curled his lip. "Arrogant furball, too."

So he's a warrior now, Hollypaw thought with a trace of bitterness. "I'm fine," she assured Thornpaw. "Do you think you could ask Breezemist to let me out? I want to walk." Really, she reflected, she just wanted to be alone with her thoughts.

"You can walk," a voice rumbled from behind her. Hollypaw cocked her head back to see Breezemist watching sternly. "If you'd like to travel out of camp, you can do so. But then you must rest tomorrow. Don't hunt, don't run, and don't go to the thickly-wooded areas of the forest so that your wounds don't catch on anything."

Hollypaw nodded and, with some help from Thornpaw, climbed to her paws. As she headed out of the medicine den, her brother sniffed her injuries. "Are you sure you'll be okay?" he fretted. "You're sure you'll be careful?"

"Of course," she groused. "Go away, I'm fine." Seeing the worry in his eyes, Hollypaw flicked her tail across his cheek and blinked at him. "It's okay, Thornpaw, I promise I'll watch out."

He nodded, eyes nervous, and stepped back. "Good luck on your walk," he meowed, and turned to head into the apprentices' den.

The forest was alive, even in leaf-bare. A few vividly red birds flitted from tree to tree, calling out through naked branches. Hollypaw blended in with the grey bark as she headed for the fields.

It might have been dangerous to head there so soon after a battle, but she didn't care. The wide-open plains that were split between all four Clans were both beautiful and a good place to think. Besides, she didn't think anyone else would be there, so it would also be private.

Now the sky was darkening with evening, and Hollypaw couldn't help but feel a tickle of relief. Her pelt would blend in with the shadows, and she could sit undisturbed watching the stars for however long it took to clear her thoughts.

As she approached the hill where she intended to sit, however, she stiffened in shock.

There was the form of another cat there.

It was too far away to be sure, but Hollypaw thought it might be on LightningClan's territory. She began to soften her steps, slipping naturally into a crouch that would help hide her form as it pushed grass to the side; instead she would look as if she was just a shadow as the wind brushed aside tall yellowing stalks. As she got closer, it became clear that the cat was indeed on LightningClan's area of the hill.

Though she did her best to be quiet while padding closer, the cat's head turned towards her. Its face was in shadow, but Hollypaw saw a white pelt. She kept moving. No LightningClan cat is going to bully me out of my walk, especially not if they're this close to the border!

As she got closer to the border, the sweet scent of flowers wreathed around her. What's that? Hollypaw sniffed, trying to discern where the smell was coming from, but succeeded only in breathing in the tip of a blade of grass. She sneezed hugely.

From up ahead, a purr rumbled through the chilly air to her ears. Hollypaw's pelt prickled and she lifted her head. No going back now, I suppose. "Why are you so close to the border?" she demanded.

A gentle rumbling voice replied, "Why are you?"

The fur that had been itching to rise now bristled fully as Hollypaw made the connection between the familiar voice and the smell of flowers. At the same time, the cat who had spoken turned its face to the moon again and its pale face was bathed in light, revealing an eye of endless blue and an eye of glimmering amber.

Flickerpaw. Though he's not Flickerpaw now, I expect, since Saltcreek became a warrior, too. Hollypaw padded a little bit closer, being careful to stop at the border line. "I wanted to go for a walk."

"That would be my reason, as well," the LightningClan tom replied. "And I expected you'd come here."

"What?"

He stood then, slender form taut with muscles sliding noiselessly over the grass to the border. A whisker's length away from Hollypaw, he sat down again. "You seem like a cat comfortable in the fields. Like you prefer them to the forest. And you seem like a cat who likes to be alone with her thoughts. As for this specific area…" He waved his tail lazily. "This is where Saltcreek knocked you out. It's nothing special to assume you'd come right here, especially after seeing me. Because you're a loyal ShadeClan cat, and you'd never allow a filthy LightningClan warrior so close to your borders."

Hollypaw's ear-tips burned. "Why did you say that?" she asked, sitting down where she was.

Flicker-whatever-his-name-was half glanced at her out of the corner of his blue eye. "Say what?"

She looked away. "Never mind."

"Flickershade," he added, almost as an afterthought. "I'm Flickershade."

"Oh." She didn't know what to say.

"Mm."

They sat in silence for an immeasurable span of time, Flickershade gazing at the sky and Hollypaw watching Flickershade. Finally, the white tom meowed, "You don't have to hate him, you know."

Hollypaw blinked, snapping out of her thoughts by his voice. The scent of flowers was strong enough to make her dizzy. "What? Who?"

"Saltcreek," Flickershade replied quietly. "He's… well, I won't say he's not a bad cat. I won't lie and say that. But it's not entirely his fault. He's always been fawned over. He… he has a way with other cats. In fact," he added with a significant glance at Hollypaw, "you're the only cat, aside from me, who's ever been able to ignore him. But it's not really his fault. So you don't have to hate him."

Hollypaw guessed that Flickershade was trying to give her the choice, but she could sense somehow that he was hoping she hated Saltcreek anyway. Do I hate Saltcreek? She should, that much she knew. He'd attacked her, threatened to kill her, knocked her out. But did she? Were his charming ways able to affect her? Hollypaw didn't know. So she didn't speak.

Flickershade turned to look at her. His eyes were, as they had always been, hypnotic. "Nothing to say." It wasn't a question.

She stayed silent but didn't look away.

Moving slowly, Flickershade got to his paws and stepped closer to her so that his muzzle nearly brushed hers. As he did, the smell of flowers became overpowering. Still keeping his eyes on hers, the white LightningClan tom meowed, "And what of me? Do you have anything to say of me?"

It's him! Hollypaw's heartbeat sped up as she realized that it was Flickershade who smelled of flowers. His scent was sweet and clean and…

… and his breath was hot on her face. He was a whisker's width from her, nose nearly touching hers and strange hypnotic gaze locked on her.

Hollypaw had no idea what to do. She couldn't tell if Flickershade was threatening her or intimidating her or daring her to say she disliked him or daring her to say she liked him, she didn't know and couldn't speak and he was so close to her that she could scarcely breathe and what did he want?

"Hollypaw?" he meowed softly, with the barest hint of concern, and that was all it took. Instead of pulling away, instead of looked past him, instead of speaking, Hollypaw moved forward and slid her muzzle along his jawline until she reached his shoulder, and there she leaned into him.

Flickershade began to purr, a deep thrum coming from his chest. She could feel him vibrate through her chin, and soon she started to purr as well. The two cats were, as far as Hollypaw was concerned, the only two beings in all the world.

Hollyclaw yawned and stretched, arching her back in pleasure as the rising sun lit her grey fur and turned it gold. Three seasons as a warrior had left her less bossy, she knew, and it was good to be in a Clan full of cats who trusted her, who would fight at her side in any battle.

"Hey, Hollyclaw," Sweetrose mewed as the grey cat strode by. The golden warrior had a mouthful of mouse and was chewing it hungrily.

"Sweetrose," Hollyclaw replied, nodding politely. Her paws were light as she approached Archclaw, the young warrior who had become deputy so recently. "Can I go hunting by myself this morning, Archclaw?" she meowed to the brown and gold tabby.

The deputy paused, the expression of deep thought leaving her face. "Sure, Hollyclaw. Be sure to get back in time for a border patrol after sunhigh, okay?"

With a quick nod, Hollyclaw left the ShadeClan camp behind and raced into the forest. Her muscles stretched and contracted as she ran, bunching up when her paws retracted. As she ran, her ears picked up the calls of birds and the sound of leaves crunching beneath her paws. What a wonderful time to be alive.

Of course, her good mood had a cause of its own. Once Hollyclaw reached the fields, she stopped and sat down near a bush, flanks heaving as she gasped for breath. She curled her tail around her paws and purred, enjoying the sunlight. I need to be as healthy as possible for my kits. She looked down at her belly, which was scarcely swollen. Even if I'm the only one who knows they're there.

After the unspoken confession that she had feelings for Flickershade, Hollyclaw had continued meeting him at the border whenever she could. Never once had they said "I love you" to one another – in fact, when they met, they rarely spoke. But it was true. And there were kits to prove it.

Flickershade was a bit… strange. Sometimes when they met, he would seem distracted. On those times, Hollyclaw hated seeing him, because he was so unlike himself. He would pace back and forth, growling about how he'd like to get rid of Saltcreek, or he would press against Hollyclaw and never move more than a whisker's breadth from her side, or he would hunker down away from her and stare into space, hissing under his breath, and never let her near him.

But most of the time, he was just loving. They would run along the fields, leaping over bushes and chasing rabbits to their holes. They would sit and talk softly about everything from kittypets to StarClan to the possibility of other Clans far away somewhere. And those were the times that Hollyclaw loved. Those were the times when she knew she had chosen well in the cat she loved.

Admittedly, it would be hard to avoid telling someone whose kits they were, especially Thornpelt. She loved her brother, and he would be so delighted that she was having kits. It would always be difficult to reply, "I wish to keep the father secret." But she would do it. She had to do it.

For her kits, for herself, and for Flickershade.

It was night again, and they would finally meet. Hollyclaw could tell him that she was expecting kits. Her giddy joy made it hard to keep quiet, and she could hear cats shifting in the warriors' den once she'd gone. But what did that matter? She was going to meet Flickershade.

Hollyclaw padded through the forest on winged paws, feeling as if she was barely touching the ground. But her joy crashed to the ground when she saw Flickershade.

It was one of the bad times for him – she could see that even at a distance. He was running back and forth as if his tail were on fire, leaping sometimes. It was one of the things he did sometimes, she knew, to release energy. Maybe I shouldn't show up, she thought nervously. But she pushed the thought away. That's madness! This is Flickershade after all. He'd be like this next time if I didn't show up… and besides, I love him. I do. And he'll be delighted to hear about our kits no matter what.

She started forward into the field. But before she could even begin making her way up the hill, Flickershade lunged down and screeched to a halt in front of her, claws unsheathed. His flowery scent made her feel weak.

"Say you love me," he ordered her abruptly.

Hollyclaw's thoughts halted. "What?" she meowed, puzzled.

"Say you love me," Flickershade repeated urgently. "I have to hear it. Say it!"

"I love you," she meowed, tingling at the very words she'd waited three seasons to say.

To her alarm, however, Flickershade's eyes blazed in anger. "Say it like you mean it!" he snapped, lashing his tail.

Like I mean it? How did I say it before? Hollyclaw wondered, staring at him. "I love you!" she repeated, lifting one paw to step towards him.

Flickershade curled his lip. "Not good enough." To her horror, his paw flashed out and suddenly there were three bleeding lines across her muzzle.

"What are you doing?" she shrieked, backing away. He's never done this! Flickershade had had bad episodes – and this was certainly one of the worst – but never before had he turned on her!

Suddenly a snarl came from behind her. Flickershade looked past her and Hollyclaw's heart sank as she heard a low, rumbling voice.

"Get away from her."

Thornpelt. How did he know? But Hollyclaw realized she hadn't exactly been sneaky when she left the camp. Her brother might have suspected her for moons and been waiting for this chance. Maybe he'd even seen her with Flickershade, and hadn't dared to approach. But now her mate had attacked her, and she knew her brother wouldn't stand for that.

Flickershade hissed. "You told someone about us? You told them? How could you?" With a yowl, he lunged at Hollyclaw. But Thornpelt shot in front of her and thrust Flickershade away with one powerful shove of his shoulder.

"Don't hurt her," Thornpelt growled.

Hollyclaw's head was spinning. How could all this have happened so quickly? One instant, she was going to meet Flickershade and tell him that she was expecting his kits. The next, her brother had to defend her from him.

"I knew you never loved me," Flickershade spat. "I knew it all along. You always wanted Saltcreek! Always!"

"I never loved Saltcreek! I hated him!" Hollyclaw protested, eyes widening.

"You want him!" Flickershade repeated, his oddly-colored eyes bulging. Yet they still held their hypnotic properties, even wide and wild. He turned them on Thornpelt, and Hollyclaw saw her brother's shoulders sag.

Quicker than Hollyclaw would have thought possible, Flickershade had shoved past Thornpelt and launched himself at her. His greater weight bowled her over, and her first thought was, The kits!

"Wait!" Thornpelt yowled. "Don't hurt her! She's expecting!"

Hollyclaw had only an instant to wonder how her brother knew. But of course he did. Sometimes it seemed Thornpelt knew her better than he knew himself. Maybe he does, she thought a little sadly. He probably knew something like this was coming. He just wanted to protect me.

Flickershade looked down at her. "Kits," he meowed quietly. "Kits of my own. Kits of your own. Our kits."

If I could do it over again, would I?

Hollyclaw nodded, staring up at her mate. Maybe he wasn't perfect, but she loved him. She always would love him. And maybe StarClan intended for this to be her fate, killed at the paws of her mate before she could have kits. Or maybe this would stop him.

If I could start from the beginning?

Flickershade kept looking at her. His face was twisted in an unrecognizable emotion. "Kits. Our kits."

Do things a different way?

"Our kits," Hollyclaw repeated softly. "Will you let them live?" She prayed that the answer would be yes, but somehow she knew in her heart that it would never be.

Live with the certainty that it would all be right?

Flickershade's eyes lost their wildness and their horrible, wonderful hypnotic glimmer. Instead they were filled with immense sadness. And in that instant, Hollyclaw loved him more than ever before. Because she knew that he didn't want to do this. But he had no control.

If I could do it over, could I?

Her mate, the cat she had sworn her love to, crouched low and raised one paw. Its sharp claws glinted in the moonlight. Hollyclaw breathed, "Lean down." He did, thrusting his ear next to her muzzle. At the same time, his claw fell. She heard Thornpelt's shriek from behind Flickershade as black spots rendered her blind.

No. Never.

"I love you," Hollyclaw whispered into Flickershade's ears.

The sweet scent of flowers, tainted with blood yet strong as ever, wreathed around her and followed her into darkness.

Oh my god, this was really bad. Long, serious, and bad. Hollyclaw's like an emotional teenager - "24 moons and pregnant."

This was going to be really intense originally, with a long story that involved Flickershade slowly showing more signs of an emotional breakdown as Saltcreek took more away from him, and somehow Hollyclaw would end up doing something that made Flickershade mistrust her, which we would also see signs of as time went past, until finally it all came to a head and Thornclaw and Saltcreek and Flickershade and Hollyclaw were all there. But that would have been like 20,000 words and I already typed up 5,000 today, which is a lot more than I can usually churn out within two hours (yeah, it took me two hours to write this. I was inspired, desperate, and really, really energetic in the fingers).

So instead there's this. Hopefully enough to count as an apprentice challenge in DarkClan. If not, then I'll start over and write this the way it was always intended. I'll probably do that someday anyway, because this fast-paced stupid quick romance is not at all what I wanted. Until then, I need to take a break from Hollyclaw and Flickershade. I have to write something from Thornclaw's perspective next.

Oh, and by the way?
After I've written something from Thornclaw, we finally find out whether Badgerkit lived or not.