A/N Coda to the episode "Requiem".
Hope you enjoy it! Disclaimer:
Lost and Found
Tony slowly climbed out of McGee's car, mumbling a distract thank you. He could feel his younger colleague's worried gaze, but simply ignored it. He knew McGee was worried about him, just as Abby, Ducky and all the others had been, but he was frankly too tired and sore to care.
He waved a hand to McGee, signaling him to go, and silently sighed in relief as the younger man did so.
Tony appreciated the concern, sure, but all he wanted, right now, was just a long, nice sleep in his bed. He just hoped that it was gonna be completely free from nightmares, but he knew it was unlikely.
Gibbs had almost died back at the docks, and Maddie, too. They had almost disappeared forever in the cold, merciless waters of the river. And now Tony knew that those memories - the cold bite of the freezing water when he had jumped in, the panic as he had realized that they were stuck in the car underwater, the fear that he was not going to make it and save both of them – he was not going to forget them soon.
Those memories were going to haunt his sleep for a long time.
He stifled unsuccessfully a bout of dry coughs and tiredly trudged towards the building.
Gibbs almost died.
Tony's memories of the past few hours were a bit fuzzy, more like a sequence of scary, fragmented images, but the fear, the terror he had felt – that was clear and sharp as glass.
But, other than that, he couldn't remember much of the period of time that had elapsed between the moment he had seen the car disappearing into the murky waters of the river and the trip to the hospital.
Just the fear. And the cold. He had felt cold and lost and numb, but especially cold, both outside and inside. It hadn't been this bad when he had dived in the river – sure, the water was freezing, but the adrenaline, the fear, the commitment to save both the lives in peril had numbed and closed out every other feeling.
But, once out of the water, when he had finally realized that both Maddie and Gibbs were going to live, a deadly, terrible cold had settled inside him.
And, just as he was shivering, sprawled on the dock, waiting for the backup and the medical help, already back then, he had understood that it wasn't just the chilly breeze or his wet clothes or the shock causing those racking shivers that relentlessly shook his body.
Gibbs' expression.
Gibbs' expression when Tony was trying to free him from thesubmerged car. It had scared him. His boss, his mentor, his friend. He had looked so dead, yet so…peaceful.
Tony glanced up in despair to the stairs leading to his flat, a terrible tiredness weighing down his limbs.
Back at the hospital, the doctor who had visited him had tried to convince him to stay for the night, just as a precaution, giving the experience he had endured and especially his lungs history, but Tony had strongly refused, and finally managed to convince both the doctor and Ducky that he was going to rest better at home.
Sure, Ducky hadn't looked very pleased by the development, but the old ME had grudgingly given up, under the promise that Tony was going to call him in case of any necessity.
Well, maybe he wasn't at his top, Tony admitted to himself, carefully sitting down on the last step, but better being at home that in a hospital. His head and chest hurt, his leg and arms ached from the exertion, his throat burned and he was feeling somehow dizzy. But, at least, he was alone. He could think. He glanced again at the stairs then closed his eyes, resting his head on the wall.
Just a few minutes. Then I'll go up.
But, also with his eyes closed, all he could see was Gibbs' face during those damn minutes in the river.
So calm, so peaceful.
Tony hadn't doubted for a moment what he had to do, his inner Gibbs-voice telling him to save Maddie before anything else. To save the young woman that was one of few, strong links to his past. To Kelly.
And, even during the few days before, Tony had understood more than well Gibbs' protectiveness towards the young woman. A young woman that reminded his boss about his own, long lost daughter.
Tony had understood the excruciating pain that the Boss must've felt, seeing Maddie alive and well and young and promising, while his own child was long dead.
And Tony could also understand the somewhat reckless behavior of his Boss, or the fact that Gibbs hadn't trusted him enough to share his thoughts, his feelings with him.
Tony was not Gibbs' son. They were friends, sure, but he knew that there were parts of his past that Gibbs didn't want to share with him. Tony knew this very well. He understood and respected this. Yet…yet he couldn't help but feel a stab of regret, of pain at the thought.
And, back at the hospital, when Tony had found out that Gibbs had already been discharged and gone home without him…well, that had been another punch in the gut.
For the umpteenth time Gibbs' expression floated in his mind, and he clenched his eyes tighter, but he couldn't drive away the haunting image and the terrifying thought that had hit him hours ago.
Maybe Gibbs was angry with him now.
Maybe, back in the river, Gibbs' would have wanted Tony to let him go.
To be continued...
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Next chapter will be up soon.