My Older Brother is Younger than Me!

Main character(s): Itachi Uchiha and Sasuke Uchiha

Rating: T with character violence, inappropriate language, and innuendos

Warnings: Fluff-ish, crude language and comments

Summary: Having his older brother brought back to life is great. Having said older brother brought back as a child is okay. Debating bedtimes with resurrected older brother, not-so great.

Disclaimer: Naruto and the Naruto characters do not belong to me.

/

Note: In this chapter, Sasuke is 24 years old and Itachi is 8 years old.

/

The discussion of bedtimes started when Naruto and Sasuke went to a local bar for a morning buzz.

"Sasuke" Naruto whined, eerily resembling a blonde fan girl Sasuke had met the other day.

"What?" Sasuke snapped at the blonde, staring intently at the empty glass in front of him and pointedly ignoring his unfinished mission report next to the glass.

Naruto pouted at the sour tone, "I've been thinking" the blonde paused for effect, waiting for Sasuke to prompt further into the statement.

"That's a new trick-" Sasuke snorted as he signaled the bartender for more alcohol, "-don't hurt yourself, you haven't used your brain since you were born." Naruto stuck out his tongue, "In fact, you must be drunk to be thinking" a smirk was thrown the blonde's way as Sasuke's empty glass was taken away.

"Am Not!" Naruto shouted as he leapt to his feet, only to sway back into his chair. A giggle erupted from Naruto, "not that much" the held his forefinger and thumb apart to show Sasuke how drunk he is.

Sasuke snorted as he ordered a different alcoholic beverage.

Naruto groaned, his hands gripping Sasuke's collar "Don't distract me, bastard" the blonde shook Sasuke slightly.

Sasuke slapped the blonde's hands away.

"Then don't waste my time" Sasuke straightened his collar.

Naruto glared, before he shuffled awkwardly in his seat. Sasuke enjoyed the silence that stretched in between the two before his eyes zoned on the blonde's hand movement.

"What are you doing?" Sasuke asked harshly, annoyed by the rustling of the blonde's clothes.

"Looking for a book" Naruto hummed as he unzipped his pants, "A book on child rearing to be exact."

Sasuke watched in disgust as Naruto dug his right hand into the front of his orange pants.

"Really" Sasuke droned, his nose scrunching up in distaste, "Because from where I'm sitting-" a hand shaped lump wriggled from where Naruto's private would be, "-it looks like you're giving yourself a hand job-" Sasuke paused for effect, "-in public."

"How immature Sasuke" Naruto eyes gained a mischievous glint, "Kakashi-sensei must be rubbing off on you" the blonde teased, right hand still stuck in the front of the orange pants.

Sasuke flipped Naruto off for the comparison.

"Found it!" the happy look on Naruto's face made Sasuke wince at the implications.

The blonde held out a small green book towards Sasuke, expecting the near-blind 24 year old to take the book.

Sasuke starred at the blonde, revulsion on his face "I'm not touching it" Sasuke continued to stare, "not after it's been in your pants" Sasuke stressed.

Naruto grinned, "Afraid of dick germs, are we Sasuke-chan?" the blonde taunted, shoving the book into Sasuke's cheek.

Sasuke scoffed, snatching the book away from Naruto "You'd have to have a dick for that to happen-" Sasuke smirked as he placed the green book onto the table, "-Dickless".

Naruto's sputtering at that comment gave Sasuke some form of satisfaction, but not enough for revenge for the –chan comment.

Sasuke sneered "Speechless, Dickless?" he asked, his voice dripping in sarcasm.

Naruto leered, face going back to the tan color, "I'm sorry can you repeat that, Sai?"

It was Sasuke's turn to sputter.

"Tch. Idiot" Sasuke turned back to the bar, holding up his forefinger and middle finger as the bartender brought over Sasuke's drink.

"Bastard" Naruto whispered, holding up four fingers to the bartender.

Sasuke prodded Naruto in the side, "You sure you can handle more?"

"Fucker" Naruto growled, making a rude gesture in Sasuke's direction.

Sasuke grunted, before taking a long gulp from the amber-colored liquid in front of him.

"Well then idiot" Sasuke motioned to the green book placed in between Sasuke's previously empty glass and his mission report, "why are you giving me a child rearing book?"

Naruto smiled brightly and Sasuke envisioned the green beasts of Konoha.

"Itachi-"

"No." Sasuke cut off, taking another gulp of his drink, "Whatever idea you have, get it out of your head now" Sasuke stressed, avoiding looking into Naruto's watery blue eyes.

"But-"

"No."

"Even-"

"No."

"How-"

"No."

"He's-"

"No."

"Jackass" Naruto growled, slamming his head down onto the bar counter.

"Still not going to take your book" Sasuke hummed around his drink, glaring at the green book distrustfully.

"Mhmh mhm mh" Naruto mumbled into the wood.

"Sorry can't speak stupid" Sasuke took another gulp of his liquid.

Naruto turned his head to meet Sasuke's eyes. "Can I just say something?" he asked.

"I don't know-" Sasuke peered into his near empty glass, "Can you?"

Naruto scrunched his nose, "Fucker" he growled.

"Only to you" Sasuke smirked, eyeing the untouched drink of another patron next to him.

Naruto choked on his spit, "Real mature you bastard."

Sasuke sent Naruto a mocking smile, "My parents were married when they had me" he taunted.

Naruto groaned, lifting his head off the counter "Piss off, asshole."

"At least I stand when I piss" Sasuke gloated, "I don't have to squat."

"Bastard!" Naruto yelled, slamming his hands down onto the counter, "I stand!"

People in the bar quieted, heads all turned to the blonde and whispers took over the crowd.

Naruto blushed before rounding a glare at the gossipers, "Go back to your own conversations" Naruto's glare became more heated, "now."

Everyone quickly started up their conversations and Naruto cleared his throat before turning back to an awestricken Sasuke.

"What?" the blonde asked.

"Nothing" Sasuke turned his head away from the blonde.

Naruto grinned before motioning to the green book.

"So as I was trying to say-" Sasuke turned to face Naruto again, "-Itachi is a kid-"

"Only in body" Sasuke interrupted with a look of glee on his face. "He beat you in a spar last week."

Naruto's ears turned bright red, "only because I went easy on him."

"You activated sage mode" Sasuke pointed out.

"Whatever" Naruto scoffed, "His body is still that of an eight year old. So he needs all that crap kids need at that age."

"He's been eight before" Sasuke sighed, "He should know what to do already."

Naruto shook his head, "He had your mom to remind him what he needs to do-" Naruto crossed his arms "-he has no one but you to remind him now."

Sasuke snorted, "First time around-" the bartender arrived with Sasuke's and Naruto's drinks "-he could split open a grown man's skull."

Naruto winced, "So. That doesn't mean he knows how to take care of his body."

"Naruto" Sasuke stared at the blonde "he was nearly dead when he killed Orochimaru, he probably kept his body in mint condition to do that" Sasuke took a gulp of his new glass.

"Pshaw" Naruto waved his left hand, "that's specifics, besides his body was older than what it is now."

Sasuke placed his drink down, "Naruto" Sasuke pinched the bridge of his nose "Itachi may be physically younger than the both of us, but he is mentally older."

"But his memory just resurfaced a few years ago" Naruto protested, "He probably hasn't searched through all of his memories yet!" Naruto complained.

"Naruto" Sasuke shot the blonde a look, "may I remind you that we are talking about Itachi Uchiha, a genius in all arenas?" Sasuke pushed the book towards Naruto.

The blonde pouted, "Well I just thought that you would jump at this chance…"

Sasuke twitched, but gave no acknowledgement to Naruto's words.

"I mean-" Naruto sighed dramatically "-your brother never really had a childhood-"

Sasuke twitched again.

"and he's now a kid again" Naruto rested his elbows on the counter, ""this is like Itachi's second chance at a childhood"

"So" Sasuke's interest was piqued.

"So" Naruto stressed, "You can give him a chance at a childhood he never had" Naruto nodded toward Sasuke.

Sasuke blushed slightly before clearing his voice, "I'm sure-"

"Stop" Naruto commanded, staring intently at Sasuke not blinking an eye even as the blonde took o drank one of his drinks. "This is your time to take care of your precious big brother"

Sasuke grimaced.

"Don't ya want ta take care of yer brother?" Naruto asked, grin crocked as he added a southern twang to his words.

"Idiot" Sasuke murmured as he brought his glass to his lips, "You must be drunk to suggest a bedtime for Itachi."

"Bastard" Naruto grumbled as Sasuke drank his entire glass in one gulp. "I'm trying to prove a point"

"Of what?" Sasuke asked, "Prove a point that you are an idiot? Everybody already knows that."

Naruto glared hard, "I'm trying to improve your relationship with Itachi" the blonde hissed.

Sasuke stared at Naruto's untouched drinks, "Our relationship is fine" Sasuke pointed a pale finger to Naruto's untouched drinks, "Are you going to drink those?" Sasuke made a quick grab at one of the drinks.

"Yes" Naruto scowled, slapping Sasuke's hands away. "Stop stalling! Are you going to give Itachi what he needs?" Naruto asked.

"What Itachi needs is to beat you sense into you" Sasuke snorted, staring as Naruto moved his drinks out of the brunette's reach. "That, and to drink the sacrificial blood of the idiot who came up with the idea."

Naruto snorted, "He already has enough of blood from idiots-" Naruto quickly drank another of his glasses, "-he's related to you after all."

Sasuke refused the urge to activate his Sharingan.

Naruto pushed the rest of his drinks to Sasuke, "just think about it."

Sasuke grunted as he pulled Naruto's untouched drinks to him, "Leaving?" he asked as the blonde pushed off the stool.

"Yeah" the blonde shuddered, "Paperwork."

Sasuke hid a smile behind one of the Blonde's glasses, "Later loser."

"Later asshole" Naruto turned to leave.

Sasuke quickly grabbed the blonde's coat, "where do you think you are going?" he asked impatiently.

"I just told you" the blonde winced at Sasuke's glared.

"Nice try dope" Sasuke tugged the blonde closer to the bar, "You forgot to pay, again"

The blonde flinched, before he quickly pulled out his wallet. "Don't want a repeat of the dine-and-dash adventure in Suna."

Sasuke smirked, "How is Gaara and the relations with Suna going?"

Naruto glared at Sasuke, "He's still mad."

Sasuke's smirk widen.

"But I paid the cost of the damages and therapy sessions for the restaurants owners, so he's a little bit happier."

Sasuke's smirk didn't leave his face.

"Later Asshole" Naruto said, ignoring the smirk on Sasuke's face.

"Get your paperwork done on time-" Sasuke snorted, "-Idiot"

/

After reading the Child rearing book –and getting harassed daily by Naruto- Sasuke sat down one evening, planning to address the matter of a bedtime with Itachi. Sasuke prepared countless speeches for each possible reaction from Itachi, ready to defend the idea from the ruthlessness that could be his older –younger- brother. So needless to say, when Itachi entered the living room; Sasuke immediately knew that he was fighting a losing battle.

"Itachi." Sasuke cleared his voice, his grip tight on the cool cup of tea in front of him. "We need to talk."

Sasuke barely avoided voicing a whimper as the eight year old Itachi looked at him before starting to approach the table. Sasuke tried not to lean back as his small brother silently sat down in front of Sasuke.

"Is there something that I can help you with, Sasuke?" Itachi asked, still and silent as he waited for Sasuke to say something.

After quickly coughing into his fist –to encourage himself before he entered the war that would be about bedtimes- Sasuke smiled weakly. "Yes, I'm hoping we can determine a bedtime..." Sasuke trailed off, trying to gaze somewhere else that was not his unblinking big –little- brother.

Itachi smiled and Sasuke felt relieved. His brother wouldn't end up strangling him in the middle of the night for suggesting the bedtime.

"I agree Sasuke."

Sasuke had to blink before he looked down into his tea cup. It doesn't look spiked, so Itachi must have been actually speaking the truth, and Sasuke wasn't just hearing things.

"You agree?" Sasuke knew his luck couldn't be that great, he spent his teen years building up bad karma, there is just no way that Itachi would agree without any particular fights being placed. "I've heard from reputable sources that bedtimes are encouraged amongst the young."

Itachi nodded, bringing a hand up to his chin. "It is true. The younger a person is, the more sleep they need in order to achieve a healthy life style." Itachi started to frown, "however, I am confused. A bedtime has the possibility of impeding you on your missions, Sasuke."

Sasuke frowned confusion evident as he spoke, "what?"

Itachi gave Sasuke an exasperated look.

"Sasuke, some missions occur overnight. The ninja life is not designed to support those with bedtimes" Itachi deadpanned. "There may be missions that get in the way of your designated bedtime, while it is good that to get a healthy amount of sleep, your bedtime will get in the way of assigned missions."

It took Sasuke a moment to realize that Itachi thought the bedtime was for Sasuke not himself.

"That's not what I meant" Sasuke felt his cheeks heat up slightly.

Itachi smirked knowingly, and Sasuke sensed that his brother knew more about the subject than what Itachi acted like he did.

"Oh? Then what are you trying to say?" Itachi asked, watching Sasuke squirm in his seat.

Sasuke glared, as he gave in. If Itachi wanted to play this game he is going to lose.

"I have talked with Naruto" Sasuke refused to move in his seat as Itachi leaned forward, elbows placed upon the table. "I have been told that children of your age group require a specific amount of sleep that I believe you are not getting."

Itachi's smirk widens and Sasuke refused to flinch at the amused gaze of his brothers.

"When did you listen to whatever Naruto says? Remember the incident Naruto caused in Suna?" Sasuke could hear laughter in Itachi's voice, "Do you dare to follow what he says you should do? After all the havoc he has caused within the past six months?"

Sasuke gulped before he scowled in his brother's direction, "yes." Sasuke did not finch from Itachi's raised eyebrow, "one that is your age needs to get specific amounts of rest each night."

Itachi laid his head upon his fisted hands, head tilting slightly as he continued to gaze at Sasuke. "You do know that I am not mentally eight?"

Sasuke immediately smirked at his brother. He prepared himself for this kind of argument after all. "Yes, but your body is that of an eight year old. Thus it needs rest, it does not matter if you are mentally eight or not."

Itachi scoffed, narrowing his eyes at his brother "I was eight once Sasuke, I remember what it is like to be eight."

Sasuke grunted, "I was eight once, too" he crossed his arms as he returned his brother's narrowed eye glare. "However, there is a difference between you and I."

Itachi lifted his head off his fists, glaring and his younger –older- brother.

"Do not finish-"

"I am not eight physically" Sasuke continued, ignoring his brother's warning. "You are-"

"I am warning-"

"-which means that you require a bedtime" Sasuke finished, his content heard clearly in his voice.

Itachi sighed, closing his eyes and pinching the bridge of his nose. Sasuke smiled knowingly, he won this argument and that Itachi was silently fuming.

"Fine" Itachi huffed, removing his hand from his face.

Sasuke's smile got bigger, he totally owned this argument.

"However-" Sasuke stopped smiling and peered cautiously at his brother, wondering what Itachi was up to now. "I shall only agree if you win a game against me."

Sasuke glared and Itachi merely gazed at his brother, knowing that even if they were at a standoff Sasuke couldn't resist the urge of a challenge.

"Why should I agree" Sasuke broke the silence as he pursued his lip. "I am the adult in this relationship. You are the child, you should listen to me."

Itachi grunted.

"I am only physically eight, mentally I am your senior. It is you who should be listening to me."

Sasuke didn't look convinced.

"If you are truly the adult in this relationship" Itachi motioned between the two of them, "then you shall be responsible for cooking three meals a day." Itachi leered at Sasuke, knowing he had proven his case.

Sasuke shuddered as he remembered all the ovens he broke when he had to cook for himself. Many considered Naruto –the person who only knew how to operate a microwave- to be a better cook. As much as it shamed Sasuke to admit, Naruto is a better cook than Sasuke. Sasuke briefly weighed the pros and cons of what would happen if he suddenly had to cook and decided, Sasuke decided that in the end it just wasn't worth it.

"What game shall we be playing?" Sasuke asked, his smile strained and face pale.

"Jan-Ken-Pon." Itachi smiled.

Sasuke felt slightly relieved.

"We will only play one game." Itachi began to rise from his seat, slowly making his way to sit next to Sasuke.

Sasuke stared as his brother sat next to him, "no cheating."

Itachi smiled, his head titled slightly in a way that made Sasuke want to choke him.

"Last time-" Sasuke frowned at the memory, "you used your Sharingan on me. "

Itachi continued to smile "I only used what I was born with Sasuke." Sasuke decided that Itachi's fake sweetness in his voice was unnecessary, Sasuke knew he cheated.

Sasuke closed his eyes as he started to count back from ten, hoping to restrain the urge to shake his brother.

"The use of the Sharingan is considered cheating."

Itachi hummed, his smile not leaving his face "you could have used the Sharingan in the game."

Sasuke huffed, and refused to admit that his brother's mastery of the Sharingan –even if Sasuke's Sharingan actually was Itachi's- succeeded his.

"You programmed your eyes to cast a specific genjutsu if met with the same eyes." Sasuke still couldn't comprehend how Itachi achieved that, even if the explanation of 'its Itachi Uchiha' made everything clear.

"You sound bitter, Sasuke" Itachi fluttered his eyes at Sasuke, moving his hand into position.

Sasuke resisted another urge to coke Itachi.

"What was that, Sasuke?" Itachi asked as Sasuke muttered under his breath.

Sasuke gave a false smile, "nothing Nii-san."

Itachi's smiles gained a sadistic edge, "then place your hand into starting position."

When both of their hands were in starting position Itachi started the count.

"Jan-"Sasuke stared at their hands, refusing to be caught in another of his brother's genjutsu.

"-Ken-" Sasuke activated his Sharingan.

"-Pon" the brothers held out their hands. One small pale hand in the position of scissors and the other larger, less paler, hand held the paper position.

Sasuke stared hard at his brother's hand, anger gripping him with the knowledge that Itachi has beaten him again.

"Fucker."

Itachi climbed to his feet, brushing off imaginary dust, "Watch your language, Sasuke."

"How could you win?! I watched what you were doing the entire time!" Sasuke pointed at his smug looking brother, "You were going to throw down rock!" Sasuke sent an accusatory glare at Itachi.

Smiling, Itachi leaned forward, poking Sasuke in the forehead. "I won simply because I am me."

Sasuke cursed some more.

"You cheated!" Sasuke tried to count back from ten and failed, "I demand a rematch!"

Itachi sighed, crossing his arms. "This is why I am the adult-" Itachi pointed to back between himself and Sasuke "-and you are the child."

Sasuke tried to count back from twenty. Itachi continued to speak.

"This is also why you are the one in need of a bedtime. Look how grumpy you are getting."

Sasuke tried counting back from thirty.

"You are a child no matter what your physical age."

Sasuke roared as he launched himself at Itachi. Screw being patient and counting backwards

/

The next time Sasuke saw Naruto, he tried to give the blonde a black eye. Normally it was hard to make a lasting injury because the blonde healed quickly, however this time; it was hard mainly because Sasuke had a broken Ulna. Sasuke didn't allow this to stop him from trying.

"Sasuke!" Naruto beamed, ignoring that Sasuke tried to punch him -multiply- in the past twenty seconds.

Sasuke merely growled at the blonde's cheerful response as another black eye healed. Naruto nodded as he translated the Uchiha's growl.

"So you couldn't convince Itachi about his bedtime" the blonde then eyed the white cast on Sasuke's arm. "You failed prettily badly didn't you?"

Sasuke glared while Naruto snickered in amusement.

"Moron" Sasuke held out a green summoning scroll for Naruto. "Itachi sends his love" he spat out shoving the scroll into Naruto's hands.

Naruto yelped as he scrambled to catch the scroll before it hit the ground. Sasuke snorted at the inelegant movement before turning and walking in the blonde's opposite direction.

"Bastard!" the blonde shouted after him, before applying a reasonable amount of blood to the scroll.

When the scroll opened, it reveled a light green bento box that emitted a lovely smell. The blonde's stomach growled as Naruto pulled off the lid of the bento box. Gazing at the content of the box, Naruto sighed dreamily as he snapped open the chopsticks that Itachi provided in the box. Continuing his walk, Naruto shoved the food into his mouth, ignoring Kyuubi's warning about the food being laced with laxatives and rat poison. Naruto survived worse stuff than poison, besides the Kyuubi considers chocolate to be poison so Itachi probably put in some spices from plants that are poisonous to animals.

Naruto wished his listened to Kyuubi when he wound up face first into the pavement with passersby giggling and not bothering to help. Yeah, the Kyuubi may be red and fluffy, but it obliviously knew its poison.

/

A/N: Question and answer time!

Why is Itachi acting so harsh with Sasuke? Don't they love each other?

Do you have a sibling? Yes? Then you should know that some days the best way to show your love is by being harsh and mean to one another. If not, I feel the need to inform you that many siblings are not best friends. They hold grudges due to childhood scars and other stuff. Siblings are not afraid of hurting one another because they assume what they give will be returned. Or at least, my family and friend's family act like this.

Itachi is eight! What happened?

The official story will appear as a one-shot after a few more chapters. A short version; it is a year after the final arc (you know the one where everyone fights Madara Uchiha) and Sasuke's life is okay. One day while visiting Itachi's old room in the Uchiha manner, Sasuke comes across a baby that bears a striking resemblance to Itachi. After taking the baby to Tsunade, it turns out the baby is Itachi! Now, Sasuke is responsible of raising his older brother, while trying to deal with the opinionated blonde Hokage-wannabe.

Why is Naruto trying to convince Sasuke to give Itachi a bed time?

My older sister gave birth to my nephew two years ago. I remember a friend of hers would always come by and give her tips on child rearing, even when that friend has no children of her own. Friends are like that, and Naruto reminds me of my sister's friend so much that he has to be the one to suggest stupid child rearing stuff to Sasuke.

Did Itachi just poison Naruto?! I thought he was loyal to Konohagakure and its Hokage!

A person can be poisoned without dying. Laxatives cause a person to have the runs, while rat poison has really dangerous effects on the human body. I assume that the Kyuubi's healing would lessen the effects of rat poison to a minimum that would only cause Naruto to throw up uncontrollably. This, in turn, would cause the blonde to become dehydrated and to collapse in the middle of the street.

What happened in Suna?

Naruto did something extremely stupid that cause collateral damage and a strain on the Suna and Konohagakure's relationship.

Is this a series?

Maybe, if it is a series it shall be a series of one-shots and drabbles surrounding the topic of De-aged!Itachi.

Sasuke and Itachi settle their difference with Jan-Ken-Pon? What is up with that?

In Japan, it is a popular way to solve differences between family members. Jan-Ken-Pon is the Japanese version of Rock-paper-scissors.

Kyuubi thinks chocolate is poisonous!? What is wrong with him! Its food from the Gods!

Chocolate is actually poisonous to some species of mammals. I don't know which, but it can cause stomach aches, and violent vomiting.

Sasuke and Naruto sure curse a lot during the first part. Why is that?

Naruto and Sasuke are males in their early twenties at a bar scene with alcohol in their system. Not many twenty-something do not curse when drunk.

Is Itachi going to be a shinobi in this?

No, Itachi is a pacifist. I like to believe that if offered the chance of not having to commit violent acts, Itachi would take it. Though I believe that Itachi would feel the need to be useful to Konohagakure; so I would like to imagine him becoming a med-nin. He has the chakra control for it.

There are grammar and spelling mistakes in here.

I own up to all grammar and spelling mistakes. I am human after all.

Reviewing? What's that?

Reviews are what let me if I am doing a good job. I love reviews; they make me want to post chapters up faster. This being said, I'm not a fan of flames. On the other hand, constructive criticism is greatly appreciated, especially if it about character development. Pointing out spelling mistakes are also appreciated, as long as you point out what I misspelled and what chapter it was in.