Author's notes:
Thank you to the great writer Sue Shay for her beta-read and critique. Be sure to check out the latest updates to her drabble series - "Have A Care" and "It's Over."
I do not own the TV show The Mentalist and get no compensation from it. This story is written purely for entertainment purposes only.
This one-shot pays tribute to the ending of another television show. See author's notes that follow the story.
Click. The lamp on the right side of the bed turns on.
"Teresa, Teresa. Are you awake?"
Click. The lamp on the left side of the bed turns on.
"I am now, Patrick. But I want to go back to sleep."
"I just had the craziest dream I ever had."
"Crazier than that one where you were living in the attic of our house? When we don't even have an attic?"
"Lots crazier. I was this fake psychic."
"You were psychic? Yeah, that is the craziest dream you ever had."
"No, I admitted that I wasn't psychic, but I still had this ability to read what people were thinking."
"Okay, Patrick. Look in my eyes. Tell me what I'm thinking right now."
"Something to do with wanting me to shut up and letting you go back to sleep? And some other words I'd rather not say out loud."
"You are psychic."
"You were in the dream too."
"Sigh. I'll bet I wasn't getting any sleep in the dream either."
"Hold on, Teresa, let me tell you about it. You and I weren't married in the dream."
"So, you weren't in the same bed as me? In other words I could sleep in peace."
"You were my boss."
"Okay, you've got me interested. Not much but a little. Continue."
"You were an agent with the California Bureau of Investigation. I was a consultant who worked for you."
"I hired you to give me advice?"
"Yes."
"You got paid money for this advice?"
"Yes."
"Patrick, we've already established that it was your craziest dream ever..."
"It was like I was the greatest detective ever."
"So we'll call it a fantasy..."
"You relied on me to figure things out when no else could."
"Now it sounds like a nightmare."
"We were quite a team."
"How did that work, Patrick?"
"Most of the time you spent all day working at your desk or in the field."
"What did you do?"
"I took a lot of naps on the couch."
"So this dream was pretty much like our everyday life then."
"Grace and Wayne were in the dream too."
"Grace? What was she like?"
"She and Wayne weren't your sister and your brother-in-law."
"What were they in the dream?"
"She and Wayne both worked for you."
"Hummm. Some parts of your dream I like hearing about. Did they sleep all day on the couch?"
"No, they did a lot of leg work for you."
"As opposed to you who was sleeping on the couch."
"Right. This is not sounding too good about what I was doing in the dream."
"You think?"
"Kimball was in the dream too."
"Kimball Cho?"
"Yes. Our neighbor."
"Figures he'd be in it. I'll bet he was running his yakker all the time like when the two of you are grilling in the backyard."
"You would have liked the dream version of Kimball. He hardly said anything. He mostly read books."
"Speaking of talking and not talking and trying to get some sleep…"
"Okay, Teresa, I can take a hint…"
"Thank goodness. Listen, Patrick. You're my husband and I love you but I've learned my lesson. No more spicy pizza for you after 9pm."
"You don't have to wag your finger at me. Maybe it was those little red things on the pizza that I ate. Maybe that caused the weird dream."
"Sigh. Goodnight, Patrick. I love you."
Click. The lamp on the left side of the bed turns off.
"Goodnight, Teresa. I love you."
Click. The lamp on the right side of the bed turns off.
A minute passes.
"Patrick! Stop it!"
"Since we're awake, Teresa…"
"I can't believe you. It's 2am. How about tomorrow night? We've both got to get up early."
"Remember that bridesmaids dress you wore at Grace's wedding? That strapless pink number that shows a lot of cleavage?"
"Yeah."
"I'll give you billion gazillion dollars if you fish that out of the closet and put it on right now."
"In your dreams, Patrick, in your dreams."
Author's notes:
This story pays homage to the last episode of the 1980s United States TV sitcom Newhart. At the time of this posting, the drama series Breaking Bad had also parodied the Newhart ending.