So, I'm...let's say less than thrilled with the 50th anniversary episode. A reader who was also...less than thrilled...requested that I post this early to make up for the intense unhappiness that episode provoked. So here ya go. Still gonna be a few days before the rest of the story is done, but I should be able to at least post another chapter in the next day or two. Yay!

"What?" she cried, and both men looked up at her before catching sight of each other.

"What?" the Doctor—her Doctor—asked, staring at the man in the cream jacket.

"What?" the…other Doctor demanded, staring at him.

"Who are you?" Five demanded, staring at the Doctor, then glancing at Rose again. "Who are either of you?"

"Ohh, but this is brilliant!" the Doctor cried, beaming at Five.

"Really?" Rose asked. "That's not what you said last time."

"Oh, well, yeah, I mean, totally wrong, big emergency, universe goes bang in five minutes," he explained quickly. "But...brilliant!"

"I'm the Doctor," Five said, eyeing the Doctor. "Who are you?"

"Yes, you are!" the Doctor said, still grinning widely. "You are the Doctor."

"Yes, I am," Five said, clearly confused, and Rose hid a smile behind her hand. "I'm the Doctor."

"Oh, good for you, Doctor," the Doctor said. "Good for brilliant old you."

"Is there something wrong with you?" Five asked, frowning at him.

"Oh there it goes!" the Doctor cried. "The frowny face, I remember that one! Mind you, bit saggier than it ought to be," he added, putting his hands on Five's face and squashing it around a bit. "Hair's a bit grayer. That's because of me, though, the two of us together has shorted out the time differential, should all snap back in place when we get you back home. Be able to close that coat again. But never mind that! Look at you! The hat, the coat, the crickety cricket stuff the...stick of celery..." he trailed off, his grin faltering a little.

"Oi, be nice," Rose said, stepping forward. "I happen to like the celery. Suits you," she added, reaching out and straightening the celery, then looking up at Five with her best tongue in teeth grin.

"I'm sorry, have we met before?" Five asked, looking down at her with a sort of confused smile.

"No," she said, shoving her hands into her back pockets. "Well...no time you'd remember."

"Oh, I think I'd find you rather hard to forget," he said, his grin becoming more confident. "What was your name?" he asked, holding out a hand.

"Rose," she said, putting her hand in his. "Rose Tyler."

"A pleasure to meet you, Rose, Rose Tyler," Five said with a wink, then leaned down to kiss her hand as she giggled.

"Alright," the Doctor said, gripping her waist and pulling her away from Five. "We get it, the celery is lovely. Fair play to you, not a lot of men can carry off a decorative vegetable."

"I was just saying hello," Rose said.

"Yeah," he said, glancing at her with an arched brow.

"Talking to her is far more pleasant than dealing with some skinny idiot ranting in my face about everything that happens to be in front of him," Five said, winking at Rose again before turning back to the console. "There is something wrong with my TARDIS and I've got to do something about it very, very quickly, and it would help, it really would help, if you would just be quiet."

"Oh. Okay. Sorry, Doctor," the Doctor said, raising his eyebrows and standing back.

"Thank you," Five said, moving around the console.

"Notice he didn't tell you to be quiet," the Doctor muttered to Rose.

"I'm pleasant," she reminded him.

He arched an eyebrow with snarky laugh. "Right, pleasant. Rose, he was flirting with you."

"Jealous of yourself again?" she asked with a cheeky grin.

"Of course not," he scoffed, glancing at his other self again and becoming immediately distracted. "Oh, look, the back of my head!"

"What?" Five asked, looking up at him again with a look of bewilderment.

"Sorry, sorry, not something you see every day, is it," he said. "The back of your own head."

"Seen a bit more of it lately," Rose commented with a snicker.

"That's true," the Doctor said, glancing at her before looking back at Five, studying the back of his head. "Mind you, I see why you wear a hat. I don't want to seem vain, but could you keep that on?"

"What have you done to my TARDIS?" Five demanded suddenly, looking around. You've changed the desktop theme...what is this one then, coral?"

"Well..."

"It's worse than the leopard skin," Five scoffed.

"I like this one," Rose said, putting a hand on a coral strut while her current Doctor grinned at her and Five glanced between them suspiciously.

"Well...I suppose it could grow on you," Five admitted grudgingly, and the Doctor chuckled. Five frowned at him and pulled out a pair of half-moon glasses.

"Ohhh, there they come!" the Doctor said delightedly, bouncing backwards and grinning. "The brainy specs!"

"You don't even need them, do you?" Rose accused, glancing between them. "You just think they make you look dashing and clever."

"Well..." the Doctor said, backpedaling furiously.

"Does it matter?" Five asked, smiling at her again. "It works in either case, don't you think?"

"God, some things never change," she said with a laugh.

An alarm sounded, and all three looked up.

"That's an alert," Five said, moving around the console as the Doctor and Rose moved around the other side toward the monitor. "Level five. Indicates a temporal collision. It's like two TARDISes have merged, but there's definitely only one TARDIS present. Looks like two time zones at war in the heart of the TARDIS. That's a paradox. Could blow a hole in the space time continuum the size of-"

"Beligium?" Rose said incredulously, staring at the monitor.

"What?" Five asked, looking over her shoulder suddenly. "That's a bit undramatic, isn't? Belgium?" He glanced down at Rose. "Hold on, how are you even able to read that? The TARDIS doesn't translate Gallifreyan."

"Long story," she said shortly. "Priorities, Doctor."

"Right," the Doctor said, pulling out his sonic screwdriver and dangling it in front of the monitor. "Need this?"

"No, I'm fine," Five said without even glancing at him.

"Oh no," the Doctor said, raising an eyebrow and wearing a snarky expression. "Of course, you mostly went hands free didn't you? It's like 'hey, I'm the Doctor, I can save the universe with a kettle and some string, and look at me, I'm wearing a vegetable!'"

Be nice, she hissed into the Doctor's mind, and he rolled his eyes before he noticed Five's head snap up to stare at them.

"Felt that, did you?" the Doctor asked softly.

"That's not possible," Five said, his eyes flitting between them.

"Sure about that?" the Doctor asked, arching an eyebrow. "Two TARDIS' in one place, time differential shorted out...a woman you've never met but seems familiar and you instinctively trust and care about?"

"Really?" Rose asked, smiling, and the Doctor winked at her.

"But that would mean..." Five said, trailing off.

"Take a look at the bone structure, Doctor," the Doctor said. "Cause one day, you're gonna be shaving it."

"And Rose..."

"Your future wife," the Doctor said, putting an arm around her waist. "Bond and everything. That's why you felt it even stronger than just noticing a telepathic bond," he continued before turning to Rose, completely ignoring the way Five opened his mouth to say something. "If he was anyone else, well...anyone telepathic, it would've just been a sort of tingle. With him, he could probably actually feel a little nudge in his mind. Not clear like me, mind, because he's me before the bond was created, but...something. Isn't that right?" he asked turning back to Five.

"You really don't ever stop talking, do you?" Five asked, staring at him in wonder, and Rose burst into laughter while the Doctor looked mildly offended.

"He really doesn't," Rose said just before an alarm went off.

"But this is...fascinating," Five said, stepping closer and studying Rose. "You're not even Gallifreyan."

"Nope," the Doctor said, pulling her closer again. "Mostly human...just a bit bigger on the inside. Trust me, you're gonna love her."

An alarm went off, and Rose leaned across him to look at the monitor. "Boys, don't mean to break this up, but that says it's at level ten."

"What?" Five asked, staring at her for a second, then glanced at the monitor and came to his snese. "Oh! Oh, this is bad. Two minutes to Belgium."

"So how do we avoid...Belgium?" Rose asked, glancing between them as the cloister bell went off.

"The Cloister Bell," Five said, glancing up.

"Yep, right on time," the Doctor said. "That's my cue."

Rose stepped back as both men jumped into action, flicking switches and pushing buttons as they danced around the console. Rose sat back on the jump seat and wished she had popcorn; as perilous as the situation might be, watch the Doctor try to work with himself was always entertaining.

"In less than a minute we're going to detonate a black hole strong enough to swallow the entire universe!" Five shouted.

"Yeah, that's my fault, actually," the Doctor said, pausing to look up at him. "I was rebuilding the TARDIS; forgot to put the shields back up. Your TARDIS and my TARDIS... well the same TARDIS, different points in its own time steam collided and, oop, there you go, end of the universe, butterfingers. But don't worry, I know exactly how this all works out," he added, dancing around the console again. "Venting the thermal buffer, flooring the Helmic regulator, and just to finish off, lets fry those Zeiton crystals."

"You'll blow up the TARDIS," Five said, reaching out to stop him.

"It's the only way out," the Doctor said firmly.

"Who told you that?" Five demanded.

"You told me that!" the Doctor replied, and pulled a lever. The time rotor flashed briefly, and the room shook, but otherwise everything appeared fine.

"What did you do?" Rose asked, standing up and glancing around.

"Supernova and black hole at the exact same instant," Five said in wonder.

"Explosion cancels out implosion," the Doctor said, straightening up.

"Matter stays constant," Five said.

"Brilliant!" Rose said with a grin before leaning up to kiss the Doctor's cheek.

"Far too brilliant," Five said. "I've never met anyone else who could fly the TARDIS like that."

"Sorry, mate," the Doctor said. "You still haven't."

"But...Doctor, I know you're good, but..." Rose trailed off looking at the monitor. "That was...fast, even for you. How'd you work all that out so quick?"

"I didn't work it out," the Doctor said with a shrug. "I didn't have to."

"You remembered," Five said.

"Because you will remember," the Doctor explained.

"Hold on," Rose said, holding out a hand, feeling a headache coming on. "So...you remembered being him," she said pointing to Five, "watching you," she continued, crossing her other arm over the first to point at the Doctor, "doing that. So...you knew what to do because you watched yourself doing it?"

The Doctor grinned at her. "Wibbley wobbley…"

"Timey wimey!" he and Five said in unison, and Rose groaned, then laughed when the Doctor had an awkward moment involving an attempt at a high five that was roundly ignored by his other self. He shrugged it off, however, when an alarm sounded again.

"Oh, what now?" Rose asked as the Doctor once again jumped to the monitor..

"TARDISes are separating," the Doctor said. "Sorry, Doctor, time's up, back to long ago... Where are you now? Nyssa and Tegan, Cybermen and Mara and Time Lords in funny hats and-" He stopped, making a sort of strangled noise and looking away quickly, making Rose study him curiously.

Five gave him a strange look as well, but dismissed it and turned to Rose. "Well, Rose, Rose Tyler...I must say, I am looking forward to meeting you," he said, stepping forward to take her hand again.

"You and I are gonna be fantastic," she said, stepping forward to give him a quick kiss on the cheek, then put her hand over the spot and looked at him seriously. "You remember that, alright? Even if you can't remember all...this, you remember...you and I are gonna be fantastic, and I wouldn't miss it for the world."

"I shall certainly try," he said, smiling down at her warmly. She stepped back when he began to fade, and felt the Doctor's arm slip around her waist. "Oh, I seem to be off. What can I say? Thank you...Doctor."

"Thank you," the Doctor said.

"I'm very welcome," Five said as he faded completely, only to come back seconds later as the Doctor flipped a switch.

"You know...I loved being you," the Doctor said, picking Five's hat up off the console and walking toward him to hand it over. "Back when I first started, at the very beginning, I was always trying to be old and grumpy and important, like you do when you're young. And then I was you... and it was all dashing about and playing cricket and my voice going all squeaky when I shouted... I still do that! The voice thing, I got that from you. Oh! And the trainers," he added, swinging his leg up onto the console. "And...snap," he said, slipping on his brainy specs. "'Cause you know what, Doctor? You were my Doctor."

"To days to come," Five said, tipping his hat to both of them as the Doctor's arm once again went around her.

"All my love to long ago," the Doctor said before Five once again faded.

"Never a dull moment," Rose said, shaking her head slightly.

"Never ever," he said, smiling a little before pressing a kiss to her hair.

"What were you going to say?" she asked as he slipped off his brainy specs and turned back to the console. "When you were talking about where he was?"

"Doesn't matter," the Doctor said with a sniff as he reached for a button.

"Oh, Doctor," the voice of Five filtered in before Rose could say anything else. "Remember to put your shields up."

Suddenly, there was a blast of a ship's horn and a crash from TARDIS that sent them both flying amongst debris. They both groaned and coughed when it was still again, the Doctor touching her leg and glancing at her before she nodded that was alright. They both looked up at the same time to see the hull of a ship shoving its way through the wall of the console room.

"What?" the Doctor said, flabbergasted, as Rose knelt and picked up what appeared to be a life preserver, turning it over to see the word Titanic written over it.

"Doctor," she said, patting his arm hurriedly and nodding at it.

The Doctor stared at it, then back to the ship. "What?"