A/N: I just finished watching the beginning of Season 7 which is where I situate this letter.Dean admits feelings for Cas.

Cas,

This letter was never supposed to happen. Well, a lot of things were never supposed to happen. You weren't supposed to unleash purgatory into yourself and you definitely were not supposed to let those damned big-mouthed fuckers remain inside you.

Seeing your jacket wash up against the edge of the lake like that hurt more than I'd expected it to. I'd been furious with you for everything you'd done. You lied to me and betrayed me, and I just couldn't stand it. Seriously Cas? How could you have done something like that? Why didn't you let Sam and I help you? Why didn't you come to me in the beginning? I would have done anything to help you… I would have died for you.

But now you're gone and I really didn't think it would hurt this much. All those times you would pop in and scare the shit out of me, or be standing only inches away, or the look on your face when you didn't get something, and shit, so many things that were just so you. I crave them now, you know? I think about those moments all the time. The memory of you, at least how I like to remember you, is haunting me.

It's all these little things that made me think I've grown to like you a bit more than is probably normal for a straight guy. Maybe that's why this is so hard. All that … whatever the hell it was … that always seemed to be there between us is gone. And I hate it, Cas, I really do. I would literally kiss you if you landed your trench coat wearing ass beside me right now.

Wow.. for a second there I really hoped it would happen. It didn't.

I have a half bottle of whiskey staring at me and perhaps that's the reason for this stupid ass letter. I don't know where Angel's end up when they are gone. Maybe you can read this… who knows. Hell, I don't even know if I want you to read it.

So here it is… whiskey fuelled and because I fucking miss you – I love you. I may not have any idea exactly what kind of love it is… or was, but there it is.

Why did you have to do something so stupid?

Dean

A/N Hope you enjoy... I had to get that out of my head. Please review if you like! Or don't like - I always want to improve.