A Harmless Obsession

"Brother, what sort of madness is this?!"

Hearing the familiar voice, Asbel froze, horrified. He had been discovered.

It was a hot, sunny day in Lhant, too warm for anyone to stand outside among such a large crowd. Still, the town's populace braved the heat with one purpose in mind: acquiring the new, limited edition King Richard deluxe figure. Meticulously handcrafted, its beautiful features almost matched those of the incredibly popular monarch. Almost.

Of course, being such an amazing product, there was no way Asbel would miss the chance to purchase one. Last time he failed to obtain a "King Richard limited edition" item at release day, he had to struggle for weeks to come across one for his collection. This time, he wouldn't take the risk. Even if it meant waiting in line for hours under a scorching summer sun.

And even if it meant... being caught in the act by his own little brother.

"H-Hey, Hubert," he meekly replied, "You got here early."

"I did. Unfortunately, I did," Hubert groaned, fingertips rubbing his temples. "If I knew I would be greeted by such a... a spectacle, I would've hoped for my ship to sink."

Asbel laughed nervously, and then turned away from his brother to walk a few steps in the moving line. The action prompted an indignant exclamation from Hubert.

"What do you even think you're doing?! We're going home!"

"B-But I've been here for hours!" Asbel protested. "I'm not going back now!"

"You've been here for... hours?" He all but spat the words. "You, the Lord of Lhant, have been standing in a line for hours, to buy... A darned toy?"

"I-It's not a toy! It's a... a decorative figure. And it's a limited edition one, at that! Do you know how few were made? I needed to get in line early, or they would sell out before I could buy it!"

Hubert was almost shaking. "If you wanted it so much, why didn't you ask Richard to send you one?!"

"W-What?! No way! I can't ask him to send me something like that! It would be... it would be really weird." He looked down, his face growing red.

"Ugh. Fine. I will wait for you at the manor. And you'd better not arrive with multiple dolls."

"They're limited, so only one per person is allowed." Asbel sighed. "I wish I could buy more..."

Hubert had to turn away and start walking to keep himself from strangling his older brother.

Asbel all but pranced on his way back to Lhant Manor. He may have spent the better part of a day waiting in line, under the sun, barely eating or drinking - he had to suppress his bladder, after all - but... he got it. Richard's new figure! He had to admit it was worth every minute he spent desperately craving for an ice pop. Or curry. Or an ice pop curry.

...The sun must've fried his brain.

He sighed in relief as he walked by the sopheria garden and entered his sweet home. Now, he would carefully store away his new acquisition, and then proceed to a refreshing bath and a filling meal. Asbel opened the door to his room, envisioning how his new Richard would look in his collection-

"Brother!"

Oh no.

"Brother, would you care to explain this?!"

Hubert stood, pointing to an open closet door. Asbel, unfortunately, knew well what lay inside.

"H-Hey, Hubert... D-Did you like my collection?"

"Collection. Collection." Hubert repeated the word in a mumble, as if he had forgotten its meaning. Finally, he took a deep breath, and blurted, "You have a King Richard collection?!"

"Woah! Calm down, Hubert!" Asbel, wide-eyed, held out his hands, scared by his brother's outburst. "He's... my best friend, okay?" He added, blushing, "It makes sense for me to want... something to remember him by."

Hubert clenched his fists. "Something doesn't mean a whole closet of... of...!" He had to pause to breathe. "...And why would you need something to 'remember him by'? You can visit him any time, for Fodra's sake!"

Asbel frowned. "Not any time! I have my duties as a lord, you know. And going to Barona takes a while. I wouldn't be able to go there every day!"

One of Hubert's eyes twitched. "...Do you stare at..." - he pointed with a shaky finger - "...these, EVERY DAY?" Groaning, he withdrew his hand to press it against his temples. "And you would have a lot more time to perform your duties if you didn't spend hours in a line to buy limited edition dolls!"

Asbel's color resembled a tomato. "H-Hubert, stop judging me! You have a bunch of Sunscreen Rangers stuff, too!"

"I-I... Well, that's... childhood nostalgia! And that's not the point! What would King Richard think if he found out you have a shrine dedicated to him?"

"It's not a shrine-" He froze. "You... you wouldn't tell, right?"

Hubert raised an eyebrow, but remained in silence. When Asbel's eyes were threatening to jump out of their sockets, the lieutenant finally said, "I won't, as long as you stop with this madness. Really, what must Lhant's populace be saying about their lord who spends all day in a line to buy a doll?"

"Will you stop calling the figure a doll? And my people are cool with it." Asbel smiled. "We trade Richard cards."

There was a loud slapping noise as Hubert's hand collided with his own forehead. His brother was truly a lost case.

It took less than two weeks for Asbel to forget the event of Hubert's visit, and the awkward discovery his brother made during it. However, his blissful ignorance would not last long, for a reminder was on his way.

"You have a visitor, Master Asbel."

Asbel's head poked from behind stashes of paperwork, but before he could ask about the visitor's identity, the answer burst into his study.

"Heeeya, Asbel! Sorry, I know I should wait outside, but I'm just dying to show you a thing!"

Asbel nearly dropped his pen. The visitor - Pascal, of course - dragged a huge box behind her. It was considerably taller than the amarcian herself, and large enough to fit a person inside.

"P-Pascal... what the heck is that?"

"Teehee... You'll find out soon! For now, can you help me take it upstairs? You'll probably want to unbox it in the privacy of your room!" She smirked, for reasons Asbel couldn't even fathom.

He realized Frederic was still in the room, and he awkwardly sent him away. After he left, Asbel turned to Pascal once more. "Um... Can you tell me what this is, first?"

"Geez, Asbel! I told you, you'll find out soon! I'm not gonna ruin such an awesome surprise for you!"

Sighing, Asbel walked towards the box, and attempted to lift it off the ground. It turned out to be way lighter than he expected; in no time, he carried it into his room. Pascal trailed behind him, jumping in excitement.

"Okay, I closed the door! Now you can open your present, Asbel." She giggled. "You'll find out Santa was very good to you. And by Santa I totally mean me!"

Asbel raised an eyebrow and started tearing the thin cardbox. His first peak at the contents revealed something white, soft, and...

"PASCAL!"

She laughed, ignoring his horrified exclamation. Asbel, still holding a piece of cardbox, could only stare in shock. In front of him, the opened box revealed a body pillow - one with a life-size picture of Richard, his best friend, in a very... compromising position.

"So, Asbel? Do you like it?" The words were barely coherent between her incessant giggles.

"Th-This... Y-You... N-No way..." His eyes were locked on the hauntingly realistic picture. It was so detailed; it almost felt like it was really Richard... No, Asbel couldn't let his mind wander! Pascal was still in the room, and she was the one responsible for... for this...!

"Heeey, Asbel! I understand if you wanna be alone with His Royal Seductiveness, but I want at least a 'thank you' before I leave!"

"P-Pascal!"

Nonchalantly, she placed her hands behind her neck. "Yeah?"

"W-Why in the world would you give me... this?!" Asbel pointed to the body pillow, while avoiding looking directly at it. Richard's pose made him feel too flustered.

"Uh? For your collection, of course!"

"W-What... how do you..." It suddenly dawned on him. "Dammit! Hubert wasn't supposed to tell!"

"Oh, I'm great at getting things out of Hu!" She replied with a giggle. "Anyway, your silly embarrassment aside, what do you think? Pretty great, eh?"

Asbel considered denying about being embarrassed, but with how hot his cheeks felt, he didn't bother. "It's... very well made. And, um... really... realistic... Dammit, Pascal, where am I supposed to hide something this big?"

"Ha! Not a problem!" She stepped forward, dropping the body pillow on Asbel's bed. He blushed at the image of Richard sprawled over his sheets, but his attention soon shifted to a little flap of fabric Pascal was pulling from a hidden compartment in the base of the pillow. She unrolled it swiftly, until it covered the borderline indecent picture of Richard. Now, the body pillow was a smooth, innocuous white. "Ta-da!"

Asbel frowned. "Am I supposed to cover and uncover it every day and night?"

She giggled. "Wow, Asbel. Were you planning on sleeping with it every night?"

"I-I... that's not...!" He was crimson by that point. "You know, you and Hubert are really made for each other!"

Pascal blushed, but immediately changed the subject, "I'll show you how to uncover it quickly." She fiddled with the area around the hidden compartment, triggering a muffled mechanical sound that instantly made the cover retract completely. "Great, right? Covering it is a bit of a pain, but uncovering is super easy!"

Asbel sighed. "I guess... But did you really have to make it so... s-so..."

"So what? Sexy?" She laughed again at Asbel's embarrassment. "I don't know why you're so flustered! He's wearing clothes!"

"B-But this pose...!"

"It's not the pose, Asbel! It's the thumpty-thump in your heart!" Smirking, she gave him a pat on the back, and strutted out of his room without another word.

Asbel spent the rest of the day debating on whether he should actually use the pillow or not. Pascal's insistence that Richard's picture wasn't improper made him feel a little less guilty, but her remark on his feelings had quite an effect on his self-consciousness. Really, what would Richard think if he found out about this?

In the end, however, he felt putting away such a unique and expensive gift was a waste. Besides, he did miss Richard, and hugging a substitute didn't feel so... creepy when he knew the real one would be willing to do the same. Now, whether Richard would be okay with hugging him while they were lying on the same bed was another question entirely, but one Asbel tried to ignore.

Therefore, later that night, Asbel changed into his pajamas and slipped onto bed next to his fluffy best friend. And, when he finally dared to put an arm over the pillow, he received quite the surprise:

"Good night, my dear Asbel."

With a startled "EEK", Asbel jumped out of bed, terrified. His first reaction was to look around the room, for he swore Richard was hiding somewhere, laughing his ass off. Because that voice was his, and it was far too convincing to be a mere recording.

But alas, no amount of searching revealed the supposedly hidden king. Face flushed, Asbel moved back to the bed, and tentatively poked the pillow. Maybe Richard was hiding inside it.

There was no reaction. He tried lifting it, and found it was too light to contain a person. Had it been a recording, after all?

As a test, he pressed the pillow in various spots, attempting to elicit more of Richard's voice. None came. Frowning, he lay on the bed again, and hesitantly hugged the pillow.

"Thank you for protecting me, Asbel."

He let go instinctively - but this time, there was no denying the voice did come from the pillow. Why didn't Pascal tell him about this? And more importantly: boy, she sure did a great job in mimicking Richard's voice. Regardless, he had to admit it was an interesting function. And what other lines did Pascal program into it? Curious, Asbel hugged the pillow once more.

"You're such a kind man. It's the trait I love most in you."

Asbel blushed. Pascal really went overboard. There was no way Richard would ever say something like this to him! To use the word 'love' so casually... Despite his embarrassment, Asbel kept hugging the pillow. He wanted to see what else it could say.

It remained silent, however, so Asbel tried giving it one tight squeeze.

"I must take good care of you."

He was crimson now. Really, what was Pascal even thinking? And, with how realistic the voice sounded, he could almost picture Richard saying it. That was far too embarrassing!

Oh well, curiosity killed the katz. Another squeeze.

"You're like a jewel box lying among the bedsheets."

Stupid realistic voice! Not the jewel boxes! ...And had Pascal been overhearing their conversations?

Squeeze.

"Be my sword, and let me use you as I will."

Well, now this was getting ridiculous. That had been a perfectly innocent line! Not that Asbel would oppose being Richard's sword in... another sense, but... That certainly wasn't what he meant at the time! And now, he was sure Pascal had been eavesdropping on them, too.

Squeeze!

"You're... special, Asbel."

Really, Pascal was such a stalker...

He froze. She hadn't been there. When Richard had said this line, Pascal hadn't even joined their group yet. They had been alone, just him and Richard. Sophie had strayed far away, and she couldn't have possibly overheard them. That could only mean...

Oh, no.

No, no, NO!

"PASCAL!"

Asbel's voice resounded in the empty, dark hall of the manor as he pounded on the guestroom door. He knew he risked waking every occupant in the house, but his desperation to speak with the amarcian was far too great.

"Pascal, open the door! Pascal!"

Finally, he heard a click, and his wish was fulfilled. Pascal emerged out of the room, and spoke in a voice that resembled a stage whisper; "Woah, Asbel! No need to be so loud! If Richard heard you screaming my name like that, he'd be so jealous!"

Instead of replying, Asbel, who had grown deep red, ushered Pascal inside. Once he closed the door behind them, he blurted, "A-Are you crazy? ...No, wait, scratch that. I know you're crazy. B-But did you have to get Richard involved?!"

"Hm? I have no idea what you're talking about, Asbel!" Her wicked smile said otherwise, however.

"T-The pillow... It talks! A-And the voice is actually Richard's!"

Pascal laughed, making Asbel even redder. "Ha! You figured it out earlier than I expected!" She winked. "Hugged the pillow a lot, didn't you?"

"I-I..." Asbel took a deep breath. He was tired of the amount of stuttering he had been doing recently. "I can't believe you got Richard to record these!"

"Heh, which lines did you get?" Pascal asked, jumping in excitement. "Did you hear the 'Asbel, let's do the hanky panky' one? That's gotta be my fave!"

His jaw dropped. "D-Did you really make Richard say that?"

"I sure did! And he seemed to be totally into it, too!" Pascal winked again. "Also, did you hear him say your name in a super high falsetto? Boy, that was so hilarious! We actually had to do this one twice, because on the first time I laughed so hard it messed up the recording!"

Asbel clenched his fists. He felt like the greatest fool in the universe. Turning away from Pascal, he dashed out of the room.

Behind him, she yelled, "Hey! Where are you going?"

"I need to pack and get a good night of sleep!" He exclaimed back, between puffed breaths, "I'm leaving for Barona tomorrow morning!"

By the time Asbel arrived in Barona Castle, he could hardly breathe. It was partly due to how fast he ran, but mostly owing to his increasing anxiety over meeting Richard.

Easily recognized by the guards, Asbel made his unrestricted way to Richard's study, where he was announced and promptly ushered inside. Richard greeted him with a surprised, but delighted smile.

"Asbel! You're here!" He took his friend into a warm embrace, which was returned a bit awkwardly by Asbel. "Nothing brightens my day more than an unexpected visit from you."

Once they stepped apart, Asbel struggled to look into Richard's eyes. "O-Oh... I'm glad you think so." He paused, fiddling with his coat. "How... how are things?"

"Same old, Asbel. Certainly better, now that you're here, I must say." Richard flashed another smile.

"T-That's good," he mumbled, looking down. Approaching the issue was a lot harder than he expected, and being in front of Richard seemed to scatter all the words he had put together in his head.

"Asbel...?"

He looked up. Maybe Richard had realized his troubles, and he intended to be the first to tackle the subject. It was something they ought to discuss; that much was obvious to Asbel.

Richard cleared his throat, and Asbel's eyes widened as he anticipated what was to come. Finally, Richard said, "Would you mind heading to your quarters and unpacking? I'll be meeting you soon, but for now, I really must finish this paperwork."

Asbel blinked, unbelieving. "You want me to go?"

"I'm awfully sorry, but I ought to finish this today. In a few hours, we can-"

"Hours?" Asbel blurted, almost tearing up. "You want me to wait for hours before we talk?"

"I'm... I'm sorry, your arrival was unexpected, and I..." He stopped, realizing the look in Asbel's face. "Are you alright...? Is there anything you're anxious to say, Asbel?"

"Don't you have anything to say to me?" He finally exclaimed, angrily.

"Asbel? I don't quite understand what you mean."

"You know what I mean!" He took a deep, nervous breath. His face was red. "About... the prank you pulled on me. With Pascal."

"Oh..." Richard blinked a few times, and his smile grew embarrassed and apologetic. "You figured it out, then. Asbel... I'm awfully sorry if our stunt was a little... excessive. I thought you would be amused, but my sense of humor can be quite off sometimes." His smiled finally faded as his eyes filled with regret. "Please forgive me, Asbel."

"That's... that's fine, Richard. You don't have to make that face." Despite his words, Asbel was still upset. In truth, Richard's pained expression only distressed him further. "Just... forget it."

"Forget it...? Asbel, something is clearly bothering you... I can't simply ignore it. I really mean it when I say I'm sorry." Richard paused, but upon realizing Asbel's temper still seemed ablaze, he continued, "Is it about your collection? If so, you shouldn't-"

"Stop it, Richard!" Asbel blasted through gritted teeth. "Stop talking about it, please! It's already bad enough... It's already bad enough that you learned about it, but then you had to go an extra mile to make fun of me for it?! Do you have any idea how awful I felt when I found out you... you..." His voice faded as he realized there were tears rolling down his cheek, and he hastily turned to wipe them away, unable to say any more.

"Asbel..." Richard rushed over to stand in front of his friend, and gently placed a hand over his shoulder. "Asbel, I'm sorry, I... I can't even begin to say how sorry I am for making your feel like this. I will forget about it and never mention it again, if that is your wish." He put his arms around Asbel, hesitantly. However, upon feeling Asbel return the embrace, Richard dared pull him closer. "I'm sorry, Asbel... I just... I just wish I could understand why you're so upset."

Asbel stepped away from the embrace, face downcast. "I-Isn't it obvious?" He muttered. "I'm upset because you found out about my feelings in the most embarrassing and ridiculous way. And then you... you made fun of them. I mean, I understand if... if you don't return them, and my collection really is dumb, but you didn't have to-"

"Wait," Richard interrupted, his eyes wide. "Feelings? Which feelings?"

Asbel seemed to choke. "What? Are you serious, Richard? Are you gonna make me say it?"

"Say what, Asbel? I still don't understand!"

"You don't? Richard, you don't understand?" Asbel's mouth was agape. "But you always understand everything! You're so perceptive!" Asbel paused, waiting for Richard to say something, but his still-blank stare spoke more than a thousand words. "...I can't believe it. You really don't get it." He looked down, still in shock, before turning to Richard once more. "Wait, why did you pull that prank, then? Why did you record all of those... um... funny lines?"

"Well, I..." Richard's cheeks gained a shade of pink. "I simply... thought it would be... amusing..." The color in his face grew brighter. "I-I only wanted to make you laugh, Asbel," he added, and then grew silent. He still blushed deeply.

"Oh," Asbel muttered, a little confused. "I guess it was all a big misunderstanding, then." He scratched the back of his neck. "We'd better forget it, right?"

"But, Asbel..." Richard said, sounding disappointed, "You mentioned something about feelings, did you not...? Would you please explain..."

He was interrupted by Asbel's nervous laugh. "E-Eh, we'll talk about it some other day, Richard. Now's kind of... a bad time." Smiling awkwardly, Asbel gave Richard a pat on the shoulder, and shuffled away with a mumbled excuse about unpacking.

Richard's bewilderment - and hope - would have to wait.

They met again at dinner. Richard's curiosity and Asbel's embarrassment had both faded in their short time apart, and they were able to smile freely and chat as if nothing ever went wrong. Well, for the most part - there was the occasional shy smile from Asbel, which was always accompanied by an eager flutter of Richard's lids. Until, finally, the king summoned the boldness to say something.

"You know, Asbel... I actually find the fact you collected my merchandise quite adorable." He smiled. "Truly, I'm flattered."

Asbel jumped a little at having the subject brought up, and shuffled awkwardly in his seat. "You can't mean it, Richard... What I did was just creepy." He sighed, scratching the back of his head. "And weird. I mean, you're my best friend!"

Richard chuckled warmly. "Oh, Asbel. If you had a merchandise line, I most certainly would want to own every item in it! And I would spend most of my day admiring my collection!"

"C'mon, Richard," Asbel protested, but with an amused smile. "You're only saying this to make me feel better."

Richard raised an eyebrow, smirking. "I shall tell you a secret, then, Asbel. I had a one-of-a-kind figure of you custom made. It is quite lovely."

Asbel's eyes widened. "Really?!"

"Well... No." Richard added, flashing a smile. It earned him a playful smack from Asbel. "But you have to admit it's quite a good idea, is it not? I should probably have it arranged when I have the time..." He raised a finger to his lips, as if in deep thought.

Asbel chuckled. "You shouldn't bother, Richard. If you want me, I'm right here." Suddenly realizing the implication of his words, he blushed.

"My, my, Asbel." Richard grinned, his eyes sparking with mischief. "Is that an invitation to... play with you?"

Asbel turned so crimson he had to look away. "D-Don't tease me, Richard."

"Well, you should know that I get the urge to be with you quite often. If you're denying me permission to have a doll made in your likeness, will you come to me yourself, whenever I'm missing you?"

"R-Richard... of course. I... I miss you a lot, too. That's why I started that stupid collection, after all."

"It's a deal, then," Richard said with a bright smile. "You're starting a new collection, Asbel," - he took one of his hands - "A collection of moments with me."

Author's note:

Hello, everyone! It's been a while since I've left a note, right? This time I'm here with a little bit of trivia: a list of all the skits and scenes I based pillow!Richard's lines on. They are as following:

"You're such a kind man. It's the trait I love most in you." and "I must take good care of you." - Quoted almost word for word from a story scene shortly after Richard's coronation. The only difference is that Richard spoke in third person, since Asbel wasn't there.

"You're like a jewel box lying among the bedsheets." - Reference to skit #266: Jewels in the Sand.

"Be my sword, and let me use you as I will." - Reference to skit #067: Sword of Salvation.

"You're... special, Asbel." - Quoted almost word for word from the scene where Richard and Asbel are resting by a cottage outside of Barona Catacombs, shortly after they meet again in the adult arc.

"Asbel, let's do the hanky panky." - Reference to skit #061: That Would Explain a Lot.

Asbel's name in a high falsetto - Reference to Richard mimicking Cheria's voice to say "Captain!" in skit #252: The Necessary Motivation.

And finally, the one line that did not make it into the story: "I shall educate you on the many great facets of bedroom behavior." You probably know where I got that one from, though. ;)

...But in case you don't, it's from skit #249: Gentlemanly Behavior.

(Also, it's probably good to mention that the whole Richard-having-a-merchandise-line started with skit #248 - Fame Sans Fortune, later becoming a recurring joke in Graces official material, such as comic strips and drama CDs.)

Anyway, I hope you all enjoyed this story! Thank you for reading, and reviews are - as always - greatly appreciated!