Hello readers! Welcome to my new story

This is my second fanfic, it's actually a sequel to my first story; I Found You, you don't need to have read it to understand this one, but I would as the events in Mockingjay turn out differently for many of the characters, plus Peeta and Katniss' relationship is at a completely different stage

First off, I hope you all enjoy this story as much as people seemed to the first part, I really look forward to hearing what you all think!

A big thank-you to my amazing beta ct522 who also beta'd my first story and did such a brilliant job.

A quick disclaimer - none of the characters etc belong to me, they are property of the amazing Suzanne Collins

Happy reading!

Peeta's POV

I missed her. My mind was a mess, since the War I'd completely lost my hold on reality. But one thing I did know was that I missed her. The way her grey eyes would peer up at me through her eyelashes, the soft touch of her small hands as they grasped onto mine, the way her thick hair flowed down her back when it wasn't tied up in a braid. They had done many things to my memories of Katniss, distorted them, changed them to make me think she was an evil mutt. But they could never remove the longing I felt when I thought of her.

After the explosion in the City Circle things had been a lot harder, my episode's had been duller but much longer and my memories were all mixed up. I had only seen Katniss twice, during the meeting of the Victors – where she had completely thrown me by voting for another Games, and Snow's assassination – where once again she'd surprised us all by killing the wrong President. I had to admire her determination – although it didn't help quell the nagging feeling that she was out for my blood. Haymitch had spent a long time explaining to me why Katniss had killed Coin. I didn't know how he'd worked it out, he'd seen her almost a little as I had, but they'd always had an understanding between them. Hearing that Coin had sentenced Prim to death was enough to set off another one of my episodes. She was an amazing person, she embodied all that I loved about Katniss.

Dr Aurelius suggested we started from the beginning – my mind was such a mess that I couldn't even tell what had actually happened, nor when it had happened. We went through all the tapes of the first Games. The memories flowed through me easily, we'd been through them enough. I had loved Katniss, and she had cared for me – but definitely not loved me. I remembered her admission on the train, one of the worst moments of my life. We then moved onto the Victory Tour. Haymitch helped me with those ones, he'd spent a lot of time with the two of us, and it seemed we hadn't been overly secretive with our late night sleepovers. Those memories brought on a whole different kind of sensation – the sheer need to hold Katniss tightly in my arms, feel her body pressed against mine as she sighed in her sleep. Next was the Quarter Quell, my memories of that were the hardest, the Capitol had managed to destroy a lot of the footage and had targeted my memories with Katniss. She had shown a whole different side of herself in those Games, for the slightest moment I had felt as though I really had her love. I remembered our kiss on the beach, the way her lips had moved needily against mine. What I would do to have her lips touch mine again. I remembered the pearl I had given her, along with the locket. I had been told Katniss still had the locket – but I still had the pearl tucked tighly in my pocket. My one remaining piece of the girl I loved.

My torture was the hardest part to go through, Johanna helped me a lot with that. The memories would come back to me at night in the forms of nightmares. I had been beaten, injected, electrocuted, you name it. I had never come to terms with my capture after being rescued from the Capitol. I hadn't even had time to contemplate what had happened to me, plus the Capitol had managed to brainwash me into thinking Katniss was at fault, not them. My memories from then on were easy to access once I was told what had happened. The Capitol hadn't fed me any distorted images of my time in Thirteen or during the War. I only had my confused mind to contend with. However, those memories had been the hardest to accept. Each time Katniss had shown me affection I doubted it, and I had no one there to confirm or deny what I was thinking. I wasn't allowed to contact Katniss, Dr Aurelius had said I wasn't ready to hear her voice. The last time I had seen her she'd shot someone with an arrow – it wasn't the most reassuring memory.

There were some memories that stuck with me, of Katniss saying she loved me. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't shake those memories. They stuck in my mind and refused to be forgotten. But I refused to believe them. I had waited so many years for Katniss to love me, and her falling in love with a boy ruined by the Capitol was too far a stretch of the imagination.

Finding out about Prim had only been the beginning of my grief. After my memories had been sorted out, Dr Aurelius started delving into the loss of my family. I had never mourned them, and I hadn't planned to. But then he started to show me pictures, pictures of the burned out District Twelve, the bakery in ruins, my empty house at the Victor's Village. That's when the tears started, and they refused to stop. I needed her, my Katniss, I knew she wouldn't know what to say but she would hold me, just as she did all those times on the train. She might've even kissed me lips a couple of times, made me feel like there was someone left living for. I had failed in protecting my own family, what kind of a man did that make me?

My therapy sessions went from every other day, to once a week. Dr Aurelius often commented that he was happy with my progress, but I didn't feel any better. I was alone, stuck in the Capitol with no friends, no family, no Katniss. But where did I have to go? There was Twelve of course, my original home, where I had been told Katniss had been confined to – but then Twelve came along with the memories of my family and friends which were now gone. I could always go to District Four where Johanna, Annie and Finnick were – but it just didn't feel right.

Delly would often come and visit me during my time in the Capitol hospital, I didn't question why she hadn't gone straight back to Thirteen or Twelve. I knew the feeling of not knowing where home was anymore. Effie also came to visit a lot, although she wouldn't last long before the tears were welling in her eyes. She blamed herself for what had happened to Katniss and I, but I tried to convince her that it wasn't her fault. She had been brought up in a life much different to ours, she had proved herself much better than many of the other escorts when she had shown she cared about us.

Eventually I started to feel better, stronger minded. The episodes were fewer and further between, and I was getting better at determining what was real. I had even taught Delly the game Katniss and I had played; Real or Not Real, although she often seemed disappointed if she couldn't help me with the answers. But Delly, being Delly, often managed to put a smile back on both our faces moments later. One day, however, when she came to visit I could immediately tell something was on her mind.

"What's wrong?" I asked as soon as she came in the door. She laughed lightly, shaking her head at me.

"What would make you think something's wrong?"

"You seem upset." I observed, her eyes were much more distant than usual.

"I'm not upset, just confused." She sighed, forcing a small smile as she looked at me. "I heard Dr

Aurelius talking about something earlier. They're going to let you leave the Capitol."

"Oh," I murmured, not quite able to take in the news. I had become too well accustomed to my life stuck in the rehabilitation ward that I had almost forgotten the end goal.

"Where will you go?" She asked quietly.

"I… I don't know." My eyes dropped into my lap and I suddenly felt useless and unwanted. I had no home, no one to go back to.

"You should go back to Twelve Peeta. She needs you." Delly looked at me earnestly, I of course knew who she was on about. Katniss, the girl I had loved since the first time I had heard her sing when I was only five years old. The girl who apparently loved me too. But could things ever be that simple?

"I could spend the rest of my life trying to kill her Delly." I sighed. Of course things weren't simple, I had been programmed to fear everything about her.

"You won't though." Her voice was determined. "You've come so far Peeta. Don't you think she's worth fighting for?"

"Of course she is." I blurted out before I even thought about it. I had fought for Katniss so many times, put myself in danger to save her. But could I really risk hurting her just to allow myself the warmth of her company?

"Well then," Delly smiled, but the sadness was still there in her eyes.

"Are you sad because I'm leaving?" I asked confused. Delly and I were friends of course, but I'd have thought she'd enjoy life without having to babysit an unstable boy.

"No," she quickly shook her head. "I'm glad you're finally able to leave. I just don't know what to do with myself."

"Come back to Twelve with me." I said like it was the simplest thing in the world. She sighed lightly, obviously overlooking my blunt attitude towards the subject.

"I don't know Peeta, I don't have someone waiting for me like you do."

"You have family." I urged. I knew Delly's parents had died in the bombings, but her grandparents had returned to Twelve – and she could take her brother back with her. "And I'm sure many of your friends have already returned."

"Hmm, I don't know Peeta."

"Why don't you come back and help me move in? I'm sure Dr Aurelius would prefer me to go back with someone watching over me. If you don't like it, you can just come back here on the next train." By the look in Delly's eyes, I knew I had convinced her.

So it was agreed. Dr Aurelius had lapped up the idea of Delly coming back with me, pointing out that it wouldn't be easy for me to see Katniss on my own. His words unsettled me, the thought of being a danger to Katniss was something I couldn't bear. It was only a week later when we found ourselves packed up and loaded onto a train bound for District Twelve. Delly had agreed to come on her own, and would either send for her brother or return after a week. She didn't want to uproot him twice.

We spent the next couple of days on the train, Delly made the most of the exquisite Capitol food – insisting I do the same. But I just couldn't manage to force anything down, the unsettling feeling in my stomach only intensified the closer we got. I was going to see Katniss, after months of being kept apart. I had no idea how she was going to react – would she run into my arms? Surely if she truly loved me we would be inseperable. But this was Katniss, she'd been through so much – we both had. I had rung Haymitch the previous day, letting him know everything about my arrival. I had tried to hint at him to let me know how Katniss was doing, his only reply had been; "she's hurting Peeta, you know how that feels, even better than I do." What did that mean? I had no idea the condition she'd be in – she'd lost her sister, the most important person in the world to her, and I'd been too much of a mess to even comfort her. As far as I knew she'd been alone, and that thought was enough to break my heart a million times over.

When we finally rolled into Twelve, any kind of happiness I felt was overwhelmed by dread. Delly practically had to lead me off the train as my legs wouldn't work on their own. I was shaking by the time we stepped out onto the platform. I held my hands tight into fists, I wouldn't let my fear overcome me now. I was home, it was time to rebuild my life. Haymitch met us at the station, muttering a quick hello to Delly began roughly patting me on the back.

"It's good to see you boy. You look better." It wasn't a compliment, just a statement. Haymitch always called it as he saw it.

"Wish I could say the same for you old man." I smirked, he looked tired, withdrawn. When I saw him glancing up and down the platform I realised the reason for his state. He was waiting for the next alcohol delivery. "I didn't see any deliveries on board." I informed him. His face immediately dropped and I quickly dove my hand into my bag, producing a large expensive bottle of liquor. "Effie asked me to bring it for you, but she made me promise I wouldn't let you drink it all at once."

Haymitch smirked, his eyes visibly lightly up as he examined the bottle, "hmm, that's good stuff. Looks like she does have some taste after all."

The three of us walked back to the Victor's Village. Even Delly couldn't seem to find any words to fill the silence, but I didn't mind. I took in the sight of the district – it was nowhere near as desolate as it had looked when I had last visited, people were already out in the streets, working on putting up buildings. I recognised one of the men running the rebuild; Thom. He had begun work in the mines the same time Gale had, and he had often come to the bakery to buy a small cake for his younger sister when he finished work. I hadn't seen him since the last time he'd come through the doors, and I wasn't ready to socialise again just yet. From the path we took through the district, I couldn't see the ruins of my old home and bakery. I had never looked at them properly during my visit to Twelve with Katniss, and I was glad I didn't have to face it yet – although I knew I would. I still owned the deeds to the property, it had been agreed to honor any deeds still owned by living residents, and with the rebuild going on, I knew I would be approached at some point.

"Do you think your grandparents will re-open the store?" I asked Delly quietly. Not quite sure if it was the right thing to say.

"I'm not sure." She shrugged, "I doubt they'd want to run it at their age." I bit my tongue, to stop myself suggesting she reopened herself. I couldn't even follow my own advice, let alone expect her to take it.

We reached the Victor's Village and Delly slowed behind us, I turned to look at her questioningl as she hesitated.

"Are you sure you want me to come? I could always come over later, I don't want to impose."

"No, it's fine." I assured her, to be honest I didn't know how I was going to react to returning home.

I noticed the lights on in Katniss' house as we walked past and instantly my heart skipped a beat, knowing she was so close to my grasp – yet I felt as though there was still a barrier between us. Haymitch watched me carefully.

"I haven't told her you're coming back yet." He said gruffly. I furrowed my brows at him, I didn't see the point in postponing the news. She'd know as soon as she saw life in my house. "I'm not sure how she'll take it."

His last sentence hit me like a knife in the chest. That only meant one thing, she wasn't going to be happy. Obviously things had changed, we'd been apart for months. It was enough time to make her realise I wasn't what she had truly wanted – she'd felt sorry for me. I swallowed down the lump forming in my throat and turned my head away from her house, forcing myself to continue towards my own.

"Peeta," Haymitch called lowly, forcing me to stop only a few footsteps away from my door.

"She's not been doing so well. I'll tell her tonight, just don't get your hopes up." And with that, he turned towards his house – screwing open the top of the bottle of liquor before he even reached the door. I looked at Delly and she rolled her eyes, we shared a tight smile - not quite able to bring myself to laugh just yet.

It took me pushing my whole weight into the front door for it to even budge. No one had been inside for a long time, and the place felt even emptier than I could've imagined. There was no one waiting inside for me to come home, the smell of fresh bread my father would bake was gone, my brothers were no longer upstairs causing a raucous as they fought between them, even my mother's scowl was missing – the one she seemed to wear everytime I walked into the room. I missed it all. Delly seemed to sense my shift in emotion and she quickly busied herself building a fire in the front room.

I carried my measly box of belongings upstairs, it was mostly things I had acquired during my recovery – pages of recipes I had written down as they came back to me, sketches of moments I had forgotten. Dr Aurelius had even provided me with a set of paints, assuring me the canvases would arrive in a few days. At least I would have plenty to keep me busy, since spending time with Katniss seemed out of the question. When I returned downstairs, Delly was already at the door.

"I thought you'd probably need some time to yourself." She smiled lightly before leaning forward to swiftly peck me on the cheek. "I'm heading back to my grandparents for the night, but I could come by tomorrow?"

I nodded quickly, I couldn't tell what emotional state I would be in by the end of the night. I probably did need space. "That'd be great, thanks Delly."

Early in the evening was the first time I heard her. Her scream penetrated through the whole of the Victor's Village. Without even thinking, my feet had moved me in front of the window, I was so closely pressed to it that my breath began to fog my vision. My eyes scanned Katniss' house for any signs of movement. It took all my might to stop myself fleeing out the door, but I didn't even know if Haymitch had told her I was back yet. Out the corner of my eyes I spotted him rushing across the grass between his house and Katniss'. He caught my eye for a moment, firmly shaking his head before darting through her front door. That was my warning, I had to stay away from her. But still I stood by the window, waiting until her screams stopped, and stayed there for a long time after – just hoping she'd maybe look out of her own window and I could see she was alright. But she never came.

That night was even harder than I'd imagined. My nightmares had never disappeared, but during my recovery they had become a lot less severe. But that night, they seemed to return with an unforgiving vengeance. I dreamt of everyone I'd lost; my family repeatedly went up in flames, they would call my name, begging for me to help them – but every time I would be too late. Every time I woke lying in a thin layer of sweat I would silently wish I had asked Delly to stay with me. I'd had no idea how hard it would be once I was truly alone. Each time I knew I wouldn't fall back to sleep, so I would sit on the windowsill, letting the cool air lap over me as I gazed over the Victor's Village. Haymitch's downstairs lights were still on, I knew he hardly slept during the night – but I couldn't bring myself to walk over there. There was only one person I really wanted to see, and her house was swamped in darkness.

I allowed myself out of my bedroom once the sun had fully rose, deeming it a reasonable time to be awake. I quickly jumped into the shower, hoping the water would make me feel more alert after a restless night. Once I stepped out I was greeted by my reflection in the low hanging mirror above the sink. My eyes already had dark rings forming around them, I knew this was a look I should get used to. I brushed my hairs through my hair roughly, trying to tidy it somewhat, but as my eyes casted down to my chest I knew my attempts to look normal were fruitless. I was littered with the scars from my torture, and the burns I had gained from the explosion in the City Circle. I had never rated my looks, but they had often been pointed out to me after the reaping, now I just looked like the weak shell of a boy with nothing special to offer a woman. I tore myself away from my reflection and threw on some clothes. I needed to get out, this house wasn't doing me any good. I quickly walked through the Victor's Village, not wanting to let Katniss see me, before I allowed my feet free roam. I avoided the town like the plague – I still wasn't ready to face that yet. Instead I found myself wondering towards the outskirts of the district, finally coming into contact with the electric fence which had lined it for as long as I could remember.

I suddenly felt as though I was trespassing on something sacred. Katniss had always hunted in the woods the other side of the fence. They had never been my place. But the fence was already half torn down, probably during the impact of the firebombs, and I took that as my cue to proceed through. As I made my way through the woods I began to understand how Katniss loved them so much. It was peaceful, untouched. Free of all the worries home would bring. I didn't push myself far into the trees, I didn't have the same hunters instincts she and Gale had and I knew I would only end up getting myself in trouble. I was about to turn back towards home before a number of bushes caught my eyes. I had never been particularly knowledgeable about plants, but I remembered when Katniss had sat and showed me her families plant book. Both she and Prim had been named after plants, and the bushes in front of me triggered a memory deep inside. They were Primroses, I was certain of it. Without a second thought I crouched in front of them, digging up the soil with my bare hands as I freed the roots.

I carried the bushes back to my house, picking up an old shovel which my father had stored in the garden, before heading to Katniss'. I stood for a while, listening from the outside. I couldn't hear any movement inside and assumed she must be out. Without giving myself time to second guess my actions I began digging out the ground around the side of the house, lining up the bushes alongside it.

I heard her before I saw her. My breath caught in my throat as I raised my eyes slowly, expecting some kind of assault about trespassing on her property. I was speechless as my eyes scanned over her. She looked so much different; thinner, paler, she wore circles which matched mine under her eyes, and I could see the hint of scarring at the base of her arm before her sleeve started. Her eyes were the hardest to take it, on the surface they looked the same – that haunting grey which glistened as the light hit them. But I could see deeper, she was hurting, all her fight was gone. I wanted nothing more than to gather her in my arms, promise her I wouldn't leave her again – wouldn't let anything hurt her again. But I couldn't, somehow I knew I wasn't allowed to. I had practically abandoned her, left her to deal with everything by herself. I knew people would say it wasn't my fault, but it didn't change anything. We were different people now, she was no longer the girl with the braid that I had longed for every day since I was five years old, and I was no longer the boy who had offered her a loaf of bread. We'd both been tainted by the Capitol. She deserved better than someone who could rip out her throat if their mind suddenly snapped. But it was so hard to keep up my resolve as my eyes scanned over her beautiful form.

"You're back." I could barely even believe she had spoken. Her voice was so quiet, so unlike her. The sound of it just pushed my self-restraint to the limit.

I nodded slowly, "Dr Aurelius wouldn't let me leave the Capitol until yesterday." I tried to keep my statement light, but also trying to explain my absence. "By the way, he says he can't keep pretending he's treating you forever. You have to pick up the phone." I smiled lightly, pathetically hoping I might get one in return.

"What are you doing?" Her brows furrowed, looking between me and the bushes as if she had only just noticed they were the reason I was crouched outside her house. I saw the realisation dawning on her as she recognised the bushes.

"I saw these in the woods this morning, I thought we could plant them alongside the house. For her." She just stared blankly at me, the fact that she hadn't immediately told me to tear them out of the ground was a good sign. "I know there's not many at the moment, I was going to fill in the gaps as I came across them." I babbled.

I thought I could see the slightest hint of a smile playing on her lips before it quickly fell, replaced by a steady nod. She was accepting the gesture, my heart almost jumped in relief. As if in slow motion, a chunk of hair fell in front of her face. I stared at the dark locks, immediately wishing I could run my hands through them like I had done before, gently push the hair from her face – letting my fingers brush against her cheekbone. But Katniss cut my fantasies short, briskly pushing the hair back herself. Only her hand stayed matted in her hair, it was only then that I realised it probably hadn't been brushed in days. It didn't matter to me, but suddenly she looked mortified – darting back into the house.

I wanted to call after her, but instead I focused back on the bushes. I made sure they were all anchored well, watered and fed before returning to my house. I didn't see Katniss for the rest of the time I spent outside, but I didn't expect to. There was only one way we would ever be able to reconnect, and it involved baby steps.