Of Pain and Happiness
Chapter 2: Suzaku's Lament
A/N: Forgive me for the really late update, I actually completed this a long time ago but because of the terrible grammar it had, I wanted to edit properly before I post it. And... Well, Uh, no excuses I was indeed to lazy and caught up in life to remember.
Well, at least it is up now.
I am sorry to disappoint all of you who begged for a sequel of Lelouch surviving the bullet, because when I wrote this I thought, how many percentage of chance is there for someone surviving a bullet through his head at point blank range?
Dear Lelouchvibritt1 review and suggestion came a tad too late, because I have already completed this. But really, Lelouch surviving but being brain dead is just a terrific idea! Therefore, I might actually write a alternate ending sequel where, yes, Lelouch survives! Well, if this were to happen, it would take some time.
forgive me for the long A/N, please enjoy.
You once had a friend whom you love very much, your best friend. You knew him since you were toddlers, growing up with him together.
But one day, you realized that it wasn't just friendship love you felt for him. Nor was it family love.
You loved him in a way one loves his lover.
Well... That explains the fluttering in your stomach whenever you saw him smile that beautiful smile he doesn't show much.
But that doesn't explain... Why do you love him that way?
You felt sick, disgusted with yourself. Not only were you gay, but you were gay for your best friend.
You were betraying the trust he put onto you.
Ultimately, you decided to attend therapy.
The therapy was a success. You lost the fluttering feel whenever you were near him.
One day, you met a girl. A pink-haired, bubbly, kind hearted girl. You loved her. And you were so, very happy.
You are no longer gay, and you found the love of your life!
The love of your life turns out to be his sister.
You were worried. What would Lelouch feel? You used to love Lelouch, and now you love his sister... Was it like a replacement?
No, you decided. You loved Lelouch because of who he is, and now you love Euphemia because of who she is.
Maybe the only mistake you did was breaking the bro-code.
You revealed your relationship with Euphemia to everyone. But somehow, your heart clenched when you saw Lelouch's smile of approval.
Not because you loved him, but because it seemed pained and forced.
You should have known... Why did you not see it coming...?
Lelouch seem to be avoiding you after that. He was always absent when you visit him and Nunnally.
Months later, after your engagement, you found out that he spend his time at the bar, drowning himself with alcohol.
You confronted him. Asking him what was wrong. And...
And Lelouch confessed.
He love you.
And you loved him. In the past, you did.
But you didn't anymore, right? So you made the biggest mistake in your life.
You rejected. Terribly. In disgust.
Because being gay is disgusting, right?
...right?
You avoided him as much as you could, and whenever you saw him, you would hold Euphemia's hand, being the sweet loving couple you are.
Your heart clenched tightly at the pained look in his eyes.
...
You were getting married, with Euphemia. You were on cloud nine. Who wouldn't, being able to marry the love of your life?
You hope the marriage would awake Lelouch. He should get over you, you did that successfully too, right?
...Right?
He didn't.
You waited, and waited. He did not appear. But a letter did.
You did not know how to respond. You re-read the letter again and again, but nothing seemed to click in your mind.
Then you noticed. Was he going to...?
NO! You cannot let that happen! Lelouch wouldn't... Lelouch is a strong person, he would never easily give up on himself.
Never... It was absolutely impossible...
...right?
You cancelled the wedding. You searched frantically for Lelouch, and you couldn't find him.
The next day, you received a call from a sobbing Nunnally.
Lelouch passed away. From a bullet through his head.
And the one who opened fire was himself.
...
...
...
Lelouch killed himself. Because of you. Because of your mistake.
Why didn't you just...?
You realized that you could never see his beautiful amethyst eyes, sparkling with happiness. You could never see his enchanting smile, the most beautiful thing you have ever seen.
You realized that you never did see these in a long time. He never did radiate any sign of happiness after you started dating Euphemia.
...And you also realized that you still love him. You did, and you still do. You lied to yourself, and you lied to him. And because of your lie, Lelouch is gone.
...You miss him.
Humans sure are funny creatures, never regretting until they lose it. Never realizing until it could never be reached again.
Euphemia found you, and she comforted you. You told her everything.
She said she understood.
She said she'll wait for you.
Euphemia sure is a perfect girl, isn't she?
Years passed, and she was still waiting. You never gave her any sign of answer. You were still thinking about Lelouch.
September the 28th came. It was the fifth September the 28th that you hated.
September the 28th was the day you cancelled your wedding.
And the day Lelouch left you forever.
You went to visit his grave, and you saw Euphemia there. But you didn't approach her. Rather, you eavesdropped.
Because you heard the most shocking thing coming out from her mouth.
She was begging Lelouch, from the heaven he resides in, to make you accept everything again. To make you accept her back in your life. To make you accept happiness again.
You ran. She didn't even know you were there.
You realized that you weren't the only one suffering. You made everyone else suffer too, and while they were busy caring for you, you didn't even notice their misery.
Lelouch wanted you to be happy too, didn't he?
...
One week later, you opened the doors and windows of your house. You let the light to shine in again.
You started going out again. You accepted everyone back in your life again.
You told Euphemia you couldn't be with her again, because you were still in love with Lelouch, and will be for your live. You apologized for not giving her an answer properly all these time.
Of course, Euphemia being the understanding and forgiving Euphemia, forgave you and stayed with you as your friend, and you start thinking of her was your sister.
Hopefully, this isn't a mistake again. Lelouch would bless you in where he resides, right?
Right.
...
"Those were the days of our lives
The bad things in life were so few
Those days are gone now but one thing is true -
When I look and I find I still love you."
~Those Were The Days of Our Lives by Queen
A/N: There it is! I recommend listening to These Are the Days of Our Lives by Queen, which I quoted at the end, while/after reading this. Well, technically after because this is a footnote, but it's because I think after would have the best effect. Especially if you're seeing the official music video, with Freddie Mercury being so thin and frail there, and his last goodbye.
Yes, I am currently obsessed with Queen and all things Freddie Mercury, after truly discovering them in my search for good old songs.