Friends to Lovers Contest

Pen Name: eternallyedward

Title:Long Time Coming

Summary: Garrett knew he could never have the one he wanted most. A phone call changed everything.

Pairing: Garrett/ Edward

Rating: M

Prompt used: #31 The One Where They All Turn Thirty

Word count: 9468

...

This was my entry in the Friends to Lovers Contest. It got an award for Best Non-E/B pairing.

Big thanks to GetDrunkOnVictory and Batgirl8968 at PTB for their beta skills.

I own nothing, of course.

I hope you enjoy:)

…

I'd known Edward Masen since high school. He'd moved to Forks in tenth grade from Chicago, and quickly became one of the most popular kids at Forks High. Not only did he have the advantage of being new and from a big city, but he had the kind of personality that drew people to him. He was effortlessly charming, but not insincere. Even back then, you could easily envision him going on to become a successful politician. He was also strikingly beautiful, not a description that I would normally apply to a man, but it fit Edward, with his high cheekbones, sea-glass green eyes with long lashes, and beautifully shaped lips. It was a masculine beauty, without a doubt, and he had the body to complement it: tall and lithe, with long, taut muscles.

All the girls at Forks High wanted Edward. He was the perfect combination of all of the things most girls wanted in a boyfriend: gorgeous, personable, funny and non-threatening. Unlike some of the neanderthals at Forks High he treated everyone with respect, especially the girls. Some of the boys wanted him, too, although none would ever admit it.

I was one of them.

…

I had always felt like a bit of an outsider, and held myself apart from most of the other kids. For some reason Edward zeroed in on me, and we became fast friends. I liked his quirky taste in music and movies, and I never felt like an oddball with him. We became best friends.

We spent almost all of our free time together, usually studying at Edward's house. In addition to being charming and gorgeous, Edward was brilliant. He took his studies seriously, as did I, and I looked forward to the time alone with him, even if I could never tell him how I truly felt about him. I made do with stolen glances, wishing my crush would die out and I could enjoy Edward's friendship without my heart cracking every time I remembered that he could never be mine.

Although he could have had his pick of girls, Edward didn't start dating until about a year after he'd moved to Forks. He made what seemed to most an odd choice—Bella Swan, the police chief's daughter. She was pretty, but not the most beautiful girl in our class. Quiet, smart, definitely not the most likely to put out, not that that was Edward's main concern in choosing a girlfriend. He wasn't one of those guys who was just looking for easy sex. It was clear to anyone who saw them together that he worshipped the ground Bella walked on, and she adored him. They were together throughout the rest of high school, and seemed likely to be that couple who lasted through college and then got married, bought a house and had kids.

Edward was friendly to everyone, but our close circle of friends included me, Edward and Bella, Alice Brandon, Rosalie Hale and Emmett Cullen. It was always the six of us who went to the movies together, to the diner when we were bored and it was late and nothing else was open, and to each other's houses to watch television or play video games.

Rosalie and Emmett were a couple, too. They'd been together since the summer after ninth grade. Sometimes when we were all hanging out it was awkward. The couples would pair off, Em and Rose not caring who saw them groping each other, and Edward and Bella being more discreet. Alice and I would just roll our eyes and carry on doing whatever we'd been doing.

I knew Alice had a crush on me. I wasn't sure what to do about it. I didn't really feel anything for her beyond friendship. By tenth grade, I'd known for a while that girls didn't do it for me, but Forks was a small, conservative town where everyone knew everyone else's business. When Alice got brave and kissed me one Friday night at Emmett's, I decided to take her into my confidence.

She was a bit embarrassed, but was cool about it when I told her I liked boys. She laughed ruefully and apologized. It felt good to share my secret with someone, but I didn't dare tell even Alice that I had fallen for Edward.

She had asked, of course, if there was anyone I was interested in. I merely shrugged and laughed at the idea of finding a boyfriend in the miniscule dating pool that was Forks.

Alice was a good sport about accompanying me to any events that required a date, making it easy to avoid speculation about my sexuality. Even Edward had asked curiously if there was anything going on between us. That all ended senior year, when Jasper Whitlock moved to Forks from Texas. His southern charm swept Alice right off her feet, and from then on I simply pretended to be too busy with my studies to bother with girls.

We remained friends throughout high school, and after, though we became far-flung and didn't see each other as often as we would have liked. Emmett and Rose went to California for college, and stayed there afterward. He opened a veterinary practice in Santa Monica and Rose was currently home, pregnant with their first child. Alice and Jasper went to UDub, as did I. They were still in Seattle, where Jasper taught and Alice had a small boutique. Not too far, but just far enough that I only saw Alice every other month or so. We'd remained close after I confided my secret to her. She was a good friend and had helped me through many tough times. I never did tell her about Edward, though. That was my secret, and I suffered with it in silence.

Edward and Bella had gone to Chicago for college. They were married shortly after, and settled in a cushy suburb. Edward was a lawyer; Bella had used her journalism degree to land her dream job, writing for the Tribune.

Being that they were halfway across the country, we'd hardly seen each other since high school, but social media made it easy to stay in touch. Edward and I chatted frequently throughout college, until junior year, when I finally worked up the courage to tell him I was gay.

My freshman year of college I'd been too used to repressing my true desires to actively come out. There was no question in my mind that I was attracted to men; I simply wasn't comfortable being open about it. It took me until sophomore year to come out, and even then, I was still so hung up on Edward that dating held little appeal. I did eventually accept a few dates, and even had a couple short-lived relationships, but it was Edward whom I longed to kiss and touch.

We'd been chatting online one night in the middle of junior year when I had the overwhelming urge to confess to Edward that I was gay. Not that I expected him to declare his love for me; I'd held back from telling him because I worried my feelings for him would be so clear he'd hear it in my voice.

My stomach was in knots as I typed the words I'd held in for so long. I hesitated before sending the message; somehow it felt wrong to tell him in this impersonal way. I deleted what I'd written, and typed "I need to talk to you—going to call now."

I typed his number into my phone with shaking hands. It only rang once before I heard his deep voice.

"Garrett? What's up, man? Everything okay?" The concern lacing his voice made me feel guilty.

"Yeah, everything's fine. I just wanted to tell you this in person, kind of...I'm gay, Edward. I came out at school last year."

There was a beat of silence. "Well, I guess that makes sense. I always wondered why you never dated. I thought maybe you and Alice really were hooking up."

I laughed nervously. "Alice knew I was gay back then, Edward. I had to tell her—she had a crush on me, and I didn't want to hurt her. She's been an amazing friend."

Edward was quiet again. "Well, I'm happy for you, Gar. That's great. You shouldn't have to hide who you are. So, um...are you seeing anyone?"

"No, not at the moment. I've dated a little, but nothing serious." No one could compete with you, I thought.

"How'd your parents take it?"

"Pretty good, actually. I don't think it was a complete surprise to them. My dad's had a harder time with it than my mom, but he's come around, more or less."

The conversation staggered on for a few minutes more. I sensed some discomfort on Edward's end and tried to change course. "So, how's it going with Bella?"

His reply sounded almost rehearsed. I wondered if my news had upset him. "Great, never better. I'm thinking about asking her to marry me. I mean, we wouldn't actually do it until we're finished with school, but, yeah...I want to marry her. She's it for me."

Despite knowing that Edward would never return my feelings, my gut twisted at his mention of marriage.

After a few more minutes of rather stilted small talk, Edward said that he had some reading to finish, and so we said an awkward good-bye. Though I knew I would have had to tell him eventually, his reaction to learning that I was gay saddened me. I hoped over time the shock would wear off and we would once again enjoy the closeness we'd had before.

Things never really got back to normal between us, though. It hurt, knowing that my coming out had caused Edward's feelings towards me to change. I never saw him as homophobic, though it wasn't something we'd ever really discussed. Throughout the rest of college we talked sporadically, almost always when I had initiated the call. It seemed clear to me that Edward wasn't interested in continuing our friendship, but though he rarely called, he never outright rejected me, and I longed for him too much to sever our dying relationship.

Edward was in his second year of law school when I got the invitation to his and Bella's wedding. Bella had wanted to finish graduate school before getting married, and the ceremony would be held in Chicago the summer after she graduated.

I felt like I'd been punched in the stomach. Edward would be committing himself to someone else, and any tiny sliver of hope I'd harbored that he might someday want me died. Of course I attended the wedding; though it seemed masochistic, I couldn't pass up an opportunity to see him again, no matter how painful it might be.

It had been a couple of years since I'd seen Em and Rose; they'd heard my news through the grapevine and after briefly acknowledging it, it was forgotten and we talked easily of what we'd been doing these last few years. I wondered why Edward and I hadn't been able to maintain our friendship in the same way.

Seeing Edward standing at the altar made a lump rise in my throat. He looked so handsome in his tux, with his wayward auburn hair somewhat tamed and an adoring smile on his face. Bella was stunning in a very simple cream gown. As they were opening a door on a new life, I was closing one. My obsession with Edward had to end; I was wasting my life pining for someone I could never have.

After the ceremony, I saw Edward briefly as he and Bella made the rounds, chatting and thanking everyone for coming. When he saw me, something flashed in his deep green eyes; he caught himself, and grinned as he shook my hand and pulled me into a hug.

I left halfway through the reception without saying good-bye. I hoped he wouldn't be offended, if he even noticed. If necessary I'd make up an excuse that I hadn't been feeling well. As it turned out, there was no indignant phone call, asking why I'd run out so early. I did, however, receive a thank-you note for the gift I'd sent several weeks later.

Years went by, and my contact with Edward had dwindled to Facebook posts describing his and Bella's new home, and updates on their careers. I contemplated deleting my account, so I wouldn't have even these occasional reminders of what could never be, but decided that was too rash a move.

I couldn't quite forget him, but I did relegate him to the back of my mind and started dating in earnest, hoping to find someone whom I could love and who would love me in return.

This year was a big year for all of us. We would all be turning thirty. It was hard to believe it had been almost fifteen years since I'd first met Edward. Thirty was a pretty big milestone; you were supposed to have your life and career on track by thirty. You were expected to be done growing up, and settling down.

As each of our birthdays approached, we'd try to get together and celebrate. Last month it had been Alice's turn. Em and Rose had flown in, and we'd gone out for dinner and drinks and had a great time catching up. Alice was opening her second boutique, and she and Jasper announced that she was four months pregnant. I was thrilled for them both, but their happiness only pointed out what was missing in my own life. I was here alone, the only one without a significant other. It hadn't felt right to bring a casual date to this gathering of old friends. Edward and Bella were notably absent. They'd been too busy with work, he'd said. They sent a gift and their regrets.

The next birthday would be Edward's, in June. I didn't expect that we'd all get together; I wasn't the only one he'd fallen out of touch with. Giving him the benefit of the doubt, I supposed it was hard trying to maintain long-distance friendships after all these years, especially living as far away as he did. Emmett and Rose did it, though they weren't quite as far away. I didn't know; I had stopped trying to understand Edward's motivations. People grew apart for lots of reasons.

As June approached, I wondered if there would be any acknowledgment of Edward's birthday. I didn't really expect there to be, and put it out of my mind.

I got the call at the end of the second week in June.

It was a little after ten, and I was lying in bed. My phone buzzed on the nightstand. I unlocked it and just stared for a moment, in shock at seeing Edward's number on the screen.

"Hello?" I half expected to hear a stranger's voice on the other end. But I immediately recognized Edward's deep voice, although something was off. Something was wrong.

"Garrett? H—Hi. Look, I'm sorry it's been so long—ˮ

"Don't worry about it, man. Edward, are you all right? Is everything okay?"

He sighed. "Yeah, I'm all right. Do you think we could meet up for my birthday? Just the two of us, I mean. I know it's short notice, but I'd really like to see you. Just—please keep it between us, okay?"

I didn't have to think twice about it. I'd have met him even if it meant flying halfway around the world. "Sure, of course. Um, where do you want to meet?"

"I get into Seattle on Friday around four o'clock. Can you pick me up, or...?"

So he'd already booked a flight, though he seemed uncertain of my reception. "I can pick you up, no problem. Email me your flight details. I'm glad you called, Edward. I've missed you."

His voice was rough when he replied. "I've missed you, too. Thanks, man."

We hung up, and my mind was abuzz with questions. I felt somewhat ashamed for being so eager to see Edward again when he'd pulled away from me after I came out to him. Perhaps he'd had a change of heart and wanted to apologize. I knew if that was the case, I'd accept his apology and take whatever he was willing to give. Even now I wasn't over him. I'd managed to have several long-term relationships, but in the end I couldn't commit to anyone. And I still couldn't confess my love to the only one I really wanted.

…

Friday morning I was up much earlier than I needed to be. I'd taken the day off so I could pick up Edward, and I spent most of the morning nervously surveying my apartment, looking for missed bits of dust or pillows that needed plumping. The whole time my mind replayed my conversation with Edward, trying to figure out what had brought about his apparent change of heart regarding our friendship.

I got on the road around noon. It was a three hour drive; I probably wouldn't need the extra hour I'd allotted, but I couldn't stand pacing my apartment any more.

I told myself I shouldn't be so nervous; Edward had been my best friend once. We'd probably pick right up where we left off. Only I wasn't so sure.

We had agreed it would be easiest for Edward to meet me outside the terminal. I fidgeted as I stood there, wondering if he would look different. Would it be horribly awkward? Would he regret ever picking up the phone to call me? I was so lost in these troubling thoughts that I never heard him come up behind me.

"Garrett, hey."

I whipped around, and there he was. He'd definitely lost some weight, and his hair, always unkempt, was a little longer and wilder than I remembered. It seemed to me that there was a sadness in his eyes, or maybe he was just tired.

"Edward..." We stood arms' length apart, not knowing whether to shake hands, hug or simply get moving. I hated the distance that had sprung up between us. Trying to shake off the awkwardness I reached out and pulled him into a hug. "God, it's good to see you."

His smile was genuine. He seemed relieved, as though he'd been afraid to initiate contact for fear I'd reject him. "Yeah, it is. It really is."

Encouraged, I tried to keep conversation flowing as we walked to the car. I stuck to generalities, not wanting to pry too deeply into his life until I had a better idea what had brought him here. Work, current events, sports...things that mattered little to me right now, but which were safe and kept Edward talking.

Not long after we'd started the long ride back to Forks, Edward smiled sheepishly. "Do you mind if I close my eyes for a bit? Things have been so crazy lately, I'm just exhausted. This way I'll be better company when we get home. To your place, I mean." Color bloomed in his cheeks.

"No, of course not. Sleep if you want. Flying takes a lot out of you."

He lay back against the headrest, and within five minutes he was sleeping, his breathing slow and even. I glanced over at him, my heart aching at the sight. He looked entirely peaceful, his long lashes fanned out over his cheeks, full pink lips slightly parted. I imagined waking up to him like that every day, and immediately rebuked myself. That would never happen, and I couldn't let Edward know that I thought of him like that. I kept my eyes trained on the road the rest of the way home.

He woke up a half hour outside of Forks, looking around blearily. "Where are we? Have I been asleep long?"

I laughed. "About two hours, man. It's okay. If you're tired, you're tired."

"I've just gotten here and already I'm a shitty guest. Sorry about that."

"Don't worry about it. We'll be up late catching up. Now you have no excuse to try to go to bed early."

We arrived at my apartment. I showed Edward the guest room, and told him to take his time showering and getting comfortable. While I waited for him, I placed a huge order for Chinese takeout, not sure what he'd feel like eating.

I was setting up the food and some beers on the coffee table when Edward walked into the living room, wearing plaid pajama pants and a dark grey t-shirt. "God, that smells good. I'm starving."

"Help yourself." We filled our plates and began eating as a crime show droned on in the background. Taking a long pull from my beer, I asked the question that had been on my mind for days. "So, Edward...what's this visit all about? I'm glad you came, but to be honest, your call shocked the hell out of me. I'd pretty much accepted that you wanted out of our friendship. Is something wrong?"

He stopped eating. His gaze was intense. "Garrett, I swear to you, I—I never meant to make you feel that way. I know I've been a shitty friend to everyone, but mostly to you. I'm sorry for that. Our friendship means everything to me. Too much, maybe. There's so much I need to tell you, I don't know where to start. Fuck, I don't even know if I should be here."

He grasped his hair in his hands as he rested his elbows on his knees.

Our friendship meant too much to him? He wasn't sure if he should be here? The more he talked, the more confused I became. "Why don't you just start wherever you're comfortable? I'm worried about you."

He stared at me with uncertainty in his face. His voice was soft when he started talking. "I guess the first thing I should tell you is that Bella and I—we're not—we're separated. For a month, now."

That was a shock. Everyone thought that Bella and Edward were soulmates, perfect for one another and destined to be together forever. "Christ, I'm sorry, Edward. What happened?"

He laughed, but there was no humor in it. "How to tell you this without blurting out the whole, ugly mess? Um, we'd been drifting apart for awhile, I guess. It was easy to ignore when we both were so busy with our careers. It was a convenient excuse—we were just too busy to spend time together, to be there for each other, to realize that our relationship was falling apart. I'd been struggling with...some stuff, and it got to the point that I couldn't keep it from her any more. We had a long talk, and in the end we decided to separate."

I couldn't believe it. "You cheated on her, Edward?"

His eyes widened in shock. "No! No, I'd neverˮ—he paused, swiping his hand down his face—"what I did was worse."

I wasn't sure what could be worse than cheating, so I waited. I would listen and not judge. Edward was a good guy, one of the best I knew. Whatever he'd done, I was sure it hadn't been deliberate. It probably wasn't as bad as it seemed to him.

He looked at me as if considering whether or not to tell me. Finally he sighed. "There's a part of me that I've denied for a long time. Since—since high school. I don't know; I thought maybe I could will it away, that if I didn't acknowledge it, I could change it."

He held my gaze, speaking quietly. "I—I've come to realize that I'm attracted to men. You don't know how long it took for me to be able to say that—to believe it, and accept it. I had these feelings all the way back in high school, and it was confusing, at first. I thought maybe it was something everyone went through, that it would pass. That I could just ignore it. I couldn't imagine coming out then. What would my parents have said? Would they have kicked me out, refused to pay for school? I didn't know, and I had no one I could talk to about it.

"I thought if I had a girlfriend, those feelings would go away. I asked Bella out because I really did like her. Not—not really in a sexual way, I guess, but I kept telling myself that was okay, we could still make it work. She was probably my closest friend, after you. She loved me, and I loved her, though not in the way I should have. I still love her, as a dear friend, someone I want in my life, but...I don't know if she'll ever forgive me. Not only was I living a lie, but I dragged her into it, too."

Stunned didn't even begin to describe how I felt, listening to Edward confess to me that he was gay. That he had known he was gay since high school—as long as I'd been pining for him. My heart broke for Bella, but a small, selfish part of me surged with hope.

"Oh, God." My head was spinning with questions, trying to process his revelation. "Edward, why did you feel you couldn't talk to me? I was your best friend."

He smiled, but there was sadness in his eyes. "Ever since you came out to me, Garrett, it's been harder and harder for me to deny who I am. Thinking of you, able to live your life openly while I pretended and stuck my head in the sand, it ate me up inside. I was afraid that you would know—that you would take one look at me, and know everything."

I snorted. "Being gay doesn't give a person automatic gaydar, Edward. Is that why you avoided me?"

He looked ashamed. "I've been a selfish asshole to a lot of people, but especially to Bella and to you. I wasn't as worried you'd realize I was gay as I was that you'd realize that I had feelings for you. That's why I couldn't talk to you back when I—I first started realizing...it was you I was having feelings for."

There was fear in Edward's eyes, but I also saw hope. I stared, not believing what I was hearing. Not wanting to get my hopes up, after years of struggling with my love for Edward.

"I—I don't know what to say. I never thought—it never occurred to me that that was why you stopped calling. I thought you were uncomfortable with me being gay. I never dreamed you felt that way about me."

"It was too hard to maintain a friendship with you, when I really wanted so much more. I didn't want to hear about men you'd dated, when my life was built on lies and denial. I couldn't see a way out—I'd married a wonderful woman who had no idea what I was struggling with, I worried about what would happen with my job if I ever did come out, and I was sure I had alienated the person who meant the most to me. I really thought the best thing was to put distance between us, and work on my relationship with Bella." He gazed steadily at me, gauging my reaction.

My heart was pounding against my ribs. I needed to hear him out before I would allow myself to hope. "What finally happened, Edward? What made you decide to come out?"

Edward pushed a hand through his hair, a longstanding nervous habit. "The whole turning thirty thing...instead of thinking about my career or having babies I was considering turning my whole life upside down. The closer it got to my birthday, the more I realized I couldn't keep lying to myself, and to Bella. The stress, the guilt and worry...it was suffocating me." He paused, his voice becoming very quiet. "For the last few months I haven't been able to, um, perform with Bella. Our sex life was never much to begin with, but she never complained. She actually made excuses for me, told me I was working too hard." He laughed, bitterly.

"After a lot of sleepless nights I decided I had to come to terms with who I am. I had to tell her. It wasn't fair to either of us." He paused, running a hand through his hair. "The guilt was killing me, Garrett. Even if I can't have what I really wantˮ— he locked eyes with me—"I had to be honest with Bella. She's an amazing woman, and she deserves to be happy. I told her everything. She cried, and asked me if I was sure."

Our food sat, cold and untouched. The empty beer bottles had accumulated, though, as Edward made his confession. I felt for him, for repressing his true desires and for the horrible guilt he must be feeling at having brought Bella into this. Above everything, though, was the thrilling thought that perhaps I could have what, just yesterday, seemed impossible.

Blowing out a breath, Edward went on. "We talked and cried for hours. After everything that I did to her, she told me that it was time to take my life off hold and go after what I truly wanted. She encouraged me to come here, Garrett. After I broke her heart and told her that our entire marriage had been a lie, she...she wished me well and told me she hoped that I would find happiness."

He dropped his head into his hands, weeping. I went to him, putting an arm around him, commiserating in silence. After a few moments his sobs tapered off. He wiped roughly at his cheeks, refusing to meet my eyes.

"God, Garrett, I'm sorry for unloading all this on you. I've been a shitty friend for years now, and here I am, showing up out of the blue and telling you my sad story. You probably don't even give a damn anymore." He stared at the carpet, misery written all over his face.

"Edward...you're still my best friend. This doesn't change that. I—ˮ

He looked as though I'd slapped him. Everything about him screamed defeat—his slumped posture, downcast eyes and the grim set of his mouth. "It's okay, Gar. I didn't really expect that you would feel the same. I just needed to tell you. I wanted you to know. I don't want you to feel uncomfortable, and I understand—ˮ

My violent reaction startled him. "What? No! That isn't what I meant, Edward. Yes, you're my best friend, but Christ...you have no idea how long I've wanted you. Wanted more with you. I never imagined it was possible. I'm so fucking sorry it had to happen like this, but...you have no idea. I'm having a hard time believing it."

Slowly his expression morphed from abject misery to hope. "Yeah? I haven't fucked this up, too?"

"Edward, you haven't fucked anything up. You deserve happiness. Being confused, even being in denial about your sexuality isn't you fucking up. You didn't set out to hurt Bella. I think she knows that, and truly wants the best for you. Fucking up would've been carrying on once you realized that you were gay. Telling Bella now was the right thing to do."

"Yeah, I suppose. Her face when I told her, though...it's something I'll never forget." I rubbed circles on his broad back, trying to soothe him. The heat from his skin seeped through his t-shirt, making me yearn to touch it.

"Hey." I could feel his muscles relax as I continued rubbing, and I moved to his shoulders, kneading, feeling the tension slowly leave his body. "It's gonna be okay."

"I know." He sat up straight and turned to me, holding my gaze as he moved closer, closer...his lips touched mine briefly, his eyes closing and remaining closed after he pulled back.

One touch of his warm mouth, and my body was buzzing with desire. But I knew there was no way we were ready for anything physical.

"I'm sorry. I just—I've wanted to do that for so long." His face was apologetic. There were spots of color on his cheeks.

Smiling, I took his hand in mine, examining the fine bone structure and long, pale fingers. "Me too. But I think we should be careful about jumping into this too quickly. There's no rush. We've waited this long; we can take it slow for a while, don't you think?"

"Yeah. That sounds good." For the first time tonight, Edward seemed hopeful.

We continued talking late into the night. Finally, when we were both becoming punchy, I suggested we head to bed. I threw the remains of our dinner in the garbage, but left the small army of beer bottles for the morning.

I stopped at the door to my bedroom, wishing Edward a good-night and telling him to help himself to anything he needed in the bathroom vanity. He mumbled a good-night but hesitated outside my door.

"I know we said we'd take it slow, but..." he gave me a beseeching look, "can I kiss you? Just a good-night kiss?"

My heart thudded wildly in anticipation of feeling his lips on mine. "I'd like that very much."

His hand moved up to caress my jaw. His brilliant green eyes stayed open until just before our lips met. A small noise of contentment left his mouth as we pulled apart, and with a whispered "good-night," he slipped into the guest room and closed the door behind him.

I lay awake for some time, trying to come to grips with how quickly my life had changed. It hardly seemed possible that the one thing I thought I could never have—Edward's love—was within my grasp.

The next morning I woke to tentative knocking on my bedroom door. Glancing at my phone, I saw that it wasn't morning any more, but almost noon. Still, I was exhausted. "Come in."

Edward peeked around the door, a wide smile appearing on his beautiful face as he saw me sitting up in bed, barely awake. "Sorry if I woke you, Gar, I just wasn't sure if you wanted to sleep the whole day away, or—ˮ

"No, no, it's fine. I'm glad you woke me, actually." He hovered in the doorway, apparently unsure whether or not he should step inside my room.

"Come in, Edward. I don't bite."

He came in and sat on the edge of my bed. "Sorry, it just feels like everything has changed. I don't know what the rules are."

I reached out, lacing our fingers together. "Everything has changed—for the better. The rules are whatever we make them. First rule—you don't need to be shy about coming into my room."

His smile made my heart beat faster. "But the price of admission is a kiss."

He flushed, his eyes becoming heavy with desire as he licked his lips. I scooted down next to him, tangling my fingers in the soft auburn hair at the nape of his neck. Closing my eyes I touched my lips to his once, then again, applying more pressure and lingering a bit longer. I felt his tongue brush against my lips, and I opened to him with a quiet moan. After a moment Edward pulled back, panting.

"Yeah, I know we agreed to take it slow. That's not gonna be so easy, is it?"

I grinned. "Probably not. We'll know when it's time to speed things up a bit."

We parted to shower and dress, and went out to a quiet little bistro for a late lunch. Edward filled me in on what had happened in the last month or so.

"I told Bella I'd move out. I want to make this as easy on her as possible. I'm in one of those extended stays, until I figure out what I'm doing." He held my gaze, and I imagined waking up to Edward in my bed, our bed, every day. "She initiated divorce proceedings last week. I'm giving her whatever she wants, even though she's been more than fair about everything. I just...I feel so damn guilty, Garrett. There's nothing I can do to make up for our marriage being a sham, but I want to do whatever I can to make the end of it as painless as possible for her."

I squeezed his shoulder. "I get it, man. You're a good guy, Edward. Bella will come back from this. I'm here for you, if you ever feel like talking."

He smiled sadly, and in a hoarse whisper said, "I know. Thank you."

"Have you told your parents?" Edward hadn't mentioned them, and I was a bit leery of asking, but I couldn't imagine they didn't know yet.

He laughed, a sharp, humorless sound. "Yeah, I told them. They're not thrilled with me right now. Not because I'm gay, although I'm not sure that's really sunk in yet, but because of Bella. They love her like a daughter. They just didn't understand when I tried to explain...it's like they think I hurt Bella deliberately, like I got tired of playing house and decided to see what else there was."

I wanted to envelop him in my arms and just hold him. I couldn't imagine being in his place, making the decision that turned his whole world on end. It was the right one, though. However much he might be hurting now, however confused he might be, he had done the right thing.

Later that night I made burgers and fries. Edward seemed a little lighter, and we decided that he would stay with me for a week. He no longer wanted to be in Chicago; there was nothing there for him. He would give his notice at his firm, move in with me and deal with the remnants of his old life from here, going back and forth as needed. He had a decent amount of money saved, as well as investments, so he could take his time looking for another job.

We'd talked for hours, and there was still so much to figure out. For now, my apartment would do; after things had settled a bit we could look for something bigger. Then there was the question of whether we would even stay in Forks. There wouldn't be many opportunities for an attorney used to working in a large firm in a big city, but Edward wasn't entirely sure he wanted to continue down that path. We had time. Right now, my main focus was Edward and our budding relationship. Nothing was more important to me.

By ten o'clock we were both pretty beat. As I prepared to go to my room Edward laid a hand on my arm.

"Garrett, I—I wondered if it would be all right if I, um, spent the night in your bed with you. Just sleeping," he added, palming the back of his neck nervously.

I paused. I knew I had to take things slow with Edward. As much as I wanted to feel him pressed up against me, I groaned inwardly, knowing it would be torture having him there and not being able to act on my attraction to him. If it would comfort him I would suffer through it. "I think that would be fine. Just sleeping."

I pulled on his hand, guiding him to my bed and crawling under the covers with him. We faced each other, grinning like two teenagers. He ran his fingers over the contours of my face, and leaned in to kiss my lips. "Good-night, Garrett. I—thank you, for everything. I think I'd have lost my mind without you."

"Stop thanking me. This, right here? It's everything I've ever wanted. We've both got a lot to be thankful for." Smiling, he softly kissed my cheek and turned over, pulling the blankets over himself.

"Hey."

He turned his head in surprise. "Yeah?"

"Come here." I reached out and made to pull him towards me. He scooted backwards until his back was flush to my chest. "Perfect. Good-night, Edward."

Waking up the next morning, my arm slung around Edward's waist, was amazing. He leaned back into me, a low moan escaping him as he felt my arousal. He became still in my arms.

"Sorry. It's to be expected if I'm going to wake up next to you every morning."

Edward turned onto his back. "God, I want that. Hopefully it will only take a couple of weeks to pack up and get back here."

Although I dreaded him leaving, I had to be supportive. "Take your time and do what you need to do. I'll be here."

I leaned across his chest, kissing him slowly and thoroughly. He responded eagerly, twining his fingers through my hair and bucking his hips. I threw my leg over his waist, rocking against his muscular thigh as we kissed and panted. Soon I was atop him, grinding our hard cocks together as Edward writhed underneath me. After several moments of increasingly frantic dry-humping, he stiffened beneath me and cried out, holding me tight to him and breathing harshly into my ear.

"Oh, fuck, Garrett..." His eyes were closed, and he looked absolutely at peace.

When his breathing had returned to normal he smiled up at me. "That felt...right. Being like this with you, it's so easy."

He suddenly noticed the hard bulge in my pajama pants. "You didn't...Can I—?"

I kissed him. "Don't worry about me. Seeing you come...Christ, Edward. That was fucking sexy."

He looked unconvinced. I hastened to reassure him; I didn't want him to doubt himself. "Next time, okay? This time was for you."

"Okay. And yeah, I think I should go change now." He grimaced, gesturing to the damp patch on the front of his sleep pants. Laughing, we went our separate ways to get ready.

I thought of moving our physical relationship forward as I brought myself to release in the shower. I would let Edward guide us at his pace. Obviously he was fine with kissing and touching, but I knew he'd never been with a man before, and I wasn't sure how fast and how far he wanted to go. What we'd shared this morning had been incredible. I could be happy with that until Edward was ready for more.

The rest of the week went by way too quickly. We'd spent a lot of it in each other's arms, talking, kissing and learning one another's bodies. We hadn't moved forward physically, though. We both agreed to wait until Edward was back from Chicago for that.

Friday morning, he insisted on using a car service to bring him to the airport. I hadn't minded the long drive because it meant time with him, but he refused to allow me to do it again. We said good-bye at my front door, and I watched as he was whisked off to catch his flight.

We talked every night, and Skyped a few times, but I hungered for Edward's touch. Having had him in my arms, in my bed, only made the separation seem longer.

Finally, about three weeks after he'd left, he called to say he'd wrapped up most of the loose ends from his life in Chicago. He'd signed the house over to Bella, over her protests. He'd insisted, though. The guilt was still something he struggled with. He'd probably have to make a few trips back over the next several months, but he was going to be here, with me, until then.

My heart sped up when I heard the knock on my door. I pulled it open, and he stood there, looking tired but happy. We embraced and I helped him get his bags inside. Once he'd taken his jacket off and we were sitting on the sofa, I cupped his stubbly cheek and kissed him. "We have to get you a key. This is your home, now, too."

He gazed at me with affection. "Yeah. You don't know how good that sounds, Gar." Yawning, he leaned his head on my shoulder.

"I figured you'd be tired, so I ordered a pizza."

"Sounds good to me. Do I have time to take a shower?" His gorgeous green eyes were staring into mine, and I wanted to suggest I join him, but he was clearly exhausted. I sent him off with a kiss.

He returned twenty minutes later, his hair wet and slicked back, wearing a navy t-shirt and grey flannel sleep pants. I swallowed hard, my attraction to him almost overwhelming. When he sat close to me and wrapped his arm around my shoulders I groaned. He smelled so damn good—like the sage soap I kept in the shower, plus the warm, masculine smell of his skin. My head swam with it, and I covered his mouth with mine, thrusting my tongue inside and kissing him with abandon. His hands grasped my hair as he moaned into my mouth. Tonight there was a new urgency in his touches, his hands roaming my body roughly, pushing my shirt up as he ran his hand over my pecs, his thumbs teasing my nipples.

I broke the kiss to pull the t-shirt over my head. No sooner was it off then Edward was kissing my throat, my chest, my stomach.

He sank to his knees in front of me, looking almost defiant as he stared up at me. "It's my turn to make you feel good."

It seemed that Edward was definitely ready to move the physical part of our relationship forward. I was more than ready for that as well. "Are you sure?"

"Fuck, yes, Garrett. I've never—ˮ he blushed and waved his hand in the general direction of my crotch—"but, God, I want to."

"It's okay, baby. Take your time, do what feels good to you. Do you know how many times I've thought about you doing this?" I lifted my hips off the sofa to push my sleep pants down.

Edward's face was a mixture of determination and concentration as he leaned forward, his hands splayed across my thighs. His eyes closed as he ran his nose along the crease of my thigh, through my pubic hair and up my cock. He poked his tongue out, licking along the length of my shaft. A low groan left his throat as he opened up and took me in, one hand wrapped around my base.

A shudder ran through me at being enveloped in the warm wetness of his mouth. More than the physical sensations, though, just the sight of my cock in Edward's mouth, his eyes upturned and full of desire, had me feeling like I could come at any moment. I pushed my hand through his thick, soft hair, rubbing his scalp as he moved up and down along my length. He tugged lightly on my balls and I barely had time to mutter his name before I was coming in his mouth.

He didn't move away, just closed his eyes as he swallowed. When I was finished he pulled back, a small smile on his face. "Was that okay?"

I burst out laughing, pulling him up to straddle my thighs. "Are you fucking kidding me, Edward? I've got the love of my life giving me incredible head and you have to ask if it was okay? Okay doesn't begin to describe it."

He looked shocked, his lips parted as he stared at me. "You said—you called me the love of your life."

The words had tumbled out without me even realizing it. "Yeah, I did. You are, you know. I've loved you for years, but never dreamed we could be together like this. I feel like I've just been handed everything I've ever wanted."

"You love me.ˮ He spoke quietly, reverently.

I held his gaze, wanting him to see that I meant it. "I do. I love you, Edward. I'm in love with you; have been for a hell of a long time. Nothing with you is just okay; it's everything to me."

His face lit up. "I love you, too, Garrett. It took me a fucking long time to figure it out, but I've never felt like this before. As much as I hate that I hurt Bella, I can't be sorry for ending up here, with you."

We ate our cold pizza and went upstairs, the declarations that we had made fueling our passion as we undressed one another for the first time, kissing hungrily and exploring each other with mouths and hands. We fell asleep exhausted, wrapped tightly around one another.

...

Edward had settled in to my apartment, and was getting acclimated to life in Forks as well. It was a big change from Chicago, but he found that he had no trouble getting used to small-town life again. He'd taken a few weeks off while he dealt with the move and sorted out some things with Bella. Now he was working for an environmental non-profit in Port Angeles. The pay was nothing like he'd been making in Chicago, but the satisfaction he got from it more than made up for it.

Many of our old high school classmates were still living in Forks, and there was some shock at Edward's coming out, but most were welcoming and accepting. He was still the golden boy they remembered: handsome, charismatic, and kind.

Edward was more concerned about the reactions of our friends. He hadn't been in contact with any of them for months, but now that we were together he knew he had to tell them. We'd gotten together with Jasper and Alice one weekend, and despite their surprise at finding out that we were together, they were happy for us. Edward had worried that they would turn their backs on him in support of Bella, but Alice was adamant that there was no one at fault in their situation. It bolstered him to realize that people didn't automatically blame him for what had happened. Emmett and Rose had been supportive as well.

He'd had a long talk with Bella while he was in Chicago. She was doing remarkably well, and things between them were cordial. He had hope that they would, at some point, be friends.

Edward thrived without the burden of his secret. He was happy and relaxed, and proud to be out. He had no problem holding my hand or sharing a tame kiss in public. He'd lived with confusion and guilt for so long, it was cleansing in a way to let go of all of that.

Physically our relationship was moving forward slowly. Edward was passionate, and we spent hours in bed, kissing and touching, loving one another with hands and mouths but we had yet to make love. I wouldn't push him on this, even though I wanted him desperately. I knew when he was ready he'd let me know, and he did.

The weekend came around again, and we'd gone out for dinner. A shared bottle of wine and weeks of sexual tension had us both feeling a bit desperate. Edward's hand crept up my thigh as I drove home, until he was cupping the bulge in my pants. "I want you, Gar."

I groaned, gripping the wheel harder and willing our apartment to be nearer. "Jesus, Edward. Let me get us home in one piece, please."

As soon as the door clicked shut behind us, Edward was on me, unbuttoning my shirt and pulling at my belt buckle. Our mouths met roughly as we pulled at one another's clothing. I put my hand on his bare chest, pushing him back a little. He looked at me in confusion. "Let's go to the bedroom before things go any further. If we're going to do this, I want to take my time and make it good for you."

His gaze was heated. "It will be good for me. You're good for me."

He climbed onto the bed, his eyes never leaving mine. I scooted up next to him, rubbing his chest and belly, pressing little kisses to his face and neck.

"Are you ready, baby?" I smiled down at him, eager to experience this with him.

"More than ready. Make love to me, Gar."

Kissing him soundly on the lips, I reached into the nightstand drawer for the lubricant and condoms. "Relax, okay? And tell me if you want to slow down or stop."

"Okay." There was no uncertainty in his expression, just love and desire.

Sitting between his spread thighs, I warmed the lube in my hands and poured some on my fingers. He flinched when I first touched him, but soon the tension left his body as I gently rubbed and probed. With my other hand I slowly stroked his cock, his eyes closing with a whispered, "Oh..."

I began to open him up, using one finger, then two when he was pushing into my hand. His groans and murmurs of my name had me hard and straining, wanting so badly to be inside him.

Finally he choked out, "More, oh God, please..."

Using care I added a third finger, stretching him a little more. He stilled for a moment, then panted out, "I'm ready for you, Gar."

I kept pumping my fingers into him, knowing that taking all of me would be very different from taking my fingers. After a few more minutes, I asked, "Are you ready, Edward? You sure?"

He shook his head vigorously. "God, yes. I want you...fuck..."

I wiped off my fingers and tore open the condom, rolling it on and moaning at the feel of my own hand. Leaning over, I kissed him tenderly. "I love you."

His answering smile told me everything I needed to know. Hooking his left leg over my arm, I slowly pushed, watching his face for signs of discomfort. He winced initially, exhaling roughly as I entered him, his fingers twisting in the sheets.

I paused. "Are you okay? Ready for me to move?"

"Yeah," he panted out. "I want to feel you."

I was trembling with the need to thrust, to feel Edward, warm and tight around me. At his assent I pushed in, feeling him squeeze me in response. "Relax. Let me make love to you."

I moved in and out of him carefully, slowly, until he started to move with me. His hand went to his cock, stroking it while the other grabbed my shoulder, pulling me down to him. His breath washed over my face in short, harsh puffs. "Fuck, Garrett...you feel so good. Oh, God...oh..."

He'd come all over his stomach, and the sight of it, plus the tight, velvety feel of him, had me emptying into him with a low groan soon after.

As much as I hated to, I pulled out quickly to dispose of the condom. I immediately went back to Edward, pressing our sweaty bodies together as our breathing slowed. My head rested on his shoulder; my arm wrapped around his waist. I just wanted to hold him and know that he was really, finally mine.

We lay in silence for several minutes, holding each other tightly. I felt Edward's stubbled cheek as he kissed my forehead.

Smoothing his hair back off his forehead, I asked, "How are you feeling?"

The look in his eyes warmed me all over, the love I saw in them reflected back in mine. "I feel incredibly lucky. You know that famous farewell speech Lou Gehrig gave, where he said he felt like the luckiest man on the face of the Earth? That's how I feel. Absolutely like the luckiest bastard on the planet. Six months ago I saw my life spinning further and further out of my control, I'd alienated the people I loved the most, and I was sure I would never have what I wanted more than anything in the world—you. Hopelessness and guilt were the only emotions I had left. Now? I have everything. You're all I need, Garrett. I love you. God, I love you."

Before I could answer he was on me, kissing me breathless and murmuring endearments.

Finally we broke apart, grinning and panting. I traced along his jaw, hardly believing he was mine. "I love you, too. So much, Edward."

It had been a long time coming, and we still had some distance to go; but with Edward in my arms, not only did I, too, feel like the luckiest man on Earth, I felt like together, we could do anything.

...

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