Title: One Last Dance
Author: xascasfellx
Rating: PG
Pairing: Dean/Castiel
Spoilers: AU
Word Count: 1, 301
Warning: Slightly ooc, mention of Cancer
Note: I am sorry that this is very short, and are two day's worth of fics in one, I couldn't write day five for personal reasons.
Day Four/Five of 12 Days of Destiel
The lights were turned down as low as they could go without being off—they were starting to hurt his eyes now. The left over dinner sat mainly untouched on the table—he had said he wasn't very hungry; he hadn't been hungry for months now. The music was playing in the background, not loud enough to be harsh on his head—he'd been getting more and more headaches every day. They lasted longer and were more intense with every passing one. The doctors said this would be his last chance to come home, after that his life would be in 'God's hands'. He never was one for believing in God, and he always said he'd never die in a hospital.
Cas thought he'd never die; at least, not anytime soon. He was young and healthy. Their life was full of adventure, love, and family. That's the thing about cancer, you never know when it will happen, and you think you and the ones you love are safe.
Dean stood in front of him, shaking with the efforts of just standing straight up instead of sitting in his wheelchair. He wouldn't let Cas reach out and hold on to him yet; he said he wanted just this one more thing before he wasn't able to stand again, he wanted to relieve this last memory before it was too late. Castiel was in no position to not give him this; this last thing.
He looked so weak and frail. His skin was translucent and ashy. His hair was falling out in slight clumps—they hadn't done chemo, Dean's cancer was too far along and too aggressive. They didn't think he'd survive the first dose. He never got the chance he deserved. He was destined to wait it out in pain, to wait for the inevitable.
Dean reached out to Cas as the new song began to play. He pulled Cas close to his chest, placing a hand on his lower back, and one in Cas', bringing it up to his lips, brushing a long kiss on each of his fingers. Slowly and unsteadily, Dean began to move in a gentle circle, swaying with the melody of their song. It was the song they danced to at their wedding.
Cas lowered his head to Dean's shoulder, making sure he didn't put any of his weight on him. They danced around the dining room to their song the way they had done that night. Dean brushed multiple kisses into Cas' hair, while Cas' placed his own around Dean's neck. They met in the middle, pressing their lips together in a long, slow, passionate, kiss. Dean pulled away, moving his mouth close to Cas' ear. He knew what Dean was going to do. He had done it that mid-August night.
All along, I thought something would go wrong
Didn't you?
Walls were up
We never pushed our luck
Like we wanted too
His voice was drained and off pitch; he was raspy and impuissant, but everything remained the same. He was back to that day, transported to the night he had been the most happy in all his life, back to when he was marrying Dean Winchester, the only person who ever meant anything to him.
Every time I lose myself, I find
I'm left alone
But you need to know
For you I'd break these walls
I'd choose to fall
I'm gonna cross that line
For you
Cas remembered starring up into Dean's eyes like he'd just seen them for the first time. He remembered thinking that he had to be the luckiest man in the world for someone like Dean to want to spend the rest of his life with him. He remembered being so happy he couldn't stop smiling, thinking about how this was the start of the rest of their lives; Dean and Cas were going to be the happiest either one had ever been. He remembered being so high with joy that the thought of something going wrong never crossed his mind. He remembered being delusional.
The sun is down
I thought
You'd be gone by now
And you
All night
I'd watch your face
In the firelight
And I'd say to you
Every time
I lose myself
I find
I'm left alone
You need to know
For you I'd break these walls
And I choose to fall
I'm gonna cross that line
For you
On the last word Dean placed a peck on Cas' neck. He could feel the tears pouring then, with no warning they just appeared. He felt his chest tightening as he gasped for breath. Cas tried to keep it from Dean by turning his head away, but of course, Dean already knew. He couldn't do this anymore. He couldn't watch while his husband, his soul mate, the love of his life died right in his arm. He couldn't lose him. Not now, not like this. Dean wrapped his arms around Cas' waist as they both slid to the floor. He curled up in a ball, laying his head in Dean's lap, letting the tears come as they wish. There was no stopping them now.
He ran his fingers through Cas' hair, cupping his face in his hands, wiping away at the flood of tears that made their way down his rosy cheeks. It wasn't fair that he had color in his skin when Dean was white as snow. It wasn't fair. None of it was—this only made Cas began to cry harder. It'd been so long since he wept for Dean. He always made it clear that he didn't want Cas crying over him, that it wasn't something to cry over; so Cas held it all in. All these months every ounce of emotion he had over Dean's cancer was locked inside his body ready to explode at any second. They were out now and they weren't leaving. Everything Cas was feeling just poured out of him; anger, betrayal, hatred, sympathy, sadness, despair.
"Cas look at me." He didn't. He kept his head on Dean's knee. With more strength than he thought Dean still possessed, he nudged Cas' head up to look him in the eyes. The green eyes Cas had fallen in love with may have been clouded over, but they still held everything Dean was about in them; courage, hope, strength. He hadn't given up yet, and despite the unlikely circumstances he wasn't going to give up, he was planning on fighting what little he could. Even though he was dying, Dean was still just Dean. "I'm not going anywhere, Cas. I'll always be here, in your heart, in your memories. In Sam's and Sarah's. I'll be there as long as you want me. Yes the situation sucks, it sucks so bad, but baby, you can't give up either. You need to be strong for when I do go. God, promise me you'll be strong. Because it's going to be okay. You'll see, it's going to be okay." He pulled Cas to him forcefully, squeezing him as hard as he could. Cas felt wetness on the back of his dress shirt, but wasn't going to say anything. He just held Dean while he cried as he had done for him a million times before.
"I love you Dean."
"I love you too Cas."
For a moment, that moment, life was okay, life would be okay. He knew it was going to hurt when Dean left him but it wasn't forever; somehow, deep down he knew that he'd see him again. He just had to believe, even though Dean didn't—he had to have faith. For that moment, there was no cancer, there were no tears, there was only the love between Dean and Castiel Winchester, and for that moment, that was enough.
