**Hey, big thanks to all the people who told me this story got turned into a coding mess. I had no idea and I appreciate the heads up**

I just wanted an excuse to A) Write something Christmas-y and B) write something with telepathic sex in it. Oh and apparently I wanted to ruin a lovely O. Henry story and turn it into something smutty.

The Gift of the Tagi

Alien anatomy was trickier than any of them had thought.

Amy could have sworn the Doctor was lying but as it turned out it was the absolute truth. Never in all his 1200 plus years had he had sex with a human. Not once. Oh he'd come close. But he'd never actually done the deed.

"Never sown my wild oats. Never plowed that field. Never...picked that corn. Are all sexual metaphors related to farming?" He asked.

All ten regeneration and each and every one of them had ended as virgins, at least as far as humans went.

"You know virginity is just a ridiculous social construct, right?" Rory said seriously. "It has more to do with women's antiquated correlation to property and-"

"Then why were you so eager to lose yours that you tripped as you were pulling off your trousers and landed face down on my floor." Amy teased him.

The Doctor had watched this exchange, eager to begin. The three of them had been sitting on the massive bed in his seldom used room. The TARDIS was on autopilot and they had all somehow despite individual reservations talked one another into this experiment.

But Amy hated it when he called it an experiment.

"We're not goo in a petri dish for you to poke at, we're people, we're your friends." And then she'd kissed and run a delicate hand down his bare chest as Rory carded his fingers through his hair. "And we love you." She added and he knew this was right.

The past few months since then had been a series of trial and errors and trials.

At first he declared them to be rather simple.

"Alright! Orgasm, stimulate the nipples on the mammary glands, constant manipulation of the genitals, full, slow thrusts of my penis into you, Amy and or you Rory should bring about the desired result."

Amy and Rory had shared a look as he continued.

"You." He said pointing at Amy. "Vulva, clitoris, g-spot which isn't a myth by the way."

"I know that!" Rory said indignantly though the comment wasn't necessarily directed at him.

"Erogenous zones, scalp, neck, mouth, ears, thighs, feet, toes, navel, tailbone, arms. All the same for you, Rory except swap out vulva and clitoris for penis, foreskin, perineum, anus, scrotum and of course your prostate."

He had clapped his hands together looking quite proud of himself.

"Let's get to it then shall we? This should be easy."

"What about Timelord erogenous zones?" Amy had asked.

The Doctor hesitated.

"Um...that's a bit more complicated."

From there they jumped in with gusto but things rather quickly went downhill.

"Doctor, I'm really not that into nipple play."

"Doctor, it's not a rotary phone."

"No nononononono that doesn't go there!"

From that point on he declared them complicated, at times needlessly so.

"Why don't you two function the way the manual says you should?" He said with frustration from between Amy's thighs. It all turned out to be far more complex than he had imagined. Kissing had to be combined with caressing. Thrusting with rubbing, sometimes humans needed all three, sometimes one was enough. Sometimes he was rebuffed with a cry of "Too sensitive." Or spurred on by a shout of "Harder Doctor!"

It was all too much.

And things weren't all that easy from his side either. Though he tried to hide it they sensed his frustration. How exactly was he supposed to be intimate with creatures with absolutely no telepathic ability, none? Well, none wasn't exactly true. They had a bit, wisps and whispers every now and then. They called it intuition or a gut feeling but it was really the first evolutionary stabs at mind to mind communication. Give them a few thousand years and they'd be a bit better. But he didn't have a few thousand years...well, alright he did but they didn't. They were so oddly in the middle. He could have entire conversations with the Ood and he could share wonderful jokes with horses but humans...

"On top of that he didn't exactly feel things the way they did. He could even kiss for longer than they could manage because he didn't need to breathe nearly as often as they did. His skin was thicker, so he didn't get the same pleasure from their caresses or that thing Amy did when she blew into Rory's ear and his eyes rolled back. He could orgasm with them and it was incredible, wonderful but there was still something missing. It was nice, very nice as a matter of fact but in a completely different way. It was nice because they were touching him and only him, because they saved their caresses, their affections, their most intimate of needs for him alone. But it wasn't as fulfilling as it should be.

However, despite all these troubles a little hard work and perseverance had given the three of them a satisfying sex life. And the truth was everyones slight dissatisfaction with certain aspects meant that they had built more into the emotional components as opposed to the physical. Which wasn't a bad thing at all.

That being said both sides always knew that there was just a little something missing. A gulf that could never quite be crossed. But...they were ok with that. There were after all bound to be certain limitations with interspecies sex.

They'd been on the way to Christkindl, an entire planet in what tourists called (due to the plethora of themed planets) the Holiday system that revolved around Christmas. Four continents of open air markets. Christmas themed food, restaurants, music playing constantly, candy canes, candy floss and presents.

"People just walk up to you and hand you gifts. Perfect strangers. It's wonderful! When you land they give you a big sack!" The Doctor has said excitedly.

"But of course they didn't make it there. Well, not initially. First the TARDIS decided to take them on a detour. Long story short they wound up on the planet Tagia and after helping to simultaneously put down a hostile invasion as well as prevent the planet from careening off it's orbit and into the nearest sun they were summoned before the Tagi council.

No matter how many times the Doctor protested that a reward would not be necessary the Tagi stressed that they wanted to bestow something upon the three of them. The gift, as they called it was physiological and essentially worked by activating latent traits within DNA.

Though the three of them were skeptical the Doctor assured them the Tagi had a reputation throughout the galaxy for being peaceful, trustworthy and remarkable healers, doctors and specifically geneticists. They were one of the oldest species in existence nearly rivaling the Time Lords. His assurance that they could be trusted was the only thing that could compel Amy and Rory to agree. They went in as a pair while the Doctor waited outside. After nearly ten minutes they traded places and ten minutes after that left for the TARDIS. The walk back was...strange, the three of them were silent, almost secretive though the Doctor did occasionally catch Amy and Rory whispering to one another. He was preoccupied as well. But no one seemed to want to explain.

Once aboard the mood lightened a bit. The Doctor again plotted a course for the Christmas planet and they were off.

"There are candy cane roads!" He told. "Actual roads made of candy canes. Every building has a chimney, sliding down them is optional but I highly recommend it. And there's a version of Santa on every single corner and they'll all listen to your Christmas list."

The Doctor's excitement was infectious and they had a magical time, drinking eggnog and eating mince pies. They saw one of the round the clock performances of the Nutcracker, all three of them had their pictures taken with Santa and at Rory's insistence they even went sledding for a bit. The Doctor hadn't been kidding about the presents and by the time they arrived at their hotel room they were loaded down with gifts.

The hotel was garishly decorated, blinking lights strung everywhere in the lobby, everyone in elf hats and not a square inch of space that didn't smell like pine.

Needless to say the Doctor was in heaven.

"Is that Grandma Got Run-over By A Reindeer?" Rory asked a look of pure distaste on his face as they entered their suite.

"Yeah, probably being piped in. Look at that!" The Doctor said gesturing at the ceiling which was hung with mistletoe every few feet.

"Can you turn it off? It's awfully...awful." Amy added.

"It's kitsch." He protested. "Plus it's on a timer even if I turn it off it'll just switch itself back on again. I rather wish we'd been lucky enough to get a room with a tree in it."

The Doctor sounded disappointed but then he gave a little leap and pawed at one of the mistletoe bundles hanging from the ceiling and appeared to brighten.

Amy gave Rory a look that their friend didn't notice.

"Seems as though someone wants us to kiss, eh Doctor?" She asked creeping up behind him quietly.

"I suppose they do." He said spinning around with a grin and coming face to face with a very determined Amelia Pond.

"Amy, you look positively predatory." He said softly. He always got a bit quieter when she held him in that gaze of hers.

"I imagine I do." She replied. "Doctor, Rory and I would like to try something new with you, do you mind?"

"Mind, no, not at all. I'm game. That's what they say about the old Doctor." He said clapping his hands together. "They point at me and say, 'He's game.'"

The Ponds nodded indulgently as their friend babbled. They began to strip one another from their clothes, planting kisses here and there.

"Lie down on the bed, please, mate." Rory said after a moment, gesturing towards the red and green duvet. "Scoot under the blankets."

"Won't you two be joining me?"

"In a moment. But you first." Amy said.

He trusted them, trusted them almost more than he'd ever trusted anyone before so he did as they asked wordlessly.

"Now, we need you to close your eyes, ok?"

He frowned slightly.

"Why?"

"It's a surprise. Come on, Doctor, we swear you're going to like it." Amy pressed.

With a sigh he agreed and shut his eyes, waiting to see what they were up to. He felt them sit on either side of the bed before sliding under the sheets with him. He expected to feel their hands on his body and he welcomed it but nothing happened. They weren't whispering to each other but he knew they were planning something. He just never could have imagined that it would be this.

"DOCTOR!

He winced at the voice, it boomed in his head, rattling back and forth in the confines of his skull.

"Sorry, sorry still working out the volume control. Is this better?

The Doctor's eyes flew open and he gazed up at a very apologetic looking Amy and Rory.

"What was-" He started to ask but they silenced him.

Without moving their lips.

"It's alright, Doctor. Just give us a moment, please.

The resonating had stopped and now he could at least focus a bit and separate their voices.

"Is this better, Doctor?

That was Amy.

"We're trying.

That was Rory.

He started to sit up, startled by what was happening but Rory placed a firm but gentle hand on his chest. As the Doctor settled down Rory bridged over him planting a kiss on his lips.

"Will you give us a chance, love?" He whispered.

"But how are you doing this?"

"Not important right now. "Now, Amy."

Rory continued kissing him and the Doctor slowly responded.

"We wanted to be part of you, Doctor. In the one way we couldn't manage before. Amy, go ahead.

And just like that she was in his mind. With a sort of graceful clumsiness he felt her moving about, finding her way.

"Amy?

"Hi. Am I doing this right? Where are you? I thought there'd be some little version of you here but all I see are doors and a long hallway.

"The doors, the hallway is me.

"They're numbered. Should I just pick one? I'm in front of a four.

"He felt her knock and one of the many doors he usually kept close swung open.

"Sorry, did somebody call me? He said.

Well, not him now but a younger version, still wearing his ridiculous scarf and silly hat.

"No, not you, mate." He said quickly. "Go back to sleep."

"Is that another you, Doctor?

"Yes...yes, Amy just close the door and keep walking until you get to Eleven. And stay out of Ten! You go in there and I'll never get you back." He grumbled.

He felt her make her way to the door and all at once he was both inside and outside not to mention being with Rory.

"Hello. She said softly.

"Hello.

"Nice set up you've got here. So this is it? This is your mind palace? It looks just like the TARDIS console room.

"Well, I happen to love the TARDIS console room. He paused. Unsure of how to say what he wanted. Frankly he was excited and a little worried about breaking the mood or her concentration. "Amy, you're incredibly strong right now. I'm primarily a touch telepath but what you're managing is-

She approached him and placed a finger to his lips.

"Too many questions. Far too many. Now is the time when you put yourself into careful and experienced hands.

"What, yours? He asked.

"Oi! She said with more than a hint of irritation but Rory interrupted her indignation.

"Remember what we were taught Amy. We're like paint brushes in a clear container of water."

"We're clouds of color." She intoned softly.

The Doctor listened having no idea what they were referring to but intensely curious.

"Exactly, clouds of color. Now, focus and disperse."

"Focus...and disperse."

He hadn't expected what happened next. She was new at this after all. He didn't expect her to know exactly how this would work and yet somehow she did. Suddenly she vanished. And instead of being left with a physical manifestation of Amy he was graced with something altogether different.

She was red. Of course she was red.

She was suddenly this swirling, lovely warmth in his head. All things Amy coalesced into this one ephemeral, incandescent being. The TARDIS interior was gone now. Of course. That had only been there so she could find him, reach him more easily. There was no need for bodies now, no need for words.

Then there was someone else there with them.

Rory.

It was Rory, a smoky white, swirling with them, cool and calming, not dousing Amy's fire but tempering it, coaxing it.

The Doctor gasped and as his connection to his body was faint but unbroken he felt it arch off the bed beneath him. It hadn't been like this, not like this in ages. How long? How long? He couldn't remember, couldn't remember anything right now. He didn't want to as a matter of fact.

Amy was warm, circling around softly teasing and coaxing memories they'd made together, pleasant time, warm times, joyous times,

Rory was dancing up and down his spinal cord, like gentle fingers on piano keys sparking nerves to lively heights.

Then they switched with Amy taking over the physical aspects. She dove into his pleasure center with the aplomb of someone slipping into a cool stream and his whole body shuddered at the welcome invasion.

Rory now focused on the sensory recollections. Their firsts tastes of one another. The feeling of a caresses, nips, bites, tight grips, contractions, spasms, climaxes, crescendos, moans, gasps, scents everything his keen senses had been able to perceive but somehow never quite connect with.

He was nearly overwhelmed but the two of them together, working in tandem somehow knew when to pull back, when to give him a moment to essentially breathe. He didn't allow them to drift too far before he was calling them back, already thoroughly captivated and captive to this

experience.

Amy breezed over his amygdala at the same moment that Rory eased a particularly fond memory of the three of them waking up in bed together one morning and the Doctor's affection for them both suddenly flared. Dopamine flooded his body as his pulse rate quickened. As three separate but united beings they felt his orgasm approaching and returned from the extremities of his mind and body to congregate in the center. He knew them only by their colors now, White and Red joining TARDIS Blue. They were pulsing now, rhythmically not in unison but each following the other.

Red. memories of them laughing together. Running.

Blue. Drawing them nearer, ever nearer.

White. Stimulating the nucleus accumbens, the heart of his sexual arousal.

Red. Rousing the medial Forebrain bundle, the complex seat of reward and pleasure.

Blue. Gratefully, happily at their mercy, melding his color within theirs.

White. The pleasantness of them holding hands, kissing, disrobing, showering, basking in one another.

Red...Blue...White

Red. Blue. White.

RedBlueWhiteRedBlueWhiteRedBlueWhite

Then finally a burst an explosion of perfect lavender, so pleasurable, so scintillating, so wracking of body and soul that he swore in his own seldom used language as it rippled in waves through his mind, body and soul.

What followed was silence, pleasant and full, broken only by the soft sounds of the three of them catching their breath. After an endless string of moments he opened his eyes to gaze at them. They were each on either side of him, cheeks flushed pink, sweat dotting their foreheads. Despite their skill this must have been exhausting and their eyes were still shut as they tried to regain their bearings. Gently reaching for them he grasped a Pond hand in each of his.

"Loves?"

They turned to him almost in unison.

"Was that alright?" Amy asked nervously.

"Alright?" He replied a little incredulously. "That was hands down some of the most exquisite sex I have ever experienced."

They broke into equally bright smiles and looking just this side of smug squeezed his hands.

"We were fairly nervous. You know never having ever done anything remotely similar to that in our lives." Rory added.

"But the Tagi assured us it would be simple enough. They gave us images and words to focus on."

"The paint in the glass jar was brilliant." Rory added.

"Wasn't it?" She replied excitedly.

"As far as physical alterations go that wasn't a bad choice. This will completely change your lives, Pond. Think of all the conversations you can have, all the other senses you flog into life. You could have gone with anything a tail, literally eyes in the back of your head. But you chose very wisely!"

Amy wrinkled her brow.

"We didn't do it for that. We did it for you."

"For me?" He asked with confusion.

"Of course. It was for just this purpose. You felt detached from us right? Like there was some level we couldn't exactly relate on? Well, we thought this would be the best way to fix it. In fact, we didn't know if we wanted to be bombarded with this all the time-"

"Or if we could control it so-"

"It only works with you." Rory concluded with a shrug. "We were very specific about that."

The Doctor was gobsmacked. It had never occurred to him that this was something they had done for his benefit, or rather for their benefit as a whole.

"I...I don't know what to say." He said quietly.

"You're not upset are you?" Amy asked with concern.

"Upset? No...I'm touched." He looked at them, really looked at them and was again suddenly overwhelmed. They were just so blunt, so forward in how they felt for him, how they loved. It was all so naked and vulnerable that it made him want to be just as open with them.

"Alright." Rory said clearing his throat. "Before we get too mawkish, what was your gift?"

"Oh, my gift. Well, they offered me anything and I chose two very specific gifts. Knowledge and understanding."

"I thought you already knew everything." Amy teased.

"Not quite or rather not enough. You see," He said turning his body slightly to face Rory. "There's a difference between feeling and understanding. For instance I knew that there was a small bundle of nerves right here, just below your ear." He began as he placed his lips to the aforementioned spot, sucking and kissing the delicate skin there lightly. "But I didn't understand just what it did to you." He continued softening his voice as Rory moaned leaning closer to him. "I didn't grasp why you needed it. I didn't understand how it made you feel. I knew the technicalities but I didn't realized just how it set your brain alight to feel my tongue trace little patterns like so." He continued his focus on Rory, smiling as his lover craned his neck even closer demanding more attention.

He felt so confident, so secure, so sure of himself in this moment. Suddenly the Doctor turned his attention to his left, his focus falling on Amy completely ignoring Rory's whines of protest.

"And you, Amelia..." He said raising his hand and gently cupping her breast. He brushed his thumb across her nipple and watched as it hardened and she melted. "You're right, they're not knobs on a dial or rotary phone. They're perfect and delicate and rich with nerve endings."

Lowering his head and wetting his lip he placed the around her nipple sucking lightly smiling as he heard her gasp. After a moment or so more he pulled back so as to continue speaking. "Just because I knew the technicalities didn't mean I really understood how to please you, either of you. It was the same with the TARDIS. I learned to fly her by instinct, not some didactic How-To. The way to properly bring human to orgasm is a slow, steady and deliberate lavishing of every part of their body."

He brushed his lips against hers, not quite kissing her but leaving her craving more.

"You should both be unwrapped, like a present." He breathed these last few words into her ear. "With all the joy and enthusiasm of Christmas morning."

They were both breathing heavily on either side of him and now it was his turn to feel rather smug.

"But I didn't just ask to know what would make you feel good. I wanted to know what you felt. So..."

Taking Rory's hand he encouraged him run his nails down his chest. It had the desired effect and he went into a mini-sensory overload.

"Oh God...no wonder...nowondernowondernowonder..." he said in a rush.

"No wonder, what love?" Rory asked dropping his tongue to the Doctors nipple and swiping it across the sensitive skin.

"No wonder you were both rather disappointed with me."

Rory pulled back and Amy stopped carding her fingers through his hair.

"Whoever said we were disappointed with you?" She asked.

"We thought you were disappointed with us."

He opened his eyes which he hadn't known he closed.

"You never disappointed me. Not ever."

"We just wanted to make you happy." They said at the same time the Doctor echoed the same words.

"So everyone asked for something for the other." Rory said his fingers gently stroking the Doctor's chest. That was very O. Henry of us, wasn't it?"

"I suppose so." The Doctor said with a grin. "Not exactly combs and a watch chain but still, very generous in my opinion."

Amy flicked his earlobe with her tongue before speaking.

"So what do we do now?"

"Well, " Rory began as he crept down his body. "There is so much more mistletoe which means I owe you both many more kisses."

"Shall I take another tour around your noggin, Doctor. I quite like it in there."

"Ponds...in all sincerity, thank you for this. No one has ever done anything quite like this for me before."

"You're welcome, Doctor." Amy whispered.

"And thank you." Rory added.

"So, Alien sex, just as I initially said, not that complicated at all. In fact this was pretty easy."

Both Ponds rolled their eyes.

"Sure it only took alien intervention and a complete altering of our collective DNA." Rory said.

The Doctor stroked Rory's cheek and gave him a wink.

"Exactly like I said, easy."

"We're going to go again then, yeah?" Amy asked biting at his neck. The

Doctor gasped in reply both to that and the fact that Rory had wrapped a firm hand around his cock.

"Yes...and we'd better hurry before the complimentary room service delivered by the Fathers Christmas starts. Oh and the caroling. The caroling is mandatory."

"Rory stopped.

"You picked a hotel where caroling was mandatory?

"No, I picked a continent where caroling was mandatory.

"Still far too much talking from the both of you. Amy said as she slipped again into his mind.

The Doctor reached for her hip, caressing the outline of it gingerly.

"Happy Christmas, darlings.

"Happy Christmas, Doctor.

They sank into a happy verbal silence, the three of them exploring their new gifts as the explored one another. They took their time enjoying as that which was alien became less and less foreign and more familiar.

They missed the Christmas dinner at four and the one at six and finally the one at eight.

Though they did however arrive for the mandatory caroling somewhat disheveled and tardy it was still one of the best Christmases ever.

The Doctor insisted that it become tradition and that they do the entire thing all over next year.

But everyday is Christmas on Christkindl and the Ponds insisted that the doing it all over again part of the tradition should start as soon as tomorrow.

The Doctor, in the true spirit of the season, agreed.

A/N: I love my OT3 and I especially love them around Christmas. We know the Doctor is a telepath and given the fact that his beloved humans aren't, I wanted to write a story where sex with them was alright but just never quite as fulfilling as he'd like. The problem is actually writing telepathic sex is hella-difficult. But after trying to approach this story in a bunch of different ways I got the image of paint brushes in a little glass cup. You know how when you go to rinse your brushes and the colors balloon and blossom up in this wonderful thick, smoky fog? That's what I imagined telepathy sex would be like. This was my awkward way of trying to describe it. Hope you liked it and Happy Holidays.

Join me next time for another edition of "Maribor Ruins The Classics"