Who Put Those Two In Charge of Children?!

By Rubadub

Chapter 3: In Which Eren is a dirty boy, Sasha is hungry, and omake!

Naptime could not come fast enough. When Mikasa's eyelids finally fluttered closed, Eren staggered out the door and somehow made it to the break room before collapsing in a chair.

"Here."

Eren stared at the cup of tea in front his face. His eyes followed the elegant hand holding the cup, up the slim and neat arm, shoulder, cravat, and then finally, landed on the angled features of his new mentor. Said mentor glared until the boy remembered what he should be doing.

"Oh, thanks." Eren accepted the cup and wrapped his fingers around it. The heat emanating from it was soothing. He blew gently on the surface before taking a small sip. The warmth of the tea seeped into his body and he let out a contented sigh as he closed his eyes.

Then he remembered that he wasn't alone. Eren opened his eyes to meet an unreadable gray gaze. Levi watched him for a long moment. Then he took a seat next to Eren and neatly swung one over the other. Somehow, he made the prim gesture seem...sultry. Eren tore his eyes away from Levi because he was not oogling the man's ankles.

"It's a tough role, especially when you're new to it."

Eren felt heat rise in his cheeks and pretended it was due to the warmth of his tea.

"Yeah…" he agreed. "I really didn't expect art time to be so...violent." He scratched at the streaks of paint that still remained on his cheek. Bits of yellow and blue clumped in the his hair and he was sure there was at least three handprints on his ass. A bunch of five-year-olds got to second base with him. To his horror, Mikasa hadn't recognized the affront to his dignity and had joined in.

"Tch," Levi muttered. He picked up his cup from the table by the rim and took a sip. "That is the most peaceful of the activities today. They will probably want to play Titan later - its their most recent obsession."

"Titan?" It sounded dangerous.

"You'll see." The cup hid most of his mouth, but Eren saw the smirk. The bastard was mocking him.

Eren couldn't quite find the words for a witty (or at least completely non-failing) retort and resorted to glaring intermittently at Levi while the other man sipped his tea. It would have been more effective if he hadn't been forced to look away whenever Levi met his eyes. Which was quite often. In fact, Levi was staring at his face with disconcerting intensity. It was the glare of a man about to take down humanity's greatest enemy. Not exactly Eren's preferred manner of being viewed.

Then finally, with an irritated hiss, Levi pulled a handkerchief from his pocket and wet it in the sink. He returned and grabbed Eren's chin with one firm hand.

"Wait what are-mff!" His protests were cut off as Levi vigorously scrubbed at his face. He tried to slap Levi away but the man had the grip strength of a lobster, or something equally dangerous and grabby. Either way, it hurt and Eren couldn't escape. This wasn't the gentle ministrations of a teacher - this was a sadistic man out for kicks and giggles.

Finally, Levi released Eren. The boy stumbled away from him, knocking over his chair in the process. His cheeks burned from the rough treatment - Levi had sloughed off what felt like all the outer layers of his skin. Who needed those face scubby washes when there was Levi around?

"You...you," Eren sputtered.

"You're welcome," Levi told him as he turned to leave. "Let's get back before they wake up and realize we're not there."

Eren stared at him, tempted to chew him out for the unwarranted treatment. But he remembered that he needed this job, made a growl of frustration, and followed.

Sasha was already up when they returned. She was also currently perched on the shelf where the treats were hidden. The child looked up at them and gave them a chocolatey grin. Silvery wrappers littered the floor beneath her like confetti after a New Year's party.

"You filthy food-bucket..." Levi growled. He strode across the room and plucked her up by the back of her shirt. He turned her so she was facing him at eye-level. "What have I told you about eating chocolates not given to you?"

Sasha was a girl with good instincts, because rather than attempting to answer, she gave Levi a winning smile. "I love you, Corpwal Levi," she said. She extended the remaining candy still clutched in her fist. Eren wondered how the older man managed not to melt like the chocolate smeared on her chubby cheeks. Even from day 1, he could tell that Sasha willingly offering her food was a rare and special occurance. Instead, Levi's narrowed eyes slid to the peace offering, and then back to Sasha whose smile had slipped into something that was less grin and more grimace.

"Answer my question." He gave Sasha a shake. She looked down, fluffy ponytail seeming to droop with her shoulders. "Don't eat them," she mumbled to the ground.

"And will you obey me in the future?"

Sasha gave a pitiful salute. "Yes, Corpwal."

"Good." Levi set her down and pulled out a packet of baby wipes. When Sasha no longer appeared as if someone had pushed her into a bucket of chocolate pudding, he gave her a nod. Though contrite, she smiled before heading back to her mat to tidy up her space.

"Wow, you're really good with kids," Eren murmured as he squatted down to help Levi pick up the wrappers.

"They're easier than adults," Levi replied. Eren gave him a strange look and the short man rolled his eyes. "Get your shitty mind out of the gutter. I meant they are easier to deal with. Brats don't play stupid-ass games with you. Even if they do, it's obvious, so it doesn't matter."

"You're right," Eren said with a chuckle. He was unsure about his next thought and glanced at Levi hesitantly.

"Spit it out, brat, before you become even more constipated." Eren winced.

"How do the kids know not to imitate your language?"

"Because I fucking told them not to. Their fucking overprotective parents would flip their shit. Brat don't play stupid-ass games but they do like to keep stupid-ass secrets."

Now Levi was cursing just to spite him, if the hint of a smirk on his thin lips was any indication. Eren was gripped with the oddest urge to kiss/punch that expression off his face. (Though he couldn't quite decided which action would lead to worse consequences.) He settled for glaring. Levi raised an eyebrow challengingly, beady gray eyes boring into his soul.

"Okay, okay," Eren snapped, raising his hands as he looked away first. "I get it. Don't hate on the shit language."

"Ooooh, Jaeger said a bad word!" Jean was sitting up and pointed accusingly, a smug look on his face. Even worse, Mikasa was also awake and regarded Eren with an expression of such adult disappointment the elder brother wanted to put himself in the corner.

"But...he…" Eren pointed, but none of the children seemed to notice the discrepancy. What a strange class... Eren sighed. Fucking double standards.

OMAKE: ( And I am not sorry.)

"And will you obey me in the future?" Levi asked.

"I will…" Sasha gave a pitiful salute.

Levi leaned in and gave Sasha the stinkeye. "I can't heeear yooou!"

Sashe leaped down to the ground and saluted. Abruptly, all the slumbering children sprung to their feet, the fire of dance in their eyes.

"AYE AYE, HEICHOU!" they chorused. Eren stared as Levi took a deep breath and bellowed out the song. The man kept his displeased look on his face the entire time. "Oooooooooooh! Who lives in a pineapple under the sea?"

"Levi-heichou!"

"Powerful and sexy and badass is he!" Levi kicked up, boot swinging so close to Eren's face he felt the toe skim his cheek. His spine arched gracefully, arm twisted back to balance his leg in some sort of thug-version can-can.

"Levi-heichou!"

"If Attack on Nonsense is your desire!" Levi pointed at Eren.

"Levi-Heichou!"

"Then grab your Lysol and clean until you tire."

The background music dropped off as Levi dug out cleaning supplies from a conveniently-located closet. He handed out little bandannas for their heads and then bequeathed everyone with brooms or dusters.

"Huh?" Eren remained frozen as the children scattered to levy an attack on the dustbunnies that dared to exist. Somehow, Connie had climbed the curtains and was wiping down the windows.

"Jaeger, what are you doing?" Levi pinned him with a dark look. "There will be no song nor dance until this place is clean. Now get on it before I get on your ass."

"Aye aye...heichou..." Eren whispered and picked up a duster.