Kirk knelt, squeeze bottle in hand, and carefully drew a ring of blue liquid around the captain's chair on the bridge. He inspected his work, touching up the line in one spot that was marred with a bubble, then cautiously sat down so as not to disturb the ring. Kirk rubbed his hands together, careful to leave the soothing paste over the bites.

Kirk turned to Spock, Scotty, and McCoy, who were similarly protecting the paneling on the bridge. "So Spock, what made you think of using detergent?"

The Vulcan turned around slowly, and spoke as if he was choosing his words carefully. "The use of dish soap was a common home remedy for containing ant populations on twenty-first century Earth. After observing the robustness this particular species of ant, we began by testing modern, highly toxic pesticides, completely neglecting more simplistic solutions."

"So you pulled out a history book in the middle o' a crisis, eh Spock?" Scotty said, grinning.

Spock raised an eyebrow. "There is much that can be learned from the citizens of the twenty-first century."

"Actually Captain," McCoy said, "we should have figured it out sooner. Remember how the ants were avoiding the sinks in sickbay? Turns out it (for once) wasn't because of my leaky faucets. It was because certain detergents severely cripple their pheromone production system."

"So we should be ant-free soon?" Kirk asked.

"They are dying 'in droves,' using the Doctor's verbiage." Spock reported.

"Then all we need to do is wash the blue footprints off the decks without suffocating in bubbles," the Doctor joked.

"I've equipped each crew member with a bottle o' detergent," Scotty said. "Warp power will be back in a few hours, just as soon as we finish a few wiring replacements."

"Excellent, Mister Scott!" Kirk said. "And Spock, you must be excited for the last of the ants to die – it means you can resume your experiments."

"No need Captain." Spock said.

"Oh?"

"I have come to the following conclusion. There was an advantage to be gained by understanding my own physiology. However, this advantage was negated by the fact that my performance was reduced with the added work load of analyzing the data."

McCoy sighed in relief. "That is a very wise observation. I'll remove the bio-sensor at your convenience."

"Oh no, Doctor," Spock said. "I have merely decided to offload the task of analyzing my data to a computer. I have devised a machine learning algorithm that should be capable of impartial data analysis." Spock returned to his squeeze bottle. McCoy raised his eyes to heaven.

"You know, Captain," Scotty said, "once the ants are all taken care o' I was thinking o' breaking out that tiny little grill I had. Care to join me for a bit o' a grill night?"

"That sounds lovely Scotty! I'll bring my fire extinguisher."

They chuckled. "Doctor, Spock, you would be welcome t' join us," Scotty said.

"I'll be there, Mister Scott." McCoy said.

"Although I will not partake of the meat, I would be interested in hearing your observations about the difference in taste of synthesized food," Spock said. "I will also attend."

"We'll throw on some tomatoes for you. It will be very healthy." McCoy said.

"And now the question is, do synthesized grilled tomatoes taste the same as grilled synthesized tomatoes?" Kirk said. The three humans chuckled.

"I would assume that they do not." Spock said.

"Well, lucky you: you'll get to do an experiment and find out." McCoy said.

Spock raised an eyebrow, and his eyes glittered at the new idea. "Fascinating," he muttered. His mind swarmed with a whole new set of experiments that should be performed.

"Doctor!" Scotty said. "Look, you got him started again! We'll never have a meal in peace!"

"Woops," McCoy said. "Hey Spock," he continued, "I'm just going to put it out there right now: I'm a doctor, not a gourmet."

Kirk grinned. He set down his squeeze bottle, accidentally smearing bug-bite paste on his controls. "And as a Doctor you deserve faucets that don't leak."

"Oh good. Can I have them replaced finally? Let's not get that brand again."

"No, no we're not replacing them," Kirk said. "Starfleet would never buy that. No, it will be Mister Scott's next assignment to fix your faucets."

Scotty's face fell. "But Captain…"

"No arguments, please." Kirk raised a hand to stop the complaints. "We can't be wasting water."

"I'll get to that just as soon as warp is back online." Scotty said.

"When will that be?" asked McCoy.

"Uhh." Scotty said. "Might be a bit o' time…"

"I thought you said it'd be a few hours!" McCoy said.

Kirk smirked. "Do I have impulse now?"

"Aye, Captain."

"Mister Sulu," Kirk said, dabbing bug-bite paste off of his command console. "Resume original course and heading. Full impulse."

A/N: All done! Awww so cute. I really hope my ability to write dialoge is improving, because there sure is a lot of it.

I hope you enjoyed; thanks for reading! (I love reviews.)