7. Two sides of the coin

After his conversation with Audrey, Sherlock felt a lot better. He was still worried, but he no longer had the feeling of drowning in his sorrow.

John sat upright in bed; the head section of the bed was adjusted to give him a comfortable position. He flipped through a paper when Sherlock entered the room and smiled. "Sorry you had to wait. I'm a man in demand at the moment."

"So I heard. You enjoyed the morning?" Sherlock said and was relieved seeing John in a joyful mood.

"Oh yes. I had a nice flirt with the radiology assistant. Nice girl."

"I am sure she is absolutely dull," Sherlock replied with a tiny hint of jealousy. John's grin grew wider.

"Compared to you, definately."

John smiled his warm smile that Sherlock loved so much. He sat down next to John on his bed, softly stroking his partner's cheeks. John looked a lot better today. His face regained some colour and his posture showed much more energy. "How are you feeling?" Sherlock asked after a proper kiss.

"Better. Still a bit tired, but much better."

"How were the examinations?"

"Good," John replied. "Scans were normal, no signs of complications."

"The biopsy?"

"Sean said he would get the results this afternoon."

Sherlock nodded. He felt fear rising inside him again by the thought of what they might learn today but tried to remember the things Audrey told him. He met John's gaze – warm and gentle and soothing. It'll be alright.

Sherlock looked on the paper John had been reading. "The Sun? Really, John!"

"I am not exactly fit enough for the heavy stuff. I would probably have fallen asleep half way through the first article of 'The Guardian'. Besides..." John opened the paper again. "It can be quite entertaining."

Sherlock and John spent the rest of the morning flipping through the paper. Sherlock pointed out (several times) how dull, boring and stupid this sensationalist writing is. ("It's called yellow press, Sherlock."). They were bickering and giggling and a few times John had to try really hard not laughing out loudly, because that would certainly hurt.

After lunch, John felt very tired again and wanted to sleep for a moment. "You should try to take a nap also," he said, the dark bags under Sherlock's eyes were not gone unnoticed. "You look tired."

"I'm fine." Sherlock replied and settled himself in the chair next to the bed to give John space to sleep.

John woke up about two hours later. Sherlock still sat in the chair, looking out of the window, almost apathetic. He was so lost in his thoughts he did not noticed that John had woken up. John watched his partner closely who obviously hadn't napped. Besides the dark circles under his eyes, Sherlock looked exhausted the way he sat slumped in the chair. Sorrow and pain were written all over his face. John suddenly realized how alone his partner must have felt in the last couple of days and how much he probably had suffered due to John's state. John cursed inwardly. Yes, they were a couple for a while now. But he knew very well how hard it still was for Sherlock to deal with his emotions. And now he had allowed that his partner went through hell without anybody there to help him. "I am sorry, Sherlock," he said with a lump in his throat.

"Wha… What?" Sherlock said, turning towards him, trying to regain his composure he let down during John's sleep.

"I am sorry," John repeated and reached out for Sherlock's hand.

"Don't be ridiculous," Sherlock almost snapped. He felt insecure not knowing what John was getting at. "What should you be sorry about?" he said a bit more gently.

"I left you alone with all of this," John replied. "You had to go through this emotional chaos all alone."

"Well, you weren't exactly fit enough in the last two days to discuss my… emotional state." Sherlock said, the last two words spoken in slight sarcastic tone. He was angry at himself for letting his defenses down.

"Yeah, true," John said and smiled sadly. "But I should allow you to talk to someone about it."

Sherlock shrugged. "I would not have talked to anyone anyway. You know I am not good with this."

"You would have, at least with Mrs. Hudson."

Sherlock stayed silent for a moment, remembering the dreadful nightmare and the anxiety attack and how much better he felt after the talk with Audrey. "Maybe," he finally admitted.

"Well, I am here now," John said taking both of Sherlock's hands in his own and looked him in the eyes. "Please don't shut yourself up. You don't have to be strong for me. I used to be a soldier, you know. I am used to fighting." John gave Sherlock a moment to let his words sink in. "We are going through this together, no matter what happens."

'You love him, don't you?' Audrey had asked him and he fully understands the meaning of her words now. 'That's all you two need.' Sherlock squeezed John's hands and nodded. "Together," he replied almost solemnly.

Despite his new found confidence, Sherlock instantly tensed up as soon as Sean O'Mara entered the room. Like the other day, he was not able to deduce anything about the doctor's facial expression or gesture. He smiled, yes, he saw that but he was not able to observe the meaning behind the smile. Sherlock felt blind, as if someone had put an invisible curtain between him and the rest of the world which block off any deductive attempts. His stomach contracts painfully and he felt as if he would be sick again. John on the other hand was calm, completely calm, not even a glimpse of nervousness but, as always he sensed his partners feelings. He took Sherlock's hand and gave him a reassuring smile.

"Your scans this morning were splendid. No sign of infection. And the wound is healing nicely," Sean begun.

"What about the biopsy?" Sherlock interrupted in a low voice feeling on the edge of collapsing.

Sean's smile spread into a wide grin. "Benign. I told you it would be. It was an adenoma, just like I suspected. No further treatment necessary."

"Thank you, Sean," John said and took a deep breath. "When can I go home?"

"Well," Sean hesitated a moment. "Normally, I would like to keep you in over the weekend. But, as you are a doctor yourself AND when you promise to be careful and rest, then I am willing to release you tomorrow afternoon."

John smiled and nodded. "I promise to behave."

"He will," Sherlock said. His voice was husky and his face a kaleidoscope of emotions - shock, relief, exhaustion, joy.

"Come here," John whispered after Sean had left. Sherlock almost threw himself into an embrace. He nuzzled his face into John's neck and held him tight. A quiet sob escaped him and he felt tears running down his face. Terrible useless things! Especially now. John was fine! Why did he cry?

"Shhhhh," John whispered and had to suppress a sob himself as relieve washed over him and he finally understood what he had just learned. "It's OK, Sherlock. I'm OK! Everything will be OK!"

They stayed silent for a while holding each other in their tight embrace. John occasionally stroking his fingers through Sherlock's hair.

"Sorry," Sherlock said when they finally split apart and looked at each other again. His eyes were red and puffy and he felt a bit embarrassed.

"Don't worry," John said whipping away some tears from his partner's as well as his own face. "Sometimes happiness doesn't go without tears."

That reminded Sherlock of something John said to him once, after their first big row when Sherlock had difficulties coping with his negative feelings. He was angry and sad about the fight and almost panicked that John would leave him. Then John had hugged him too.

"There is no cherry-picking when it comes towards emotions. You get the whole package – joy and sorrow, happiness and sadness, laughter and anger. Two sides of a coin. They go together like light and dark."

"Hey!" John said stroking over Sherlock's cheeks once again. "Stop brooding."

"I'm not brooding," Sherlock said and smiled. "I just thought how much I'm looking forward to taking you home tomorrow."

"Yeah, snoozing on the couch, watching a DVD, sounds like paradise after all this madness."

"Well, I think I have already something in mind, we could take a look at."

"YOU want to watch a movie?"

Sherlock grinned "Do you know the 'Little Shop of Horrors?'"

Author's note: I have no medical profession. All medical facts described in this story based on an internet research. If anyone noticed serious mistakes, don't hesitate to contact me.