This is a Menna/Smoleman account of the feeling of Matt and Jenna around the time of Time of the Doctor, inspired by the Behind the Lens feature, which is quite emotional in places, and shows the closeness of the two individuals, and mirrors the loss of Eleven/Clara.

The Matt and Jenna here are purely fictional characters, rather than representations of real people.

"Please don't change" Clara cried out as her Doctor started to regenerate, her eyes welling up with years.

Watching this on the sofa at her parents' house, Jenna was similarly emotional. She desperately tried not to cry, as she saw her Doctor, her Matt disappear off screen and turn into Peter Capaldi, but it was no good. That was the last time they would appear together on screen, and the emotion of it hit her, as tears poured down her cheeks.

"There, there love" comforted her mother as she mopped up the tears with a tissue. "Quite emotional that ending, even if I didn't follow half of what was going on, as we never watched the programme before you were on it. "

"Thanks mum" replied Clara trying to pull herself together. "It's always very sad when a Doctor regenerates. Especially when he's been so good."

"That Matt Smith seems a very nice young man."

"Yes, I've really enjoyed working with him."

"How's Peter Capaldi?" asked her father. "You started with him before Christmas didn't you?"

"Very nice, and a great actor." And this was no lie, Peter was good company, and would be a wonderful Doctor. But he wasn't Matt.

"That's good, I loved him in The Thick of It. Downton Abbey is on now, can you turn the TV over to ITV, thanks."

Jenna changed the channel, but her mind was elsewhere. It was ridiculous, she tried to tell herself. Actors come and go, that's how the job works. And yet, and yet…

Her mind went back to September, and the read through for Time of The Doctor, of Matt dissolving in tears as he reached his final line, of how she bowed her head desperately trying to keep it together and not cry as well.

She thought of the filming, of the endless fist bumps and hugs between her and Matt, as if by holding on to each other they could stay together as Eleven and Clara forever. Of how she mock scolded him for dumping her.

She remembered the last day, her final line to Matt and how Steven had said how wonderfully she had portrayed Clara's anguish, when it was so easy to do, as it was her anguish as well.

And then it was over. Except they then had the 50th Anniversary Celebrations, which meant seeing lots more of each other, as if nothing was going to change. The Convention, where Matt had complimented her hair, and to the laughing audience had had to remind everyone, who was pairing them off, what a good friend he was with her boyfriend. How he had rested his head on her legs as she stroked it.

And then it was really over. This was nothing important, Jenna tried to convince herself. Actors come and go, and her wonderful boyfriend Richard would always be there for her, even if work commitments meant that they hardly ever saw each other. It's not as if Jenna had been working on the show for long either, she had spent far longer working on Emmerdale.

But that day in December, the first read through day for Series 8, brought it all back to her. Whenever she looked next to her, Matt wasn't there, and however many times she turned around, hoping she was somehow mistaken, he never appeared. Jenna hoped and prayed Matt would suddenly bound though the door, and with an exclamation of "Fooled you there!", explain how he was actually staying for Series 8, and this was one of Moff's top secret plans, to have both him and Peter in the show, but he never showed up.

Peter noticed the torment in Jenna's eyes, and spoke to her in private during one of the breaks.

"I understand Jenna, I've had people leave shows I've worked on, and it can be really tough. I know you're really missing him, and I could see the chemistry between you two on screen, and obviously working with me a craggy old Scotsman won't be the same for you, but I believe we can make it work."

"Sorry" replied Jenna, "It's not your fault, it's me. You've been great today, I'm sure you'll be a wonderful Doctor, it's just taking me a bit longer than I thought to get used to the change. Today was a struggle, but I'm sure I'll be better tomorrow."

And she was better, the week she had with Peter reading through Series 8 scripts went really well, and Jenna as she sat down on Christmas Day to watch Time of the Doctor, was really looking forward to resuming working with him in the New Year.

Then she watched the episode, and it all came flooding back. She left her family to continue watching Downton Abbey, and fled to her room before they saw her break down again…

The next chapter will cover Matt's feelings...