This was my Entry for the Light the darkness Contest. It didn't win anything, but I like it, and I hope you do, too.

Contest entry for the Light The Darkness contest

Title: Sowing the Seeds of Love

Name:eternallyedward

Pairing:Edward and Bella

Rating:M

Beta:Ysar/ Sparkly Red Pen

Summary: Bella meets a handsome stranger in the Forks Community Garden. Will his past destroy their chance at a future together?

Disclaimer: The author does not own any publicly recognizable entities herein. No copyright infringement is intended.

...

Bella winced as she straightened up. Who knew gardening was such hard work? She'd been working the eight by twelve foot plot in the new Forks Community Garden for an hour, and it barely looked like it had been touched. Sighing, she wiped the sweat from her forehead and picked up the shovel.

"You look like you could use a hand."

Following the direction of the voice, Bella saw a tall man walking towards her. She squinted into the sun, and it wasn't until he was directly in front of her that she realized just how handsome he was. His auburn hair was a chaotic mess. His sharp jaw was covered in a couple days' worth of growth, and his almond-shaped, green eyes sat under dark, heavy brows. He wore ripped jeans and a T-shirt that had faded into colorlessness.

"Turning over the soil at the beginning of the season is always the worst part. I use a small tiller to do mine; I could help you out if you like?" His voice turned up in a question at the end, as he saw that Bella was just standing there, gawking.

Finally she remembered her manners and felt herself blush as she answered, "That would be really great, actually. I'll be here all day otherwise."

Smiling kindly, he held out his hand. "I'm Edward Cullen. My plot is one row over and two down."

"Bella—Bella Swan. It's a pleasure to meet you, Edward, and thanks so much for offering to do this. You're my hero today."

Edward grinned. "I'm no hero. What kind of man would I be if I tilled my plot and left you here doing it on your own with a shovel?"

"Well, I thank you just the same, Edward. You certainly aren't obligated to do it. I really appreciate it."

Bella watched Edward walk back to his plot to get the machine. She guessed him to be a few years older than her, maybe thirty tops. Soon he was back.

"Step back a bit, Bella—this can get a little messy."

Bella laughed, looking down at her dirt-streaked clothing, but moved back anyway. As Edward guided the tiller down the length of her plot she noted appreciatively how the muscles in his shoulders flexed as he moved.

It took Edward about twenty minutes to till Bella's plot. By the time he'd finished, he was sweating; his hair was damp, and sweeping it out of his face had left it sticking up in tufts.

Despite his disheveled state, Bella was struck by his masculine beauty. She even found the damp patches on his T-shirt appealing. She noted with interest that there was no ring on his left hand.

"So, Bella, what will you be planting?" Edward's smooth, deep voice broke her out of her reverie.

"Well, this plot is actually for my second grade class. It's part of an initiative to instill healthy eating habits and get kids outdoors. We'll be planting a variety of vegetables, mostly kid-friendly things like tomatoes, cucumbers, zucchini, and carrots. We'll be coming down here once a week to give the kids a chance to work in the garden and watch their crops grow. I'll be here more often to water and whatever. I've never gardened before, but I'm really excited about this."

Edward smiled kindly. "I can tell. I was never much of a gardener, either. I got into it a couple of years ago, and it can be very...therapeutic."

Bella saw a flicker of emotion in his eyes as he spoke, but wasn't sure what to make of it. "Good to know. I may need therapy after spending an afternoon here with eighteen over-excited eight year olds."

Edward laughed. "I'm sure you'll be fine. Well, it was a pleasure meeting you, Bella. I'm sure we'll run into one another again—I'm here pretty often."

Bella felt a pull to the kind, handsome man. On impulse, she blurted out, "Wait!— Can I at least buy you lunch? Coffee? You have no idea what a huge help you were, really."

Surprise flickered across Edward's face. "Well, I guess I have time for a cup of coffee. Where do you want to go?"

Bella chose the Forks Diner, and fifteen minutes later they were sitting in a booth. They ordered their coffee, and Bella insisted that Edward split a piece of pie with her.

As the waitress walked away, Bella dove right in. "So, Edward, what do you do when you're not hanging around the community garden being chivalrous?"

Edward laughed and shook his head. "You're the first person in the garden to experience my chivalry, as you call it. I'm an attorney, although I'm kind of taking a sabbatical right now. I've been doing some work for my aunt's foundation. She helped get the funding for the community garden, actually. It's kind of her baby. "

"How long have you been teaching?" Edward steered the conversation back to Bella.

"Three years. I love it—kids at this age are just amazing. So curious and open to new things." Bella smiled shyly. "Growing up, I always wanted to be a teacher. Seeing how excited the kids get when they learn something new, getting a smile or hug from them—it makes me feel like I have the best job in the world."

Edward smiled warmly at Bella's enthusiasm, but there was sadness in his eyes. She didn't question it and moved the conversation on to a different topic.

After a half hour or so Edward glanced at his phone and sighed. "I should get going. Thank you for the coffee and the company, Bella. I'm sure I'll be seeing you at the garden."

"Oh, you're welcome." Bella was reluctant to let Edward go, not knowing when she'd see him again.

"Edward—why don't you meet me at the garden next Wednesday, around ten? I'll be bringing my kids for the first time. I don't know how much planting we'll actually get done, but I guarantee there will be a lot of enthusiasm and excitement. I mean, if you like kids. And if you're not bu—ˮ

"I love kids, Bella. And it would be my pleasure to meet your class, and help in any way I can. I imagine trying to get them all to focus on an activity must be like herding cats."

Bella laughed, pleased that Edward had accepted her offer. "Something like that. They're a lot of fun, though. You'll see."

Edward stood, smiling. "Enjoy the rest of your day, Bella. See you Wednesday."

Bella waved and watched him go, her head full of questions and surprising feelings about the kind, handsome man she'd only just met.

…

Wednesday morning Bella felt a tingle of anticipation as she dressed for work. Knowing she'd be seeing Edward at the garden later, she dressed a little nicer than she otherwise would have. She felt a bit silly, but she couldn't help it.

Once she'd gotten her class settled and taken attendance, it felt like time slowed down. Finally, she got the call that the bus had arrived to take them to the garden. She marched her class out to the bus, and once everyone had boarded her stomach did a little flip in anticipation.

As Bella was herding her class over towards the plot she saw Edward walking towards her with a grin. "Miss Bella."

"Edward, hi! Boys and girls, please say hello to Mr. Cullen.ˮ

"Edward's fine if it's okay with you." He bent to shake hands or high five each child as Bella introduced them.

Edward turned out to be a natural with kids. He laughed as some of the children expressed disgust at the idea of eating the various vegetables they were planting. With his help, Bella was able to get the plot planted, fertilized, and watered, more than she'd have been able to do on her own. Finally, at noon, they sat down at the picnic tables to eat lunch.

As Bella unwrapped her turkey sandwich, suddenly it came to her. "So, your aunt must be Elizabeth Masen. She came to the school with the idea of using the garden to teach children about food and nutrition. I spoke with her, and she made sure we were given a plot. She was very passionate about the garden and the importance of it to the children. Is she the one who got you interested in gardening?"

Edward laughed uncomfortably. "Yes, you could say that. Aunt Liz can be very persuasive."

Again, Bella sensed there was something left unsaid. Her curiosity about—and, if she was being honest, her attraction to—Edward was growing quickly.

The afternoon was winding down, and it was time to get back to school. As Bella herded her class back onto the bus, she made a decision.

"Well, thanks again for all your help, Edward. The kids loved you. I think they had a great day. And so did I."

Standing with his hands in his pockets, Edward grinned. "Any time, Bella. I mean it—I had fun, too. Your kids are amazing."

"I might take you up on that offer. Volunteers are hard to come by." Bella fidgeted, then plowed ahead. "Listen, um...would you like to come over for dinner on Friday? I could make enchiladas. It'd be nice to have the company."

Edward hesitated. "Uh, Friday? I'm not sure—ˮ

Bella wasn't sure where her bravado came from, but she wasn't willing to let him off the hook that easily. "Just dinner, Edward. As friends."

In her heart, Bella knew that ultimately she wanted to be more than just friends with Edward. He was clearly hesitant, but she felt a compulsion to know him and to find out if there could be anything between them.

Edward let out a breath. "Okay, sure. I'd like that, Bella. Um, can I bring anything?"

"Nope. Just yourself." After exchanging phone numbers, Bella got on the bus with a smile and a wave.

As the bus pulled away, Edward waved, staring after it long after it had disappeared from sight.

…

Bella looked around the house critically. Everything was neat and dinner was in the oven. She looked at herself in the mirror near the door. She'd tried to strike a balance between attractive and trying too hard; she thought she'd succeeded. A grey cashmere sweater over dark-wash jeans and a pair of ballet flats were dressier than what she wore to school, but not as dressed up as she'd be if this were an actual date. Just then the doorbell rang.

Bella pulled open the door. She struggled to hide her reaction as she got her first look at Edward in something other than gardening clothes. A pale blue button-down with the sleeves rolled up showed off his lightly muscled forearms. Dark, slim-fitting jeans accentuated his narrow waist and long legs.

The sound of Edward clearing his throat jolted Bella back to reality. She flushed, wondering how long she'd been drinking him in.

"Hi." His eyes crinkled at the corners as he smiled. Clearly this was a little awkward for both of them.

"Hi, Edward. Come on in."

Standing in the living room, Edward closed his eyes in appreciation. "Mmm, smells delicious Bella. Thanks for inviting me. My cooking skills are limited, and I'm kind of sick of take out."

Bella was pleased to hear confirmation that no one else was cooking for Edward. "Well, I cook for myself pretty much every night, so don't be shy about inviting yourself over."

Edward smiled noncommittally and handed Bella the bottle of wine he'd brought.

Within minutes Bella was serving the enchiladas. After a few bites Edward put his fork down. "You're an amazing cook, Bella. I just might take advantage of your offer and invite myself over one night."

Bella laughed, pleased that Edward seemed to be opening up a bit. As dinner went on, conversation flowed more easily.

"Edward, if you don't mind my asking...how old are you?"

"Not that I mind, but how old do you think I am?" The look on his face was mischievous.

Feeling embarrassed, Bella, backpedaled. "Well, I only ask because I thought you were maybe just a little older than I am, then when you told me you were an attorney I figured you must be a bit older than I'd first thought—ˮ

"I'm thirty five."

"Oh." Bella was surprised to learn that he was nine years older than her. He certainly didn't look it, and it in no way made him less attractive to her.

Edward made a face. "Yeah, I'm an old man. Sorry to disappoint you."

"You don't disappoint me, Edward." Bella looked earnestly into his eyes. Getting no response, she went on.

"I'm twenty-six. I took you for thirty, maybe. Anyway, age doesn't matter."

Edward sighed. "Well, it does for some things. Ten years makes a big difference. Professionally, personally...a lot can happen in ten years."

Sensing that he was willing to talk, Bella cautiously pressed on. "What's happened to you in ten years, Edward?"

Twirling the stem of his wineglass, he took a moment to answer. "I graduated law school, met a woman, got married...got divorced."

"I'm sorry."

"Thanks. Anyway, there have been a lot of good things, too. Sorry to bring down the mood with that."

Bella placed her hand on top of his. "You didn't. I'd like to think we can talk openly and honestly with one another. Friends, right?"

With a smile that made Bella's heart twist, he replied, "Friends."

Not long after Edward's revelation, he yawned and thanked Bella, and they arranged to meet at the garden the following Wednesday.

Bella walked him to the door. Edward smiled softly at her in the dim porch light. "Thank you, Bella. I really enjoyed tonight. And...sorry, again, for the over-share." He bent and lightly touched his lips to her cheek, and then walked to his car.

As Bella locked up she could still feel the imprint of his lips, as if it was seared into her skin.

…

Over the following weeks Edward and Bella met often at the garden. Bella especially enjoyed Wednesdays, when she would bring her class to observe their plot's progress. Edward always showed up to help, and it was clear he took great delight in working with the children. He had such great natural rapport with them, and Bella wondered why he'd never had children of his own.

They talked on the phone frequently and often ate dinner together at Bella's house. Sometimes Edward insisted on bringing takeout so that Bella didn't have to cook, and they'd watch a movie while they ate.

Bella knew she was getting more and more attached to Edward. He was much more open with her, and she knew he counted her as a close friend, but beyond that, he still held himself at arm's length. She knew now that he had been divorced for a little over a year. His mother had passed away a few years ago, and his father lived in Seattle; he had no siblings. His life seemed very closed off to her, but he appeared to enjoy her company, and that pleased her.

She knew her attraction to him was plain. He never commented on it, but she was sure he was aware of it. Occasionally, she would notice him looking at her in such a way as to give her hope that her feelings might one day be returned.

The summer went by. School was finished, but Bella continued tending the garden. She would post photos on the school's website so her class could see its progress. September came, and things at the garden were winding down. Bella and Edward met the last weekend of the month to do the obligatory cleanup of their plots.

Elizabeth Masen was there, thanking the gardeners for a successful first season and encouraging them to return next year.

Having made the rounds, she enveloped Bella in a hug. "Bella, dear. How are you?" She went on, asking how Bella's class had liked gardening, but Bella barely heard her. She was watching Edward. He seemed uncomfortable and hung back. "Bella, I'd like you to meet my nephew, Edward—ˮ

Palming the back of his neck, Edward interjected. "Ah, we've already met, Aunt Liz. A few months ago, actually. I've been helping Bella a bit here and there."

Smiling broadly, Elizabeth glanced between them. "Is that so?"

Sensing Edward's discomfort, Bella added, "Edward's been a huge help. The kids adore him."

"Of course they do. Edward is wonderful with children."

Clearing his throat, Edward addressed Bella. "I'll take this over to the compost for you, Bella, and then I should be going. I've got an appointment in Port Angeles this afternoon."

Taken aback by the coolness in his voice, Bella stammered, "Of course, Edward. I'm fine here; thanks for your help. I'll call you later?"

"Sure. Aunt Liz, it was good running into you—ˮ

"Actually, I'm on my way out too. Wait a moment and walk with me, Edward. It was lovely seeing you, Bella. Take care."

Bella heard herself saying good-bye but her mind was on Edward. Why had he suddenly become so cold?

As they walked away she heard Liz ask quietly, "She's a lovely girl, Edward. Are the two of you—?ˮ

In the same cool tone, Bella heard his reply. "She's a friend, Aunt Liz. Nothing more."

She could see the strain in Edward's posture as he walked away, shaking his head vehemently at whatever Elizabeth was saying to him.

That night Bella decided against calling Edward. She was hurt and a little angry at the way he'd treated her. Was the mere idea of being involved with her really so repulsive to him?

Thursday came and went. Bella didn't call Edward, and she didn't hear from him. By Friday, Bella was truly angry. If Edward wanted to see her again, he would have to be the one to reach out.

Friday night Bella was chopping vegetables for a salad when someone knocked on the door. She could see Edward's beautifully mussed hair through the small pane of glass at the top of the door.

She opened the door and stared at him, waiting for him to say something. She hated that her stomach flipped at the sight of him.

His smile was tentative. "Hi, Bella. May I come in? I, um, picked up some Chinese, if you feel like it."

Bella frowned. "Really? That's it? You just show up here, and everything's fine again? I don't understand you, Edward."

She walked away, into the living room, leaving the front door open and Edward standing on the porch, looking contrite. He stepped inside and closed the door.

Bella sat on the couch with her elbows on her knees. Edward went and sat beside her, dropping the bag of food on the floor. "Bella, I'm sorry I haven't called. I—ˮ

"You're sorry you haven't called? What about treating me like a stranger in front of your aunt? You're so hot and cold. I thought we'd got past that, but I guess not. I know 'we're friends, nothing more,' but you know what? As your friend, I deserve better." Bella repeated the words Edward had said to his aunt. He blanched when he realized she'd overheard him.

Edward stared silently at the ground. "You do deserve better, Bella." To himself, he muttered, "God, that's the whole point." Running a hand through his hair, he went on. "I'm so sorry for the way I behaved the other day. I was surprised to see Liz there, and well...as you overheard, she obviously had the wrong idea about us. It threw me. I didn't mean to belittle our friendship."

Bella's anger flared. "You don't have to keep throwing the fact that we're just friends in my face, Edward. I'm well aware that you want nothing more than friendship from me. Is it so unimaginable that we could be more? You seem to find the very idea abhorrent." Tears slipped down her face and she turned away, wiping at them in frustration. She'd put all her cards on the table now, but she was too upset to care.

Edward sighed. "Jesus, Bella, no! You—you don't understand. You think I can't imagine us together? That I'm not attracted to you? You're beautiful, intelligent, sweet … Christ, you have no idea, Bella. No idea."

This was the closest Edward had ever come to admitting his feelings. When he gently grasped her chin and turned her to face him, Bella looked into his eyes and slowly, softly, pressed her mouth to his. At first, he froze, but as she continued moving her mouth against his, he gave in with a groan and kissed her back.

Bella clung to him, afraid if they broke their physical connection, he would run. Her hands roamed over his chest, his shoulders and arms. She wove her fingers into his hair. She marveled at the feel of him; all the time they'd known one another, she'd never realized how soft his hair was, or how firm his chest felt.

"Oh, Bella..." Edward kissed along her neck, behind her ear. Eager hands explored the contours of her body.

Bella straddled his thighs, moaning as Edward's hands traced the shape of her breasts. She could clearly feel how much he wanted her as she rocked in his lap.

"Edward." Bella's voice was shaky. "Edward, please. I want you."

She saw nothing but raw desire in his eyes as he stood. Taking his hand, she led him to her bedroom. Clothes were hastily removed, and Edward laid her back on the bed, leaving a trail of warm, wet kisses from her belly to her throat.

She could feel him so close to where she wanted him. He moaned when she pushed her hips up into him.

Edward's mouth closed over her nipple. Bella's hips bucked up again, and this time Edward met her. He ground himself against her until they were both desperate, and then he guided himself inside.

Tonight, Edward held nothing back. Bella didn't need words—the urgency with which he made love to her told Bella everything she needed to know.

Bella loved feeling Edward's strong, firm body on top of hers. When they'd finished, she kept her arms and legs wrapped around him, reluctant to release him. Gently, he extricated himself and moved to lie beside her.

He pulled her close and kissed her forehead, and then he tilted her face up to kiss her lips. "Bella—ˮ

"Shh. We'll talk tomorrow, okay? Please." She burrowed into his warm chest, not wanting to spoil with words what was fragile and new.

Edward's only response was to tighten his arms around her, and they drifted off, entangled in one another.

…

As the first weak rays of light filtered in through the voile curtains, Bella's stomach sank as she realized she was alone in bed. A moment later, the bathroom door opened, and Edward walked out, freshly showered and dressed.

He sat on the edge of the bed and smoothed her hair back. "Hi."

"Hi. Um, why are you dressed so early?" Bella felt exposed and pulled the comforter up to cover herself.

He smiled, but it didn't reach his eyes. "I'm just not used to being in a strange bed, I guess. I couldn't get back to sleep, and anyway I've got some work at home I should get started on."

"Really? It's not even seven o'clock." Bella smiled and squeezed his hand. "I'd like it if you felt comfortable in my bed."

Edward ran his hand through his hair, not meeting her eyes. "Look, Bella...I just have some thinking to do, okay? About what's happening with us."

Icy dread pooled in Bella's gut. She knew that things had escalated very quickly last night. She'd hoped Edward wouldn't second-guess what had happened between them, but she knew it was a good possibility that he would.

"Edward...I know that what happened last night was unexpected. I care about you so much. Please, don't over-think this. I'm here; I'm not going anywhere." She ran her fingers along his brow, his cheekbone, across his jaw. Memorizing him, she thought, and then she quickly pushed the thought away. Her heart ached to think that she might not have the opportunity to feel him like this again, warm and firm and familiar.

He closed his eyes, leaning into her touch. With a soft kiss to her lips, he stood, smoothing the comforter over her. "Last night...you don't know what it meant to me, Bella. I'll call you later, okay?"

"Okay." I love you, she was bursting to say, but she knew she shouldn't.

Edward didn't call that night. Bella was upset but tamped down her misery, telling herself to give him time. He just needed time.

Saturday came and went, and when Bella finally gave in to her simmering panic and called Edward, his phone went straight to voicemail. She was resigned when he finally called on Sunday, asking if he could stop over. Dully, she told him she'd be waiting.

When Edward turned up that afternoon, Bella could tell something was off. He hesitated before briefly kissing her cheek hello, his brow furrowing like it pained him to do so. He seemed unable to keep eye contact with her, moving to sit at the end of the sofa. Bella sat, keeping some distance between them.

"Bella..." Edward's spoke slowly and quietly. "I'm sorry for not calling sooner. I needed some time to evaluate things. I want you to know that your friendship has meant a lot to me. Means a lot to me. The other night was incredible; I'll never forget it. But I was wrong to allow it to happen."

The stricken look on Bella's face made him feel sick, but he went on. "Please don't think it's any fault of yours; it's not. This is all on me. I never should have let things get out of control. Hurting you is the last thing I ever wanted to do."

His voice broke. "I think it's best that we both try to move past this. I shouldn't have led you to believe I could offer you more than friendship. You should find someone who can give you everything you deserve. Everything I can't."

Bella felt numb. It was as if she was outside her body, hearing these terrible words spoken to someone other than herself. She knew nothing she could say would change Edward's mind, but she couldn't let him throw away what they'd shared without trying.

Her voice was unnaturally calm and flat. "So in other words, it's not you, it's me? Really, Edward? I'd have expected better. I thought I'd actually gotten through to you, that we were past whatever was keeping you from opening up to me. For months I kept my feelings to myself because I didn't want to spook you. I wasn't sure how you really felt about me. When we made love, I knew—I could feel it. You love me, too. You're just going to walk away from that?"

"I can't be what you need, Bella. I'm so sorry." Edward rose and turned to go. "Um, I'll be going away for a while. I thought you should know. It didn't feel right to leave without saying anything."

Ducking down, Edward pressed a kiss to Bella's hair. "Good-bye, Bella."

Bella's face betrayed no emotion. She didn't meet Edward's eyes, and he turned and walked out the door.

…

Bella went through the motions of every day life, but inside she struggled to understand what Edward had done. Watching him pull away from her and walk out of her life after the night they'd spent together had gutted her.

She realized that, as close as they had become, there were parts of Edward she knew nothing about. Obviously something had happened to make him so gun-shy about relationships. She knew now that it wasn't that he didn't find her attractive or desirable, but she didn't know what held him back. Was it truly something within himself? Edward was so kind and good; she couldn't imagine what would make him believe he was unworthy of her love.

Weeks went by, and then months. Winter in Forks was never pleasant, and the loss of Edward from her life just added to her ennui. One Saturday in December, Bella decided to do some Christmas shopping, and drove into Port Angeles to peruse the shops there.

She was buying some handmade soap in a little shop when she saw Elizabeth Masen. Bella was unsure whether to say hello or simply turn and leave before Elizabeth saw her. The decision was made for her when Elizabeth spotted her and waved tentatively before walking over.

"Bella, how are you?" There was genuine concern in her voice.

Mustering a smile, Bella made small talk for a few moments, and then tried to extricate herself from the uncomfortable conversation.

"Bella, wait, please." Elizabeth smiled kindly. "Would you have lunch with me? Look, I know what happened between you and Edward. He's like a son to me, especially since my sister—Edward's mother—passed. There are some things I think you should know. He loves you, Bella—I know it. Please hear me out."

Bella wavered, caught between wanting to hear what Elizabeth had to say and forgetting she'd even seen her. The possibility of there being hope for her and Edward was a tantalizing carrot on a stick that finally led her to agree to lunch.

Sitting in a small cafe, Elizabeth wasted no time. "My nephew is a stubborn ass at times, Bella. He blames himself for things that are beyond his control. I know he hurt you terribly, but he's hurting, too. Perhaps more than you know.

"I tried to talk some sense into him the day of the cleanup at the garden. He denied that you and he were anything but friends, but I'm not blind. I begged him not to let what happened with Kate poison what he had with you."

Bella's pride prevented her from asking where he was or how he was doing. If he'd wanted her to know, he knew where to find her.

Noticing Bella's blank look, Elizabeth smiled sadly. "He never told you, did he?"

"I knew he was divorced, but Edward never told me any of the details." It made Bella sad to admit that she knew so little about Edward's past.

"Edward had his reasons for not sharing that with you. But if telling you will help you to understand, to see where he was coming from and perhaps to forgive him, then I think it's the right thing to do.

"Kate and Edward wanted a family. Edward loves children, as you've seen. I think growing up an only child made him want a family of his own even more. They tried for well over a year, but Kate never got pregnant. She underwent fertility testing, which showed that she should have no trouble conceiving. The doctor suggested Edward be tested as well. It turned out that, well...Edward is unable to father a child. He was devastated, of course. It took a tremendous toll on their marriage. Kate wouldn't consider adoption. They grew further and further apart, and less than a year later she told Edward she wanted a divorce. She'd found someone else."

As much as Bella was hurting, her heart ached for Edward. Her eyes brimmed with tears as she thought of him, believing himself to be unworthy; damaged goods that no one should want. She was beginning to understand what led Edward to react the way he had.

"That's...that's awful. How could Kate have treated him so coldly if she loved him? Did she love him?"

Elizabeth shook her head, sighing. "That I don't know, Bella. She may have, or maybe she loved the idea of being married to a handsome, young lawyer. I don't know. I do know that Kate came to resent him for what he couldn't give her. For a man to not be able to fulfill such a basic biological function...and then to have her leave him for another man...it was very emasculating for him. He shut down after the divorce, took a leave from his job. It was a demoralizing, humiliating ordeal for Edward, Bella. Everything he thought he knew about his life changed dramatically in a matter of weeks. Does that help you to understand his motivations? I'm not saying he was right, just that he is afraid of being hurt again, of getting involved with someone and being rejected again."

Bella's voice was little more than a whisper. "I love him, Elizabeth. I would never hurt him like that. He didn't give me a chance, didn't give us a chance. If he can't trust me enough to open up to me, then I don't think there's any hope for us."

"I know he loves you, Bella. I can't say whether things will ever work out between you, but I wanted you to understand why he did what he did. If there is a chance, I hope you'll be able to forgive him."

Bella didn't answer. She still loved Edward, could still remember the feel of his skin on hers, his hot breath on her neck as he made love to her. His past had changed him, made him into a man who was afraid to love. Her heart broke for him and what he'd been through.

She knew, though, that if a second chance was possible for them, Edward would have to come to terms with his past before they could face the future.

…

Winter passed slowly. As depressing as the short days and foul weather were, Bella was dreading spring. Spring meant going back to the garden and all the memories that it held.

At last April came, and it was time to ready the plot for planting. Bella drove over on the first dry Saturday, armed with a shovel and rake. Her mind drifted as she walked through the garden, trying not to see Edward everywhere; the first time they'd met; working in his own plot, his muscles flexing as he labored; smiling patiently as he explained how to plant a seedling to her class.

Finally she reached her plot and pulled up short, staring.

She wasn't looking at a weed-filled rectangle of earth. Instead, an explosion of color and scent stood out from the barren plots around it like a diamond among coal. Purple hyacinths filled every inch of Bella's plot; their heady scent was almost intoxicating. Bella was dragged from her reverie by the sound of approaching footsteps. Turning, Bella felt her stomach flip as she saw Edward walking towards her.

He stopped a few feet away, his face unreadable. He ran his hand through his hair, a nervous habit that Bella had always found endearing. "Bella." His voice was rough, as though it was the first time he'd spoken in a while.

Bella collected herself enough to answer him. "Edward. You're—you're back. Did you...?" Wordlessly she pointed at the richly colored flowers.

"Are you familiar with the language of flowers, Bella?"

"I've heard of it, but I don't really know much about it."

Edward's eyes shone with hope. "Purple hyacinth means 'I'm sorry; forgive me.' ˮ Earnestly he asked, "I know a simple apology isn't nearly enough, but please, Bella—I have so much I need to say to you. I know I don't deserve the chance, but will you meet me somewhere, anywhere you feel comfortable and hear me out?"

Conflicting emotions tore at Bella. Seeing Edward and hearing that he wanted to talk to her planted a little seed of hope in her heart. But she was still angry and hurt that he could walk out of her life and just waltz back in when he was ready."I wouldn't exactly call this"—she swept her arm in the direction of her plot—"a simple apology."

Edward chuckled quietly. "No, I suppose not. I guess I wanted something that would convey even a small bit of how very sorry I am to have hurt you, Bella."

Bella nodded, not saying anything. Even if nothing came of it, she knew she couldn't deny Edward the opportunity to say what he needed to say to her. "I have some things to say to you, too. Why don't you come over tonight, around seven?"

"Are you sure? We could meet for coffee or something if that would make you more comfortable."

"I'd rather do this in the privacy of my own home. Seven good for you?"

Any hope Edward felt died a little at her words. It sounded like she wanted to tell him off and send him on his way. If that was the case, Edward felt he owed her that. "Um, yeah, seven is fine. Thank you, Bella." The fervency of his tone surprised Bella, but she wouldn't get her hopes up until she'd heard what he had to say.

"Okay, well, I'll see you later." Edward gave an awkward wave and turned to go.

"Edward?"

He stopped abruptly, and the hope in his face just about shattered Bella. "Thank you."

"You're welcome, Bella." With a small smile he left.

…

By 6:30, Bella was a nervous wreck. She'd cleaned the house and made a pasta salad and zucchini bread, although she didn't know if either of them would have an appetite.

She dressed causally, in worn jeans and a long-sleeved T-shirt. The next thirty minutes was spent aimlessly wandering from room to room, plumping pillows and wiping away imaginary dust. When the doorbell finally rang, she nearly jumped out of her skin.

Seeing Edward on her doorstep made Bella want to leap into his arms. She knew that if there was a future for them, they had a lot to talk about. She needed to know that Edward was ready to move on from his past and give her not only his love, but his trust.

She had barely noticed at the garden, but he looked good, aside from being thinner. He had on dark jeans and an olive green button-down that made his green eyes stand out even more than usual. His hair was shorter, though still tousled.

"Hi. Come on in."

"Thanks. Um, these are for you." Somewhat sheepishly Edward handed her a bouquet of wildflowers. "No meaning this time. I just thought you'd like them."

Bella flushed. "Thanks. They're lovely." She walked into the kitchen to put them in water.

"I wasn't sure if you'd be hungry, so I made some pasta salad. I know I didn't mention dinner, but I just thought—ˮ

"Bella." Edward hated the awkwardness that surrounded them. "Why don't we sit down and talk first? Then we can see about dinner."

Glad that Edward made the first move to talk, she led the way into the living room and curled up on the sofa. Edward followed, sitting at the opposite end.

"Bella...I want to start by saying that it was never my intention to hurt you. I thought I was doing the right thing, being selfless by keeping our relationship platonic. I could tell you were developing feelings for me, and as much as I tried to deny it … I knew what I felt for you was more than just friendship."

Bella tried to rein in her anger and frustration. "Then why couldn't you let me in, Edward? Why couldn't you tell me how you felt?"

Edward sighed, looking at the floor. "I know you spoke to Liz, and she told you about what happened with Kate. Don't you see, Bella? You're young—almost ten years younger than me. I know how much you love kids and want a family someday. You deserve someone who can give you everything you want. I didn't want to become involved with you, knowing that I couldn't. You'd only end up resenting me. I'd rather have your friendship than nothing at all."

Tears pricked at Bella's eyes. A maelstrom of emotions churned within her. "Damn it, Edward! Don't you think I should have had a say in any of it? I don't care about your age. I don't care that you can't have children. There are no guarantees in life. Aren't you getting a little ahead of yourself? You are everything that I want. I can see that Kate really screwed you up, but not all women are like that. I'm not like that. You're judging me based on someone else's actions.

"Yes, I want children someday. Did it ever occur to you to talk to me honestly, ask me what I wanted? Infertility isn't something to be ashamed of, Edward. I love children, and I would love them the same whether they were adopted or biological. I love you, Edward. When you love someone you don't just throw them away like trash when things get complicated. If you have so little faith in me, then I guess there's not much else to say."

"You're right. I see now that I was unfair to you, and for that I'm sorry. I guess it's true what they say about good intentions." Edward sighed and dragged his hand through his hair.

Bella was crying quietly, and Edward went to her with no hesitation. "Bella, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Shh...please, let me finish. After I left Forks, I went to Seattle to stay with my dad for a while. Eventually I told him about us, and he asked me if I thought that you were it for me. I—I told him I thought you were."

"He called me on my bullshit. He told me that he cherished every single moment he had with my mother, and he'd do anything if he could have more time with her. He said that if I loved you, I should stop wasting time and do whatever it took to get you back. I believe he even suggested crawling, if that would help."

That got a small laugh from Bella.

"I've been seeing someone. A therapist," he added quickly. "It's helping. I know I might not be the man you deserve yet, but I want to be, Bella. I'm trying. I love you. I want to make this work, if you can forgive me for being such a stupid, stubborn ass. We can do it on your terms—start out slow, as friends, whatever you—ˮ

Taking his hand, Bella looked into Edward's eyes. "I forgive you. Yes, you hurt me—badly. But I think maybe this was necessary, that we'll be better for it in the end. I love you, Edward. I want to try and make this work with you. I don't need you to crawl, or beg my forgiveness. I just need your love, honesty and trust. I need you to talk to me, and to let me make my own decisions. This can only work if we're in it together."

Fervently, Edward reassured her. "You've got them, Bella. I won't let you down."

Feeling as though a great weight had been lifted, Bella squeezed Edward's hand. "Let's just take things as they come, okay? No rush, no pressure, just let things run their course. Sound good?"

Edward grinned, making Bella feel warm all over. "Sounds perfect. So...is that offer for pasta salad still on?"

…

Over the next few weeks Edward and Bella worked on getting to know one another—really getting to know one another, with no secrets between them. Little by little their relationship segued from good friends into something more. Bella was thrilled to see the changes a lot of soul-searching and some therapy had brought about in Edward. He was sweet and doting, and no subject was off-limits. It was clear he wanted to move their relationship forward, as did Bella, but neither pushed, content to let things happen naturally.

Edward still met Bella and her class at the garden. Bella could tell that working with the children was a true joy to him. As spring turned into summer, and the garden came alive and flourished, so did their relationship.

On a warm Saturday in June, Edward brought takeout. They'd decided to have a quiet night at home watching movies. Towards the end of the movie, Bella felt a tickle on her neck. Turning her head, she realized it was Edward's finger, moving slowly up and down. He smiled and leaned in to capture her lips in a sweet kiss. So far their physical relationship had not progressed beyond heated kisses and touches, but tonight there was a new tension in the air. Every pass of Edward's finger made Bella's skin buzz.

Leaning against his warm, hard chest, Bella deepened the kiss. Edward's answering groan told her he wanted more, too. After a few minutes of increasingly desperate kisses, Edward gently pushed Bella down on the sofa and crawled over her, pressing their bodies close.

Bella moaned as Edward pushed his hips against her. She could clearly feel him, and suddenly she was desperate to feel all of him, skin to skin.

As Edward panted and kissed her neck and chest, Bella pushed his shirt up, wanting it gone. Edward stopped what he was doing, breathing harshly as he sat back and pushed his hair out of his face. Bella's heart fluttered.

"Bella...I want to make love to you. Let me take you upstairs and do this right. I want to take my time loving you."

Wordlessly Bella took his hand and led him to her bedroom. As badly as he wanted Bella, Edward undressed her slowly, tenderly kissing each new bit of exposed skin. He shed his own clothes and climbed into bed with Bella, their kisses and caresses growing in urgency.

Bella could feel the change in Edward in their lovemaking. There was a contentment about him that had been missing the first time, a reverence in his touches. She had no doubt that Edward loved and wanted her as much as she did him.

Afterwards, they lay on their sides, close together but not touching. Bella loved the look of utter bliss on Edward's face. After a few moments, his face became serious, and he spoke.

"Bella, I don't know if this is the right time, but I want you to know … I love you. I know without a doubt that you're it for me. I want to spend the rest of my life with you. After Kate, I never thought I'd find this kind of happiness. I—I didn't think I deserved it. Finding you has been more than I ever hoped for."

Her throat tight with emotion, Bella simply held him for a moment. "I love you too, Edward. You're more than I ever hoped for. Never think you're not worthy of being loved, or that it's selfish to want it. We're so much better together than apart."

Edward kissed her lips, silently thanking any and all deities for this amazing woman, whose love and patience had taken something withered and dormant within him and helped it to grow and flourish again.

Xxx

Please let me know your thoughts-a review would be a wonderful way to start the New year;)

Have a Happy and Safe 2014! I'll see you soon with a new chapter of my WIP, Possibilities, and the first chapter of a new WIP I couldn't get out of my head.