Summary: Episode Tag to 1x18 'Somebody's Watching'. What would've happened if Maggie Lowe didn't back down?

Disclaimer: I don't own any of these characters, nor the premise.

Warnings: Awkward sentence structures, possible grammatical and spelling mistakes. Blood, shameless whumpage and h/c because it's the only thing I know how to write. And angst. God. So much angst.

Read if you dare!

The room is quiet. Aaron sits at the corner, lounging in the armchair and poring over a stack of reports. Occasionally, he glances up at the young man resting in a slightly inclined position on the bed, just to check if he's still there and he's still sleeping.

An hour into his reading, a voice interrupts, sounding hoarse with lack of use.

"Hotch?"

He turns slightly to see Reid looking blurrily at him, clearly not fully awake yet.

"Reid. You shouldn't be up." Aaron knows that the boy has had a long day; He heard from Morgan about the conversation he had with Garcia earlier, which was followed by a visit from Lila. The boy has done a lot of talking and has handled himself very admirably for the past 24 hours, but now he should be getting some rest.

"What time is it?"

"It's 4am. Reid." The leader intones gruffly, not even looking at his watch to check, "Go back to sleep."

The boy's brow crumples in confusion, "Why should I? You're awake."

"That's different." He pushes down the urge to sigh. Reid has the worse timings when it came to arguments. "Sleep, please."

"An average adult in America sleeps for about 6 hours and 27 minutes. The recommended hours of sleep an active healthy person over the age of 18 should get it ranges from 7-9 hours. I've been asleep since Lila left, that puts me at almost 13 hours of downtime in the past 24 hours, seeing how everyone keeps making me sleep." The boy sounds a little annoyed, but seems to be gradually becoming more awake.

Hotch sighs inwardly and shuts his file. If the boy has the energy and clarity of mind to argue statistics then it's likely he's not about to sleep anytime soon. He should be one to know, because Jack gets this way sometimes; somewhere between waking him and Haley for milk and falling back to sleep, there is an hour or two in between where the kid seems to just decide that he doesn't want to sleep just yet, even though it's probably some ungodly hour in the morning. Like now.

"What do you want to do then?"

"Why does staying awake constitute me actually doing something?"

"Reid. If you really have nothing better to do, I will have no choice but to ask you to go to sleep." Reid opens his mouth to argue, "if you refuse, I'm sure the nurses will be more than happy to give you something that will help."

The young agent's mouth tightens to a straight line. Aaron is overcome by a strange feeling that he's reprimanding a child. "Fine. I want to talk. What are you reading?"

"Reports." He turns one up slightly so Reid can see, "From the last few cases we've been on."

"Mmm." Reid cranes his neck slightly, "Is mine in there?"

"No. these are mostly mine and Gideon's. I cleared most of yours last week."

"But I handed them in two weeks ago. You got through them that fast?"

"No, it's just that you hand in your paperwork faster than anyone else, so sometimes, just when my desk is clear of the previous cases files, your new ones come in."

As if by clockwork and impeccably done. Being Reid's tutor must have been a breeze back when he was still schooling. The only complaint they would've had, he thinks, was probably about his atrocious handwriting.

"Sorry."

Now that is unexpected. Aaron straightens up, "What for, Reid?"

"I don't know." He gives a half-shrug and the leader notes that he's pulling the blanket closer to him, like he's shrinking away. "You keep a lot of late nights in the office. If my reports come in every time you clear your desk it must be really bothersome."

"Reid." And edge of exasperation creeps into his voice. If he didn't know the kid better, he'd think that he had a low sense of self-esteem but he knows that isn't the case. He knows Reid just feels responsible for everything that goes wrong, even if it's not his fault.

Which usually, it isn't.

"… I'm doing it again, aren't I"

"Doing what?" Aaron leans back, setting the pen down.

"The thing that JJ hates that I do. Garcia hates it too, I think. Morgan thinks it's stupid."

"Doing what, Reid."

"… Apologising for things that aren't my fault."

The answer is silent, like a murmur in that melts into the quiet humming of the machines. Aaron suddenly notices that there is an absence of beeping from the uncharacteristically silent heart monitor. Reid probably got the staff to turn the sound off; it does get a little annoying after a while.

"Yes. You don't have to apologise for everything, Reid."

"I'm s—" he stops himself in time. Their eyes meet and, unconsciously, both men break out into grins. Even Aaron can't help himself.

"Okay. I get it. I'll stop."

"Good."

Aaron's phone rings; he startles slightly. Reid doesn't jump, but his eyes flit immediately to the source of the sound.

"Sorry, I've got to take this…" the boy nods and he picks up, thinking that it's likely Haley, checking in as usual.

It's not. It's actually Garcia; He gets bits of JJ and Elle talking in the background as their technical analyst asks for updates on Reid. He gives it to her and can't help but notice the distinct relief in her voice when she hears he's doing fine, been sleeping since they came to take Lila away. Well, not anymore, but what the woman didn't know wouldn't hurt her.

Immediately after Garcia hands up, a call from Haley comes, as expected. His wife asks after Reid. Aaron can hear worry in her voice, which is a little unexpected but not quite, seeing how the Hotchners sometimes saw the young doctor over for dinners.

After listening to gurgled goodnights from Jack (who probably doesn't understand what he's saying either way), he hangs up and turns back around, with the intention of checking if Reid had fallen asleep during his calls.

Only to find the kid staring at him with rapt attention, eyes bright.

"What? What is it?"

"Was that Haley?"

He raises an eyebrow at the boy, tucking the phone back into his pocket.

"It was."

"Is she wondering why you're not back yet?"

"No…" Aaron replies slowly, sensing a slight shift in Reid's body language, "She was asking about you actually."

The other agent goes silent. He averts his eyes from Aaron and stares at a spot on the wall. The leader watches as Reid twists, untwists, and twists the corner of the blanket, like some sort of nervous tic. His lips are pursed together, like he has something he wants to say but he isn't sure if he should say it out loud.

Finally, Aaron breaks the silence with a low, stern tone, "Reid. I know what you're thinking."

"Ok, ok. But I hadn't gotten hurt—"

"Reid?"

"Yessir."Comes a feeble reply.

Aaron walks over to the bed. Reid sits up straighter and turns to face him as he takes a seat. The hard plastic chair is cold against his back as he stares at the boy who refuses to return his gaze.

"Reid." He still has his head down, "Reid, look at me."

There's a pause, then he obeys.

"Morgan told me what happened this afternoon. Not," he adds quickly, "with Lila. I mean with Garcia."

He visibly deflates at the mention of the incident.

"She told Morgan?"

There is a pause.

"No." his brow furrows in confusion. "She told JJ, who discussed with Elle, who talked to Gideon and Morgan about it."

Reid looks like he wants to dig a hole and hide himself in it.

"It's not that bad—"

"Are they mad?"

Aaron is slightly thrown off by his answer. "What?"

"Are they mad at me?" he asks again, looking a little strained in the dim lighting, "I shouted at Garcia. I shouldn't have. Are they angry?"

"Reid," he sighs for the second time. This boy will be the death of him. "They're not angry. They're just worried, that's all."

The kid doesn't reply. Aaron decides that he doesn't like it when Reid goes all quiet. Reid's silence makes throws him off, makes him unsure. He can't read Reid when he's quiet and that unsettles him.

"Reid."

"Hmm?"

"Talk to me."

"What? Why?"

Hotch gives him what he thinks is a you-know-what-I'm-talking-about expression, but judging from the sudden apprehension in Reid's eyes, he suspects it came out a little more severe than intended.

"There's clearly something on your mind."

"Mm." Reid shifts uncomfortable against his pillows, "Hotch, what happened with Maggie, in the end?"

For some reason, an alarm goes off in the back of Hotch's head. Whatever he thought he was expecting, it definitely was not this question.

"Didn't Morgan tell you what happened?"

"No one will tell me." Now he sounds a little glum, almost forlorn, "Morgan and Elle told me they'd tell me a little later, but they never did. I was asleep when they came around and they left before I woke. Garcia and JJ don't know the details, neither does Gideon."

"I tried asking Lila, but she's still shaken by the whole thing. I need to know, Hotch. I've been lying here for the better part of two days and I still have no idea what's going on." The boy finishes, a little breathlessly.

"Reid." Hotch tries to sound stern but the word comes out more worried than he wanted, "Its alright. I get it."

"Yessir." Reid lets out a small cough and winces when it jars his injuries.

"Please remember to breathe too."

"Ok." Reid takes a deep breath before continuing slowly, "So, back to the question. Will you tell me what happened then?"

"I'm not sure if this is an appropriate time and place to talk about matters like that—"

"Hotch," the younger's eyes are staring straight into his and he can't avoid it, can't look away, "Please. I need to know."

"… Alright." His heart caves a little when he sees Reid's face light up.

"Start from just after you all found me at Lila's place. I need to know everything."

The memory almost makes Hotch grimace, but he masks it with a curt nod.

For the next two hours, Hotch recounts every detail he can remember from the evening it all went wrong. It is the longest and possibly most difficult narrative he has ever delivered to anyone and he doesn't know how he managed to remember so much.

Reid stays quiet for the most part, interjecting only with important questions and makes no redundant comments whatsoever.

He falters at the part where he shot Maggie.

"Maggie wasn't about to let Lila go. So while Morgan and Elle tried to get her to put down the gun, I saw the shot and I took it."

There is a palpable silence and Hotch thinks if no one says something he might explode.

"You shot her?"

He gives a short, almost imperceptible nod because there's a lump in his throat.

"Is that all?" Reid shifts against the pillows, eyes fixed at his boss. "So you shot her and it ended?"

"Yes." He forces out. There's a nagging alarm in his head, telling him that he should move on, get on with it before-

"Hotch."

"Hmm?"

"You're not hiding anything right? That's all that happened right?"

Silence usually means consent, but not to a profiler. Silence to a profiler means spaces filled with unspoken thoughts, layers upon layers of meaning.

"Hotch?"

"Its-" there is a eerie feeling of blood rushing through his ears as his mind recalls what happened, almost second by second.

"I almost took the headshot."

The sentence hangs in the air like a heavy cloud. It is a very suffocating feeling.

"You almost took the headshot." Reid calmly repeats. Hotch's tongue feels like sandpaper so he nods, again. The weight of his handgun is pressing against his hip and the cold metal of other one is biting into his ankle.

"I-"

"Hotch."

He doesn't know where Reid got this calling-you-out tone accompanied with the single syllable that is his name but after this, he has to see that the boy kicks the habit.

After this.

"You've got to stop blaming yourself for what happened to me."

I know, but.

"No one saw it coming, not you, not me, not Morgan, not Lila, not Elle. I don't think Maggie," he hides a flinch at her name "even she probably didn't plan it. But in the heat of the moment, it just happened."

There is a plea in the boy's shadowed, hazel eyes as he stares back at Hotch.

"Reid," there's a hoarse edge to his voice and he's not sure where it came from, "I'm not saying I blame myself. I just..."

... failed you. In every way possible. I was supposed to be responsible, supposed to be level-headed, stable. I almost shot her, I already have so much blood on my hands, the years and years of guns and chasing and it frightened me that I'm not afraid to get my hands bloodied again. I wanted to shoot, I wanted and was convinced wholeheartedly that one person's death would bring us peace, ensure the safety of everyone. But it wouldn't, it would just eat away at our humanity and humility and integrity and I don't know why I was so ready to let that happen.

None of the words he wants to say leaves him. Instead he merely says, "I just can't do what you can. I didn't manage to talk her down."

With the way Reid is staring resignedly at him now, Aaron knows that the kid doesn't really believe him but is too tired to say so. But he says nothing, just nods stiffly.

A wavery sort of silence settles upon the chilly room as Aaron struggles behind his blank mask with what he's been wanting to say since he heard what Reid did to save Lila.

"Reid?"

"Mm?" The boy's eyes are bleary. Clearly he isn't going to last as long as he probably thought he could.

"You do know..." he considers himself for a beat, "you do know how... proud we are, right?"

"Proud?"

"Of you."

"Me?"

Aaron doesn't answer that, but instead places a hand on his shoulder and squeezed slightly. The genius understands.

"Thanks." He whispers as a response, a small smile pulling at his lips.

"Sleep." Is all he says. The room ebbs into a peaceful silence as he watches the boy shut his eyes. His breathing evens out in a matter of minutes and the boy's asleep.

When he's sure that Spencer is lost to the world of dreams, Aaron too sets down his reports, crossing his arms and shutting his eyes.

And after a long week of mindless worrying and sleepless nights, Aaron allows himself to be swept away by undisturbed, restful slumber.

A/N:

Aaaaaaand there we go. The last chapter. It's been a long time coming everyone, thank you so much for sticking to this. A huge shoutout to all those who faithfully commented week after week, chapter after chapter, even though the breaks were sometimes inconsistent and erratic. You have no idea how much your words mean to me. Thank you all.

A short epilogue will follow this, but I think I can safely set this as the last chapter. Once again, thank you for reading.

Till next time!