I really hate chickens. Seriously, they're evil! Trying to take me damn cheese! That's mine! All of this stuff is mine! Seriously, there's so much stuff in Tamriel. So much stuff on Nirn! And it's all mine! I own it! Nobody else! You can keep your false illusions of ownership; all creation is mine to keep. Mine to treasure. Mine to destroy like last year's undergarments. None of it is yours. What? You actually thought you mattered? To anybody? Not even your own mother loves you, and she's dying of lymphoma. Is that a thing that mortals understand yet? No? Oh, I mean she's POSSESSED BY DEMONS AND SHE'S GOT TO GO. WORTHLESS. ALREADY DEAD. LOOK AT HER. THERE'S NOTHING YOU CAN DO TO SAVE HER. WHAT A WORHTLESS SACK OF CHICKEN TURDS YOU ARE. WORTHLESS, ALL OF YOU, WALLOWING IN YOUR OWN FILTH. DISGUSTING…..I'm sorry, it appears I actually cared about something for a moment. I'm sure your mother is fine. They'll get the demons out with the good ol' song and dance! Like in the books!

Why can't trees be different colors? They always look so angry! Red, and brown and white with black little speckles….why can't you have blue trees? Yellow trees? Always so angry on Nirn. Here, we can have whatever color trees we want. Because I make them. If I want a turquoise tree, BAM! There it is. Freak of nature formed before your eyes! Ain't that a spectacle? It's like a dream! A horrible, skooma induced dream that you'll never wake up from because there's enough moon sugar inside you to take down a baby dragon! What a lovely thought.

Come to think of it, why can't all things be different colors? That's where the Argonians have you all beat; they come in red, green, blue, brown, yellow, dead, orange, turquois- Oh I do love turquois-, black, white, you name it! So much variety! And then there's the Nords…..always the same translucent white. Get with the times, people! The viewers want customization! Get to it, ho! And the Khajiit, they tried. They all came out looking like furry feces; brown and yellow and black, and sometimes that weird occasional green one that you get after eating corn. Corn is a thing. I like corn, but corn most certainly does not like me. The less said about that, the better. Or the worse. Depends on your tastes, really. I don't own you; I can't tell you how to live your life. Or can I? I can! I can't? Who am I? Where am I? What? DAMN IT ALL, HASKILL IT'S HAPPENING AGA…..

Please excuse the violent handwriting. Our Lord Sheogorath tends to be quite….moody.

-Haskill, Chief Advisor to Our Lord, Sheogorath.

Now that me shirt's all cleaned up, time to write some more. Let's have a chit chat about food. Specifically, finger food! Finger licking good finger food! Suck on the bones, finger licking good finger foods! Frozen finger licking good finger foods made out of fingers! FINGERS! That's such a strange word… it always looks like it's misspelled. She just isn't understood, that's all. Everything will be fine, the word fingers, you'll find a nice young man and live a normal life….no need to hurt yourself anymore young one. Now, off to bed with you. Goodnight sweetie, don't overdose on mushrooms or I swear on my mother I'll rip out your dead, rotting teeth and throw them at innocent bystanders on the street. Goodnight.

What else can we talk about….hmmmm…. competitions! There's so many kinds! Sporting, writing, cheese-making, cooking, eating, sweating, killing, innocent killing, unjust killing of innocents, art…..lovely. Variety really soothes me stomach; makes me feel centered. I just don't feel right if there's no variety.