odmonkeyhide bio
Author has written 7 stories for Naruto, Team Fortress 2, Lord of the Rings, and Hobbit. Chronically overworked graduate seeks mid-80s Axl Rose look-a-like for conversation and long walks on the beach. Must have adequately awesome hair. Seriously now, Naruto (and specifically those silly, knock-about, mass murderers the Akatsuki) provide too much of a sandbox to pass up. Expect serious lack of adherence to the timelines, crack, and the immortality of said Akatsuki members. Every few years I'll go through and re-write everything to make it less terrible. If it's still terrible, then just wait a while. Enjoy. |
Sort: Category . Published . Updated . Title . Words . Chapters . Reviews . Status .
Be My Secretary? by ShelbySabaku reviews
Sakura couldn't believe this was happening. Having the seven billionaires fighting over you to be their personal secretary, And having other billionaires fighting for you too? Sakura hated this even more than her secretary job. Sequel to PHS
Naruto - Rated: T - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 17 - Words: 52,166 - Reviews: 848 - Favs: 922 - Follows: 859 - Updated: 4/16/2019 - Published: 8/23/2009 - Sakura H.
Marrow by DeGlace reviews
Kimimaro x Sakura. Because some things you feel in your bones.
Naruto - Rated: M - English - Romance/Adventure - Chapters: 35 - Words: 144,307 - Reviews: 2776 - Favs: 3,327 - Follows: 2,978 - Updated: 7/28/2018 - Published: 7/16/2006 - [Kimimaro K., Sakura H.]
Uneasy coexistence by DeGlace reviews
One grinning shark–man. One pink–haired medic. Ankles. Teeth. Kisame x Sakura. Yes, you read that right.
Naruto - Rated: M - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 26 - Words: 70,111 - Reviews: 1295 - Favs: 2,455 - Follows: 1,435 - Updated: 12/23/2015 - Published: 7/9/2006 - [Kisame H., Sakura H.] - Complete
Desperate Measures by Neocolai reviews
Elrond's sons discover their Dwarven "brothers-in-arms." Rivendell will never be the same.
Hobbit - Rated: K - English - Humor/Adventure - Chapters: 1 - Words: 3,561 - Reviews: 114 - Favs: 486 - Follows: 71 - Published: 1/14/2013 - Fíli, Kíli - Complete
Little Piece of Heaven by Leanne Ash reviews
SasuSaku: "I don't do it because I think you're weak! I do it because—! Because I… just… Never mind." Years later it finally happened. Unfortunately, she just didn't care anymore. A story of love and irony, where one is oblivious… and the other is Sasuke.
Naruto - Rated: T - English - Drama/Romance - Chapters: 26 - Words: 82,324 - Reviews: 3896 - Favs: 4,865 - Follows: 2,698 - Updated: 10/24/2012 - Published: 2/3/2006 - Sasuke U., Sakura H. - Complete
Drop Kick Me, Jesus by DemonFox38 reviews
They were coming from beneath the Team's feet to devour them all. They were the Administrator's pets.
Team Fortress 2 - Rated: T - English - Sci-Fi/Adventure - Chapters: 9 - Words: 29,874 - Reviews: 40 - Favs: 60 - Follows: 24 - Updated: 2/29/2012 - Published: 12/3/2011 - [Sniper, Engineer] - Complete
Legendary by mademoiselle anna reviews
People pick up traits of their mentors. Naruto has a frogshaped wallet and a perverted jutsu. Sasuke has homicidal urges and a tendency to scare little boys. And I’ve suddenly become the Legendary Sucker and could really use a strong drink.
Naruto - Rated: T - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 7 - Words: 22,380 - Reviews: 286 - Favs: 313 - Follows: 361 - Updated: 8/11/2011 - Published: 6/27/2008 - Sakura H., Neji H.
When in Middle Earth by It's-Kraggie reviews
NOW BEING REWRITTEN...When in Middle Earth do as the Middle Earthlings do? Sakura finds herself in Middle Earth...
Crossover - Lord of the Rings & Naruto - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Friendship - Chapters: 48 - Words: 88,859 - Reviews: 1014 - Favs: 1,069 - Follows: 741 - Updated: 7/12/2011 - Published: 6/30/2010 - Sakura H. - Complete
The Way of the Wind by just enough reviews
ANBU Captain Uchiha Itachi had things well planned out, until a medic-nin with ridiculous hair went and made herself interesting. Sakura insisted she was just doing her job, but Itachi didn't quite see it that way. Non-massacre. Sakura/Itachi.
Naruto - Rated: M - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 25 - Words: 158,542 - Reviews: 4275 - Favs: 9,235 - Follows: 3,526 - Updated: 1/20/2011 - Published: 3/17/2008 - [Itachi U., Sakura H.] Naruto U., Sasuke U. - Complete
My Own Life by L0stM4ge reviews
What if the reason Chelsea went aboard that ship that fateful day was because she was running from something? A story between Chelsea and Vaughn as she struggles to make a hard decision, along with the other villagers and three new characters.
Harvest Moon - Rated: T - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 26 - Words: 84,393 - Reviews: 121 - Favs: 101 - Follows: 81 - Updated: 8/20/2010 - Published: 1/20/2009 - Chelsea, Vaughn
Moments in the Dark by Cynchick reviews
They never discuss it, never talk about why or when or how long it will continue. In a way, it's better like this. The not knowing. These secret moments in the dark. DeiSaku.
Naruto - Rated: M - English - Romance/Angst - Chapters: 1 - Words: 6,686 - Reviews: 272 - Favs: 1,073 - Follows: 141 - Published: 7/20/2009 - Deidara, Sakura H. - Complete
Harry Potter and the Lost Shinobi by Kaelyxta reviews
Akatsuki wanted Sakura to join the orginization. Itachi, Kisame and Deidara was sent to retrieve her. But what's this? The four ended up in Hogwarts? They got a job? What's more, the enemies are slowly starting to fall in love! DeidaraxSakura.
Naruto - Rated: T - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 4 - Words: 9,986 - Reviews: 130 - Favs: 122 - Follows: 156 - Updated: 4/29/2009 - Published: 1/9/2008 - Deidara, Sakura H.
Love Lockdown by Lady Silvamord reviews
They say it takes a village to raise a child. Similarly, it takes the entirety of Akatsuki to help Itachi get the girl. ItaSaku, complete.
Naruto - Rated: M - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 12 - Words: 66,700 - Reviews: 806 - Favs: 1,914 - Follows: 495 - Updated: 11/30/2008 - Published: 11/4/2008 - Itachi U., Sakura H. - Complete
The Contentious Heart by elle6778 reviews
This is just another infiltration mission, right? Granted, Sakura's target is the Akatsuki, but there is still no reason for this conflict in her heart. Little does she know that Itachi is just as disconcerted. ItaSaku. Spoilers up to Manga Chapter 353.
Naruto - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Romance - Chapters: 31 - Words: 277,720 - Reviews: 2290 - Favs: 2,656 - Follows: 864 - Updated: 9/14/2008 - Published: 12/18/2007 - Itachi U., Sakura H. - Complete
Of Fear and Women by Guttersnipe reviews
Life sucked. Every cloud had a silver lining, but Sasuke was certain that it was really mercury, so when it rained you got mercury poisoning when you decided to have some sushi. And that light at the end of the tunnel? That just meant you were dead. S X S
Naruto - Rated: T - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 7 - Words: 66,612 - Reviews: 144 - Favs: 178 - Follows: 82 - Updated: 7/2/2008 - Published: 12/30/2007 - Sasuke U., Sakura H. - Complete
Practice by Just A Starving Writer reviews
Even Akatsuki members need practice. ItachiSakura.
Naruto - Rated: T - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 5 - Words: 3,810 - Reviews: 143 - Favs: 197 - Follows: 264 - Updated: 2/27/2008 - Published: 11/7/2006 - Itachi U., Sakura H.
Silver Lining by Cynchick reviews
Sequel to Perception. Eight years ago they said goodbye forever. Now, when they have both lost everything, fate has thrown them together again in the most unlikely of ways. DeiSaku.
Naruto - Rated: M - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 15 - Words: 118,305 - Reviews: 1541 - Favs: 1,993 - Follows: 524 - Updated: 2/19/2008 - Published: 10/5/2007 - Deidara, Sakura H. - Complete
Imperfect Perfection by O.bi.Sess reviews
Mary Sue Parody. AU. Kiki, our lovely Mary Sue, takes a tumble in the Naruto world where everyone adores her. Everyone, that is, except Naruto, Itachi and Akamaru. See? Even the summary's cliched. Complete at last. About freaking time, too.
Naruto - Rated: T - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 14 - Words: 40,160 - Reviews: 438 - Favs: 394 - Follows: 151 - Updated: 1/19/2008 - Published: 4/5/2005 - Complete
Precious Flower, Fighting Sand by Celtic Oak reviews
AU Sakura is the sole heir to a multimillionaire firm, but when she starts receiving death threats, she is forced to hire Gaara, a dark and antisocial bodyguard to protect her. Will they be able to put aside their differences for a common goal? GaaxSaku
Naruto - Rated: M - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 12 - Words: 93,699 - Reviews: 772 - Favs: 1,154 - Follows: 342 - Updated: 8/26/2007 - Published: 7/12/2005 - Complete
Blind Vision by Itonami reviews
[Neji x Sakura] Sakura finds that she can't heal all the wounds of battle. Neji finds it hard to live without regrets. Especially with her.
Naruto - Rated: T - English - Romance - Chapters: 10 - Words: 37,571 - Reviews: 407 - Favs: 321 - Follows: 309 - Updated: 6/7/2007 - Published: 11/2/2005
Mary Sue Productions by Ria Saunders reviews
A sideways look at the effect of Mary Sues on the larger world of Canon, rather than on the main characters.
Lord of the Rings - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 3 - Words: 3,335 - Reviews: 14 - Favs: 7 - Follows: 8 - Updated: 4/23/2007 - Published: 4/5/2007
Should've Thought of That One, Bori by Eggo Waffles reviews
We all wish that Boromir had survived Amon Hen, but have we ever considered the implications? Parody AU
Lord of the Rings - Rated: M - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 14 - Words: 41,546 - Reviews: 449 - Favs: 233 - Follows: 130 - Updated: 1/26/2007 - Published: 5/3/2005 - Boromir
I Should Have Known by brezoflower reviews
Sakura doesn't even flinch when Sasuke finally returns after seven years...with a woman on his arm. Sakura can't bring herself to hate the girl, and oddly, she sounds far too much like...well, Sakura herself.
Naruto - Rated: T - English - Romance/Angst - Chapters: 4 - Words: 16,280 - Reviews: 458 - Favs: 377 - Follows: 476 - Updated: 11/11/2006 - Published: 6/13/2006 - Sasuke U., Sakura H.
Answer Machines by noodle-kun and small and chibi like reviews
Randomness of answer machines from everyone, Chapter 15: Broom man.
Naruto - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 15 - Words: 17,875 - Reviews: 173 - Favs: 64 - Follows: 37 - Updated: 6/8/2006 - Published: 2/22/2006
The Shinobi's Guide to Drama by Kaori reviews
Konoha is hosting a festival in honor of the Daimyo's birthday. Our unfortunate rookies have been ordered to put on a play by Tsunade. Fourth Guide
Naruto - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 10 - Words: 10,857 - Reviews: 155 - Favs: 118 - Follows: 21 - Updated: 3/3/2006 - Published: 1/11/2006 - Complete
Elevator Hell by SlaveofStrife reviews
What do you get when you put 4 Turks in a dodgy lift late Friday night? Sheer panic, fist fights, a few tears, discussion of potted plants, extra pepperoni, and some saucy confessions? Well, possibly. Read and find out!
Final Fantasy VII - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 8 - Words: 19,106 - Reviews: 269 - Favs: 268 - Follows: 52 - Updated: 12/15/2005 - Published: 9/24/2005 - Reno, Rude - Complete
Gimli and Boromir Strike Back by Dodendans reviews
Tired of being abused by Sues and their authors, Gimli and Boromir decide that for once they will get revenge. ON HOLD
Lord of the Rings - Rated: K+ - English - Parody/Humor - Chapters: 21 - Words: 59,319 - Reviews: 2351 - Favs: 119 - Follows: 30 - Updated: 2/7/2005 - Published: 12/30/2003 - Boromir, Gimli
While the Ring went south by Thundera Tiger reviews
What happened after the Fellowship left Rivendell but before they came down off Caradhras? Behold the missing scenes.
Lord of the Rings - Rated: K+ - English - Adventure/Humor - Chapters: 21 - Words: 149,624 - Reviews: 979 - Favs: 917 - Follows: 109 - Updated: 11/6/2002 - Published: 10/31/2001 - Complete
Fellowship Of The Fangirls by Tigs reviews
The adventures of a group of nine fangirls, who go along with the guys on their Quest. Taking Mary-Sues to the extreme! Elvish Lessons from chapter 8! They're in Fangorn Forest... Contains spoilers for The Two Towers!
Lord of the Rings - Rated: T - English - Humor/Adventure - Chapters: 28 - Words: 38,476 - Reviews: 367 - Favs: 44 - Follows: 7 - Updated: 8/5/2002 - Published: 1/16/2002 - Legolas
Sort: Category . Published . Updated . Title . Words . Chapters . Reviews . Status .
Working Nine to Five reviews
Lawyer AU. Haruno Sakura is the best assistant Uchiha Itachi has ever held onto. Sakura just has to juggle her work, her studies, her own friends, Itachi's unconventional ones, and his sullen little brother to succeed.
Naruto - Rated: M - English - Romance/Friendship - Chapters: 8 - Words: 57,449 - Reviews: 138 - Favs: 394 - Follows: 531 - Updated: 10/24/2018 - Published: 4/16/2017 - Sakura H., Akatsuki
The Warriors Three reviews
Gandalf had heard Saruman talk of their world once, long ago, before madness had claimed him. Konohagakure and the warriors it bred. Aid what was they needed to defeat Sauron and, in their time of need, Konoha answered. An unorthodox take on ninjas in Middle Earth.
Crossover - Lord of the Rings & Naruto - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Drama - Chapters: 13 - Words: 64,561 - Reviews: 418 - Favs: 1,197 - Follows: 1,473 - Updated: 11/9/2015 - Published: 7/24/2012 - Aragorn, Naruto U.
The Line of Durin reviews
Tales from the early lives of the last links in Durin's line - and their long-suffering uncle. Baby!Fili & Baby!Kili & Grumpy!Thorin. Good clean dwarf family fun - I don't own anything herein.
Hobbit - Rated: K+ - English - Family/Humor - Chapters: 6 - Words: 23,185 - Reviews: 93 - Favs: 175 - Follows: 191 - Updated: 3/8/2013 - Published: 1/5/2013 - Fíli, Kíli
Easy Like Sunday Morning reviews
For Sakura it had been an easy choice to return to the madhouse that was the Akatsuki Base. A collection of one shots documenting the many things that Sakura was sure she'd have to one day recount to a therapist. - Sequel to Saturday Night's Alright for Fighting! (I own nothing herein and am very open to inspiration!)
Naruto - Rated: M - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 3 - Words: 12,838 - Reviews: 73 - Favs: 400 - Follows: 404 - Updated: 11/8/2012 - Published: 10/17/2012 - Akatsuki, Sakura H.
Saturday Night's Alright for Fighting reviews
"It would have been difficult to say who was more unpleasantly surprised, Haruno Sakura or the five members of the Akatsuki, when she walked into the back-end of nowhere bar". Filthy words and sexy talk are all part of a day's work for the Akatsuki.
Naruto - Rated: M - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 15 - Words: 60,804 - Reviews: 753 - Favs: 2,092 - Follows: 1,071 - Updated: 8/10/2012 - Published: 5/27/2010 - Akatsuki, Sakura H. - Complete
Team Corporate Funding 2 reviews
It's a sad day for the RED team when discovering the gender of their Pyro isn't the first thing on their minds - corporate smoozing is just not their style. I do not own anything in this here story .
Team Fortress 2 - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 5 - Words: 25,219 - Reviews: 54 - Favs: 132 - Follows: 35 - Updated: 4/2/2012 - Published: 2/18/2012 - Pyro, Sniper - Complete
Moonlight Viewing reviews
FIRST FIVE CHAPTERS UPDATED! Sakura and Gaara, a romance across villages. I do not own Naruto or anything in this whole story.
Naruto - Rated: M - English - Romance - Chapters: 13 - Words: 20,997 - Reviews: 220 - Favs: 118 - Follows: 141 - Updated: 2/16/2007 - Published: 2/18/2006 - Gaara, Sakura H.
